


You're My Sunshine After a Rainy Day

by captainryuugazaki



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Character, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bisexual Character, Demisexuality, Depression, F/M, First Time, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Character, Post-Death in the Family, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 85,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4063579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainryuugazaki/pseuds/captainryuugazaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My life has always been wrong. But...” he raised his rose iris' again, meeting those of his lovers that were clearer than a new day, transfixed by their beauty, the emotions he'd kept so deep down now mixed with the gentle colours of violets and blues. “Now I have you. And you're like standing in the sunshine after a rainy day. When the clouds have cleared and the grass is wet and you ran outside when you were a kid to catch a glimpse of the first signs of summer. I could sit here and bask in your sunshine forever, Rei.” he said softly, resting his forehead in the crook of his neck, tracing circles over his warm skin ever so gently. “You make my world a better place to be."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

Rei felt a hand press down on his knee, and he quickly turned his head, smile dropping and blush increasing as his eyes settled on the small blonde who was just on stage, glitter in his hair and smelling of sex and sweat, over-the-elbow gloves stuffed with bills.

"I couldn't help but notice you on stage," he spoke sexily over the loud music, reaching over with his left hand and brushing his thumb over Rei's bottom lip. "You like me, huh?"

Rei started stammering, unsure of what to say, whilst his friends were wolf whistling and laughing behind him.

"I know quite a few who take a fancy to me – but you're the first I've ever like the look of." he smirked, leaning in closer, their faces inches away from each others. Rei could see his light pink eyes had a crimson hue, and he had golden freckles on his nose. "Especially since it's your birthday... I could make this night extra special..."

Rei swallowed as the blonde ran a finger along his jaw line. "I-I-I... Uh..." he stumbled over his words, blush spreading to his chest as he racked his brain for something to say.

He felt another hand on his shoulder, but this time, it was a familiar one.

"What you got in mind, Blondie?" Rin grinned at him, squeezing Rei's shoulder.

The blonde winked at Rin. "Not much for you, Sharky, but if this one wants something extra there'll be a lot more in store."

Rin blushed slightly when he heard the name the blonde had for him, but still smirked at Rei. "I'd take it."

Rei glanced back at the blonde. The corner of his mouth lifted and his eyebrows raised as he ran his finger back to his lips. "These look wonderful..." he murmured, so quiet Rei didn't think he heard him right, the music so loud and blaring, but his eyes told him otherwise. "I wonder what they taste like?"

Rei certainly heard that. All he wanted to do was smash his lips against his and make him sorry for even coming over here. But he didn't, and he knew he couldn't anyway. He would get thrown out. Sued. Maybe even thrown into prison for sexual harassment, but you never know with this kind of place, these kind of people, this kind of crowd. He wasn't used to it at all, and how he got his friends to bring him here, he had no idea. This was just meant to be a bar crawl, he never expected to be bought to this strip club, he never expected his straight friends to be OK with the fact that it was a gay strip club. The blonde was going to say something else, something sexier than he had done before, but someone called his name.

"Nagisa!" a very big guy in a white suit appeared from a doorway behind the bar. "Get back to work!"

Nagisa stood up straight, hand on his hip. "Do you want me to keep customers or not?"

"You can't touch them, Nagisa, I've told you this!" he yelled.

Rei caught the awful, golden medallion on his chest and the massive Rolex on his left wrist. Whatever these poor guys get paid, he takes most of it. He looked back at who was now known as Nagisa, the dollar bills all stuffed neatly into his underwear and gloves. That's probably the only thing he can keep, Rei thought, brows furrowing slightly in concern. He looked down his body. It wasn't too skinny, and it looked like he kept in shape, his chest and stomach quite muscular. The only thing worrying about him was the bruise on his hip and the large scar on his leg, but who knew what they were from? He could have bumped his hip on the table, or had an accident when he was a kid. Rei just felt a little iffy in these kinds of places, especially if the bosses looked like that.

"Fine," Nagisa mumbled, frowning slightly, looking less like a sex predator and more like a stroppy teenager. "Looks like I'm not allowed to play today."

"What an asshole." Sousuke muttered, finishing off his beer.

Nagisa shrugged. "Pays the bills." he looked down at Rei. "And some nights I get lucky." he winked at him, allure returning as quickly as it had left.

Rei blushed furiously, directing his eyes elsewhere.

"I'm gonna get my butt kicked," he muttered, glancing over at the two men who were sat with his prey. "Do either of you have a pen I could borrow? Just for a second."

Both Sousuke and Rin searched their pockets to meet the strippers demand, but before they could find what they were looking for, Rei got there first. "Here." he smiled shyly, handing him a simple, red pen. "What do you need it for?"

Nagisa grabbed his wrist, catching him completely off guard, and jotting down his phone number in the palm of his hand. "There!" he nodded his head, tucking the pen behind Rei's ear, their noses just about touching. "Don't say I didn't try, specs." he winked as he said this unoriginal nickname (one that Rin had been calling him for years), however this did not stop him from blushing, especially as their faces were close to touching.

Nagisa then ran his thumb over Rei's lips again, bit down on his own, and walked away, into the darkness, out of sight.

"You didn't say a word to him." Rin scolded as they left the club – but he was grinning.

"I didn't need to. He did it all." he sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I don't like the look of that place at all."

"I thought it was OK. Sanitary, good drinks, good entertainment, if you like that kind of thing." Sousuke shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Just his boss. Sleazy looking guy."

"They all are though." Rin said, putting his hands behind his head with a sigh. "Greasy hair and a sweaty upper lip, looking shifty as fuck and giving the poor kids only thirty percent of what they earn. It's pretty fucked up, but that's how the industry goes."

Rei looked down at his hand, the number slightly smudged, but readable. "Would it be weird of me to call him?" Rei asked, looking between Sosuke and Rin.

"You're actually going to call him?" Sousuke asked, and Rei nodded.

"There's no harm, right? I mean, he asked me to." he said, staring at the messy handwriting and smidgen of glitter that seemed to be all over the boy.

Rin shrugged. "I would go for it. Unless he does that to everybody."

Rei shook his head, looking forward again. "I don't think he would risk it. Not with a boss like that."

*****

Rei returned home at three AM, drunk and slightly down. He hadn't gotten a call off his brother, which kind of pissed him off, and his father was in Dubai, so, apart from his friends cards through the mail, and Rin and Sousuke taking him out, he felt weirdly forgotten, and kind of alone. His dog started barking like a maniac as soon as he entered his apartment, but Rei was too drunk to care. Instead of feeding Destrey or himself, he slid down the door and pulled out his phone, staring hard at the blank screen.

"What do you think, Des?" he slurred, looking over at his dog, who was sat patiently opposite him, tail wagging. "Should I... Should I call him?"

Destrey barked in reply.

"Right," Rei said, as if he understood him, and began stabbing his number into his phone.

"Hello?" a sing song voice answered the phone, one Rei did not recognise.

"H-hello? I-is this Nagisa?" he stumbled.

Silence. Before a small: "Yes."

"Hello! Hello, hello, I'm that guy you gave your number to -– glasses guy. I had the friend with the shark teeth." Rei explained, leaning forwards.

"Yeah, I remember. I... I didn't think you'd call me..." he said softly, and Rei could feel a kind of nervousness about him.

"Well, why not?" he mumbled, pulling his glasses off his face and sitting them on his head, the way they kept falling down his nose annoying him.

"Because I'm not-!" Nagisa stopped short, and muffled voices and music was heard.

"Hello?" Rei called out. He removed his phone from his ear and squinted at the LED screen. He was still on the line. "Are you OK?"

Nagisa cleared his throat once he was back on the phone. "Look, I'm still at work. It's risky, and I could do with not losing this job. I'll call you back."

The line went dead.

*****

Nagisa lived in a three bedroomed apartment with two other guys who worked at the club, but one of them didn't return home that night, and when the morning rolled around, he still had not returned home, and Nagisa couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that someone had either hurt him, or the Boss had got to him. He didn't know which one was worse.

"I'm sure he's fine," Momo reassured, pulling on a t-shirt over his bare torso. "You know how careful he is."  
Nagisa couldn't help but frown, twisting his phone between his fingertips, eyes focussing on the scar on his left leg. "It doesn't matter how careful he is."

Momo collapsed down next to him on the couch, arms thrown over the back. "You're worrying too much. And anyway, you're not usually so skittish after a night like you had." he said, dropping his head back.

"I-I know." he stammered, resting his phone against his lips and staring at his feet. "Did you see that guy I was talking to?"  
Momo lifted his head, looking over at him with a smile. "Yeah."

Nagisa shrugged his hoody over his shoulders as the sleeves slipped down his bare arms, the cold of the apartment hitting his skin almost immediately. "Well, I gave him my number, and he called me before I left work."  
Momo raised his eyebrows. "Really? What did you say to him?"

Nagisa shrugged. "Nothing special. The usual, you know. But his friend called Boss an asshole and glasses looked worried. His other friend had shark teeth. That's all I remember, really." he sighed, unlocking his phone and staring at the boys number. "But I do remember he had really pretty eyes."

Momo nodded slowly, scratching his cheek. "Well, has he called since last night?"

Nagisa shook his head. "But he was drunk – and I did say I would call him back." he sighed, locking his phone again and throwing it down beside him. "But I don't know whether I want to or not."

Momo had started to say something – but Nagisa pressed a finger to his open lips when he heard the front door click.

"Hello?" Nagisa called out. "Ai?"

Silence. Momo and Nagisa swapped a look, their eyes filling with dread. Nagisa could see the possibilities of who it could be running through Momo's mind, the list becoming darker and darker. It couldn't be their Boss, that's for sure. He has no business with them when they were not at work. It could be the landlord – their rent had gone up, and they wouldn't get paid until the end of the month, so money is scarce. It could be Nagisa's ex, but what would he want? He'd done everything he could to steer clear away from him. So who could it be?

They heard a clatter in the kitchen. Momo slowly began to stand, Nagisa not too far behind him, the both of them treading carefully out of their lounge and padding softly down the carpeted hallway. Nagisa could hear his heart beating in his ears as the sounds of clattering dishes got closer. He reached out and grabbed the back of Momo's shirt for comfort. Momo touched the ajar door and slowly eased it open. The both of them peered around the door to see broken darkness, the blinds shut up tight, the only light peering through the cracks in the shutters, so they could just see the outline of a figure at the counter. Nagisa reached over Momo's shoulder and snapped on the kitchen light.

"AI!?" they cried simultaneously, and Ai jolted in surprise, dropping the mug he was holding, which shattered into pieces as it hit the tiled floor.

"I-I thought you were both asleep!" Ai breathed, kneeling down and beginning to collect the shards of his favourite mug that had scattered about the room.

"No! You scared us!" Momo cried, crouching himself and helping him clean up the larger pieces.

Nagisa's heart was still beating fast, but a wave of relief had washed over him. His friend was OK. Nothing extreme had happened to him. Well, as far as he knew. He grabbed the broom that was leaning against the wall and began sweeping up the smaller pieces, his blood cooling, the repetitive sweeps of the bristles against the smooth tiles almost therapeutic to his close panic attack. Once they'd cleaned up the shattered mug, made coffee and collected back into the lounge, Momo asked where Ai had been last night.

"My sister called me. My Mother's in hospital." he said sadly, misty blue eyes staring into his coffee. "She's very ill. She's not going to live past next month."

Momo widened his eyes. "That's awful, Ai!" he said softly.

"Yeah, we had no idea. Why didn't you call us?" Nagisa asked. "We were so worried!"

Ai shook his head. "I'm sorry... I didn't think about it. How stupid of me. I'm sorry." he repeated, tightening his grip on his mug.

Nagisa sighed, closing his eyes. "At least you're back! That's all that matters!" he opened one eye and smiled at him. "You'll be OK, Ai!"

Ai slumped further into the couch, hugging his coffee to his chest. "I hope so."

*****

Rei couldn't help check his phone throughout the day, the office hours becoming longer and longer at each click of a button. He typed up the papers his boss asked him to do, but that took no more than an hour. He printed them, stacked them, propped them up on his bosses desk, asked about his promotion, was dismissed completely and got told they would talk about it next week. He sat around at his work station doing nothing until one, where he could clock out for an hour. He ended up going to his Mother's, who was happy to see him, as always, and made him lunch. She handed him a few cards which were passed onto her from relatives, talked non-stop about her week, the headache he had very early this morning slowly coming back. The odd thing about his hangover was that he had gotten over it so unusually quickly. A couple of painkillers, a drink of water and a slice of dry toast and he was ready to go. He'd tried calling Rin on his way to work, but there was no answer. He then tried to call Sousuke on his break, but he didn't answer either. The night had hit them harder than it had done for him, which was strange, because very often it was the other way around. His mother sat down to eat with him and asked about the night out he had with his friends, and Rei was very careful about what he said. He did not mention the strip club, the pretty blonde named Nagisa, the heavy drinking or the reckless driving, so he just told her he went out for a few drinks, it was nothing special, in which she responded to very sweetly, and said they were welcome to come to the family meal they had planned for his birthday on the weekend, but Rei declined for them, telling her they were busy with work, that they always took the weekend shifts at the station, and, thank the heavens, his mother believed him. There would be quite a few things that his friends would rather be doing than sitting down at a meal with his Mom, Dad, brother, very young nieces and their own mother. There were quite a few things he'd rather be doing, in fact. He left fifteen minutes before he had to return to work, stopped at a store, bought a bottle of water, and was sat back in his desk with two minutes to spare. He checked his phone approximately 687 times within those first eight hours. Only nine more hours to go.

*****

Nagisa stared at his phone, and he felt as if the phone was staring right back. His heart was in his throat and his stomach was on the floor as he picked it up from his bedside table and began dialling his number. The ringing started, and he felt his mouth go dry. He didn't know why he was so nervous. He'd never been this nervous before.  
"Hello?" a bright but deep voice answered, smoother and clearer than the one he had heard last night. "Nagisa?"

Nagisa freaked out when he heard his name being spoken in that wonderful voice of his, hanging up immediately and throwing his phone down onto the bed in one quick motion, hiding his face with his hands, shuddering in embarrassment. He can't do this. He shouldn't do this. Glasses looked like a sweet, clean cut, wholesome guy, with a good job and a stable family, a warm and tidy home, maybe even a pet or two. Glasses doesn't deserve someone like me, Nagisa thought, collapsing down into his bed, rubbing his clammy hands on his jeans. I'm not good enough.

The phone buzzed beside him, and he jumped, heart thudding. It was a text.

Specs: Hello. Are you OK?

Nagisa gripped his phone tightly in his hand, lowering his eyes, wondering what he should text back.

Nagisa: I'm fine. Sorry I hung up.

He was about to type 'I got scared', but he didn't, not wanting to sound like a fool. His chest grew tight as he waited for a reply, wondering whether he was mad at him for hanging up. But he wasn't. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Specs: No problem! Everybody gets nervous. You can call me when you feel more confident. Maybe we should just text first?

Nagisa felt tears well in his eyes, and he didn't know why. The amount of times someone had shaken his confidence was astounding, but for once somebody wanted to build it. He wiped underneath his eyes furiously with a smile.

Nagisa: Yes. Thank you for understanding.

He didn't read his reply until he was ready for work, and walking out of his apartment with Momo and Ai.

Specs: It's no problem at all. I hope you're well. I was wondering when I'd hear from you again.

Nagisa felt a blush creep across his cheeks and butterflies start to tremble in his belly, a warm rush making the corners of his mouth lift into the tiniest smile.

Nagisa: I'm good. Are you? Did you really think about me?

Momo watched as Nagisa's smile widened, one of which he'd never seen so genuine before. He ran a hand over his head. "All right there, lover boy?" he laughed. Nagisa elbowed him in the ribs, which made him laugh more.

Specs: Of course. Who couldn't? And I'm good too. Thank you for asking.

Nagisa couldn't reply until his shift was over, but he couldn't help but smile for the rest of the evening, even when the Boss was yelling at him for not doing his job properly, or when somebody touched somewhere he didn't want to be touched. Because this was just a job, something fake, something that didn't really matter until it was pay day. But ever since he saw the brightest violet of Glasses' eyes, he felt he'd found something genuine. He felt he'd finally found something real.

*****

The weekend left as quick as it had come, and Rei was not ready for the Monday shift. He'd just returned home from the disastrous meal with his family, which consisted of questions from his Father about his job and 'what about a girlfriend', which was awful, because everybody, even his nieces, knew that he was ultimately gay, but his Dad refuses to accept this fact and still passes it off as a phase, ignoring that his son turned twenty-three four days ago and that he was past the 'phase' stages of life. His brother's wife was annoying as always, his brother was sensible and satire as always, and his mother was chatty and smiley as always. The only two people who had changed were his nieces, who'd grown since the last time he'd seen them. Rosa was the oldest and Gracie was the youngest, and they held a better conversation with him than his own Father did. They loved how clever he was and how he understood almost everything, so they always asked him curious questions, which he was delighted to answer. He was invited over his brothers for a coffee after dinner, which he politely declined, but promised him next weekend. He collapsed back in his sofa, and Destrey jumped up and lay his head in his lap. Rei sighed deeply, scratching behind the dogs ears. He ran the days of the week in his head.

Monday: work.

Tuesday: work.

Wednesday: Work, then a night out with Rin and his girlfriend.

Thursday: Work.

Friday: work.

Saturday: Over his brothers, probably for the day.

Sunday: Fuck all.

Then the cycle starts all over again. His life regurgitating this awful routine over and over again, and he couldn't take it. He needed something to change. He needed something lively, something bright, something colourful, something beautiful. He needed Nagisa.  
He dug around in his jacket pocket for his phone and dialled Nagisa's number, but it went straight to answer phone. Rei was disappointed, but he was not dis-hearted, so he left a message instead, hoping, just hoping, that he would get over his fear and just call him back.

*****

Nagisa sat down at the side of the stage, rubbing the part of his shoulder where someone had grabbed him too hard. He somehow felt winded and a little lost, eyes misting over and becoming oblivious to what was going on around him. He supported his head in his hands, staring at the dark crimson carpet below him, his bare feet standing on a dollar bill, glitter and someone's glove. He reached down and stuffed the dollar bill into the glove, before setting it down beside him, ready to be found by whomever it belonged. The place was already closed, but he had to take a few minutes to himself, as he was the last act that night, and sometimes it takes a lot out of him. The cleaners had already come in, one of them being the Bosses wife, another an ex stripper and the last being the senior of the group. The ex stripper, Roxanne, was the kindest of the three, as she understood how hard it was on them sometimes. She'd shown himself and Ai pictures of herself when she was their age. She used to be quite muscular, and was apparently the most popular with both men and women alike.

"I was a pole dancer, too." she'd smiled at them both, flicking her hair extensions over her shoulder and tucking the photos back into the front pocket of her apron. "I could please the eye quite easily. But, unfortunately, I injured my hip and couldn't do it any more, so I retired. It's a shame really, I quite enjoyed it."

She was walking over to him now, her smile comforting. "Is everything OK, Nagisa?"

He nodded, standing up straight. "Yeah. Just taking a few minutes time out, that's all." he sighed, running a hand through his tousled hair. "Busy night."

She reached out and ran her thumb over his bruising shoulder. "So I see..." she said softly, brow furrowing in concern. "They can't touch you like that. They shouldn't be allowed to. Hasn't Smith said anything about it?"  
Nagisa shook his head, rubbing it again. "No. It's different. Bosses treat their women with more respect."

Roxanne raised her eyebrows at him. "You'd be surprised. But still, if they ever hurt us like that, our big guy would have punched their lights out."

Nagisa smiled slightly, dropping his eyes. "Like I said – he treats us different, cos we're men."

Roxanne put her hands on her hips. "That's completely immoral. I may be seen as a whore, but I know a thing or two about respect." she squeezed his shoulder. "You need to talk to Smith, otherwise this could get out of hand. You can get seriously hurt."

Nagisa just knocked it off – he didn't need this right now, and anyway, he couldn't talk to the Boss. He'd just yell at him again. Maybe get hands on, like he did last time he complained. Momo was waiting for him backstage, drinking coffee out of a paper cup and shaking glitter out of his hair.

"You didn't need to wait for me, you know." Nagisa sighed, pulling on his sweat shirt over his bare torso. "You could have just headed home."

Momo laughed. "And left you to walk home alone? No way, it's close to three, there are creepers out and about, and don't take this the wrong way, but I don't trust you on your own." he downed his coffee and slammed it down on the table he was sat on. "Oh, and your phone's been flashing for hours."

Momo pulled it out of his pocket, and before he could even pass it to him, like the polite person he was, Nagisa had already snatched it out of his hand.

"Who was it?" Momo asked, peering over Nagisa's shoulder.

"It's a voice mail off Glasses. Should I... I don't know..." Nagisa stared at the text alert, eyes growing unfocused, trying his hardest to decide on whether to open his message or not. The possibilities of what the short little voice message could hold started running rings in his head, making him grow even more worried than he already was. Maybe he didn't want to talk to him any more? Maybe he found someone else? Someone better? Someone more wholesome, someone more beautiful, someone he could spend his life with? Someone not like Nagisa at all? Maybe he's moving? Maybe he's sick? Maybe he's dead?!

"You're over-thinking this, Nagisa. Just listen to it." Momo interrupted the utterly ridiculous thoughts that were whirling through his mind with a smile. "I'm sure it's nothing bad."

Nagisa visibly swallowed as he dialled voice mail, fingers trembling.

"Hello, Nagisa. It's Rei. You know, glasses guy." The smooth, clear voice began, one of which made Nagisa's throat go dry and heart skip a beat. "I've felt like something has been missing from my life for a long time, and, until I met you, it was pretty bleak. But every message from you adds a small splash of colour to... well, everything. So, I would like to return the favour, and take you out sometime. See you in daylight. Call me back. Thanks."

Nagisa let his phone slip from his fingertips, which fell to the carpeted floor with little to nothing damage, his mouth slightly agape. Momo watched him, eyebrows raised. "Nagisa?" he hopped off the table and picked up his phone. "What is it? Are you OK?"

Nagisa grabbed Momo's wrists and pulled him into him. "Momo!" he cried, squeezing his wrists tight. "He wants to take me out!"

Momo grinned down at him. "I knew it was great news! So... What now? Are you going to let him take you out?"

Nagisa looked up at him, brow knotted in the middle. "I haven't been on a date in two years." he breathed, watching Momo's eyes with so much intensity, Momo couldn't help but break into laughter.

"Don't worry about it." he grinned, reaching up as soon as Nagisa had let go of him and tousling his blonde head, a sprinkling of glitter showering over his chest. "I'm sure you'll do great."

*****

Rei was sat in a coffee shop on his lunch break when his phone buzzed beside him. Without a second glance, he picked up his phone.

"Hello?" he said, putting his tea to his lips.

"Hi." Nagisa replied softly. "Rei."

Rei couldn't help but smile. "Hello, Nagisa."

Nagisa cleared his throat. "I... I would like to go on a date with you."

Rei sat up straight, feeling a blush crawl across his cheeks. "Really? Y-You would?"  
"Of course... Unless... Unless you changed your mind. Which is completely OK." Nagisa blurted, feeling the fool.

"No! I haven't changed my mind. When are you free?"

Rei sorted out a dinner date for Friday night when Nagisa was not at work, and Rei wasn't out with anyone. Nagisa sounded very excited, and he told him that he hadn't been on a date for almost two years, because his job usually put people off, and that he was actually kind of surprised that he wasn't put off, but Rei reassured that he was OK with it, and as long as it wasn't hurting him, mentally or physically, it didn't matter what job he did. Nagisa quickly changed the subject, which worried Rei slightly, but he didn't let it bother him. They chatted happily until Rei told him he had to return to work, and that he would see him on Friday.

*****

Rei went to pick up Nagisa at his apartment, which was not too far away from his own home. He unbuttoned his shirt at the top and removed his tie, thinking it was a little over the top. He checked his hair in the rear view mirror, before stepping out of his car and pressing the intercom button for the third floor.

"Hello?"

A male voice he did not recognise answered. Nagisa mentioned something about room mates, so he decided not to get too worried.

"Yes, it's Rei."

"Oh! Yeah, I know you. Come on up."

Rei climbed three flights of stairs and knocked on the door at the end of the corridor, slipping off his glasses and cleaning them with the hankie in his pocket. The door creaked open, and Rei raised his eyes to see a bleary figure standing before him, and all he could really pick out from his poor vision was a mess of red hair and a black t-shirt.

"Hello. You're Rei, right?"

Rei nodded, slipping his glasses back over his eyes, the figure standing before him now clear as day. He had golden iris' and a wide grin, a kind of crazy-but-sexy look about him.

"Come in, come in, Nagisa's still getting ready." he said, holding the door wider so Rei could step inside. "You scrub up rather nicely, if I do say so myself, I am quite jealous."

Rei felt himself blush stupidly. "Uh, thank you." he smiled politely.

"No problem! Oi, Nagisa! Your date's here!" he called down the hall. "He needs provoking sometimes."

"I'm coming!" he called back. Nagisa was panicking. What was he wearing? What should he wear? He was standing in a pair of black skinny jeans and nothing else, desperately digging around in his drawers, sorting through hangers. Was it fancy? Was it not? Who knew? If he were a girl it would be easier. He would just throw on a dress and that would be the end of it. In the end, he settled on a plain black shirt and an off-white cotton waistcoat. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulled on his his black plimsolls and called it an outfit. Grabbing his phone and wallet, he made it out in the nick of time, spraying on aftershave as he left the room. He hadn't seen Rei since he was at the strip club, and he was extremely nervous. This wasn't half naked, half drunk, just-got-off-stage Nagisa, this was I-really-don't-want-to-fuck-this-up Nagisa, who always tried to hard to be sensible and was somewhat awkward. Momo had taken him into the lounge, and as Nagisa approached the room, he could hear his friend talking non stop about whatever was on his mind. Nagisa slowly pushed open the door, eyes fixated on the ground as he stepped inside.

"Nagisa!" Momo greeted him. "You dressed up too! Man, I wish I had a date, I haven't dressed up nice since my Dad's wedding, and that was three years ago."

Rei slowly stood from the seat he'd been slumped in, smiling sweetly at Nagisa. "Hello, Nagisa." he said softly.

Nagisa raised his eyes, and was once again mesmerised by the captivating violet of his iris', which were framed by dark red glasses, the same ones he was wearing when he was at the club.

"I hope you are silent because of how good I look."

Nagisa laughed, feeling himself relax, not realising how tense his shoulders had been. "Of course I am... Rei." he said his name quietly, as if he had to savour it. "Shall we go?"

Momo waved them off as they both left. "Bring home before midnight!" he joked.

Rei looked over his shoulder with a smile. "I can't make any promises."

Nagisa was completely fascinated by everything Rei had, and everything that he was. His car was small but very neat and tidy, the seats made from soft, smooth leather, which made the experience all the more comfortable, and the heating in the car made it ever so cosy. He hadn't gotten very much sleep the morning after his shift, because he was so worked up over this date, so he felt himself get very tired, very quickly. Rei kept him awake by talking about the restaurant they were going to, and about how happy he was about finally meeting him in person after two weeks of constant messaging. Nagisa replied in all the right places, but he found it harder and harder to keep his head up, and eventually dropped off at one point. Rei only noticed his date had fallen asleep when he'd started snoring ever so softly, breaking up his words into silence. The odd thing was that he didn't feel the slightest bit annoyed. If it were his brother, or his mother, he may have been slightly peeved. But somehow, he felt indifferent. He probably works harder in a week than he ever had in his life, and the late nights and the mental turmoil must have a massive impact on how much sleep he must really get. He smiled slightly as he continued to drive on, a warm feeling swelling in his chest. This was him, the guy he's been talking to for days, and he was curled up asleep like a ten-year-old in the front of his car after a long day. Rei chuckled softly. At least this place is a few miles away, he thought, looking over at him. He can get some rest before we get there.

Nagisa was groggy as always when he got awoken by a gentle shake of the shoulder.

"Nagisa..." a strangely familiar voice said softly, a large, protective hand squeezing his arm. "We're here."

Nagisa sat straight up, almost choking himself with his seatbelt. "Oh, my God! I fell asleep!" he laughed, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand. "And it was one of the best I've ever had!"

Rei chuckled. "I'm glad. Are you awake enough to eat?" he said with a smile, watching him with admiring eyes, desperately wanting to reach out and smooth down the curls at the back of his head.

"I'm starving!" he announced, unbuckling the seatbelt and stretching himself out. "I hope they do big meals."

Rei was weirdly charmed by this new confidence Nagisa had somehow gained from half an hours worth of sleep. "They do really good pasta."

Nagisa grabbed Rei's arm. "I love pasta." he smiled. "Let's go!"

Nagisa was unfamiliar with posh, expensive restaurants. If Rei had just taken him to a Pizza Hut, he would have been happy, because as long as he was eating and talking, he was fine. He followed behind his tall companion like a lost puppy, looking around the place in complete awe. It was very traditional, the walls all exposed limestone, pictures of half-nude women and open fields hanging lopsidedly over the uneven bricks. The tables seated a maximum of six, and were decorated in cute little gingham table cloths, tall candles that melted into the vintage wine bottles that held them upright, and a small jar of flowers in the centre. A waiter shorter than Nagisa guided them to their table, and Nagisa couldn't help but slip his arm into Rei's, slightly worried he may get lost in this place, even though it was about the size of his apartment, if not just a tad larger. Rei felt a rush of blood to his neck at Nagisa's unexpected move, and he looked forward, beginning to feel flustered. The waiter sat them down in a small booth at the back of the restaurant, laid the menus on the table, and said he'd be back for drinks. Nagisa slipped into the booth, collapsing down into the leather seating, disappointed that it wasn't as comfortable as Rei's car.

"This place is wonderful." he said softly, as soon as he got comfortable, watching Rei move the candles to the bottom of the table.

Rei smiled proudly. "It's my favourite restaurant! I'm glad you like it."

Nagisa put a finger to his lips. "It's not all about the appearance, mind." he smiled sweetly.

"I can assure you, the food here his delicious." Rei laughed, handing him a menu.

"Oh yeah?" Nagisa winked as he took the menu from his grasp. "I'll be the judge of that."

Rei smirked at him over the top of his menu. "You're into your food, huh?"

"Damn right I am. 'Good' and 'food' are only one letter away from each other." Nagisa grinned. "Do you think that's some kind of coincidence, Rei?"

Rei laughed lightly, pushing his glasses up his nose in the cutest way Nagisa had ever seen. "You know what? I've never thought of it like that." Rei set his menu down onto the table so he could see him properly. "You learn something new everyday."

Nagisa rolled up his shirt sleeves. "Not at my job, you don't."

Rei looked down at Nagisa's bare arms. He'd never seen them, because they had been hidden beneath the crimson material of his over-the-elbow gloves. He had a tattoo of a lion on the outside of his forearm, and a crossbow on the inside of his wrist. Rei smiled slightly, looking back down at his menu. It was something about tattoos that he found rather distinguishing, but he could not put his finger on why. Maybe there wasn't a reason why. Maybe he just liked tattoos.

"U-uh..." Nagisa stammered, scratching his cheek.  
"Is there a problem?" Rei asked, looking back up at him. "You're not a vegetarian, are you?"

"Oh, no... It's just... There's no way I can afford this." he said softly, looking up at him. "It's way too expensive."

Rei blinked, sitting up straight. "Don't worry, I'll pay for you. This is a date, after all." he smiled at him, and Nagisa only saw an angel that had descended from Heaven, the candle creating a halo of golden light around him.

"Are you sure?" Nagisa breathed, almost forgetting where he was. "It's just... So pricey..."

"Of course. I insist." Rei reassured. "Everything is on me."

Nagisa still felt extremely guilty, staring at the menu and trying to pick the cheapest thing on there, but no matter what sounded good to him it was still way too dear. He felt so guilty, that when the waiter came over to take their drinks order, he just asked for water.

"Are you sure? We could get a bottle of wine-" Rei began.

Nagisa shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm not allowed to drink."

Rei just nodded. "That's fine."

The guilt did not stop him ordering a three course meal, though. King prawns on stone baked bread, egg pasta with chicken breast and creamy sauce, and for dessert, he and Rei shared a selection of cakes with the restaurants home-made ice-cream. It was the most beautiful meal Nagisa had ever had the privilege to encounter, and he ate every single scrap of it. Conversation didn't really flow when they were eating their individual courses, as Nagisa was too engaged in tasting every single flavour he could determine from the seasoned chicken and cream sauce, and Rei did not mind that at all. He looked so happy to be eating something so new, it felt wrong of him to interrupt him. But whilst they were eating their dessert, it seemed the conversation had began to flow smoothly again.

"Where do you work, if you can afford this?" Nagisa smiled slightly at him, slipping a spoonful of ice-cream between his lips.

"Well, I've gotten a diploma in law, and I'm working as a lawyers assistant at the moment. I know it's not much, but I should be getting a promotion soon." Rei explained, cutting a slice of chocolate cake into even small pieces. "I would like to become a lawyer myself."

Nagisa nodded. "I can see you as a lawyer. Who would you defend? The victim or the bad guy?"

The corner of Rei's mouth twitched. "Don't you mean the Defendant and the Plaintiff?"

Nagisa smiled, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, Mr. Lawyer. I'm just here for the cake." he said, taking a slice of what Rei was just neatly dividing and popping it into his mouth.

"Well," Rei continued, ignoring his last statement. "Probably the victim. Because it's easier than having a criminally insane character on your hands."

Nagisa thought about this, taking another bit of cake. "I think I would have the bad guy." he said with a half smile. "It would be interesting to see what sort of excuses they could come up with for 'robbing that bank' or 'murdering that guy'. I would find it entertaining, anyway."

Rei couldn't help but smile. "I do see where you're coming from."

Nagisa scooped up a chunk of the chocolate cake into his dessert spoon and held it before Rei's lips. "Eat this before I do." he said with a cheeky smirk, hand supporting his head.

Rei let himself get fed by the small blonde stripper who wanted to talk to criminally insane murderers. He'd tried this cake many times before, but it tasted more delicious off of Nagisa's spoon. Rei cut a piece off the slice of lemon cheesecake and offered it to Nagisa. He opened his lips obediently and Rei deposited of the cheesecake into his mouth. As soon as he tasted it, though, his look turned sour, making Rei laugh out loud. Nagisa took a swig from Rei's wine glass, swallowing it down like a pill.

"What in the world did you give to me?" Nagisa wheezed, having swallowed it to fast, and it was now stuck at the back of his throat.

"Lemon and lime cheesecake. Why? Did you not like it?" Rei chuckled, taking a bite from it himself. "It's my favourite."

Nagisa shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I hate how sour tastes. Yack. That was awful." he took another sip of Rei's wine, the sweet, crisp taste taking away the sticky, sour one. "Crap, now you're making me drink."

Rei continued to eat the slither of cheesecake with a knowing smirk. Nagisa started on the strawberry tart that sat beside it. "Now this is more like it." he smiled, picking up the fresh strawberry between his fingertips and dipping it into his ice cream. "Strawberries are my absolute favourite. Take notes."

Rei laughed. "I think I'll remember that. I'm not really a big fan."

Nagisa took hold of the stalk and sucked the ice-cream off the end of the berry, ever so suggestively, watching Rei the whole time he did so. "You're missing out." he murmured, slowly biting down into the soft skin of the fruit, feeling himself glow as he watched Rei's blush spread across his cheeks.

Rei cleared his throat, looking into his lap. "I-I'm sure I could go without."

Nagisa shrugged, finishing off the strawberry and starting on the tart itself, sighing in bliss as the sweet strawberry sauce touched his tongue. "Are you sure? This is wonderful." he breathed once he'd swallowed. "But it's still not as good as what my grandma used to make."

Rei watched him with a fond smile, wondering how in the world a single person could make him so flustered then so adoring in the short space of thirty seconds.

"I'm so full," Nagisa breathed as soon as the plate of cakes was completely empty, patting his full stomach contently. "I haven't had a meal like that since I was a kid."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Rei smiled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I am here to please, not to disappoint."

Nagisa smirked. "Oh, really?"

Rei blushed again, adjusting his glasses. "Y-You know what I mean."

Nagisa laughed lightly. "You look so cute when you blush like that." he said, supporting his head with both hands. "Like a little cartoon character."

The bill arrived after some light conversation, and the guilt hit him like a ton of bricks, having forgotten all about it for such a long time. Rei asked for the card machine, so he never got to know how much the meal really cost, but he knew it was way more money that he could afford at the moment. As soon as the meal was paid for, and they had left the building into the crisp, autumn air, Nagisa grabbed Rei's hands and squeezed them tight. "I promise I will pay for our date next time." he said firmly. "I get paid next week, so we can go out somewhere together. How does that sound?"

Rei was taken aback by his invite, but still managed to smile. "Of course. It sounds wonderful." he squeezed Nagisa's hands in return. "We can organise it over the weekend."  
Nagisa nodded happily, a big smile on his face. Rei couldn't help his next move – Nagisa's confidence was contagious, it seemed. He bent down and kissed his cheek gently. "Thank you for a wonderful night."

Nagisa blushed furiously, letting go of Rei's hand a pressing his own against his cheek. "Likewise." he breathed, the fact that Rei had kissed him so gently and so carefully not really processing.

Nagisa was silent on the way back to his, wondering what was expected of him tomorrow night, where he had to go with Ai, what kind of party it was. When parties rang the club up, it was usually a women's party, never a men's one, which Nagisa didn't mind at all. The women were kinder than the men, and all they did was laugh and squeal, and the bride-to-be or the birthday girl would always get something extra, whatever that something would be. No, Nagisa didn't mind parties at all. Especially if he's with his friends. That can be a lot more fun.

"What's on your mind?" Rei asked him.

Nagisa sighed deeply. "Nothing. I just have to go to a party tomorrow, that's all. I think it's a Hen night, but who knows." he shrugged, crossing his arms over his stomach. "I prefer parties to the club anyway. The boss never knows what I do there."  
"Do you like your job, Nagisa?" Rei asked, doing his best to keep his eyes on the road.

Nagisa looked over at him, eyes wide. "Why? Did Momo tell you something?"

Rei shook his head. "No! No, nothing like that. I just... I've never personally known a stripper before, let alone date one. I just wanted to know – do you like what you do?"

Nagisa thought about it, scratching the back of his head. "I... It depends on the night." he said softly, looking at his feet.

Rei nodded. "Give me an example of a good night."

Nagisa whistled as he exhaled, sitting back in his seat. "Well... If I get a lot of tips, or if I don't get harassed, that's always good... Uh..." he furrowed his brow, trying desperately to dig something up from the back of his mind. "Oh! If someone buys me a drink, or if I'm on stage with my friends, that's good too..."

Rei nibbled the dead skin on his lip, the same concern he felt when he was at the club slowly returning. "What do you mean by harassed?" he said softly.

Nagisa shrugged. "Felt up, chatted up, you know," he said casually, running a hand over his hair. "But it's all comes with the job. Like a package, you know. It doesn't bother me, not really."

Rei nodded again, but still felt he needed to say something about this. Anything. "As long as they're not hurting you, then it's OK." he said gently, gripping the steering wheel tight.

Nagisa said nothing, glancing out of the window to the side of him with a sigh. "It's started to rain." he said solemnly, resting his elbow against the glass. "Winter's coming."

"It sure is." Rei sighed deeply, relaxing his shoulders. "I like the rain, though."

Nagisa smiled. "Me too." he replied, watching the ripples as new raindrops drip, drip, dripped into old puddles, the reflection of the street lamps above breaking up into only speckles of light. "It's like the world is being washed away of its sins, you know?"

Rei nodded with a smile. "I know."

Rei walked Nagisa to his apartment, all the way Nagisa pointing out who lived where, and explaining how the apartment below them always threw parties, which were loud, but never really bothered them much, because the three of them were always at the club late at night. They had been invited to one a few weeks after they had moved in, but it was basically just a load of kids who'd just graduated from High School that got together to play loud music and get high, so the three of them never went again. Nagisa had invited Rei inside, and after some thought he politely declined, as he had to go to work pretty early the next morning.

"I had a really nice time, Rei," Nagisa said softly, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Thank you – for everything. I know it's not exactly much, but-"

Rei shook his head. "No. Your company was all that I needed." he smiled down at him. "Thank you for being sweet about it."

Nagisa blushed furiously, looking down at his feet. "Yeah, well."

They both stood there in silence for a good few minutes, the sudden quiet awkward and unnerving. Nagisa reached out to knock on the door, because he just knew that Momo would have been crouching behind it since half past ten, with a cake reading 'Congratulations on the first day of the rest of your life'. Maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but he never really knew where the line was between completely insane and completely normal with Momo.

"Wait." Rei said softly, taking the hand that was reaching over in his.

Nagisa furrowed his brow. "What is it?"

Rei tilted his head and kissed Nagisa's lips, softly, gently, barely even grazing them, really. But Nagisa still managed to freak out, jerking his head away and avoiding his eyes with a blush scarring his cheeks. "I-I-I'm sorry..." he whispered, hiding his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I wasn't... I..."

Rei smiled sadly. "It's OK. I understand. We'll take it slow, OK?" he said gently, reaching out and taking his hand in his own, squeezing it.

Nagisa nodded, dumbfounded. Rei squeezed his hand once more, before letting go. "Goodnight, Nagisa."

"Yeah. Goodnight."


	2. Drop Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He'll fall in love with you if you do that." Rei smiled.  
> Nagisa grinned, rubbing Destrey's tummy lovingly. "Will you fall in love with me if I scratch your tummy, Rei?"  
> Rei laughed. "It might take a bit more than that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! It's nice to see people are enjoying my work! I may start rewriting this story just a little, however enjoy it as it is atm! 
> 
> my jokes are shit btw i am not funny 
> 
> Happy reading!

Momo and Ai were all ears when Nagisa got inside the apartment, the both of them having literally been crouched in the hallway when he'd opened the door.

"Momo dragged me into it," Ai explained as they both watched Nagisa slide down the front door. "He was behind the door when I got home."

Nagisa sighed deeply, resting his head between his knees and letting out a loud groan.

Momo and Ai swapped a look, the both of them unsure on what to say. "So... How did it go?" Momo asked, crossing his legs up. "Was it good?"

Nagisa mumbled something that sounded like a 'yes', before he lifted his head and threw out his arms. "It was perfect."

"Then what's the matter?" Ai questioned, resting his head in his hands.

Nagisa recounted the whole date, telling them about how cosy his car was, how pretty the restaurant looked, the amazing food, the light, sweet conversations, the hefty bill, the way he held his hand, the way he asked about his job, everything. The both of them grimaced when he told them about the kiss, feeling his embarrassment and regret second-handedly.

"Why did you pull away? He sounds great!" Ai said, pulling his knees to his chest.

"He paid for your meal, and gave you a ride there and back. You could have at least kissed him back." Momo added, leaning forwards. "I would have!"

Nagisa waved them off with a flick of his hand. "Whatever. He said we can take it slow, so that's what we're doing." he said with a smile. "So no one's getting pregnant any time soon."

Momo snorted. "Yeah, I can see that lasting long." he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "I bet you fifty bucks that you're going to sleep with him in the next... say... three months."

Nagisa raised his eyebrows with a smirk. "Is that a challenge?"

Momo shrugged. "Maybe it is."

Ai shook his head. "No! No, this is not a challenge, this is about keeping a healthy relationship with someone! Come on, Nagisa!" he sighed deeply, tilting his head back. "You get to date what sounds like a wonderful guy, so keep it that way. And you!" he cried, poking Momo in the chest. "You should leave them alone!"

Momo slumped his shoulders, slouching over. "Fine." he muttered. "I'm still counting on it, though."

Nagisa crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, you're going to be wrong." "

We'll just see about that, won't we?" Momo snapped with a smirk.

Ai sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. "Here we go again."

* * *

 

Every Saturday night, Rei went out with Rin, Sousuke, and his school friend Haru, usually to a bar in town somewhere, nothing special, but Rin cancelled at last minute because his sister needed help with something, and Haru was busy with work, so it was just him and Sousuke that night. They sat at the bar alone together, one drinking vodka and coke, the other a bottle of cider, and they just talked about whatever was on their minds at that particular moment in time, and somehow, the conversation was pushed toward the subject of Nagisa, but because Sousuke still didn't know his name, he called him 'that pretty blonde stripper', and asked if he'd been talking to him at all.

"I went on a date with him last night." Rei smiled.

Sousuke raised his eyebrows. "Really? How'd it go?" he asked, leaning away from the counter.

"Really well, actually. He's such a wonderfully unusual character. It's just... He's rather reserved, you know what I mean? He's confident, but he didn't talk much about himself." Rei frowned, adjusting his glasses. "I know it was just the first date, but we did talk a lot about me, and my job. But when I tried to talk to him about anything, he kind of just... shrugged it off, I guess."

Sousuke shook his head. "I used to date a girl like that." he sighed, pouring the rest of the cider into his pint glass. "She did my head in though. She would always be upset over something, but she would never tell me what. She just covered it up with sex and jokes."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Rei shrugged, lifting his glass to his lips.

Sousuke laughed. "Yeah, well, it gets worse when you start falling in love with them, you know." he smiled, looking into his cider. "You start to care about them, and then the sex doesn't matter as much as their well-being, and then you want to be with them all the God damn time. You're fucked."

Rei blinked at him, lips slightly parted in disbelief. He'd never heard Sousuke talk about his love life like that before. It never dawned on him that Sousuke had even been in love before. Privately, he thought he was a closeted asexual.

"But falling in love with her wasn't the worst thing. She wasn't in touch with her feelings. She didn't know how to express them. So when I told her how I felt, she broke my heart. I never blamed her though. I always blamed myself for not understanding what she was really looking for." he shrugged, sipping his drink. "And anyway," he swallowed before clearing his throat. "She's in the past."

Rei nodded, understanding that this was the first and the last time he'd ever talk about this mysterious girl who broke his heart; but he still felt an empty ache in his chest for one of his closest friends. How sad it must be, to love someone who didn't even know how to love you back? "I'm sure you'll find someone." Rei reassured – and then he smiled. "I mean, if you suddenly decide you're bisexual I know one or maybe even two strippers who might like to date you."

Sousuke laughed heartily. "If they were women, then maybe I would. Maybe." he smiled, shaking his head. "But, yeah. Hopefully I will, someday."

"There's no rush, though. We're still young." Rei raised his eyebrows. "And with eyes like yours, everyone will be hitting on you."

"Everyone? Even you?" Sousuke half smiled. "You know what, if you were gay, I would be all over you." Rei winked at him – before the both of them began to laugh, Sousuke shaking his head at him.

"I'm sure your soon to be boyfriend would be delighted." he grinned. Rei rolled his eyes. "We've been on one date." "Yeah, but you're going on another, right?" he grinned. "I knew you two would hit it off."

Rei just rolled his eyes again, yet couldn't help but feel a little pleased.

* * *

 

It was just after midnight when Rei received a call off his mother.

"Hello?" he mumbled, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand. "What is it?"

"Rei..." He could hear his mother choking down sobs as she said his name. "R-Rei, my darling, something... something awful..." she trailed off, breaking down into tears.

"Mom? Mom, what is it? What's wrong?" Rei tried, searching his night stand for his glasses, almost knocking a glass of water over as he manoeuvred his hands over the table.

"I-It's your father... You know he's had problems with his heart before... B-but... But..." his mom stammered through her sentence, breathing shallow.

Rei knocked his glasses off his bedside table and cursed under his breath. "Mom, where are you now?" he said gently, trying to squint through the darkness.

He heard his mother let out a deep breath. "At the hospital. Your dad had a heart attack."

Rei was almost shocked into a short silence, but he quickly recovered, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb until there were colourful lights dancing across his vision. "OK. OK. I'm coming. Wait for me at the entrance, OK? I'm coming." he said gently, throwing his covers back and climbing out of bed.

"OK. Thank you, my darling Rei." she said softly, snivelling pathetically. "I couldn't do this without you."

"It's OK, Mom. Stay brave." he sighed.

He hung up after he said his goodbyes, threw his phone down on the unmade bed and took a step forward, got his foot stuck in the mess of yesterdays clothes, tripped and fumbled for something to grab before he fell to his side. He slammed his hand against his night stand, grip tight as he fell to his knees, and before he knew it, he had crushed his only pair of glasses with a cringe-worthy crunch. He slapped the palms of his hands over his eyes, muttering the words _shit, fuck, shit_ as he picked himself up from his kneeling position and stared down at his damaged glasses.

"Shit!" he finally cried throwing his fist down against the wall.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, he thought to himself as he collected what remained of his spectacles up, now I can't even see. With no time to waste, he set his poor glasses down on his bedside table, pulled on a pair of jeans over his boxers, grabbed his phone, keys and wallet and headed out of his apartment, half blind, half asleep, and half inside a sweatshirt that was probably inside-out.

* * *

 

His mother was in a state of shock and utter sadness when he arrived at the hospital, wrapped up in a big winter coat over her pyjamas, her small, ageing hands trembling, her face that was usually so cheerful stained with tears and tiredness, her pale lips quivering and eyes that protruded lines of laughter from her many years of being on this earth threatening to spill more tears. Rei sandwiched the petite woman in his strong arms when he saw her, tying his best to protect her, kissing her head and rubbing her back, soothing her with calming words and a gentle embrace. She felt so tiny in his arms, so frail and feeble. _Had she always been so small?_ Rei thought, squeezing her tight. _Had she always felt so weak?_ He pushed away these thoughts to the back of his mind.

"Everything will be fine, Mom." he reassured, lips pressed against her blue-grey locks. "You'll see, Dad's a fighter."

She nodded, but wouldn't stop weeping, little shoulders shuddering. "Your brother wouldn't answer his phone, but I guess he wouldn't, because of the girls." she mumbled into his chest. "You're very good, coming here at this time."

Rei smiled. "I don't have anyone to wake up, though." he sighed, pulling away from her and resting his hands on her shoulders.

His mother smiled sweetly through her tears. "You'll find someone soon enough. They're out there, waiting for you to find them, you know? Maybe they're not the sort of person you would usually look for, but they are pure at heart." she spoke quietly, as if she were telling a secret. "And you will love them for who they are, no matter who they may be, no matter what happens. Because, I know, Rei, that you're pure of heart too."

Rei watched her in disbelief, eyes unblinking as his mother wiped her own tears away with a hanky she had hidden up her sleeve. "Th-thank you, Mom..." he said softly, squeezing her shoulders.

"Not at all, my darling. That's how I've stayed with your father for so long!" she laughed lightly, her sadness melting away. "I know he gets at you for being who you are, but when he sees how happy you are with whomever man you choose to spend your life with, I know he will change his mind."

She reached out, caressing his face in her doll-like hands, in which Rei let himself fall into, having missed his mothers loving touch. "You're a wonderful boy, my darling. I wouldn't worry about love, not now. And anyway – I feel there will be someone in your life soon. Very soon." she smiled again, pinched his cheek gently, and let her hand slip.

Rei couldn't help but smile back, yet he didn't say a word. _He's already here_ , Rei thought to himself, following his mother inside the hospital. _And his heart is purer than any I've known._

* * *

 

Nagisa had not been invited to a Hen night after all, but it may as well have been. Momo, Ai, Nagisa and others were all rented out like holiday cars or designer jewelry for a club night. It was full of women, and women exclusively. They were made to serve drinks to the women and dress up in the awful Playboy type costumes, which consisted of stiff white collars complete with bow ties around their necks, aprons that started at their hips and ended in the middle of their thighs, cuffs around their wrists that kept slipping over Ai's hands, and nothing else, apart from tiny under garments that barely held anything. Momo kept on rearranging himself, and only noticed what he'd been doing for almost an hour was inappropriate when Nagisa slapped him around the arm with a tray and told him to leave his God damn penis alone.

"I can't help it," he hissed, pulling his apron forward and looking down it, causing Nagisa to slam his hand over his forehead in complete embarrassment. "I'm way too big for them."

"Or maybe you just got a small size." Nagisa snapped, covering his friends middle section with his tray. "Why don't you just go ask for a bigger one?"

Momo sighed, rearranging his underwear again, Nagisa turning his head in the opposite direction, shuddering in embarrassment, repeating to himself that this was the last time he'd let himself see Momo's junk voluntarily. "I guess I could. Hey – why don't I just wear the underwear I came in?" he grinned up at him, snapping his apron back in place. "It can't do any harm, right?"

Nagisa sighed deeply, dropping his arm. "Do what you want. I need more drinks." he muttered, pushing past him and running his fingers through his hair, childish curls beginning to form and stick against his head as he felt unwanted sweat begin to drip from his face and down his back. Some of the women he had been serving slapped Nagisa on his naked ass cheeks as he walked past, but he just played it off, flirting and laughing along with them all. All he could really think was _pay cheque, pay cheque, pay cheque_ , and, _this is for a date for Rei. Fuck this up, and that date is out of the question_.

He stood at the bar and waited on the bartender to pour more drinks for the customers. "Working hard?" the bartender smiled at Nagisa.

Nagisa smiled and nodded, wiping his brow. "Sure is hot in here, though." he sighed, watching him pour ice cold champagne into tall flutes, then slowly bringing his eyes back on him.

The bartender smirked at him. "It sure is." he arranged twelve full glasses onto the tray Nagisa put before him, then held out a thirteenth toward him. "I'm feeling nice tonight." he grinned cheekily, winking at him.

Nagisa downed the drink in two gulps and slammed it back down on the bar. "Thanks, babe, I needed that." he returned his grin with a little smirk, eyes flirtatious, though he could feel himself cringe as the word 'babe' left his mouth. "Any time." he winked again, clicking his tongue against his cheek, and Nagisa suddenly felt dirty, scratching his arm as an itching feeling crawled underneath his skin. He ignored this, but it only got worse as the night went on. All the touching and groping got heavier as the girls got drunker, and it was only a matter of time before he started to drink too, the night getting longer at every gulp. Even though he drinks to forget, the feeling of filth that had been bothering him only got worse, and it was only when the crawling feeling came back he would start to lose control of his mind, his head growing dizzy as he walked forwards, his body becoming uncomfortably hot as he entered the crowd again, eyes scanning around the room, watching as his whole world started collapsing beneath him.

* * *

 

Rei stood at the foot of his fathers bed with his mother and a fresh-faced nurse, a familiar figure lying stiffly in a hospital bed, starch, white sheets up to his underarms, arms crossed over his chest. Rei could not tell whether he was awake or not, because his vision was too blurred to see. He was surprised he managed to get here without killing himself.

"He's been in a sleep-like state for a few hours now," the nurse explained, walking towards Rei's father and slowly going out of focus, Rei having to squint to see that she was fiddling with tubes on his fathers body and the obnoxiously loud machinery that beeped insistently beside his bed. "But he's lucky to be alive. This heart attack was extremely severe."

Rei nodded, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Do you know what caused it?"

The young nurse turned her head towards him with a sad smile, which, of course, Rei couldn't clearly see. "High stress means high blood pressure. It's common, but hard on those with a weak heart." she pressed something on the machine. "He should be awake in a few hours. Call me if there are any problems!"

Rei's Mother sat close to her husband, reaching out and taking his grey, cold hand in her small, clammy one, clasping onto his fingers tight. Rei couldn't stand hospitals, or seeing his mom so upset, and no matter how much he disliked his dad, he still loves him, and seeing him like that distressed him, so he couldn't imagine what it was doing to his mother.

He scratched the back of his neck. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want one, Mom?" he asked.

"No, no. Get one for yourself, my darling. I'm fine." she smiled shakily up at him.

Rei nodded, turning on his heel and stepping out of the room in search of a coffee machine. Somehow, he stumbled upon one, and it took some time for him to order what he wanted, as he was unable to tell the letters and numbers.

He must have looked pretty confused, because someone stopped and tapped him on the shoulder. "Need some help?"

Rei started, shoulders jolting upwards, and the young nurse who was treating his father laughed lightly.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." she apologized with a sweet smile.

"Oh, no, it-it's fine..." he stammered, reaching for his glasses, going to adjust them – before realizing they weren't actually there. "Well... would you mind reading what the screen says? You see, I broke my glasses in the rush to get here..."

The nurse nodded eagerly. "Of course!" She read aloud the options and prices for him, and he let her order his coffee for him, handing her money so she could feed it to the machine.

"Thank you very much." Rei smiled at her, accepting the large coffee cup from her. "I appreciate the help."

The nurse blushed. "That's what I'm here for!" she grinned. "My name is Ray, by the way. My mother had always called me her little ray of sunshine!" she laughed lightly.

Rei felt himself blush. "Huh? Ray?" he laughed out loud. "What a coincidence! My name is Rei!"

The nurse giggled cutely. "Wow! Small world, huh?" she took a step closer. "I'd like to say you're eyes are rather pretty, but I don't want to come across as weird."

Rei blushed. "Ha, no. It's fine. I get told that more than enough times, actually. They're my mothers eyes." he smiled down at her. "I see!" she returned his dazzling smile. "And I see you have her good looks, too."

Rei cleared his throat. "Uh... I... I guess you could say that... Um..." he took a sip of his coffee, even though it burnt his mouth. "Are you... Are you hitting on me?"

Ray blushed furiously, looking down at her feet. "Well..." she looked back up at him with a small smile. "Maybe."

Rei cleared his throat again. "I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, but..." he averted his eyes. "I'm, uh... not straight. At all."  _That was the most awful way to come out to somebody, Ryuugazaki. Well done._ he though with a grimace. _  
_

Ray jerked her head up, eyes wide. "You-!" she covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, my God, how embarrassing!"

Rei shook his head. "No, no, it's fine-" he started, but he was interrupted by Ray's loud laughter. "How could I not know!?" she chortled, slapping her hand against her forehead. "I'm such an idiot!"

Rei let himself grin, her laughter flooding him with relief. "It's OK." he gently blew on his coffee, trying to cool it down enough to drink. "It doesn't happen often, so this is a novelty."

Ray opened her mouth to speak, but a doctor spoke quietly to her and she nodded, and after he left she apologized to Rei and followed after him. Rei grinned, shaking his head, thoroughly amused.

* * *

 

Nagisa awoke from a dream he did not know he was having into a dark, cold room with a damp towel on his forehead, and a cotton t-shirt cushioning his head as he lay helpless in the middle of a tiled floor. His stomach lurched as he sat up straight, and before he had time to process in his mind where the Hell he'd managed to end up, he'd vomited up the contents of his stomach against the wall he had been laid beside. He coughed and spluttered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, every strain on his throat reverting into pain, his head pounding. He tried to stand, but his knees buckled underneath him, causing him to drop back down again. He had been dressed in the clothes he'd turned up to the club in, but his phone was not on him as expected. Feeling lost, weak, and confused, he started calling out, repeating Ai's and Momo's names until he heard something click, and a bright light flooded the dark room. Nagisa covered his face in his arms, groaning as his head pulsed.

"Oh, Nagisa," Ai said softly, taking in the trembling, drunken mess on the bathroom floor. "What happened to you at the club?"

Nagisa shook his head. He didn't know. He couldn't remember. His head hurt, he felt sick, he couldn't stand up, he felt useless. But he couldn't say all this, otherwise he would have to risk vomiting again. He felt Ai's hands hook underneath his elbows as he tried to pull him up, but Ai found he was too heavy.

"I'm going to get Momo. Try to stay still, OK?" Ai said kindly.

Nagisa didn't want to move anyway. He wanted to sit in the corner between the sink and the shower forever, the smell of sick reminding him of how much an idiot he was. Momo eventually got moved out of bed, and he and Ai pulled Nagisa out of that tight little space he'd managed to squash himself into and sat him down on the toilet seat, the both of them standing with their hands on their hips, frowning down at him, like a mother and father would to a child who'd been caught sneaking home at two AM. Nagisa squinted at them both.

"What?" he mumbled, running his hands down his tired features.

"You know what!" Momo cried, and Nagisa groaned, knotting his hands behind his head and staring down at his knees. "Please don't shout." he muttered, closing his eyes.

Momo grit his teeth, feeling his blood boil, but Ai lay a hand on his back, shaking his head.

Momo relaxed, breathing out. "Nagisa, you almost got us all fired." Nagisa's head shot up, eyes wide.

"What?" he ran his hands over his curls. "But I..."

Ai nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes, it's true. We're lucky we still have our jobs." he closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. "We have to work overtime."

Nagisa felt his chest squeeze tight. "But... Why?" he squeezed his hands into fists. "That's not fair!"

"You're telling me." Momo muttered sourly.

"We had to tell them you were sick. If they had caught on that you were drunk, we would have had our guts for garters." Ai said calmly, watching his friend with solemn eyes. "It was a close call."

Nagisa sniffed furiously. "I'm sorry." he muttered.

Ai smiled sadly. "It's OK. Momo told them that the Bartender had been giving us free drinks, so he got it worse than us." he sighed.

Momo crinkled his nose in disgust. "Anyway, it stinks of sick in here." he stated, looking around the room.

"I was sick by the shower, I think." Nagisa mumbled, pressing his head between his knees as it had began to spin. "Sorry." he mumbled.

Momo looked over, and sure enough, there was a pool of vomit near the opening of the shower. "I swear to God, Hazuki, you're a dead man." he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

Nagisa tossed and turned for the remainder of the night, worrying about what the Boss would say to him when he returned to the club Monday night. Would he be mad? Would he fire him? Or worse? He knew his friends had to work overtime, but what about him? Maybe it was different for him? Nagisa gave up on sleeping at around seven in the morning and sat slouched in the kitchen, head in his arms, listening to the kettle boil as he thought what happened last night through. What had made him faint? What made him feel so ill his friends had to quit their shift to take him home? It couldn't have just been alcohol. He didn't even drink that much. The kettle began to scream, but he made no effort to stand up and stop it, so he let it continue, wallowing in his own self-pity and sorrow.

"Nagisa?" Ai yawned, stretching out his back. He'd been rudely awoken by the kettle, and having no desire to go back to sleep, he ended up getting up himself. "What are you doing awake?"

Sighing deeply, he switched off the stove and made two mugs of coffee whilst waiting for his friend to respond, which he didn't. He just lay there, like he always did when he was hungover. Ai set the mug of coffee down before him, and sat with his legs crossed beside him, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth of his drink radiate through the porcelain, heating his chilled hands and frozen fingertips. Nagisa slowly lifted his head with a deep sigh, reaching out for his mug and holding it at arms length, glancing over at Ai, who was concentrating on trying to cool his coffee down. "Thanks," he muttered, bringing it into his chest.

Ai smiled. "No problem." he said, pressing the rim of his mug to his lips and taking a slow sip. "You look like utter shit." Nagisa sighed, looking into his mug and watching the bubbles that had settled all around the edges slowly merge into the liquid.

"Thanks. I can always count on you." he mumbled sarcastically, supporting his head with his hand.

Ai smiled sweetly. "You shouldn't have gotten drunk then." he said simply.

Nagisa just dismissed this with a shrug. "Are you going to see your Mom today?"

Ai nodded, setting his drink down. "Yeah. I need to." he said sadly, tapping the side of his mug with his fingernail. "I haven't been going recently. I've been too busy."

Nagisa nodded with another sigh. "I hope she's OK." he said gently, looking at Ai properly for the first time he'd set foot into the kitchen.

Nagisa never really noticed how cute his friend looked in the mornings, and maybe it was his hungover, still a little drunk state-of-mind, but Ai was the definition of lovely on this particular morning, his puff of silver hair sticking up at the back, misty blue eyes clouded with last nights dreams, skin pale against his cheeks, which were flushed with sleep. He always wore some kind of vest to bed, sometimes it was loose, sometimes tight, all with different colours and little characters on them, and in the winter he'd always wear an over sized sweater to keep himself warm. It had only just dawned on Nagisa that he needed to appreciate how freaking adorable his best friend was, sometimes.

"Me too." Ai said sadly, biting down on his lip.

They sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes or so, sipping coffee and staring out of the kitchen window at the grey sky, the dull natural light creating dark, long shadows along the kitchen floor.

After a little while, Nagisa spoke up again. "What happened to me last night?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

Ai sighed deeply. "You fainted on one of the girls that were there. She was really upset and didn't know what to do. Luckily Momo wasn't too far away, and he and I took you to the bathroom. We tried to wake you up, and the best we could do was get you half-conscious. "Momo and I carried you to the manager, who flipped out and was about to call and ambulance because he was scared about what happened to you, but Momo and I managed to talk him out of it. You started mumbling about feeling ill, and then you were sick in his trash can. Do you not remember that?"

Nagisa flushed, covering his face in his hands. "I didn't..."

Ai nodded. "You did. That's when the manager started going on about you drinking on the job, and how we could get sacked for that, etcetera, etcetera. But Momo jumped in about you feeling ill all day and that you were just getting over the flu, but the bartender gave you free drinks and that's probably why you were sick.

"So the manager called a cab for us and told us to take you home, and that you should have told him you were ill, and in response to this you cried."

Nagisa cringed. "Fuck." he hissed, slapping his forehead. "I'm so embarrassing."

"Yeah-huh." Ai confirmed. "Anyway, we got changed, and you somehow managed to dress yourself correctly. We got in the cab and Momo almost pushed you out because of how annoyingly depressing you were being. When we got home, you passed-out in the bathroom. We decided to leave you there – you wouldn't move anyway."

Nagisa let out a long sigh, lowering his head. "Imagine if Rei saw me like that."

Ai raised his eyebrows. "You need to clean your act up, Nagisa, other wise who knows who'll see you like that next."

* * *

 

Rei's Father awoke from his slumber at around nine AM, demanding breakfast. "Ken, you're in hospital." Rei's mother said gently, hands on his shoulders. "Please, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Why am I here? What happened?" he barked, trying to sit up, but failing miserably. "Help me up!"

Rei pushed him back down again. "You need to keep calm, Dad. You've had a heart attack." he said firmly. "Mom, call for a nurse."

She did as she was told, popping her head out from behind the curtain and calling for the nurse that was at the end of the hallway. "A heart attack? Don't be ridiculous!" he batted his sons hands away, sitting up by himself. "I'm completely fine! I just fainted, that's all!"

Ray had been alerted by the nurse that was keeping watch, and she hurried down the corridor, rather annoyed, as she we just about to clock out. "Hello, Mr. Ryugazaki. I see you're awake." she sighed, bringing the pillows up behind his back and checking his heat rate. "Your heart seems to be beating regularly, so you should be discharged very soon. But you'll be put on medication from now on to reduce the risk of another attack." Rei's father continued to argue that he didn't have a heart attack and that she was talking nonsense, but she completely dismissed this and went to put in a request for blood thinning medication for him.

"She doesn't know what she's doing, she's practically fresh out of medical school." he muttered grouchily after she'd left, fiddling with the tubes on his hands.

"She's just doing her job." Rei grunted, not wanting to get into an argument, but every fibre in his very being needed to contradict everything his father was saying.

He'd been this way since he was at least twelve, when he realised everything that came out of his mouth was utter garbage, yet he was too scared to say anything about it until he turned fifteen. Rei's mother fussed about his father whilst he complained about how uncomfortable the bed was and how loud the beeping was and how tired he was, even though he'd been sleeping for at least fifteen hours, if not more. Rei shifted about in the seat he'd been nodding off in since two in the morning, needing to get some rest, but his mind kept racing, thinking about whether he needed to go grocery shopping or not, when he should ring the opticians, whether Destrey was OK, all thoughts concerning his father going completely out of his mind. Eventually he fell asleep, but this lasted five minutes, because the next thing he knew his mother was shaking his shoulder and waving his phone in his face. He excused himself and stumbled through corridors and ran down endless staircases until he reached the outdoors, again wondering how he managed this without killing himself or somebody else. During this seemingly endless journey, his cell rang three times, the fourth was when he was sat down on a wall outside the hospital.

"Mmm... Hello?" Rei mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

A delightful chime of laughter bought him back to his senses. "Rei! You sound half-asleep! Did I wake you up?" Nagisa said brightly.

Rei couldn't help but smile. "Not at all. It was my mother, actually." he sighed.

"Oh?"

Rei told him about his father's heart attack, his broken glasses, how upset his mother had been. "Oh, dear. I'm so sorry." Nagisa said softly. "Is he OK?"

"He is now. He's been complaining since he woke up." Rei sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "I'm kind of glad you called, got me out of there."

Nagisa giggled. "I'm glad that you're glad. Are you still at the hospital?"

"Yeah. I think I might head home in a while, though. My dog will be wondering where I've gone." he sighed.

"You have a dog?" Nagisa cried.

Rei chuckled. "I do! Didn't I tell you?"

Nagisa sounded betrayed. "No! What's type is it? What's it's name? How long have you had it?"

Rei laughed at his bombardment of questions. "OK, OK. His name is Destrey, he's a mongrel, and I've had him for a year and a half. Any more questions?"

"Hmm... Will I ever get to meet him?"

"If you want to-"

"Great! So, I can come to your place soon, right?" Nagisa smirked.

Rei knew it was coming. "That's one way of doing it." he laughed, supporting his head in his hand. "How was the party last night?" 

The end of the line went silent for a couple seconds, and Rei thought his phone had died. "Hello?"

"Hmm? Sorry, I went off on a bit of a daydream." he sighed. "Yeah, it was all right. Nothing too important happened."

Rei sniffed. "Nothing happened to you, right?" he asked softly.

There it was again – the few seconds of silence. This time, Rei knew something was wrong.

"Ah!" Nagisa said suddenly. "Uh, I have to go, I-I'll talk to you later, OK? Bye, Rei!"

"Wait, Nagisa-" he tried, but, for the second time on his end, the line went dead.

* * *

 

The next week went by in a blur. Nagisa was so busy he had no time between sleeping, eating and working to even consider a phone call or even a text to Rei. He only remembered to do so when he was on the very brink of sleep, or when he was just about to go on stage, those odd little moments when he obviously had next to nothing time to contact him. Even though his texts were scarce, Rei would drop him an odd little message every now and again that always made him smile, no matter what it was about.

 **Rei:** I told Destrey you wanted to meet him. He seemed indifferent, but I knew that on the inside he was smiling.

 **Rei:** Do you ever get wished luck before you go on stage? Because if not, I wish you good luck. I hope you break the world record of the most dollar bills stuffed in one strippers underwear.

 **Rei:** Momo texted me this morning. Although it was oddly charming, I would still like to know how he got my number.

 **Rei:** Did I tell you how cute you looked last week? Because you looked adorable.✿

 **Rei:** Momo told me you've been really tired. I hope you rest up when you have the time off, you'll make yourself sick, and nobody wants that.

 **Rei:** My friend still refers to you as the 'pretty blonde stripper'. I don't know whether this is a compliment or not.

 **Rei:** Never mind, he told me it was.

Nagisa felt warm and fuzzy after every text he read, a little happy blush spreading over his cheeks every time. On Sunday, when he finally had a day off, he made breakfast at noon, sat crossed legged in bed and called him. "Hey there, busy body! How have you been?" Rei asked cheerfully, and Nagisa could hear the big dorky grin in his voice.

"Good! This week has gone so fast! Sorry I wasn't able to talk, but I guess Momo has for me." he sighed, sipping his coffee.

"Indeed. He'd been telling me all about you." he laughed. Nagisa blushed furiously, mouth slightly agape. "What's he been saying?"

Rei chuckled. "Nothing much, just silly little anecdotes. How did the pole dancing one go again?"

Nagisa groaned, dropping his head as he listened to Rei chortle. "I can't believe..."

Nagisa once got pole dancing lessons with Ai. This was where they met and soon became good friends with Momo. They had some good laughs at those lessons – until Nagisa bought down the ceiling. Now, Nagisa didn't know what happened - one minute he was trying to copy the instructor, the next minute he was on the floor – but, according to Momo, those poles had just been fitted, and the particular one Nagisa had been working on was faulty and hadn't been fitted correctly. and when he leaned backwards, his weight pulled the pole with him, and he had yanked it out of the ceiling. He got a concussion, a bruised ass, a broken arm, and two incredibly large bills. Although he tried to sue the place, and got nowhere with it, he did receive compensation, which just about covered his medical bill. He had to ask his sister for that months rent.

"Come on, it's not that embarrassing." he chuckled. "Just a faulty pole."

Nagisa groaned again. "It's not the story that's embarrassing... It's the fact that you know I took pole dancing lessons." he muttered into his coffee, and Rei burst out laughing again.

"I don't know, a stripper with many talents, that doesn't sound too bad to me." he grinned.

Nagisa rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. I can't do much else." he muttered bitterly.

"Hey! I bet you could do so much if you put your mind to it."

Nagisa hummed. "I doubt that... I left school at sixteen and never got my high school diploma, until my sister taught me the rest of my education when I was nineteen. Uh..." he sipped on his coffee again, before setting it down on the floor. "I went to community college at twenty to study the history of art, but dropped out. I'm not as clever as you, that's what I'm saying."

Rei couldn't believe what he was hearing. College drop-out? High school drop-out? His crush was a _high-school drop-out?_   "But you are! Maybe not academically, but-"

"Yeah... That's the only one that matters, though." he said sadly. "It's not fair. I've never been clever. Even in school I was stupid."

Rei bit down on his lip. "Nagisa, you're not stupid." he reassured.

"How would you know? We've been out once. I'm surprised you haven't stopped talking to me yet." he snapped – then he clamped his hand over his mouth, shocked at his own words. Why did he have to say it so harshly? "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound mean..." he said softly.

"No, no, it's completely fine." he said gently. "Maybe we could... Are you free this afternoon? I know it's short notice, but maybe we could go out for a coffee somewhere."

Nagisa blushed. "What, really? Now?" he breathed. _Even after I'd snapped at you like that?_

"Of course. Unless you want to do something else?"

Nagisa put a finger to his lips – then smiled cheekily. "How about I go over to yours?"

Rei laughed. "Your heart is set on meeting my dog, huh?"

* * *

 

Nagisa arrived at Rei's at around two, dressed in his brand new jeans that he received as a gift from his youngest sister, who'd just come home from England, a red flannel shirt and an oversized hoody, and Momo told him before he left that he looked like a thug, and Ai said to ignore him, he looked cute. He took both comments with a pinch of salt, trusting neither of them when it came to clothes or dating. Rei's apartment was only a few streets away, and the walk there a pleasant one, the houses, shops and buildings turning from grotty, trailer trash to suburban mom as he walked further into the city, gardens turning from plain to pretty, the houses becoming bigger and more spaced out, all the doors and fences painted different colours, and the streets were somewhat cleaner. He reached the apartments at the end of the road Rei had directed him down, taking some time to stop and crane his neck to take in the tall, wide building that held over twelve floors and more than one hundred rooms. He found his way around easily enough, coming to a stop at a heavy door, painted cream to match the colour of the building, and a stainless steel number pad with speakers, which ruined the clean look of the apartments themselves. He pressed the numbers '983' and listened as the phone in Rei's apartment beeped loudly, signalling his call.

"Hello?" Rei's voice sounded odd through the static of the speakers.

"Pretty blonde stripper calling," Nagisa grinned.

"Come on up." Rei chuckled in that dorky way he always does.

After taking a quick, smooth ride in a massive elevator that was covered, wall to wall, in mirrors, he took a quick walk down a hallway and discovered that Rei's door was already open for him. He walked inside cautiously, and the first thing he noticed was how many shoes Rei had. They were all stacked neatly in a shelving unit beside a closed door, which Nagisa could only assume was his bedroom. There were dress shoes, running shoes, Converse, loafers, Toms, boots. The only shoes Nagisa owned were a pair of black Converse, plimsolls, hi-tops and Vans. He'd never really had an occasion where he needed to dress up.

"Hello?" he called out, closing the door behind him.

"Hey!" Rei popped his head around his living room door. "Do you mind taking off your shoes?"

Nagisa shook his head, pulling off his hi-tops in two swift motions. "What are you doing with your door open?" he asked, setting his shoes beside the door. "You could get robbed."

Rei laughed. "No, not around here. My neighbours are either small families, single parents, or old people. It's not as interesting as where you live."

Nagisa followed his voice into the lounge, where he saw Rei stooped over a computer desk, tidying notes and pens away. It was rather large, bigger than his own, with a ceiling to floor glass wall with a sliding door so you could step out onto the balcony to watch the sunset if the mood suits you. Nagisa's sister had one, but she used hers to smoke. The rest of the walls were wallpapered with beige and cream flowers, and when you got a closer look, you could see they were tiny cherry blossom petals that branched off thin trees. A cream, three-seater sofa sat in the middle of the room behind a glass coffee table littered in law books and notes, and a very short, beach wood bookshelf ran along the length of the chimney breast. A flat screen TV hung above it, displaying what looked like a crime documentary, and Nagisa was confused on where his TV box and speakers were until Rei pulled away the books from one of the many bookshelves and pointed out where the box was hiding, then told him that the speakers were built into the TV, so he didn't need them. Nagisa then asked if he had a games console, and was disappointed when he told him he wasn't a fan of video games.

"But, I do play them when I'm invited too. I'm not too bad at them, actually. I just don't seem to have time." he shrugged, stacking the books back in their places.

The computer desk was sat snugly in one corner, and a large armchair with a lamp looming over it was packed up tight in another. Rei had explained that that was his reading chair, and Nagisa giggled and called him cute. The floor was laminated, which Nagisa took delight in sliding over them in his socks. There were cute little knick-knacks and bric-a-brac things placed all over the shop too, like tiny glass animals collected on one end of his bookcase, a snow globe with New York City sat inside at the other end, decorative picture frames containing photos of friends and relatives, a set of Russian dolls, glass lanterns, a tiny white Lucky Cat, and other odd little things as such. A photo of two girls and a man that looked a little like Rei hung above his computer desk, and Rei explained that it was his brother and his two nieces on holiday in Greece.

"Aw, I bet they love you, huh?" Nagisa smiled up at him.

Rei pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well, I'm just like any other uncle." he gestured over to the little glass animals. "They buy me these whenever they go on holiday. The elephant was when they went to Africa, which was their last one out of the country."

Nagisa crouched down and started sorting through each tiny animal – a grey elephant with white tusks, a blue giraffe with yellow spots, a golden lion and it's little lion cub, a clown fish in water, a turquoise dolphin that looked like it was smiling, a black killer whale, the biggest out of all of them, and a crystal butterfly, which caught the sunlight and created a broken rainbow.

"They're so pretty," Nagisa smiled, placing them all back in the exact spot he'd found them. "Do you think they'll keep doing it when they're older?"

Rei smiled slightly. "I like to think so."

Nagisa was so curious about Rei's apartment – poking around here and there, asking about the people in his pictures and all the little souvenirs he had hiding in his bookshelves – that he completely forgot that he had a dog. So, when a black and white mongrel with thick, curly locks and the biggest, standing ears he'd ever seen walked into the lounge, his heart melted like butter. "Oh, my God!" Nagisa cried, dropping to his knees and opening his arms for the big, blundering mutt to fall into, which he did, rubbing his face all over Nagisa's, wet nose snuffling his neck and hair. "You're the cutest, cutest baby I've ever seen!" he cooed, giggling as he began to lick his nose and cheeks. "Ah, he's beautiful!"

"Isn't he just?" he smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I rescued him, you know." Nagisa looked up at him as Destrey collapsed into his lap.

"What? Really?" he breathed, scratching Destrey on the head.

"Mmm. Found him in a dustbin near where you live. He was the only one in there, I have no idea where his mother or the rest of his litter was. I was drunk out of my mind, might I add, and when I heard this little guy pining I just felt the urge to find him." he rested a hand on top of his head, chuckling to himself. "He just sat in the palm of my hand, soaking wet and shaking. So, I tucked him in my pocket and ran off with him. I cleaned him and fed him when I got home, and he was well. So I kept him. I was still living with my mother, and she wasn't too pleased, but hey, she let me keep him."

Nagisa scratched behind Destrey's ears. "But who could leave someone like you behind, huh?" he fussed, making kissy faces at him. "You're gorgeous!"

Destrey flopped down on his back and showed his stomach, wagging his tail so ferociously his whole body was wiggling. "Awww, want me to scratch your tummy?" he babied, bending over him and running his fingers through his wiry tummy fur.

"He'll fall in love with you if you do that." Rei smiled, walking into the kitchen. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thanks." he called, rubbing Destrey's belly lovingly. "Will you fall in love with me if I scratch your tummy, Rei?"

Rei grinned. "It might take a bit more than that."

* * *

 

After Rei and Nagisa finished a documentary about a couple in the UK who kidnapped and killed thirteen teenage girls in the eighties and nineties, talking over it sometimes to deliver their own opinions on the subject, they walked Destrey through the park in Rei's neighborhood. Nagisa hooked his arm through Rei's again, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets, telling him it was cold and he'd forgotten his jacket. Rei blushed happily, but didn't pass comment, as he liked how Nagisa's arm fit in his, and how his head only came to his shoulder, so if he was feeling brave, he could just rest his head against it, and even though he never did so, it was still a nice thought. The oak and maple trees that lined the path had started to shed their beautiful array of burgundy and golden leaves, a few falling in a whirl to their feet at every gentle gust of wind. They walked past an elderly couple with a Scotty dog, and both dogs refused to move until they'd sniffed each other up.

The elderly woman smiled kindly at the both of them. "Well, don't you two look pretty as a picture."

Nagisa giggled sweetly whilst Rei blushed furiously, hiding his nose in his scarf. "Thank you!" Nagisa said brightly, winding both of his arms around Rei's. "You two look lovely too."

The woman laughed lightly. "Aren't you a charmer! No, no, we've passed our lovey-dovey phase, haven't we, dear?"

The man cracked a small smile. "We have indeed, my lover."

Nagisa could tell, despite what they said, by the way they smiled and stood close together that they still loved each other, which he found really sweet.

"How long have you two been courting, if you don't mind me asking?" the woman asked, resting a hand against her chest.

"Only a month, actually." Rei spoke up, smiling at them both. "This is our second date."

"Oh!" the woman breathed. "You two look as if you've been together for years!"

Nagisa couldn't help but feel all fuzzy again, glowing from the inside, and Rei chuckled. "As do you two."

The woman and the man both laughed. "We've been together for fifty-five years. How you still stand me, dear, I have no idea." the woman smiled over at her husband. "Well, we better leave you both to it. Come on, Benny!"

Nagisa waved at them as they walked away, and he smiled up at Rei. "They were nice!"

Rei grinned. "They were."

They walked for another twenty minutes, conversation once again light and cheerful, before they decided to head back to Rei's. As they were walking back, Nagisa received a phone call.

"Oh! Sorry, it's Ai. Do you mind?" Nagisa asked, holding his phone up.

"Not at all." Rei smiled.

Nagisa answered his friend, and they continued to walk, Rei feeling rather content. _Maybe I should invite him to stay for dinner,_ he thought, feeling the gust of breeze through his hair. _It couldn't hurt, right?_ But, after a few silent moments on the phone, Nagisa's hand started to dig into his arm, and his voice wavered as he replied to his friend. Something told Rei his invitation could wait.

"OK. OK, I'm coming straight home. Call Momo, OK? Don't do anything stupid." he cut his friend off with that harsh sentence and let out a long breath.

"Is everything OK?" Rei asked him, stopping in his tracks and looking down at him.

Nagisa shook his head, and he wiped underneath his eyes furiously. Rei blinked, shocked. "Nagisa, what did he say? What happened?"

Nagisa squeezed Rei's arm tight. "Ai... He's so upset... Please, could you walk me home?" Rei nodded numbly, and they began walking again.

After a couple moments of heavy silence, Rei asked him what had been said. Nagisa let out a shaky sigh. "His mom has had cancer twice, and last month she had to be hospitalised because she was too weak to live on her own. His sister has her own family, and Ai lives too far away to look after her, so she had nurses. Then... Then she began to get so weak she could barely even move herself any more, so his sister decided to move her into hospital." Rei braced himself for the next sentence, even though he knew what had happened as soon as he said 'cancer'. "A-and... She passed away in her sleep last night. His sister... she'd only just told him." he sniffed, moving closer into Rei. "I need to get home... He's done some dumb things in the past, and I... I don't trust him on his own at a time like this."

Without further questioning, Rei walked his blonde companion home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow captainryuugazaki on tumblr, just to say hi or smth, idk  
> Also been writing a model!nitori AU, seen a lot of sketches of the sort on tumblr and I have been inspired. Please let me know if you're interested, that would be awesome!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! xo


	3. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That's OK,” he smiled, unfurling his fingers from around Rei's and shrinking back a little, resuming his place a few feet away. “I don't mind. You said we should take it slow, so I'll respect that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have rewritten this chapter for those who have been here before! If not, please enjoy!  
> Also how about that dub huh? It kinda makes me want to cry not even joking  
> Reviews, criticism and any other comment is welcome! Thank you so much!  
> Happy reading! xo

Ai was sat against the couch in the lounge, knees pressed against his chest as he stared off into space. Nagisa hovered in the doorway, not really knowing what to say to him, or, if he could find the words, how to say them. Nagisa was all about optimism and believed that laughter was the best medicine – he was not at all sympathetic, and found he always said the wrong things in the wrong places at the wrong times. He tried his best to look after his friends when they were down, but his lack of sympathy and empathy was his downfall, and he was never the first person someone would go to talk to if they had a problem. Yet he was always there to cheer them up afterwards, and that's all that mattered to him, really. If his family were happy, if his friends were happy, then that's what counted. But, looking back at Ai now, who didn't look at all like he was with it, he felt that his optimism should be contained for the time being. Nagisa couldn't remember the last time Ai was so upset over something – he was reserved, shy and a nervous wreck most of the time, but he'd never looked so _sad_ before. Not as far as Nagisa could remember, at least. Of course, the death of someone as close as your mother must be terrifying, as well as traumatic – so Nagisa didn't really know as to why he was so shocked to see Ai like that. Nevertheless, he approached him cautiously, unsure on whether he would lash out at him or not, and slowly sat down beside him, crossing his legs up. Ai looked away from him, closing his eyes as he rested his chin in his arms, a long, sad sigh escaping his lungs. Nagisa sighed too, running his fingers through his hair. “Are... Are you OK?” he tried, pulling one knee into his chest. “Well, obviously not--”

“I don't know.” he muttered, squeezing himself tight. Nagisa was expecting him to elaborate, but he never did, just keeping himself to himself at the moment.

Nagisa nodded, reaching over and rubbing his back, trying to soothe him. “All right. Don't want to talk about it?” he asked gently, and Ai shook his head, digging his nails into his skin.

“What is there to say?” he whispered, still refusing to look at his friend. “She's dead.”

“Yeah, but... She's your mom.” Nagisa murmured, not understanding his reluctance to discuss his own relative. “Surely you'd want to--”

“No.” Ai said firmly, finally looking him in the eye. “I just... I can't.”

Nagisa furrowed his brow, shaking his head. “What? Why not? Ai...” his expression softened as tears began to fill his eyes, which he let fall down his cheeks, not even bothering to wipe them away.

“She loved me so much. She understood me. She took care of me. She was beautiful. She was so, so beautiful, Nagisa.” he breathed, reaching out and grabbing his hand, fingers tightening around his, watery blue eyes watching his carefully. “Why couldn't I say goodbye?”

Nagisa wiped his fat tears away with the back of his hand, his own eyes beginning to water as his friends desperation made his own heart ache for him. “Oh, Ai, I'm sure she knew all those things. She knew you loved her.” he smiled sadly, cupping his cheek in his hand and kissing his forehead. “She knew. Trust me.”

Ai nodded, sniffing delicately. “I hope so. I just wish I'd been there. I love her so much.” he let his head fall into Nagisa's shoulder, beginning to weep weakly. “What will I do now?”

Nagisa wound his arms around him, holding him tightly, rocking him like he would a child. “It's all right. You have us. We'll take care of you.” he whispered into his hair, squeezing his shuddering body tightly. “We're all here for you, yeah?”

Ai nodded, but said nothing else, letting himself get comforted by his closest friend's strong arms and unsure but somewhat calming words.

Momo returned home as worried as Nagisa had been, his heart racing and brow furrowing in deep concern, feeling so lost in the thoughts of  __Ai has to be OK, Ai has to be OK_ _ _,_ he almost missed his stop and made his way back into the city, which would have been pretty stupid of him. When he entered the apartment, all that greeted him was silence, which did not subdue his concerns whatsoever, and only riled up his anxiety further. Taking a deep breath, he peered around the lounge door, and exhaled slowly when what he saw was nothing more than reassuring.

Nagisa had his arms around a seemingly sleeping Ai, his chin atop his silver head, staring out of the lounge window, eyes tired. He looked up at the sound of the door creaking open wider, smiling sadly. “Hey,” he said softly, rubbing his snoozing friends back. “Ai's asleep.”

Momo nodded, running a hand over his unkempt hair. “Yeah, I thought so.” he exhaled deeply, closing his eyes, an odd relief washing over him. “Was he OK? You know, when you came home?”

Nagisa nodded, rearranging himself into a more comfortable position, letting Ai's head fall into his lap as he straightened out his legs. “Yeah,” he confirmed with a sigh, stroking his silky hair slowly. “He cried himself to sleep, bless him.”

Momo watched them both carefully, scratching the back of his neck. “Should I get him, like, a blanket, or something?” he asked, suddenly feeling rather awkward at the sight, although this wasn't the first time they'd been like this. Nagisa was an intimate person – it didn't matter whether you were a boyfriend, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger – he would hug you, kiss you, hold your hand, sit in your lap, whatever. Momo didn't like it much (he found romantic and sensual attraction uncomfortable at the best of times) but Ai wasn't bothered, and was happy to let Nagisa kiss his cheeks or hold his hands whenever he wanted.

“Yeah, he's freezing.” he breathed, pressing a hand against his tear stained cheek. “I don't want to wake him, otherwise I would send him to lay down.”

Whilst Momo went digging around for something to wrap up Ai in, Nagisa dug around in his pocket for his phone, which was flashing like mad and had been buzzing ever since Ai had started to fall asleep.

 _**Rei:** _ _Just checking to see if your friend is OK. I know how hard it can be to lose someone to such an unforgiving disease. Please send him my condolences x_

 _**Nagisa:** _ _Hes rlly upset but hes asleep now so hes ok atm & ty im sure hell apreciate ur concern x _

_**Rei:** _ _It's all right. X_

 _“_ Here,” Momo chucked him the large, purple blanket that always sat at the end of Ai's bed, which Nagisa threw over Ai's body and tucked around him, making him as comfortable as he possible. “Want something to drink?”

The night dragged by slowly, the three of them so used to doing their own thing or being at work, that this time they were spending together was odd, and staring mindlessly at the TV whilst more important thoughts ran circles behind their eyes was no help to them or anyone else. Ai began to stir at around six PM, head throbbing and eyes stinging, an ache in his chest that he couldn't remember being there beforehand hitting him hard, and out of no where he began to cry again, the dull pain and memories of his mother all coming at him too fast, too hard and too soon.

“Oh, Ai,” Nagisa said softly, but his words were garbled as they met Ai's ears, as if they were underwater. “It's OK, we're here. It's OK.”

Ai shook his head, slowly sitting up and wiping his eyes quickly. “My head hurts.” he murmured, pulling the blanket that was sat on his shoulders around himself tightly, closing his eyes as more tears threatened to spill over. “That's all.”

Nagisa stood slowly, stretching himself out after being cramped up like that for more than a few hours. “I'll get you some painkillers.” he said gently, running a hand over his hair before walking stiffly into the kitchen, hands on his back.

Momo watched as Ai stood up too, blinking his misty blue eyes slowly, expression blank, looking lost in his own home. Momo, to Ai's surprise, took his hand and sat him down beside him on the couch, before interlocking their fingers and smiling sadly at him. “How are you feeling?” he said softly, giving his cold, clammy hand a squeeze.

“I uh...” he shook his head, huddling further into his blanket. “I don't know. I'm all messed up.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said gently, nodding his head slowly. “Of course you would be.”

Ai nodded, but said nothing in return, just looking into his lap, trying to ignore the horrific pain that soared through his whole body, but to no avail. He looked down at his hand that was linked around his friends. His pale, almost translucent skin looked paper white against his friends freckled, tan complexion, and this scared him. He looked almost dead next to him. A living corpse. A zombie. Dragging himself through life and hanging on to that little bit of light that he had left, so the darkness he held wouldn't consume him again. But now having lost someone who used to give him so much joy, someone who gave him so much love and understanding in a world which ridiculed who he was and what he stood for, tore him apart. The darkness was starting to engulf him. Flood his head and hide who loved him behind cruel words and horrific nightmares. This darkness liked to drain away his motivation. This darkness liked to take away anything that really mattered to him. This darkness was all too familiar. To Ai, this darkness was an old friend. To Ai, it wasn't a bad thing to let such a darkness take over his body once again. But feeling the grip Momo had on his hand was keeping the light there. It was keeping the shadows away. So he gripped on tight, and to feel Momo squeeze his trembling hand back was comfort at it's most subtle, but it was all he needed.

* * *

 

When Rei had returned home, he called his Mother, the conversation about Nagisa's poor friend urging him to contact the most important woman in his life.

"Hello, my darling!" she sang down the phone, and Rei could almost hear her soft smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks, Mom. How about you?" he asked, sitting himself down at his computer.

"I'm very well indeed!" she smiled. "It's odd to hear from you at this time."

Rei smiled. "I just wanted to see how you were."

"Well, I'm fine! Your father went back to work on Friday, so he seems to be getting better, too."

"That's good." Rei supported his head in his hand. "How's your week been?"

"Oh, well, the usual, really. Your brother came round with the girls yesterday. I'd never realised how much Rosa has grown! She's turning into a proper young lady." she stated. "It's her birthday soon, isn't it?"

"Mmm," Rei confirmed, starting up his monitor. "It is."

"Eleven! Wow. Doesn't it make you feel old?" she laughed lightly.

Rei smiled. He remembered when she was born. He had just turned twelve, and his mother had picked him up from school and told him that the long-awaited baby had been born. He remembered how excited everyone had been, and even his father was proud. No one thought it was too soon for his brother to have a child, as he was only nineteen, but it seemed everybody was happy with the news, and his brother seemed to be prepared from the day his girlfriend, who was now his wife, had told him the news of her pregnancy. She's older than him by two years, but somehow this didn't faze him whatsoever. Rei thought he was mad. Even though he was still in middle school and had been struggling with his sexuality, he was well aware at how insane this was.  __Why would you have a child so young?_ _ He'd often think every time he saw his brother, with or without his girlfriend,  __why would you throw away your life like that?__

But as he grew older, he started to understand. He loved her, and she loved him, and that's really all there is to it. If you love someone, you would want to make them happy. So, maybe, this baby was a symbol of their happiness. It must have been, because after they were wed, his wife fell pregnant again six months into their marriage, and Gracie was born whilst Rei had started his first year in college. This time, he was ecstatic when his mother told him, and as soon as the holidays rolled around she was the first thing he wanted to see.

"It does." Rei said softly, staring at his blank computer screen.

"Do you think you'll ever have a child, my darling?" his mother chirped.

Rei paused, thinking about it. "Well," he started, putting a finger to his lips. "I'm not sure. It really depends on who I end up with."

"Very true!"

"But, I don't know... If we both wanted one, then I suppose we would adopt." Rei said, adjusting his glasses. "I'd quite like a girl."

His mother smiled. "How sweet. It would be a nice change! Your brother seems to be the only one who's had girls!"

This was true. Every one of his cousins (all eleven) were men, apart from Kerry, who was a step-cousin, and didn't really count. His mother had three sisters and all four of them had boys. His father had two brothers and one sister who also had all boys. His sister had remarried, which is where the step-cousin comes in. Then all of these cousins have had many kids already – who were all boys. Which is why, Rei believed, when Rosa was born, it was such a novelty. A girl. Finally, a girl Ryuugazaki! It didn't really matter that his brother was so young – just the thought of a _daughter_ was crazy enough for his family.

"I haven't seen the mad auntie's recently. How are they all? Is Annie still married to that mega-millions guy? The one that looks like a really old Tom Cruise?"

He listened to his mother go on about how his aunt Annie had divorced her second husband and went on holiday with his money, how his aunt Violet had helped Kerry get a job as a paramedic, and how all her Hispanic nephews had started a business together. And, oh, do you remember Tom? Kerry's boyfriend? Well, he just bought a company for ten thousand dollars! Can you believe that? Where did he get all this money from? I told Kerry she should be careful with him, but she never listens, that girl!

Rei let her carry on gossiping about family affairs as he started his work, replying in the right moments, confirming whether he knew this person and whether he remembered this name, and his mother happily went on and on and on, and when he'd been talking to her for at least an hour, he wondered if she ever told his dad any of this stuff. After a while, she finally let him go, telling him she had to get dinner started.

"Oh! Before you go, Rei," she said quickly, just as he was about to end the call. "A friend of mine said she saw you in the park walking Destrey! She said you were with a man! Is this true?"

Rei couldn't recollect a familiar face in the park that afternoon, yet that may be because he spent the majority of the time with his eyes on Nagisa, listening to him talk about his favourite things about Autumn, which is the only thing he really remembered from that time in the park. His mothers friends also worked fast, he'll give them that. Despite all this, felt himself flush deeply, covering his face with his hand. "Mom, I was going to tell you--"

"So it  _was_ true! Oh, my darling, who is he? What is he like?" she breathed excitedly. “Clara said he was ever so pretty – pretty young, too! How old is he? Eighteen? Nineteen? You should be careful about that, you know.”

Rei blinked at the sudden bombardment of questions, running his hand down his tired features. “He's older than me, Mom, by a month or so. We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. But he's... he's really sweet. I really like him.” he said gently, a small smile occupying his lips. “His name's Nagisa.”  
His mother sighed happily. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, my darling. Maybe I could meet him soon?"

Rei sighed. "Sure, why not. I'm sure he would love to." he grinned. “He's always happy to meet new people."

* * *

It's always hard to sleep when there's something on your mind, and Nagisa had been experiencing this first-hand just lately, so many thoughts and worries making rings in his head that he'd been getting less and less sleep as they days went on, and that night was no different. He tossed and turned, listening out for Ai, unwanted memories suddenly flooding back at every little sound he heard, like someone had ripped open a box at the back of his mind that read  **DO NOT OPEN** in big, block letters, and started playing all of the things he wanted to forget. It wasn't as if any of these memories were relevant to his current situation, and they did not help him in any way, but everything Ai was that night, his sobs, his sorrow and his silence, somehow opening what should have stayed locked up tight forever. The one that kept replaying, though, the one that made it harder and harder to fall asleep, was when he was a freshman in High School.

He'd broken up with his girlfriend over the summer for reasons he couldn't explain, which she did not like at all. When the semester started, after a week or so, she'd began spreading nasty rumours about him and his family; about how his eldest sister had slept around and had ten abortions already, and that his mother was a druggie and sold her body for money, and that he hadn't seen his father since he was in elementary, because he'd ran off with a prostitute. All these rumours were only half the truth, but how could he clear that up? He couldn't.He wasn't confident enough, and it certainly wasn't appropriate to tell the whole school about how it really was at home. He had to be mad to do that. He'd told her these things in confidence. He thought he could trust her. But all he got was a whole bunch of trust issues and a knife in the back. What he had of his high school years were absolutely miserable, and he got bullied so much that, at one point, he realised he just didn't give a fuck any more. He would sigh when they threw insults at him, his face deadpan when he found notes in his locker or they pushed him down in the corridors. He gradually began dropping classes, each one just as shitty as the other, until he completely stopped going to school. The principal tried to get involved, but Nagisa's mother would knock him off and say he was being home schooled. They stopped getting hassled after that.

His little sister, who was fourteen at the time, would try and push him out of bed and beg him to come to school with her, but he had no energy, just laying face down in his underwear and not moving. His mom questioned him, but didn't press any further when he told her that he 'just didn't want to go'. She'd always though that a fair enough excuse, anyway. He spent a whole three months in the house, only going outdoors to get shopping so he could feed his sister, because his mom hardly ever got hungry, so she always forgot when it was supper or not. He began to like his routine; sleeping until noon, cleaning the house, making sure his mom was OK, because usually she would either be coming down from her high or getting over a hangover, and either way, Nagisa could handle it. He would then cook for him and his sister, watch TV with her, help with her homework as best he could. His mom would be off elsewhere by then, but that was OK, because he and his sister could look after themselves. His sister was very concerned about him, though, because he'd lost that naughty sparkle in his eye, and he'd smile less and less everyday, and that was her favourite thing about her brother, how he could always put a smile on her face when she was upset, or make her laugh when she was down, but how could he do this when he looked so sad himself? She couldn't put this into words, though, so she just ignored it and hoped it would get better.

It wasn't better until his oldest sister came home from college and sorted him out. She found him huddled up in his room, surrounded by dirty washing, litter and screwed up balls of paper, with the curtains drawn up tight. She threw open the curtains, opened all of his windows, and yanked the sheets off of him. Ignoring his grumbles and whines, after a conversation and a coffee, she told him he was depressed and that he needed to get back to school, but he refused to listen and kept telling her that he was fine, but she wasn't buying it.

Eventually, after much persuasion and hiding himself in his darkened room, she had gotten him to a therapist and put onto antidepressants. This was where he met Ai – at the hospital, waiting to be called in by one of many psyche’s they had on offer. They were sat opposite each other; Ai fiddling with an in-patient wristband, keeping his eyes down, and Nagisa was running his fingers over his bottom lip, a habit of his when he got nervous. The both of them looked up at the same time and made brief eye contact. Nagisa smiled brightly, something he'd slowly been getting better at as the days went on, and Ai had smiled timidly back, lowering his eyes again.

"What did you do?" was the first question that left Nagisa's mouth. Not a 'hello', nor a 'how are you?', but the most blatant, insensitive thing was said first. And to his surprise, Ai had replied honestly.

"Everyone's been asking me that." he said softly. He pointed at the bandage on his wrist. "You tell me."

Nagisa widened his eyes. "You... You tried..." he stammered, unable to finish his sentence.

Ai nodded with a sigh. "It was stupid, I know. My sister keeps telling me. I'm stupid." he sighed again, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb.

Nagisa shook his head. "You're not stupid. It was a dumb move, yeah, but you yourself, you're not stupid." he reassured with a smile.

Ai had looked up at him with the brightest eyes he'd ever seen. "R-Really?”

Nagisa shrugged, rubbing his bottom lip again. “Well, there's got to be a reason why you're still here, right?” he asked gently.

“My mom's carer found me in the bathtub.” he muttered bitterly, pulling at his wristband again. “That's why I'm still here.”

Nagisa nibbled his lip, lowering his eyes. “No, that's not what I mean... I mean, is there anything you want to do? Like, a job?” he asked quickly, not wanting to get into something he was clearly unsettled about.

Ai shuffled around in his seat a bit, thinking about it. “Uh... I kind of want to be a Kindergarten teacher. Or have a petting zoo, or something. I really want to work with kids. I love them. They're so happy and have no worries other than where they should stick their puppy stickers, or if they'll get home on time to watch Spongebob, you know?” he smiled gently, still not looking Nagisa in the eye. “I would love to be so carefree.”

Nagisa began to giggle, and Ai looked up sharply, afraid he was laughing at him for saying something so stupid. “Uh, sorry, that was dumb--”

“No!” Nagisa cried, eyes wide. “It's really sweet! I was just laughing because of the coincidence.”

Ai cocked his head to one side. “Coincidence?”

The blonde nodded happily, smile bigger than before. “I've wanted to be an elementary teacher for years.” his eyes widened. “When we get better, we should go to college together.”

Ai was about to say something else, before he was interrupted by his doctor calling his name. He stood quickly, smiled shyly at Nagisa, and walked off, leaving Nagisa alone to smile to himself and picture what it would be like to have the shy, silver haired boy as his friend. A real friend. Finally.

* * *

Nagisa woke up in a cold sweat, not realising he'd been asleep at all, the dream and the past reality mixing with the night. He wiped his brow, breathing heavily, his heart beating in his ears so loudly he almost missed the sound of footsteps outside his door. He exhaled deeply, trying to steady his heartbeat.

"Ai?" he said softly, rubbing his eyes. "Is that you?"

He received no reply, as expected, so he threw back his sheets and clambered out of bed, determined to investigate. He shrugged on the closest sweatshirt he could find and made his way out of his room, following the soft glow of light that shone from beneath the bathroom door. Of course, he didn't know who it was, so he couldn't make assumptions. He knocked on the door, winding his arms tightly around his torso as a chill caused goosebumps to crawl up his spine. After there was no reply, he began to worry, knocking on the door again, even trying the door handle, but it stuck fast.

"Ai?" he tried, knocking the door again. "Are you in there?"

Again, no reply. He pressed his ear against the door, and he could hear the faucet running, but no other movement.

"Shit," he hissed, trying the door handle again in fear. "Ai? Ai, let me in."

He thumped on the door this time, shouting as he began to panic, nerves churning his stomach, a sick feeling rising in his throat. Momo was disturbed by the yelling, pulling himself out of bed and swinging open his bedroom door.

"What is it?" Momo mumbled, rubbing his eye.

"Ai's in there, he won't answer me." Nagisa breathed, voice wavering.

Startled, Momo started to hammer on the door too. "Ai! Ai, open this door!" he cried, trying the handle himself, wiggling it furiously, but, of course, it was to no avail.

The both of them thumped and yelled, but there was no movement from inside the bathroom, the both of them having been consoled by Ai's tears and his exhausted demeanour, they thought he would be OK, they  _trusted_ that he wouldn't pull something like this again. But, of course, this was sadly untrue, and it chilled them to the bone. Nagisa was in the early stages of an anxiety attack, shaking all over and feeling tears scratch the back of his throat.

"I'm calling 911." Momo said calmly, banging his fist on the door one more time. "Where's your phone?"

Nagisa blinked, stunned. "What? You can't!" he breathed, grabbing his shirt, as if he needed some kind of support. “He's going to be--”

"Nagisa, he could be killing himself in there.” Momo breathed, amber eyes wildly sincere. “We have to.”

The blonde wavered a little, fat tears filling his tired eyes. Momo sighed deeply, slamming his fist on the door again. "Ai? Ai, if you can hear me, say something."

They waited for a reply. They waited, and waited, and waited. A tear dribbled down Nagisa's cheek.

"OK, I'm calling for an ambulance. There's nothing we can do." Momo said softly, and all Nagisa could do was agree.

The ambulance arrived quickly, and the kids in the apartment below watched as the two paramedics climbed the stairs. They asked Momo at the door if everything was OK.

"Don't worry about it," he said calmly. "Everything's under control."

Nagisa's heart was beating in his ears again as he watched the two women approach him.

"Where's your friend, sir?" the smaller woman asked, and he pointed over to the bathroom door, tears falling freely down his face.

As the bigger one knocked on the door and tried to talk to Ai, the smaller one sat Nagisa down on the floor and crouched down before him. He didn't realise that his breathing had begun to shallow, his face was damp with tears and cold sweat.

"Stay calm," she said gently, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Just breathe in and out slowly, all right? I'm sure your friend is OK."

 __No_ _ , he felt like yelling,  _ _nothing was all right, and it won't ever be again_ _ – but he just nodded numbly instead, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand and breathing in and out, just as she asked, trying to stay as calm as he possibly could, but it was hard when his hands were trembling and his best friend had lost himself like this again.

"Mr. Nitori? Mr. Nitori, I'm going to get the door open, is that all right?" the bigger woman said gently through the door.

The paramedic began to pick the lock, not bothering to wait for a reply, and once she was successful, she bustled into the bathroom, the smaller woman following her inside.

Momo was trembling as hard as Nagisa was, but he could handle these situations better than his poor friends could, so he calmed himself by repeating what he had done on the bus ride home a few hours before.  _ _Ai has to be OK. Ai has to be OK._ _

They found Ai sitting in a freezing bathtub, fully clothed, wide-awake but unresponsive. No matter how many times the two women tried to communicate with him, he did not reply. The smaller woman stepped outside, looking between the two men who appeared as if they were about to vomit, skin pale, bodies unsteady.

"It seems to us that he's suffered from a mild breakdown. It's common, but we need to have him hospitalised, just in case his mental state drops. Mandy is just trying to coax him out of the bathtub. If you'd waited any longer, he could have contracted hypothermia.” she tucked away the lock pick the woman now named Mandy had used to break into their bathroom. “Is there anything that could have caused this?”

Momo let out a shaky sigh. "His mom died last night. He usually goes into episodes of depression, but this is the worst it's been." he said softly, staring down at his bare feet.

Nagisa wound his arms tight around his legs. "He has a history of depression." he whispered, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "And suicidal tendencies."

The small woman nodded. "OK. Well, thank you for letting me know. Could you pack him a bag? We'll handle him, it's all right."

The pair nodded, and they both headed into Ai's room, shaken to the very bone. They packed all of his favourite pyjama's and t-shirts and jeans and sweaters, and all Nagisa could think about was the first time they'd met.

_“I kind of want to be a Kindergarten teacher. I really want to work with kids. I love them. They're so happy and have no worries other than where they should stick their puppy stickers, or if they'll get home on time to watch Spongebob, you know? … I would love to be so carefree.”_

Nagisa sighed deeply, dropping down at the edge of his bed and staring down at a stupid t-shirt with a square, black cat on it. "Oh, Ai..." he said softly, pressing the soft material against his nose and breathing in its fresh flower smell. "You would be a great kindergarten teacher."

Momo gazed over at him, smiling sadly. "He would, wouldn't he?" he lifted the t-shirt out of his hands. "Maybe we should tell him that."

Nagisa smiled sadly at him, winding his arms around himself. "Maybe we should." he murmured, rubbing his upper arm.

Ai was changed into dry clothes and taken down to the ambulance, his fingers gripping onto Momo's as he walked him downstairs, his whole body trembling. He was leant against Momo pathetically, needing all the support he could get from the strongest of the three, and Momo was happy to do so, winding an arm around his waist and holding his hand tight, showing him that everything was OK. Nagisa had stayed in the apartment. He couldn't do it, send his friend away to the hospital once again. Momo knew he couldn't, too. He knew he wasn't strong enough, he knew as soon as Ai set foot into that ambulance with them, Nagisa would cry. He would cry, and panic, and shout – it was a risk neither of them could take. It would only distress their poor friend further. So Nagisa stayed behind, alone, trying to get his head around what exactly just happened. He curled up in Ai's bed, staring at the clock on the bedside table. It read five forty five AM, and Nagisa sighed deeply. There was no point in trying to sleep again. He didn't think he could, anyway. He wound his arms around one of the pillows and nuzzled his nose in the soft material, a whiff of Ai's kids strawberry scented shampoo hitting his nose every time he breathed in. The apartment was quiet. Not the usual quiet, with light footsteps travelling to the bathroom and back, the whir of lights, the occasional snore or heavy breathing being heard through the thin walls – it was a dead silence. All he could hear was his own breathing, his own heartbeat. It was unsettling.

Nagisa hated it. It reminded him of the times he'd stay awake for hours waiting for his mother to come home when he was a kid, sometimes on her own, sometimes with a man, and sometimes she didn't come back at all. Every time she would be high on something. She would call for his bigger sisters. She would be crying or vomiting or going into a hysteria. When Amira and Marty left home, it was him and his little sister fending for themselves. She was getting better, their mother, with the drugs, but she would often break down. She would often hallucinate. She would often scream the house down. It frightened the living Hell out of him. His sister may have been too young to remember what she was like, but he did. He remembered all too well.

He closed his eyes with a sigh, gripping tightly onto the pillows for comfort. He often wondered what it would be like to cuddle with Rei like that. Was he soft or muscular or bony? Was he warm or not at all? Nagisa imagined what it would be like to lie in the crook of his neck, or to press his forehead against his back, or to fall asleep in his chest. How would his arms hold him? Where would his hands be? Nagisa knew they were large and strong, but gentle too. Nagisa loved his hands. Safe. Protective. He loved his eyes, too. The butterscotch of his skin, the midnight blue of his hair. He would stare at him all day, if he could. Just to study him, his sharp nose and pretty lips when they turned up into a shy smile. He wanted to know every single detail. Nagisa found himself falling asleep, reminiscing every part of the taller ones face that he could.

* * *

Rei found it hard to wake up that morning. He found he had to roll out of bed just to wake himself up, and even then he just curled up on the floor and managed to get five more minutes of apparently desperately needed sleep. Eventually, he unfurled himself from the blankets that were twisted around his legs and torso, and managed to stand up properly. He fitted his glasses over his eyes and squinted at the clock on his wall, awake all of a sudden when he realised how late he was.

" _Shit_." he hissed.

He jumped into his car after throwing on some clothes, and combed his hair in the rear view mirror, a cereal bar between his lips, stabbing frantically at the ignition with the keys with his other hand. When he finally got them in, he turned them and set the car into drive – but something in the distance caught his eye. Tearing open the wrapper with his teeth and taking a bite from the only breakfast he had time to consume, and began to drive forwards, eyes still on the figure in the distance. As he got closer, he realised who this person was, with his scruffy red hair and yellow hoodie. He seemed tired and lost, his body slouched over, his eyes cast down at his feet as he slowly made his way down his street. Filled with more concern for his dates friend rather than his job, he slowed down beside him and rolled down his window.

Momo bent down, and a small smile brightened his oddly sad expression. "Rei! What are you doing here?"

Rei cleared his throat. "This is where I live."

Momo looked around. "Really?" he stood up straight, taking a good look around. "Man," he breathed, stooping down again. "You must be loaded."

"Well," he muttered, adjusting his glasses. "Money's not too bad, I suppose."

Momo nodded. "I can tell!" he grinned – then he frowned. "Why'd you stop me, anyway?"

"You looked lost. I wanted to know if you were OK. Maybe you would like a lift home?" he offered, hand on the wheel. "I'm driving past your place, anyway."

Momo blinked, stunned. "If that's OK with you." he said softly, and Rei nodded with a shy smile.

"Hop in. I'm late for work, anyway." Rei sighed, looking at his watch.

Momo shrugged, walked around the car and slipping into the passenger seat. "Wow – that's really cool of you."

Rei shrugged. "Don't mention it. I suppose I could call you an acquaintance. I mean, we're not strangers." he said, beginning to drive.

Momo furrowed his brow. "I suppose. I thought you would be more like; 'any friend of Nagisa's is a friend of mine', but I suppose you're not there yet, huh?" he said softly, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Rei nudged his glasses up his nose. "I'd say your supposing was correct. We've only been on two dates. And yesterdays date was cut short because of a phone call. Oh! That reminds me – How is your friend? Is he well?"

Momo felt his heart ache a little. He scratched his cheek somewhat awkwardly. "I uh... I'm not sure on how to reply to that..." he muttered, dropping his hand in his lap and pressing down on his palm with his thumb. "He's... He's not... He's not good. He's actually... Kind of  _bad_."

Rei raised his eyebrows. "Well, his mother did pass away, I wouldn't expect him to be fantastic."

Momo twiddled his thumbs. "He's... He had a breakdown, last night. I was walking home from the hospital. He was put into the psych ward this morning."  
Rei squared his shoulders, suddenly feeling rather awkward, his eyes staring straight ahead. A shaky sigh left his lungs as the pause began to get uncomfortable for the both of them. "I-I'm sorry to hear that." he stammered, squeezing the steering wheel tightly.

Momo shrugged a little. "It's OK. He's... He's stable, I suppose. I guess... I guess it just comes down to who can handle what in these kinds of situations, you know?" he sighed, hand atop of his scruffy head.

Rei nodded, eyes flicking from him to the road. "I understand." he said gently, and that was all that was said for the rest of the journey.

* * *

His boss was not impressed when he arrived an hour late, but Rei explained he had to pick up a friend at the hospital – which was not a lie, but it wasn't the truth, either. He got let off on a warning. The warning being if he did it again, he would get fired. Just like usual, he finished his paperwork in an hour or so and sat at his desk, which was outside the woman's office he worked for. She was a very lovely but eccentric lady, smart, sharp, gave him little to nothing work yet always had a client. It was Rei's job as her assistant to answer their calls, invite them in, and let them know when she was ready. Of course, every Wednesday and Thursday afternoons he attended the local university to take lectures and study for his finals, but other than that, he was usually at the office, doing nothing. The clients often complimented how polite and efficient Rei was, which he appreciated, but never really took to heart. He had always believed he can be more efficient or polite or kind. The only words of his fathers that he believed were _'there's always room for improvement'_. He was completely correct. How has he ran a company for so many years? By improving it, of course. His father had offered him a position in his company, but Rei declined. He could not be who he wanted with his father breathing down his neck twenty-four seven. He had to go to college. He had to  _escape._ That's how he, Rin and Sousuke became good friends, he'd always supposed. They all wanted to  _escape_ from something. Be free from the ties of High School friends and family feuds, be able to become their own person, which the three of them decided that's what they were. Their own person.

Rei was almost falling asleep at his desk when the phone shrilled, shaking him out of his daydream. He sat up straight and answered the call, having to hold back a yawn as he did so. “Good afternoon. Mrs. Greene's assistant speaking, how may I help you?”

“Hey, uh, could you just let Sarah know I won't be able to pick her up for lunch later?” a voice he recognised all too well answered.

“And what would be your excuse this time, sir?” Rei smiled, opening a notepad and writing down the words 'Husband: idle' in block letters.

“I've got some work to do. You're better at delivering the news than me, kid, you know you are. Let her down gently.”

Rei sighed as he hung the phone up, crossing out the word 'idle', and just writing 'work'. After half an hour or so, her current client walked out of her office, snivelling like a small child. Rei handed her his tissue box, and she smiled shakily, thanking him, took one, and left, wiping away the watery mascara that dribbled down her cheeks. He knocked on his bosses door soon thereafter, bracing himself for another rant about her husbands reluctance to take her out.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Sarah, but--”

“Yes, yes, I already know. Lousy bloody husband, can't do one nice thing for me.” she sighed deeply, pulling a cigarette out of the box with her teeth and flicking her pink, _Betty Boop_ lighter. “Get me a coffee, would you? Black. Then you can leave. Let you off early.”

Rei smiled kindly and left as soon as she too the first drag of her cigarette. Although it was now illegal to do this inside buildings, now, she wasn't afraid to bend the rules, ironically. And everyone was too afraid of her to tell her otherwise. Not only was she sharp witted, she had a sharp tongue to match. He nodded at fellow colleagues, had a conversation with a girl a year or so younger than him about how their studies were going whilst making her coffee, and they walked back together as they chatted, so Rei did not notice the six foot four giant coming straight for him, looking down at his phone, brow furrowed. He knocked Rei's arm, and the coffee almost went flying, but the guy managed to catch it just in time, before it scalded him and ruined his rather expensive suit.

"Oh, wow, I'm so sorry," the guy apologised quickly, blushing furiously. "I didn't see you there."

Rei smiled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Ah, it's no problem, really." he sighed, looking up at him. "It's my fault. I should have looked where I was going."

The guy cleared his throat. "No, it was my fault."

Rei looked back down at the coffee and noticed the guy's hands were on top of his own as he supported the coffee from spilling any more, and he turned slightly pink. "I... Uh..."

The man removed his hands. "Ha ha, sorry!" he grinned, hand on the back of his neck.

The girl looked between them, nudged and winked at Rei, then left quickly with a cheerful wave of her hand. Rei fiddled with his glasses again, hiding his blush, whilst the giant chuckled, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets.

Rei raised his eyes to meet his steady grey ones, smiling slightly. "It's no problem. Do you need any help?"

It was his turn to go slightly pink. "Um... Well, I guess... I need to find Mrs. Greene."

Rei's smile widened. "Well, good thing we ran into each other! I'm her assistant. I'll take you."

They walked in step with each other, the two of them silent as they made their way down seemingly endless corridors.

"How long have you been working for her?" the man asked, scratching the side of his face.

Rei hummed, finger to his lips. "Ever since I left college, really. So... almost two years."

The guy raised his eyebrows. "Wow. How old are you?"

"Twenty-three." he sighed. "Just turned, actually. Most of my friends are older than me though."

The man grinned. "I thought you were like, eighteen, or something." he then chuckled to himself. “Good thing you're not.”

Rei raised an eyebrow at him. “What is that supposed to mean?” he quizzed.

He shrugged, rubbing the back of his head. “Nothing.” he winked at him. “Unless you want it to.”

“Psh,” Rei waved him off with a flick of his wrist, making him laugh. “Don't patronise me. Anyway, how old are you? Asking me all these questions.”

The man shrugged. "I'm twenty-eight. I run a business."

Rei smirked. "Mister Big Man, right?"

The guy chuckled. "No way. My brother does all the difficult stuff. I just sit there and look pretty."

Rei tutted, rolling his eyes. "I bet you do."

He guided him into a smaller corridor, and right at the end was Mrs. Greene's office. Rei knocked on the door and entered with a smile. "I have your coffee, and a client."

Mrs. Greene looked up from her computer and smiled widely. “Ah. Thank you. I see you've met my brand new toy-boy, Mr. Johnson.” she winked at the man, who laughed lightly.

Rei shook his head, setting her drink down beside her stained-glass ashtray, which held a half smoked cigarette and half a dozen butts. “Too bad he's into guys, right?” he twitched his eyebrows at her, and she cackled, green eyes sparkling.

Rei turned on his heel and grinned at Johnson, taking him aback slightly. “If you'll excuse me, Mr. Johnson, I shall be off, now.” he excused himself politely, and left with a small, almost proud smile on his face.

* * *

Nagisa was still fast asleep by one in the afternoon, so when the intercom buzzed, shaking him from his dreamland, he was deeply agitated. He rolled off his bed with a groan and plodded towards his door, knuckling his tired eyes and dragging his feet.

"Hello?" he yawned, tugging his fingers through his wild curls.

"Hello, Nagisa!"

Nagisa widened his eyes, stunned. "Rei?" he breathed, heart thudding.

"Yeah! It's me! I've come to cheer you up. Momo told me about what happened last night. I thought you might need some company, seeing as he's at work."  
Nagisa felt like crying again, his bottom lip trembling. "Really?" he whispered, trying to hide the waver in his voice, although it would be pretty hard to pick it up over the intercom's microphone.

"Of course! That's why I'm here!" he said cheerfully. "I also have food."

Nagisa couldn't help but laugh a little. "OK. Come on up. I look a state, by the way." he said apologetically, pulling at his old High School jersey.

"You would look beautiful no matter what, Nagisa."

Nagisa tried to make himself look presentable nonetheless, washing his face and changing into fresh clothes, which were basically just pyjama's, but how would he know that? Rei knocked on the door as he was just trying to tame his bed head, but he gave up on this pretty quickly. There was no way he could untangle his wild curls. He unlocked the front door and dragged his eyes over Rei, taking in his sensible work clothes underneath a black pea coat, the cute tartan scarf he wore on their second date wrapped around his neck, and that pretty little smile he always wore when he was greeting him, eyes bright behind his glasses, cheeks pink from the harsh Autumn wind outdoors. "Good afternoon, sleepyhead." he greeted affectionately, running a hand over his curls. "Nice bed hair."

Nagisa blushed, covering his nose with his sleeve as he lowered his eyes. "I just woke up." he mumbled into the material, averting his eyes.

Rei laughed lightly. "As I can tell." he held out a plastic bag towards him. "Here. Lunch, for us."

Nagisa plucked it out of his hands and took a look inside. "Ooh! Strawberries!" he rooted around sorting through boxes of sushi and fruit, candy bars and chips and other little things. "Wow! You bought all this for us?"

"Judging by how much you consumed on our date I figured you could manage all this." Rei smiled kindly. "And I bought the strawberries just for you."

Nagisa grinned up at him. "I can't believe you." he pushed him a little. “You... _You._ ” he repeated, unable to muster any other words to address him.

Rei furrowed his brow. "Why?" he crossed his arms over his chest. "I couldn't let you go hungry."

Nagisa wanted to kiss him so much right then and there – just throw his arms around him and smooch his stupid, beautiful face – but he didn't, of course. He just made his smile brighter and invited him inside.

They sat crossed legged on Nagisa's living room floor, eating and chatting about their favourite things, as the subject somehow always made its way into their conversation.

"What's your favourite ice-cream flavour?" Nagisa asked Rei, trying to twist off the stalk of the tiniest strawberry in the punnet, concentrating hard.

"Hmm... I'm not a fan." Rei said, eyes wandering. "But, if I had to eat it, probably vanilla."

Nagisa raised an eyebrow at him. "That's so boring, Rei." he muttered. “No, it's not even _boring._ It's just such a... Rei thing to say.”

Rei lifted the corner of his mouth slightly. "What do you expect?" he fiddled with his glasses. “Vanilla isn't that boring.

"Yes, it is!" Nagisa laughed. "You don't like chocolate?"

Rei shook his head. "Not really."

Nagisa pouted. "Caramel? Banana? Pistachio? Fudge?" he tried, and after each one Rei shook his head again.

"I'm not a fan!" he laughed as Nagisa sighed. "I said it before!"

Nagisa popped a strawberry into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "So... what do you like?"

Rei watched him pick out another berry, picking off the tissue thin leaves and popping them back into the punnet, thinking about it. "I suppose I like all of the boring things. Like vegetable ramen and salmon sushi... My grandma made those sort of things best, though."

Nagisa furrowed his brow. "What's ramen?" his eyes brightened. “Like noodles?”

He nodded his head with a shrug. “Yeah. Pretty much. You must have had them.”

“Maybe!” Nagisa laughed, eyes brightening as he did so. “I must have without realising. It's usually Ai who does the groceries. Momo's a scatterbrain and forgets that we need food to live, and I always end up overspending. Like, I spent two hundred dollars on groceries once, and I missed half of the stuff on the list!”

Rei shook his head with a smile. “That sounds like you.” he chuckled, rubbing his cheek. “I have to budget myself, otherwise I end up buying things I don't need. I live by myself, but it's easy to buy six boxes of cereal whilst in reality you only needed the two.”

“Cereal is so good, though!” Nagisa cried.

“I'm not going to eat six boxes of it in a week, though, am I?” Rei protested, and Nagisa cocked his head to the side.

“I suppose not,” he popped another strawberry in his mouth and offered Rei the tub, but he shook his head. “Why not? Come on, I still haven't gotten you back for that cheesecake!”

Eventually, Rei let the persistent blonde push a small strawberry into his mouth, and to top it all off, he pecked his lips quickly, causing Rei to blush like mad, covering his mouth with his hand.

Nagisa giggled, pinching his cheek. “It was just a little kiss. You've gone bright red!” he sang, grin cheerful.

Rei chewed the sweet fruit and swallowed before answering him. “It was just unexpected...” he muttered bashfully, fiddling with his specs, hand shaking.

Nagisa moved his hand away and kissed him again, lingering on his lips a little longer. They were soft, warm. Inviting. Rei wrapped his fingers around Nagisa's and cupped his hot cheek with the other, bringing him in closer. He smelt like bubblegum and fresh laundry, and his pink lips tasted like the fruit he'd just held in his mouth, sweet and supple. They pulled away after a couple of long, tender seconds, blinking at each other, clearly in shock.

“Uh,” Nagisa dropped his eyes, hiding his mouth with his hand this time. “You're soft.”

Rei found himself chuckling, despite his embarrassment. “Thank you.” he smiled gently at him, brushing his cheekbone with his thumb. “Why do you smell like bubblegum?”

Nagisa raised his sleeve to his nose and breathed in. “Ah... It must be Ai's sheets. They smell like that. I don't know why. He must buy some kid stuff. He uses kid shampoo, too.” he sighed lightly, the mention of Ai's name suddenly bringing him down. “I hope he's OK.”

“I'm sure he is. They'll take care of him.” Rei reassured best he could, moving his hand away from his cheek, but Nagisa kept hold of his other hand, squeezing tightly as he felt him pull away.

“Does this make you feel uncomfortable?” he whispered, watching his cheeks flare up again. “When I hold your hand? Or if I kiss you?”

Rei squared his shoulders, wanting to deny this so badly – but in reality, it did. He didn't know why. He'd done it plenty of times with past boyfriends, and people who weren't even romantically attracted to him, or visa versa. So, he didn't know why this was any different. Was it because he didn't know him very well? Was it because it was all happening too fast, too soon? Nagisa took his silence as an answer, and nodded.

“That's OK,” he smiled, unfurling his fingers from around Rei's and shrinking back a little, resuming his place a few feet away. “I don't mind. You said we should take it slow, so I'll respect that.”

Rei placed the hand that had been held behind his head. “OK.” he muttered, lowering his eyes.

They sat in silence for a little while, an awkward tension settling around them.

Desperate to change the subject, Nagisa tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowed, looking over Rei's appearance. He blinked at him. “What is it?” he touched his cheek. “Do I have something on my face.”

“No,” Nagisa puckered his lips. “Is your Dad like... Mexican, or something?”

Rei laughed, shaking his head. "No, no, my father is Japanese. I get my complexion from my mother. She's Hispanic.”

“Ah! I see,” he nodded, popping another strawberry into his mouth. “I bet your mom is beautiful. Spanish women always are.”

Rei blushed lightly. “I think so. What makes you say that?”

Nagisa smiled sweetly. "Well, you're really pretty, so your looks must have come from somewhere.” he stated bluntly. “Unless your Dad is good looking."

Rei laughed lightly, nudging his glasses over his eyes again. “Well, thank you. My brother looks more like my father, unfortunately.”

Nagisa remembered the picture hanging above his computer. "I don't know – your brother's pretty cute too." he grinned, supporting his head with his hand.

Rei smiled slightly. "I suppose we do look a little alike." he said lightly, and Nagisa laughed.

"Me and my sisters look nothing like each other at all." he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, my two older sisters have a different dad to me and my younger sister... So I suppose that had a lot to do with it."

Rei raised an eyebrow. "You have two half sisters?"

Nagisa nodded with a smile. "The oldest is a bit older than your brother I think. She's a lecturer at a University. And the second oldest is a vet. I am a stripper, and my youngest sister is studying abroad." he shrugged with a smirk. "Guess who the runt of the litter was."

Rei's expression softened. "I don't think you're a runt." he smiled at Nagisa's amused expression. "I don't know, it's not that bad. You're smart.”

Nagisa snorted. “Yeah, right.” he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"If it makes you feel any better, my brother is apparently a Gods gift beside me." Rei sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "My mother insists it's because he took the job my father offered him whilst I didn't, but I  _know_ it's because he's straight with a wife and kids whilst I turned out to be the homosexual loser out of the two of us."

Nagisa blinked, stunned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was about fourteen when I came to terms about who I was. You know, I finally realised that I was gay and there was nothing I could do about it," he began, stretching out his legs. "The first person I came out to was my brother. He was twenty-two by this time so I could tell him anything in confidence, because I knew he wouldn't tell anyone else, other than his wife, which I didn't mind, because I'd always liked her in some ways.

"He was supportive of me, but he told me that I had to tell my mother, but of course I was nervous, as anyone is. And she would tell my father, and that was the one thing I was truly terrified of. But I took his advice and about a week later I told my mother that I was gay. She was proud of me, she truly was. She hugged me and told me that I was the same no matter who I was, and I don't know, but that was great comfort for me.

"Then I had to come out to my father. He came home from work, and we all sat around the table for dinner. I remember he was in a weirdly happy mood, because something great had happened to the business. So, I thought this was a good opportunity to tell him."  
Nagisa watched him intently, gazing into his eyes, which were glossed over in memory. Nagisa could remember his coming out story like it had happened yesterday, but something told him that could wait for another day. It was more comedic, than anything else.

"So, I did. I sat up straight, stood my ground, and said 'Dad, I'm gay'. And do you know what he did?"  
Nagisa shook his head, eyes wide.

"He laughed. He laughed in my face and said I was being ridiculous. He told me that I was confused. He told me it was a phase, then he continued to laugh in my face. My mother did nothing, of course, how could she? She couldn't side with my father, but she lacks the courage to stand up to him. So I just sat there, feeling humiliated."

Nagisa blinked, eyes stinging. "Oh, Rei..." he said softly.

Rei shrugged. "That wasn't even the worst thing. When I was seventeen, I got my first boyfriend. I don't know how, I was so shaken by my father constantly telling me my sexuality was wrong and that I was still 'just confused', but that doesn't matter. Anyway, he came over mine one night. We were working together on a project of some kind, and my mother was so happy to meet him.

"We went to my room, we started to work, we started to get distracted, etcetera. My father came home at the usual time, but of course we didn't hear him. I was too engrossed in the fact that I was actually kissing someone who liked me back, you know?

"Anyway, my mother obviously told him I was up in my room with a friend, so he came upstairs to see what we were doing."  
Nagisa shook his head. "He didn't catch you, did he?"

Rei pulled his mouth into a straight line. "What do you think?"

Nagisa pulled his knees to his chest. "That's awful..." he breathed.

"Well, after he caught us, he threw my boyfriend out and told him to never come back because he was 'turning me' or something, I can't remember whatever ridiculous thing that left his mouth. And then he hit me."

Nagisa gasped, throwing his hand over his mouth. "He... he what?"

Rei bit down on his lip. "He hit me. Twice. He gave me a black eye, so I couldn't go to school for a week, because he didn't want the school knowing about 'my problem'. My mother had cried and told me it was all her fault, but of course it wasn't. It was my own fault for thinking I could get away with it."

Nagisa couldn't believe what he was hearing. His own father beat him because he was kissing another boy? He didn't understand, he couldn't get his head around it. Why would someone do that to their kid? Why would you even hit someone, anyway? What was wrong with him?

"It wasn't the last time, either. He continued to discriminate against me until I left for college, where I could be who I wanted for the first time in four years." he let out a long, winded breath. "But that's all in the past. I think my father and I are still on shaky terms, but hopefully it will get better."

Nagisa stared at him. He thought he was __mad_ _ _._ Why would you want to stay friendly with someone who beat you up? Why would you want to keep in touch with someone who called your sexuality a 'problem'? Why, why, why?

"Rei..." Nagisa said gently. "Your dad sounds like a piece of shit."

Rei laughed lightly. "Yes, well, I know. But if I'm not friendly with him, who knows what could happen to me?"

Nagisa lowered his eyes. What did he mean? Was his father out to get him? Was he just going to hurt him for the rest of his life? Was Rei just going to take whatever got sent his way? He looked over at Rei, who'd stared off into space, fingers drumming against his forearm.

 __Don't worry, Rei_ _ _,_ he thought, pulling his knees closer to his chest.  __I'll keep you safe, no matter what._ _


	4. Nightmares (part 1 and 2!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei handed him the mug with a kind smile, one that caused Nagisa's heart to melt, his pretty violet eyes gentle as they looked into his. “They take care of each other. And that's what I want to do with you. OK?” he cupped his face in his hand and brushed a curl away from his cheek with his thumb. “You mean a great deal to me, Nagisa. The last thing I would want is for you to be hurt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back again with the two parts yay! Uh again if you've read this before on ff.net then you will really wanna read this one like I'm not even joking SO much has changed and I like it way way way better, so thank you so much for being patient!  
> DISCLAIMER: I'm not a dancer. I hate dancing. The best I can do is jump around a bit. I'm not invited to parties, and i will only really dance when im drunk, cos i wont even know if its good or not lmao. Also, I've never ever been to a strip club (surprisingly??? but ive done research its kool) so idk how strippers dance????? But yh sorry if it offends anyone bc of how badly written that scene is JESUS if u want to rewrite that scene n u like dancing feel free man, hmu (im not even joking honestly I'll credit u and everything) i  
> I USE THE SONG TURN ME ON BY DAVID GUETTA AND NICKI MINAJ (my queeeen)  
> Thank you so much!  
> Please enjoy! xo

When Rei returned to work a day later, there had been a note left on his desk. Curious, he unfolded the notepaper and read it through.

  
_Mr. Ryuugazaki,_  
I did not mean to patronise you, or tell you you looked like a minor. How about I take you out to make up for it? Here's my number. Call me.  
Mr. Johnson.

  
Rei blushed furiously, staring at the words until they were burnt into the back of his head. That business man wanted to take him out? On a date? But why? Rei furrowed his brow. Well, what should he do now? He's never had two people wanting him before. He wasn't used to this kind of thing. Can you see other people if you're just dating? Wouldn't it hurt the other person? Rei sat in his chair and went to pick up the phone, but stopped himself. What was he going to do? Accept? Tell him to fuck off? What if it didn't work out with Nagisa? It wouldn't hurt to be seeing two people, right? Rei nibbled his lip, pulling his mobile out of his pocket.

***  
****Rei:** ** _is it moral to date two people at the same time?_  
****Sousuke:** ** _what? why? have you gotten a better offer?_  
****Rei:** ** _I wouldn't call it a better offer._  
****Sousuke:** ** _is he good looking?_  
****Rei:** ** __ _I suppose. He's five years older than me and runs a business with his brother._  
****Sousuke:** ** _wtf man get in there what are you doing asking questions?_  
****Rei:** ** __ _well, I just wanted to make sure. I mean, wouldn't I be hurting Nagisa's feelings?_  
****Sousuke:** ** _... Well you're not exclusive yet right?_  
****Rei:** ** _not yet, no._  
****Sousuke:** **  then go out with him.

 ****Rei:** ** _Is it moral to date two people at the same time?_

 ****Rin:** ** _I dunno I do it all the time_  
****Rei:** ** _since when?_  
****Rin:** ** _since always where have you been_  
****Rei:** ** _sorry, I didn't know it was compulsory to know who you've been out with and when._  
****Rin:** ** _wow there's no need to be rude_  
****Rei:** ** __ _You're the one being rude!_  
****Rin:** ** _am I?_  
****Rei:** ** _yes!_  
****Rin:** ** __ _sorry I didn't know I was the dating expert_  
****Rei:** ** __ _you're hopeless._  
****Rin:** ** _wtf man you asked for my opinion and I gave you one_  
****Rei:** ** __ _'I dunno' doesn't count as an opinion._  
****Rin:** **  w/e

 ****Rei:** ** _is it moral to date two people at the same time?_  
****Haru:** ** _well it really depends on who they are. Do you like them?_  
****Rei:** ** _I've been out with one guy three times, and the other I've only just met today._  
****Haru:** ** _huh._  
****Rei:** ** _?_  
****Haru:** ** _why do you need to date two guys?_  
****Rei:** ** _I don't, I'm just asking for your opinion._  
****Haru:** ** _are they both worth your time?_  
****Rei:** ** _um, I guess?_  
****Haru:** ** _never waste time with someone you don't like._  
****Rei:** **  forget it.

_***_

Ignoring all of his friends opinions and 'advice', he decided to call him anyway, just to tell him he was seeing someone else.

"Hello?" Joel answered, and Rei could hear a bustling of people in the background, his voice somewhat lost in the noise.

"Hi. Um, it's Rei. Rei Ryuugazaki?"

"Oh! Yeah, of course. I see you found my number." He sounded almost pleased.

"I did... I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, but I have to decline your offer." Rei said softly, pushing his glasses up his nose, a feeling of guilt weighing his heart a little. “You see... I'm already seeing someone. I'm sorry for wasting your time.”

“Hey, you didn't waste my time. It was a pleasure talking to you yesterday. But, that's all right. No problem." Joel laughed, a nervous edge to his voice. “Maybe next time?”

Rei cleared his throat. "Yes, maybe. Well, thank you, anyway." he smiled, folding the piece of note paper over between his index and middle finger. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” he smiled sadly. “See you around, Mr. Ryuugazaki.”

“Oh, Rei, please.” he interjected quickly. “Just in case, you know, we do see each other again.”

“Joel.” he smiled crookedly. “But Mr. Johnson is also good.”

Rei rolled his eyes, sitting up straight. “Goodbye, Joel.” he said firmly.

Joel chuckled. “Goodbye, Rei.”

Rei set the phone down with a clatter and closed his eyes with a sigh, trying to decide as to whether he'd made the right decision or not.

* * *

 

 

Nagisa had called Ai on his cell that afternoon, checking up on him, as he couldn't visit the hospital until tomorrow, when Momo was home. He'd been working tons of shifts recently, and he wasn't sure as to why. Maybe he didn't like the apartment without Ai there. Maybe he needed to distract himself until Ai got better.

"Nagisa, I'm fine." Ai reassured, his voice soft and sad. "They've put me on medication. It's making me really sleepy, but other than that, I'm OK."

Nagisa breathed out slowly, slightly relieved. "I'm so glad. Oh, Ai, you scared the living crap out of me and Mo. What were you thinking?"

Ai sniffed. "I don't know. I-I don't really..." he stammered, rubbing the back of his head.  
Nagisa smiled sadly. "It's OK. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Nagisa yawned, stretching out his back. "I'm just glad you're OK."

Ai explained that he should be out in a few days, once his doctor was sure his condition was stable. “I miss being at home. I can't work for a few days. I told my doctor I was a stripper and she just laughed. She asked how I beat off the women and I said it's usually for men. She didn't really know how to react.” he giggled quietly.

"You didn't! Oh, poor woman.” Nagisa laughed, hand atop of his head. “It's so weird not having you here, though... It's too quiet. But Rei came over yesterday afternoon on his lunch break. He wanted to keep me company." he blushed happily, pulling his knees to his chest. "He sends you his condolences."

Ai smiled slightly. "Tell him I said thank you. It means a lot."

Nagisa sighed sadly. "I am worried about him, though."

"Why?" Ai quizzed.

Nagisa retold him the story of Rei's father, cutting out unnecessary information, and once he'd finished, Ai didn't know what to say.

"Gosh. Why does he still want anything to do with him?" Ai breathed.

Nagisa shrugged, defeated. "God knows. Hopefully he'll be OK, though... He's too kind-hearted to be sad. So are you! I need you to be happy again, Ai! It's not the same if you aren't!"  
Ai smiled sadly. "I know. I'll try my hardest to get better, Nagisa... Like we promised."

Nagisa lowered his eyes, staring at his bare feet. "Yeah." he said softly, smiling a little. "Like we promised."

* * *

Rei received a message off every friend he'd asked for advice off that night.

 ****Sousuke:** ** _You got to choose between a stripper or a rich business man, and you went for the stripper._

 ****Rin:** ** _God fucking dammit rei stop asking for my opinion if youre going to do your own thing anyway_

 ****Haru** ** _**:** _ _Makoto thinks your mad. So do I, what the fuck, Rei? A stripper?_

Rei ignored them all. He knew he'd made the right choice. He knew he'd met the right person. He knew he could trust this hot blonde stripper was the one he was meant to be with, not Joel.

Right?

Sighing deeply, he began to get changed, his work clothes suddenly feeling tight and uncomfortable on his body, the claustrophobia causing is chest to tighten. As he undid the buttons on his shirt, his eyes settled on his torso, his skin taut across his stomach muscles. Nothing made himself feel more insecure than his naked body. He'd been complimented on his form enough times, but this was through work out clothes, a dress shirt, a pair of tight jeans. Never his naked self. Even his boyfriends hadn't seen his upper body bare. Not even the one he had sex with.

He shrugged off his shirt and bunged it into his washing basket, not wanting to look at himself any longer. He pulled open his closet door and dug around for a t-shirt to wear, and as he was about to pull one over his body, he caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror behind his closet door. He bunched the t-shirt up in his hands and stared at his torso, not really understanding why he hated it so much. He took in the stretch marks on his stomach and hips, the dark freckles on his shoulders, everything. He wondered how Nagisa did it. How he could just get naked in front of thousands of strangers almost everyday without a care in the world, and yet _he_ could not take his shirt off in front of himself without getting embarrassed. He slipped off his glasses and squinted at his reflection. He was just a blur, a fuzzy being with midnight blue hair and a t-shirt hanging by his side. He pulled on his t-shirt and pushed his glasses back on over his nose with a sigh. It amazed him how he wasn't a virgin, the way he was going on. A distant shrill of his land line forced him to look away from himself and walk out of the room, his mind slowly wondering to who the caller could be.

"Hello?" he answered cautiously, not used to receiving calls on his home phone.

"Rei! Hi! Are you busy tomorrow night?"

It was Liberty, his brothers wife. Rei blinked. "Uh, well, not really, I mean, I have some work to catch up on--"

"That's great! Could you babysit Gracie and Rosa for us? Your mother was busy."

Rei smiled. "Of course I can, that's no problem."

"OK! Wow, good! I'm so glad, I thought we had to cancel! OK, come over ours at around six on Friday, we'll be gone only for a few hours."

Rei hung up after details were swapped, and he breathed out. He'd babysat his nieces once before, when Gracie was a baby and Rosa was a grumpy six-year-old girl, and neither of them would stop crying for four hours straight. When one stopped, the other started, and Rei was at his limit. It was not how he'd expected to spend his Christmas vacation from college, that was for sure. He lowered himself down into his armchair and picked up  __War and Peace_ _. For some reason, he'd put it on his 'Bucket List' when he was fifteen, and when he finally got around to buying a copy, it had taken him exactly five years to get halfway through the book. It was interesting, but not interesting enough to get through in one sitting. He figured if he didn't finish it, though, he'd only be disappointing his past self, so he opened the book and got reading.

* * *

Nagisa was practically vibrating with excitement as they sat on the bus to the hospital, smiling widely at strangers and feeling genuinely happier than he had been the last few days. Bothe he and Momo helped a man get on and off the bus with his double buggy, as he had been giving them dirty looks as they were wating for the bus, mainly because of Nagisa's and Momo's tattoos that were on view, as the afternoon was unusually warm for October, and their many ear piercings, and they wanted to show him up a little. Momo helped a pregnant woman with her shopping bags as she waddled on the bus, keeping them safe for her as she sat near the back. He carried them off for her too, as they had gotten off at the same stop, and asked her where she was headed.

“I only live a street away, I'll be fine!” she smiled kindly, taking the bags off of him. “Thank you for your help!”

Momo grinned. “That's OK! I'm happy to help!”

“I wonder if they would be so nice to us if they knew our job?” Nagisa smiled up at Momo as soon as she was out of earshot, the two of them headed towards the hospital. “They wouldn't trust us with their babies or shopping then.”

A kind, plumpish doctor known as Robyn introduced herself as Ai's psychiatrist and lead them to their visiting room, which represented that of a prison one, plastic chairs gallore and tiny tables, families and friends huddled around them, some crying, some laughing, some speaking softly, some not talking at all. The walls were decorated with posters like 'have you remembered your meds today?' and 'Anxiety attack? Don't panic!' and 'Depression, Bipolar or BPD?'. None of these posters seemed promising, nor did they brighten up the place. They just made it seem even more sad, if that were possible, against peeling yellow walls and dark green lino, beige school blinds and low winter sunlight seeping through the slats, creating long, creeping shadows along the floor. Robyn sat them down at a table near the back of the room, perched opposite them, and smiled warmly, cherry balm lips oily beneath the natural light.

“OK,” she raised her dark chocolate eyes, sorrowful and understanding. “Aiichirou is obviously in a very difficult situation at the moment. His mother has just passed away, his hormones have been reduced so they don't affect the antidepressants we've put him on, and we are currently running a detailed diagnostic on his mental health.”

The two nodded along, trying their best to follow what she was saying and understand as best they could, not wanting to be completely ignorant to their closest friend's situation.

“We understand that he's been in trouble with such things as his mental health before. Depression, attempted suicide, self-esteem issues, identity issues, gender dysphoria. These are all off of his only family who know about his past, his eldest sister. She explained to me that you two are his close friends, and that you also share an apartment with him, correct?” she continued, glancing between the two of them, and as they nodded, she nodded too. “Right. I assume you know about these issues, too?”

They nodded again. “Ai's had depression for as long as I've known him.” Nagisa said softly, holding himself tightly. “Anxiety, too.”

Robyn nodded. “Yes. These have been caused by many different things. All I request off you is that you take care of him when he is discharged. He will be in ten days or so, when we know his diagnosis, and he's reacting positively to his antidepressants. He's in a bad place, and he needs all the support he can get off of the people he loves.” she rubbed her lips together. “I would also suggest you call in at your work and request a few weeks sick leave. He will not return to work whilst he's still like this. Once he's back on track, he can go to work, once or twice a week, no more. I am aware of your occupation, and I understand how draining it can be.”

She smiled as their expressions turned from concerened to embarrassed, eyes averting hers and cheeks starting to flare up. “It's all right!” she laughed lightly, patting their hands. “I've met strippers, I've met lap dancers, I've met prostitutes – it's nothing I haven't heard before!” she cocked her head to one side, tight curls bouncing as she did so. “But, yes, it would be good for him to have a few weeks off. Anyway, that's enough from me. I'll go tell him you're here.”

Ai looked exausted, bright blue eyes dull and silver hair tousled, as if he'd only just woken up. His face looked somewhat softer, and his cheeks had already started to fill out a little. He pressed his hands against them, frowning darkly. “I hate it here.” he muttered, pinching the soft skin hard. “I know, I'm not supposed to love it, but... I can't believe they reduced my hormones. Why would that make a difference?”

“You look fine.” Nagisa reassured, smiling kindly. “When you're discharged I'm sure they'll put you back on to your full dosage. It's only to see if your antidepressants will work.”

Ai sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I am sick of drugs. Here, take this, Aiichrou. Now this! And don't forget this one at lunch!” he mimicked his nurses, knuckling his eyes. “I'm tired, drugged up and feeling shittier than I was before I was on the pills. This place isn't helping at all.”

“Your shrink seemed nice.” Momo commented, sitting with his head in his hand, watching his tired, sad friend close his heavy eyes.

“Mm. I like Robyn. She is nice.” he confirmed, nodding his head slowly. “There are some nutters in here, though. Incredible people. Just completely insane.”

He then continued to describe a few characters that occupied the ward – a bipolar drama queen who wears copious amounts of perfume and make up, costume dresses and sparkly red shoes; an anorexic sex addict who has promised him a good time more than enough times; a self harming crack addict who only eats white rice and has frequent hallucinations of fairies, dragons and seven feet tall men in lab coats; and a suicidal pathalogical liar with BPD whom he shares a room with, which is nightmarish enough without the crying, talking and sometimes screaming that goes on in the night.

Momo grinned. “Sounds like the club on a good night, then.”

Ai rolled his eyes, cupping his face in his hands. “Hm. That's the one place I don't miss.” he muttered bitterly. “But, any where should be better than here. I'm gonna try and get well enough so I can get out of here as soon as possible.”

“No need to rush it!” Nagisa cried, sitting up straight. “Take all the time you need to feel better! We'll be waiting no matter what, OK?”

Ai sighed deeply, letting his head fall into his forearms. “I don't care. I want to get out.” he mumbled into his sweater, clenching his fists and digging his nails into his skin. “I need to get out.”

The rest of the afternoon with Ai was rather interesting, and slightly terrifying. They had just been talking about work (and how awful it had been without Ai there – he was fun when he was drunk, and he had to be to wear his lingerie), when a visitor came out of no where, slumped at the table top and closed her eyes. The three of them fell silent, and the atmosphere turned heavy. Ai watched the door that lead into the hospital, whilst Nagisa and Momo watched the still, silent woman, with cascading black hair and red lips. As soon as the doors creaked open, however, her eyes snapped open, like they would in a horror movie, and Momo jumped when she jerked her head towards them, grabbing Nagisa's sleeve. Of course, she wasn't looking at them with the wide eyed gaze and snarling mouth – it was at the person she was waiting to see, who was stood at the door, hands to her face, only her mouth and eyes visible, a full fringe hiding her forehead. There were injuries scattered over her fingers, hands and arms – burn marks, cuts, bruises. She nodded her head at Ai and scuttled around to her sister, not moving her hands for a second.

Both Nagisa and Momo shot their friend questioning looks, and he just shook his head, as if to say 'don't say anything'. They didn't, and left the siblings to their weird whispers and wide eyed stares. Before they were about to leave, the woman with the black hair threw her hands out and grabbed her sisters wrists, tugging at them and shaking her violently, whilst the poor, scarred woman began to weep hysterically, yelling and screaming at her to stop. Ai just sighed, as if he was used to it, sitting his head in his hand. Momo started to freak out, jumping up and freezing, unsure on whether to talk to them or the nurse behind the door, his head turning this way and that, eyes wild in panic. Nagisa was up like a shot, yanking open the door and alerting the nurse.

“Not this again,” she muttered, pushing past him and taking the poor girl's arms and pulling them out of the woman's hold. “Nancy, I've told you. This was your last chance. Could you please stop distressing our patients.”

“She won't fucking let me see her! I want to see her! Let me see your fucking face!” she screamed, slamming her hands on the table top and leaning into her sister. “Let me see it!”

Ai sighed deeply. “She's not going to let you see it. If she isn't comfortable, she doesn't have to.” he reasoned, rubbing his forehead.

“What the fuck do you know about my sister, you fucking tranny?” she spat at him, causing the whole room to freeze over. Ai squared his shoulders and grabbed his hair, the insult unexpected, hitting him deeper than he thought it would.

“That's enough, Nancy. Leave. Now.” the nurse said firmly, patting the girl's trembling form gently. “Do not come back here.”

She stood abruptly, kicked her seat and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Oh, fuck.” Nagisa breathed, staring at the back of her head. “What was her problem?”

“Who cares? There was no reason to say that.” Momo bit down on his lip, watching Ai carefully. “Are you OK? That was so... _rude_.”

Ai nodded, but he didn't say anything on the matter, just sat up straight and breathed in deeply, digging his nails into his skin. “Nona,” he murmured, turning his head towards her. “I'm sorry she's your sister.”

For the first time she'd been in the room, her hands were away from her face – and it was a shock to see, for sure. She had deep cuts lining her cheeks, along her nose, along her jaw, as well as what looked like cigarette burns. Nagisa tried not to react, but it was hard – her face was heavily mutilated - if he'd known her before, he would not have been able to recognise her. Momo seemed to be having the same problem – he had to look away, trying not to be too obvious about it. But Ai could look her in the face. He could smile at her. He could have a conversation with her. They didn't know how he did it.

“It's OK.” she whispered, but her whole body was trembling. “I think I might lie down, Mandy.”

“OK, my love. This must have been difficult.” she said gently, taking her arm and pulling her upwards. “Aiichirou, are you all right? I'm sorry about--.”

Ai shook his head quickly. “I'm fine. I think I'll go see Robyn in a little while.” he smiled at both the nurse and Nona, and, once they had left, shuddered violently. “Tranny.” he repeated in her tone of voice, eyes narrowed. “God...”

Nagisa took his balled up hands and pried them open gently, rubbing the harsh grooves in his palms with his fingertips. “Don't hurt yourself like that.” he said softly. “Cut your nails. They won't let you out if you cut yourself like that.”

“I'm not going to,” he sighed, letting his head hang. “It calms me down.”

Nagisa lifted his hand and kissed the palm of it tenderly. “Please don't let her tear you down. She was disgusting.” he said with all the kindness he could muster, his tone of voice one Ai always found himself calming down to, which worked, just a little bit.

“You're stronger than that.” Momo added, pressing his chin in his arms and watching him carefully, trying to read his emotions best he could, but he'd never been good at it, no matter how much he'd wished it. He'd always get something wrong, or ask someone why they looked sad or angry when he wasn't really supposed to. He'd had this problem deciphering emotions since he was a little kid, but no one found it odd. Not even when he upset people.

Ai sighed deeply, standing slowly. “I'm going to go. Thank you for coming.” he whispered, before turning on his heel and slouching out of the room, leaving his friends dumbfounded, staring at the washed out door as it slowly creaked shut.

* * *

 

“Hey, Nagisa,” Momo sidled up to him, pressing his body against his, nose in his hair and lips close to his ears, hot breath causing tingles to shoot up and down his spine. As soon as he grabbed his hand he knew that he was drunk. As if the whispers weren't enough already. “I'm going home early, cover for me, yeah?”

Nagisa snapped his head towards him, eyes wide. “Why? You can't!” he tried, but he knew it was useless. Momo's wild eyes weren't even on his – they were behind him, and an oddly alluring lust was filling them. Nagisa turned his head to see who it was this time – and, unsurprising, it was his usual choice. Curvy, long hair, big eyes – nobody too special, but he could see the appeal. He just sighed and waved his hand, having no energy to argue or even dismiss him. Momo kissed his lips hard in a way of gratitude, and waved his hand in a half-hearted farewell, before joining his one-night-stands side, slinking an arm around her waist and tugging her out of the club with him.

Nagisa wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the bitter taste of alcohol he'd left behind enough to make him sick. He hadn't even been on stage yet – it was around eleven, and his and Momo's shift that night ended at midnight, so he had an hour to fill with and equal balance of both his and Momo's energy – this was going to be a struggle, because he could barely even smile at potential tippers. Even though he wasn't on stage until half past, he needed to keep both men and women on his side, otherwise he'd be missing out on a _lot_ of dirty cash he knew for a fact they didn't really need. The big tippers were always the shifty business men, with sweaty palms and nervous twitches. They act as if their wife would walk in at any given moment. Nagisa would pay _them_ to see that happen. He knew it was weird, but he liked shaking his ass for married, closeted supply managers with nothing better to do – it was exciting to think that they would rather see him than their own partners do that kind of thing. The way they stared, the way they squirmed, the way they would beckon him over and stuff money where his dick was – the adrenalin he felt was almost abnormal. He shouldn't feel like that. Not just when the middle-aged men did it – but when _anyone_ did it. The hot young guys on stag nights that flirted with him and kissed him because their sexualities had been blurred by the drink; the beautiful young women that teased him, touched his stomach muscles and slapped his bare ass; the middle-aged women who wore suits and drank cocktails at the bar, watched them all with eagle eyes and fell for him because of his eyes or his smile; that one gay guy at the birthday party being ordered a lap dance off of him, which he milked for all he was worth – he _enjoyed_ it. He loved the attention, he loved the wandering eyes and raised eyebrows and smirking lips. On a good day, this is all that would happen – only a few longing stares, parted lips and eyes in a daze as they watched him roll his hips, peel back layer by layer, toss his hair back and earn as much as he can in one go. The bad nights did not happen often, but there was always one that would get out of hand – grope him, try to get him drunk, or worse, drugged, try to kiss him, try to get their way with the little stripper. They would always ask how old he was. _Not a day over seventeen, I bet_ one had once leered, hands all over him. That was his second week there – the whole experience was traumatising, his hot, heavy hands and vodka breath and forceful tugs and touches. He'd wept for hours once he got home, unable to shake the feeling off. He felt disgusting. Some guys just thought he was something they owned, just because they paid for half an hour or so of his special attention.

It wasn't just him this happened to, either. Ai had a creepy regular who always took too long with him in the 'VIP' rooms, and Nagisa could only imagine what he was doing to him. He always bought him new things too, and, when he requested him, he always called him 'mistress'. When Nagisa asked if he was OK with him calling him that of a female, Ai shrugged him off, telling him he must have misheard, he didn't call him that at all. Maybe he did mishear. The music was pretty loud.

It's hard to say whether Momo had had that kind of experience, considering he has sex with whoever gives him that kind of attention. He's a completely useless bisexual, when it comes down to it, and will sleep with anyone who has a big smile and a pulse. However, this doesn't mean he hasn't. He just isn't very open.

“Oi, Blondie,” someone from backstage called for him. “You're up.”

He'd never felt so drained after a performance in his life. Maybe because it was a weekday, and it was quieter than usual, just the regulars, yet they were none he recognised, and he knew they weren't there for him. He loved Friday and Saturday nights – he now knew some of the guys and girls who tipped him, he always had someone buying him drinks, and even though he had three shows a night and didn't finish up until the early hours of the morning, he could rack up dollar bills like nobodies business, and he felt like the girls he used to be friends with when he started out, with the gold jewelry and designer clothes, salon perfect hair and expensive make-up. Not only were they rich in their work, they were also rich in their relationships – sugar daddy's and cougars were all over them, and half of them didn't even want sex off them – they just wanted someone gorgeous to parade around at parties.

There was one person in the crowd that night, however, that was watching him carefully, his sharp eyes unnerving him, so much so he felt so uncomfortable that he couldn't finish his act – he just ambled around a little until his set had ended. Nobody but him was really paying attention, anyway.

He was finally able to go home after getting changed into much more comfortable clothing, grabbing a coffee from the machine before heading out the back way, hoping that guy wouldn't see him leave and follow him home that way, if those were is original intentions. He eventually started to relax as he made his way onto the main road, seeing strangers taking their dogs on late night walks and the tiny Chinese family who owned a restaurant closing up and tidying things away. The elderly woman who originally owned it waved as he walked past. “Be careful. It's dark. Get home now, your parents must be worried!” she smiled kindly, fiddling with her glasses.

Nagisa laughed lightly, but didn't correct her, not wanting to embarrass her. “I will!” he waved back at her, and turned into a smaller street. He knew Momo's grandma lived around here, until she got moved into a care home, so the streets were familiar, and some lights were still on inside the little houses, which illuminated his way towards the end of the street. As he turned into the back alley, the sound of heavy footfalls made him freeze to the spot, a shiver squaring his shoulders. Was it him? From the club? Had he followed him all this way? How had he not noticed him? Maybe it wasn't him at all, just someone else?

He turned his head slowly, breath caught in his throat. Sharp eyes met his, unsettling and cold. Nagisa widened his eyes, mouth agape, threatening a scream – but a large hand tightened around it, muffling any attempt as a cry for help. He slammed him up against a wall, a sharp pain running up his back, one arm across his shoulders, crushing his chest, the other still clamped around his mouth. Nagisa struggled against him, arms trying to push him away, but to no avail, his massive build too hard for him to even move.

“You're gonna tell me everything about what you know about Mikoshiba and you're gonna do it now, or you're gonna be fucking sorry.” he growled lowly, pressing his whole body against him. “You better not scream, either, cos I'll give you something to fucking scream about, all right, Blondie?”

Nagisa didn't say a word, not even a shake of his head or a attempted struggle. He was petrified, frozen to the spot, his whole body at a stand-still. _What do I know about Momo?_ He thought desperately, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. The man removed his hand away from his mouth, but kept his arm near his windpipe, threatening damage. “I don't... I don't...” he began to sob, the shock and disturbance settling into his system, sending him haywire. “He hasn't done anything! I don't know what you mean!” he yelled, starting to struggle again. “Get off me!”

A flash of silver caused Nagisa's voice to stick in his throat, and the next thing he knew a knife was being held to his neck, his hand that was at his throat now keeping hold of the wrists that had been flailing before hand, keeping them in an iron grip, like shackles for a prisoner. “Tell me what you know, otherwise this'll get nasty.” he pressed the blade against his neck, another sob leaving Nagisa's mouth. “He's fucked me over. He'll fuck you over, too. So, tell me. Tell me what you know.”

Nagisa shook his head, whole body trembling as tears dribbled down his cheeks. “I swear, I don't know anything. I don't know who he is, he's just a guy I work with, OK?” he lied through his teeth, the blade starting to cut into his flesh, warm blood streaming down his neck, his breathing loud and shaken. “I don't know anything about him.”

The man squeezed his wrists tight, a sharp pain shooting up Nagisa's arms. “You better not be fucking lying to me, you cheap whore,” he hissed darkly, digging deeper into the slit in his neck. “I'll fucking kill you.”

Nagisa was about to object, when a set of footsteps were heard at the bottom of the alleyway, and the man pulled away momentarily, eyes wide in fear. As soon as his guard was down, Nagisa yanked his hands out of his grip and struck the hand that was holding the knife to his neck. The weapon went flying, as did Nagisa, not looking back as the man began to scream at him, and it wasn't long before quick footfalls were chasing him down. Nagisa swallowed down sobs, tried to steady his shaking hands, and grabbed around inside his jacket pocket, searching for his phone. He looked around desperately for somewhere to get away, to hide from him, and eventually, in the terifying darkness, he found a small, twenty-four hour off-licence, promising booze and cigarettes. He ducked inside, hood up, disguising the deep cut that was pouring blood down his neck, over his shoulders and down his chest. He hid behind a freezer, letting himself be calmed by the shitty elevator music and the whir of the electric lights, before hiding his face in his jacket sleeve and beginning to sob quietly, shaking all over. He didn't know why, but the one person he thought he needed, the one person he knew was safe, kind, patient, he dialled the number of, leaning against the fridge and muffling his sobs.

“Nagisa?” a tired voice answered the call, something about it causing an odd rush of relief to flood him. “I was about to go to bed, is everything all right?”

Nagisa resisted the urge to sink to his knees and sob his heart out. “Rei...” he wept, gritting his teeth. “Rei, I can't... I need...”

“Nagisa, are you all right?” he asked calmly, suddenly very awake at the sound of his weeping. “Do you need me to get you? Where are you? I'm coming right now.”

“No, Rei...” Nagisa desperately tried to stop him, but he refused to listen.

“You're crying. Something has happened to you. Are you at home? At work? Tell me.” he said firmly.

Nagisa snivelled, just knowing he wouldn't be able to shake him off. “Uh... I'm at an off-licence store, near where you live... Come quickly.” he breathed desperately, gripping his shirt, his heart pounding in his chest as the buzzer went on the door, indicating someone had just walked in. “Please.”

“I'll be two minutes.” he said with a nod of his head, and the line went dead.

Nagisa shoved his phone in his pocket and peered around the freezer, scanning the shop for the attacker. All he could see were isles of food, cheap alcohol and magazines stacked on shelves, but no signs of the attacker. He breathed out, but stayed rooted to the spot, not wanting to risk it. It seemed like a decade, but eventually Nagisa's phone buzzed.

 **Rei (specs):** I'm outside. Want me to come in? X

 **Nagisa:** please im shitting myself x

The buzzer went once again, and Nagisa peered around cautiously – and burst into tears again once he saw who it was, relief, fear and pain flooding him all at once. A tired, yet concerned Rei, his brow furrowed and mouth pulled into a straight line, peered around the isles, searching for his tiny blonde love interest, and discovered him shaking with sobs beside a freezer, whole body trembling.

“Nagisa...” he said gently, and he looked up, eyes red and watery, fat tears spurting down his cheeks. “What happened?”

He shook his head, wiping his eyes and taking his hand. “Just go. I'll tell you when we're safe.” he said quietly, pressing up close to him.

Rei swallowed, the cold, clamminess of his hands making him nervous. What the Hell had happened to him? Was he part of a gang? Oh, my God, he's part of a gang. Not only was he a stripper, he was a stripper with a drug deal all over the country, and he sold illegal weapons online. But once he looked back down at him as they were outside, he looked positively distressed, still trembling hard, his nails digging into Rei's skin. Maybe he was molested? Maybe worse?

“Nagisa--”

“Did you drive?” he said quietly as they stepped outside of the store.

Rei nodded, pointing at his car across the street with his keys. “Uh... Will you tell me what's going on?”

“In a sec.” Nagisa mumbled, and pulled him across the street, pulled open the passenger door, and jumped inside, shutting it quickly, hugging himself tight.

Rei followed suit, slipping into the drivers seat and slamming the door shut. They stared out of the window, Rei blinking in the dull light that was shining above them, whilst Nagisa huddled up in the seat, trying desperately to calm himself down, but the more he felt the blood on his neck, the more he felt the pain in his wrists, the more he felt his cold eyes on his, he felt himself break down again, and it wasn't long before he'd crumbled into nothing, hiding behind his hands and sobbing so loudly it almost made Rei want to cry himself.

“Hey, hey,” he breathed, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. “What happened to you? Did someone try to touch you? Hurt you?”

Nagisa swallowed down a hiccup, tightening his fingers around his. “S-s-some scary guy followed me home.” he stammered, rubbing his eyes hard. “He hurt me.”

“What!?” Rei felt himself grow panicked, eyes scanning his body, searching for puncture wounds or bruises or anything, really. “Where? Show me.” he said firmly, letting go of his hand and wiping the tears away from his cheeks.

Nagisa pushed back his hood, pushing down his jacket to show him the deep cut in his neck, which was still weeping blood.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Rei hissed, eyes wide. “Oh, my God. Nagisa, we have to take you to the police. This is serious. Why did he attack you? What did you do? No, wait, don't answer. I'm going to go back in there and get some dressing. Hold this against it. I'll be right back.” he pressed a handkerchief in his hand and hopped out of the car, running back into the off-licence.

Nagisa sighed shakily, holding the tissue against the cut and closing his eyes. How could he have found him? He went the back way. No one but employee's are allowed out that way. He can't blame the club for this, either – he was out of their establishment, they have nothing to do with him when he clocks out. Momo shouldn't go back there. He shouldn't go back to work, he should stay at home, find a new job, even if it is at another crappy joint like the one they're in. It didn't _matter_. He just needed his friend to be safe.

 _What the Hell did you do, Momo?_ Nagisa thought, wincing as he pressed harder on the weeping slit in his neck. _What mess have you gotten yourself into?_

* * *

 

 

Rei sat Nagisa down on his couch and ordered him to strip off his shirt, needing to inspect any damage that the mystery someone could have inflicted upon him. Nagisa already had dark purple bruising up and down his arms, harsh bruising on his back, and the deep gash that had finally stopped bleeding. Rei crouched down before him and pressed his head in his shoulder, sighing deeply. “This doesn't happen all the time, right?” he said gently, taking his hand and running his fingers over the bruises.

Nagisa shook his head, pressing a hand atop of his mess of midnight blue hair and stroking it slowly, the action soothing the both of them. “No. No, don't worry. This is the first time it's happened.” he said quietly, pressing his lips against his head. “I'm sorry.”

Rei pulled away, blinking at him. “Why are _you_ apologising? You could have been killed! I'm glad you called me! Who knows what could have happened to you?” he cried, taking his face in his hands and looking him in the eye. “Don't be sorry. This isn't your fault, OK?”

Nagisa nodded, dropping his eyes, looking into his hands. They were still shaking, and dried blood was staining his pale skin. He closed his eyes, sighing loudly. “I can't stop shaking.” he whispered, and, now that he'd said it, he could feel his whole body tremble, his heart pounding, a sick feeling curdling his stomach.

“All right,” Rei said gently, moving his hands away from his face and taking his hands instead, holding them steady. “I'm going to run you a bath, make you something hot to drink, and we can talk about what happened when you've calmed down, OK? Does that sound good?”

Nagisa nodded, unable to reply, tears scratching the back of his throat at his achingly beautiful kindness and soft, caring voice.

Rei nodded too, giving him a sad smile. “OK. I'll dress your wounds when you're out of the bath.” he squeezed his hands, and Nagisa looked up, tears spilling over his lashes. Rei sighed, wiping them away with the back of his hand. “You're safe now, OK? They don't know where you are. I'll protect you, Nagisa.”

Sniffing hard, Nagisa took the hand that was wiping his panic stricken tears away and kissed the palm, before nuzzling his cheek into it, closing his eyes as his warmth spread through him. “Thank you.” he said gently, squeezing his hand. “Thank you.”

Rei ran Nagisa a sweet smelling bubble bath, one that soothed him into a calm as the flowery scent and piping hot water washed over him, bubbles tickling his fingers and toes. He lowered himself so only half his face was visible, nose just above the water and closed his eyes, hand to his neck where the cut lingered, sticky and screaming out, stinging by the heat of the water. He fingered it carefully, the pain a sort of comfort to him; he wasn't dead. He wasn't terribly injured. He wasn't in dire pain. He was OK. He pulled away from the wound and dunked his whole body into the pool of soapy water, letting the warmth envelope him in an oddly comforting embrace, although, after a few moments beneath the water, he decided he'd rather have the real thing right now.

He washed his hair with some expensive looking shampoo that smelt just how Rei did, scrubbed away the nights events with whatever soap he got his hands on first, and climbed out, not wanting to over-stay his welcome in the bath tub, although Rei did tell him to take as long as he needed. Rei had let him borrow some of his clothes, which looked as if they would be too big for him, but he tried them anyway. He tugged on the plain, soft t-shirt and hoodie, took one look at the sweatpants, decided they were too big, and tugged his underwear back on instead. He towelled his hair as dry as it could get, and walked out feeling fresher than he had done for ages.

“Rei?” Nagisa called cautiously, clothes in a bundle in his hands, sniffing a little.

“In here,” he called, and Nagisa followed his voice into the kitchen, rubbing his eye sleepily, yawning deeply.

Rei turned to smile at him, but stopped in his tracks once he saw him, transfixed by the tiny beauty before him. His damp, blonde hair was curling around his lightly freckled cheeks and pale neck, framing his heat flushed face. His t-shirt hung off him, and the sleeves of his hoodie hid his hands. He looked slowly up at him, eyes tired, sad – but a little glint in his eye twinkled as he noticed his stare. “What you looking at?” he smiled slightly, his head tilted.

Rei laughed a little, knocking the sudden feeling of affection off with a shake of his head. “You. You look cute.” he complimented bashfully, looking down at the mug half filled with melted chocolate, then back at the stove, where the milk was boiling. “Is hot chocolate OK?”

Nagisa found himself giggling at his indirect compliment, shoulders lifted a little. “Yes. Perfect.” he looked down at his clothes, jostling about in his hands. “Can I wash my clothes? If that's OK.”

"Of course! It's nothing at all." Rei took the items out of his hands and bunged them into his washing machine. “I'll make your hot chocolate, and I'll get some of my stuff. Make yourself at home. I'll look at you in a little while.”

Nagisa nodded shyly, rubbing his arm. “Rei...” he said softly, staring down at his feet. “It's really late. I'm sorry. You've got work, and I--”  
“Nagisa,” Rei said firmly, pouring the boiling milk into the large mug, and stirring slowly. “It's OK. You're a friend, at least, for now. And do you know what friends do?”

Nagisa blinked at him, fiddling with his sleeves. “Uh... what's that?” he said quietly.

Rei handed him the mug with a kind smile, one that caused Nagisa's heart to melt, his pretty violet eyes gentle as they looked into his. “They take care of each other. And that's what I want to do with you. OK?” he cupped his face in his hand and brushed a curl away from his cheek with his thumb. “You mean a great deal to me, Nagisa. The last thing I would want is for you to be hurt.”

Nagisa dropped his eyes, holding the mug close to his chest. “OK.” he said softly, feeling tears well in his eyes again. “Thank you.”

“No need.” he smiled, and pressed a kiss against his forehead, bringing a tiny smile to Nagisa's lips as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Nagisa cuddled up on the sofa in his lounge, pulling the polka-dot blanket that was thrown over the back of the sofa around his shoulders, snuggling into its soft wool. His apartment was a little chilly, but he supposed it was because he was usually in bed at around this time, and he had no need for the heating if he were in bed, snuggled under a big duvet. This thought made Nagisa smile to himself, and he didn't know why. The thought of Rei snoozing, face all soft with exhaustion and naked without his bright red glasses, hair a bed head mess and a 5'o'clock shadow lining his jaw. Nagisa had hid beneath the blanket, face bright red, heart racing at this image in his mind. He didn't know why it was such an appealing thing to think about. It just _was._ Nagisa pulled the blanket away from his face and looked out, cautious that Rei had seen him do that – he hadn't. He sighed deeply, his bangs flopping up as he did so. He needed something to keep it back, otherwise he would have to cut it off due to insane annoyance. He was just fiddling with it when Rei returned, carrying a pile of laundry.

"You OK?" he asked with a curious smile, walking into the kitchen and squashing all his clothes into the washing machine.

"Yeah," he said softly, pulling the blanket tighter. "This is a weird question, but do you have a hair band, or something?"

Rei laughed. "Probably! My nieces leave all sorts of things here when they visit." he walked back into the lounge after switching on the washing machine, and opened a tiny pot that sat on his bookshelf.

"Here," he said, offering him the pot. "Take your pick."

It was full of tiny sparkly hair slides and heart berets and blue ribbons. Nagisa pulled out a pink hair tie with a little plastic bunny on it and tied back his bangs. "Out of ten how adorable do I look? Ten being absolutely." he beamed up at Rei, shifting the rabbit to the centre of the pigtail.

"I'd say you're about an eleven." Rei smiled slightly, shutting the pot up tight and setting it back in its desired space.

Nagisa blushed happily. "I knew it." he giggled sweetly.

Rei sat before him on the coffee table after grabbing the plastic bag full of things to clean and patch him up, sighing lightly. Nagisa's mood dropped and he tensed up, heart in his throat, realising what he was wanting to do. _Let's talk about it when you've calmed down. OK?_

 _No,_ Nagisa thought, feeling his whole body begin to tremble once again as Rei sorted through the patches and bandages. _It's not OK. Not at all_.

“Do you want to talk about what happened, Nagisa?” Rei said softly, tearing open an antiseptic wipe and gliding it over the cut on his neck, making him wince, the stinging hurting more than the cut itself did.

Nagisa reached out and grabbed the corner of Rei's sweatshirt, steadying himself as he slowly bought himself into a panic attack. “Not yet.” he whispered, breathless, unable to look at him, unable to look at anything, his whole world spinning out of control.

Rei nodded, sticking a large dressing over the wound. “That's OK. Take your time.” he reassured, smoothing down the adhesive over his skin. “Sorry, this looks a little ridiculous.”

Nagisa shook his head, pressing his fingers against it. “It's all right.” he whispered, the softness of the dressing an oddly soothing.

Rei wrapped up his wrists too, afraid that they were sprained. Nagisa let him get on with it, his whole body now too weak and emotionally drained to object. Once he was finished, he pulled down his sleeves, took hold of his hands, and kissed them both gently. “That's the best I can do for now.” he said gently, and Nagisa smiled brightly, almost having a little giggle.

“It's OK! I'm so happy I came to you. You knew exactly what to do.” he kissed his cheek gently. “Thank you so much.”

Rei pressed his forehead against his, closing his eyes. “I didn't know what to do, but I'm glad it came off like it.” he chuckled, squeezing his bandaged up hands. “I was panicking, really. This scared me.”

Nagisa nuzzled his nose against his, like a little eskimo kiss, just to reassure him, somehow. “But you helped me, and that's all that matters.” he said gently, letting go of one hand and running his fingers over his jaw. “You're my hero.”

Rei blushed deeply, pulling away slightly so he could fiddle with his glasses, making Nagisa giggle. "Don't be silly. I couldn't possibly be.”

Nagisa shook his head, letting it fall into his shoulder. “But you are. You make me feel so safe.” he breathed in his warmth as he said this, the familiar smell of shampoo and powder and cologne warming his chest, his heartbeat quickening. “And that's what heroes do, right?”

Rei sighed, but he was smiling, a hand at the back of his head, running his fingers through his damp locks. “I suppose they do.”

* * *

 

Rei had said he would give up the bed for him, but Nagisa refused and insisted that he'd done enough for him already, so Rei set up the sofa bed for him. They both settled down to bed after three AM, the both of them completely worn out, Nagisa especially drained. It had began to rain, and the sound against the ceiling to floor window was soothing, and slowly sent Nagisa into a deep sleep, snuggled up in a ton of blankets and pillows that smelt like Rei's expensive shampoo, comforting and consoling his fears of the days events. But as soon as he fell into this darkness behind his eyelids, his mind replayed again and again what had happened to him, each time they ended differently. Instead of Nagisa hitting him, he hit Nagisa and left him in the alley. Instead of managing to escape, he got his neck slit and left in the alley to die. Instead of running to Rei's, he ran home, and got his friends into trouble, as well as himself, even though they weren't even there. Instead of him being stopped in the alley, it was Rei, and all he could do was watch, like it was on a TV screen. He was trapped in this loophole, trying desperately to wake himself up, but to no avail, his eyes refusing to open. But when he saw Rei being stopped, he started to scream. He didn't know whether he was loud enough, he didn't know whether they could hear him, and even if they did, he wasn't stopping. He just wanted to torture to be over, he didn't want to watch the kindest soul he knew get treated the way he had done. He wouldn't stop screaming, until something called out his name. It was Rei, underneath the guy, looking directly at him. He was screaming too.

_"Nagisa!"_

The voice was desperate, haunting. Nagisa continued to scream, bashing on the TV screen inside his head, but he couldn't get himself to wake up. His arms and legs were strapped down, his eyes were forced open, and the scene before him played out like a horror movie.

“ _Nagisa. Nagisa!”_

Nagisa jolted awake, still yelling. "Rei? Rei!? _Rei!_?" he called desperately, seemingly blinded by the sudden light of the lounge he was sleeping in.

Rei held the trembling form close to his chest, letting him sob into his t-shirt. "I'm here. It's all right. I'm right here. I'm safe, OK?" he breathed, stroking his silky locks and rocking him gently. “You gave me such a fright.”

Nagisa clung to his shirt tight, making sure that he was real, that this wasn't just a part of some kind of twisted dream. "R-R-Rei, he was back. The man was back." he wept weakly, shaking his head. "H-He'd got you a-a-and I couldn't do anything."

Rei tightened the embrace, pressing his nose into his hair and rubbing his back, soothing his tears. "He's not here. It's just you and I in here, OK? Nobody's going to get me or you." he closed his eyes, half-asleep. "I promise."

Nagisa clung to him until he'd stopped crying nonetheless, not wanting him to leave him on his own again. "Rei, I can't sleep on my own." he mumbled into him, sniffing furiously.

Rei sighed, pulling away from him and kissing his clammy forehead gently. "I understand. Come in the bed with me, OK? I'll keep you safe." he whispered, wiping away the tears that were left behind with his thumbs and smiling sadly at him. “No more nightmares.”

Nagisa nodded, watery eyes convinced, believing in his promise. “No more nightmares.” he breathed.

Rei guided him by the hand into his bedroom, and as he sorted out the pillows for him, Nagisa swayed in place, nibbling his thumbnail, a little dazed. Rei raised his head, watching him stare off into space. “What's the matter?” he asked gently, brow furrowing in concern. “Was the nightmare really that bad?”

Nagisa found himself shaking his head, although he didn't know why. He'd not had anything that terrifying since he was a kid. “I'm just... shaken up, that's all.” he whispered hoarsely, closing his tired eyes and trying to fight off the images in his head. “I don't think I can sleep again.”

Rei took his hand once again and pulled him to the side of the bed he'd made up for him. “Here. Lay down. Do you want me to get you anything? Something to drink?” he said gently, cupping his face in his hand.

Nagisa shook his head, and Rei nodded, kissing his nose gently, making him giggle a little. “All right. Into bed. We can talk about this in the morning, OK?” he whispered, and Nagisa nodded, heart racing at the word 'talk'.

He didn't want to. No money in the world could make him want to, either. But he knew he _had_ to, for the sake of his own and his friends safety. Rei clambered into bed, pulling the covers over his shoulders and closing his eyes, having never felt so tired in his life. Nagisa snook in soon thereafter, finding this as an excuse to cuddle up to him. He wound his arms around his torso and entangled his legs within his, pressing his forehead against his back. After a much too long hesitation, Rei relaxed into his embrace, taking hold of his hands and massaging the backs of them gently. Nagisa squeezed him tight, and Rei found himself smiling, this odd embrace rather uplifting. He felt Nagisa's soft, strawberry pink lips on his neck. “Goodnight, Rei.” he murmured, trailing kisses from the side to the back of his neck.

A small smile formed as he felt himself drift. “Goodnight, Nagisa.” he whispered, and the two of them fell into a deep sleep, listening to the sounds of the rain and the early morning birds perched on the telephone wires outside Rei's bedroom window, singing for a brand new day.

* * *

**PART TWO**

A crack of sunlight danced across Nagisa's upper body, his eyes slowly fluttering open to the sounds of birds singing, welcoming him back into the real world, and the sight of the October sunshine hanging low in a clear blue sky. Nagisa flipped over, back to the window, not appreciative of this, burrowing further down into the covers, wanting more hours of sleep to make up for the night before. A soft snoring and a heaviness lain across his torso caused him to reopen his tired eyes, squinting through his fatigue to see Rei sound asleep beside him, one hand beneath his face, the other draped lazily over Nagisa, almost as if he was protecting him, even in his slumber. Smiling slightly, Nagisa shuffled closer and pecked Rei on the nose, before closing his eyes again and letting out a soft, silent sigh, thinking how he could lay like this forever, the welcoming warmth of the bed sheets, the sunlight that escaped between the crack of the closed curtains and the beautiful face of his napping sweetheart all too good to be true. He found himself drifting off again, his mind creating a fantasy he wished he could recall, but Rei started to stir beside him, his arm lifting off his body, and leaving a cold, empty space of where he had been for most of the night. Nagisa pried his eyelids open to see Rei stretch out his arms above his head and slowly sit himself up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Good morning, Rei." Nagisa said softly, closing his eyes again, a small, satisfied smile creeping over his lips.

Rei smiled down at him warmly, lifting his glasses off of the bedside table and slipping them on. "Good morning, Nagisa." he said, running his fingers through his hair, smoothing it down. "Did you rest well?"

Nagisa nodded, pulling the covers tighter around his shoulders. "Better when I was with you." he mumbled sleepily. "You're all warm and cuddly."

Rei chuckled lightly, once again resisting the urge to reach out and glide a hand over his bed head curls, too sweet to resist. "I'm glad you think so." he yawned, stretching his back out instead.

The two of them were silent for ten minutes or more, Nagisa flitting in and out of drifting daydreams, finding himself slowly slipping into another deep sleep, whilst Rei stared at the wall opposite them, running a check list through his mind, trying his hardest to do things chronologically and focus, but his mind kept wondering to Nagisa, how he wished he could just lie in bed with him all morning, without having to worry about what the Hell actually _happened_ to Nagisa only a few hours ago, or work, or cleaning, or babysitting his nieces, or his uni work. But he knew, and he knew it well, if he just lay there all morning and did nothing, he would just find himself worrying for hours, and that he could not do. He had to do  _something._

“I'll call work, tell them I'm sick." Rei sighed deeply, rubbing his eye with the his fingertips behind his glasses.

Nagisa got snapped out of his dream once again. "Huh?" he yawned, stretching out his arms and sluggishly pulling himself upwards.

Nagisa had apparently pulled off his t-shirt during his sleep, and Rei's eyes were fixated on his naked upper-body, tattoos on full display, the bright colours contrasting against his soft, pale skin. Rei felt his face grow hot, watching as Nagisa pushed out his chest to stretch out his back, his spine arching, the covers rumpling at his hips. His lips were slightly parted as he let out a small moan, eyes closed, lashes curled over his flushed cheeks.  _Oh, my God,_ Rei thought, biting down hard on his bottom lip, averting his eyes with a nervous twitch of his glasses.  _Fuck me, please._

Nagisa cocked his head to one side. "What did you say?"

Rei felt the heat spread to his chest. _Did I say that out loud ?_

He cleared his throat, fiddling with his spectacles once again. "I-I have to tell work I'm sick." he stuttered, still refusing to look at him until he covered up.

Nagisa blinked. "What? But why?"

"I have to look after you!" Rei smiled, trying desperately to get over this unexpected lust, knocking off any urge to kiss him or touch him unexpectedly, without his permission. "And anyway, I haven't had a sick day since I've worked there. I'm sure they'll let me off one day, Nagisa."

Rei felt two arms wind tightly around his waist, bandaged hands knotting at his front, forehead nuzzling his shoulder blade. A rush of butterflies caused his face to flush, his heart hammering in his chest. _He's so damn cute,_ he thought, feeling him raise his fluffy bed head and rest his sharp chin on his shoulder. _This is totally unfair._ He could feel his rose pink iris' on him, and he sighed, slouching his shoulders. “What is it, Nagisa?”

"You don't have to do that!" he whined, pulling him closer, nuzzling his nose in his soft t-shirt, breathing in the warmth of the bedsheets that lingered there. "I can go by myself, please don't worry about me, Rei."

Rei shook his head. "I insist." he placed his hands over the bandaged ones and pulled away slowly, much to Nagisa's dismay, an empty cold feeling replacing his strong, solid build, but he cheered up a little as he turned around and pecked him gently on the lips, a compensation for the missing embrace. “We've got a lot to do, and I don't want to leave you to do it on your own, OK?”

Nagisa pouted a little, but nodded his head, sighing lightly. “Uh huh.” he said slowly, lowering his eyes.

Rei smiled softly, and, seemingly unable to control this, planted another small kiss on his pouting lips. “Good.” he slipped out of bed and pulled on a wool cardigan over his bare arms, the cold of the apartment a blessing to the heat that was still burning his cheeks, one that kept returning the closer he got to Nagisa, much like a teenage boy. "I'll call work then, and then make breakfast." he turned his head and gave Nagisa a kind smile. "OK?”

Before Nagisa could argue with him, he'd left the room, and moments later he heard the bathroom door creak shut. Nagisa collapsed back down into his bed, limbs akimbo, not bothering to cover himself up again, having no desire to go back to dozing, and even if he did, Rei would probably shake him awake again for breakfast. Nagisa imagined him being the kind of person who would yank open your curtains at six AM and exclaim how beautiful it looked outside, and then pulled the covers off you and rolled you out of bed, like an annoying mother when you had to get ready for school.

He turned to face the empty side of the bed, staring at the unkempt sheets where Rei had been laid. He reached out and pulled one of his pillows against his chest, which was still warm and smelt like Rei's clothes and shampoo. He sighed deeply, burying his nose in the pillow. He didn't want to talk to Rei about what happened last night. He feared it would scare him, if he wasn't petrified enough already. He didn't want to talk to the cops, either, but he felt he had the duty to. What if it happened again? What if he got his hands on Momo? Who was to say? Nagisa squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to think about it. Rei's muffled voice was heard through the walls, and Nagisa smiled a little. He couldn't believe he was taking the day off just for him. It was like he was special, as if he mattered. But this was different from his sisters, or his dad, or his friends, yet he wasn't exactly sure how, or why. He clasped the pillow close to his chest and closed his eyes again with a tiny, content sigh, and lay there in a daydream until the smell of breakfast caused him to rise. He pulled Rei's t-shirt back over his bare torso and tugged the borrowed hoodie over his shoulders as he padded into the kitchen, bare feet starting to chill against the tiles.

He couldn't help but feel a little flutter in his chest when he saw Rei, standing over the stove in his blue cardigan, his hair sticking up at the back, toes pointed as he rubbed the back of his ankle with his right foot, pouring a yellow mixture into a saucepan and sighing to himself.

 _If only he was singing_ , Nagisa thought, hugging himself tight.  __T_ hat would be the icing on the cake. _

Rei turned his head and smiled warmly. "Scrambled egg?"

Nagisa nodded happily. "Yes, please! I'm starving." he grinned, running a hand over his head.

He watched him for another couple of minutes, the atmosphere around them heavy as they started to think about the same thing, one testing the other to bring it up first, the silence between them awkward, one that made Rei's shoulder's tense up and Nagisa's breathing to shallow, a tightness in his throat. Nagisa clenched his fist, closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

“Nagisa,” Rei began slowly, cautiously, unable to look him in the face in fear of rejection. “We need to talk--”

“I need to call Momo.” he said quickly, completely cutting off any attempt of a conversation to do with his patched up wounds and horrific nightmares of the night before. “It's important.”

Rei sighed, a little irritated, but nodded. “Of course.” he turned to see Nagisa fiddling with his cell, nibbling his lip and twirling his bangs. “You can go outside, if you would prefer.”

Nagisa nodded, clutching his cell tight. “All right. Thank you.” he said quietly, and turned on his heel, headed for his balcony.

As soon as he opened the double doors, a chilled, still air hit his warm cheeks, making him shiver. Nonetheless, he closed the door behind him as to not let the draught in and leaned against the railing, looking out over the playing fields at the back of Rei's building, breathing in the fresh air morning air and found himself smiling, a brand new feeling filling his chest, but he didn't really know what it was quite yet. It was warm, glowing, yet it ached, but not in a bad way. His mind flitted back to that morning, the kisses he and Rei had shared, even if brief and fleeting, they still made his face tingle, heart flutter and happiness burst into butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He'd never really felt like this before, for _anyone_. He'd known him for a month or so and he'd already fallen madly and head over heels in--

Nagisa covered his mouth with hand, eyes wide, stopping the thought with a halt. That couldn't be right. He couldn't be. Could he? He'd never really _been_ in love with before, so how could he know how it felt? Was it the warmth he felt in his arms? Was it the aching he felt in his chest when he missed him, when he thought about him? Was it feeling as if you were glowing, inside and out? Because if it was, he was in big trouble.

Knocking the realisation off with a 'humph', he gripped his phone so hard that the sides of it dug into his skin, and bought up Momo's number, bracing himself for an argument, or maybe even worse.

Rei placed the steaming plate of scrambled egg and toast on the table, looking out at Nagisa, his blonde curls golden beneath the sunlight, making him look almost angelic. He had his back to him, so he couldn't really tell what he was saying, but common sense overruled guess and he knew he was telling his friend about what had happened to him the night before. Rei sighed deeply, letting his shoulders slouch over in defeat. What was he doing? He didn't know Nagisa. He wasn't an old friend or an ex lover or anything like that, so why was he doing all of this for him? The obvious reasons aside, he didn't have to come with him today. He didn't have to invite him into bed with him. He didn't have to call in sick or make him breakfast or lend him clothes. So why was he doing it? Because he was kind? Because he was generous? His mother's genes were strong, but even she was not this hospitable. So what was it? Nagisa was just some guy he met at a strip club. He was covered in tattoos and had eccentric piercings, no high school diploma, two sisters that had a different father to him and a job that he would usually look down on. So why? What was so different about Nagisa Hazuki?

Rei raised his eyes to the balcony again, watching as Nagisa turned, his profile beautiful beneath the golden sunlight, a slight breeze blowing wisps of hair over his forehead and cheekbones. His brow was furrowed, his nose crinkled and mouth in a tiny little pout. Rei found himself smiling at this, and it clicked.

He was in love with him.

Rei shook his head, turning back towards the stove and cracking eggs into a plastic bowl, frowning as he whisked. _How ridiculous!_ He thought, his hand getting more vigorous. _I can't love him. I barely even know   him! He's just a guy I'm doing a favour for, that's all._

He poured the whisked eggs into the saucepan and popped bread into the toaster, sighing once again, remembering just half an hour ago when Nagisa was cuddling into him.  _He's just a guy I like the idea of possibly having sex with and I'm doing a favour for him._ He thought bitterly to himself, rubbing his tired eyes behind his glasses as he stirred his eggs. _That's normal, right? I'm delusional. Tired. Maybe his vulnerability last night made him more attractive to me. That's completely rational. But love!? No way. Not at all. Never._

He opened the cupboard, pulled out a dinner plate, and set it beside the toaster, scraping the cooked eggs onto his plate and switching off the hob. Turning his head, he caught sight of Nagisa running a hand through his hair as he sighed, eyes closed, soft, pretty lips parted as he exhaled. His skin looked beautifully pale against the blue sky, the cloudless morning letting the sunshine illuminate every perfect freckle and hair on his body.

The toaster pinged and his bread popped out of their slots.  _OK,_ Rei thought, hand to his che st as his heart thumped against his rib cage.  _It's not a bad thing to be in love with someone. Especially with someone like Nagisa._

Nagisa returned to the kitchen in exactly five minutes time, looking distraught and incredibly irritated, but he cheered up a little once he saw the breakfast Rei had prepared for him, smiling weakly at how caring he was.

"Is this for me?" Nagisa breathed, pulling out the chair behind the meal and perching in it.

"Oh, yes," Rei smiled at him, sitting opposite him with his own breakfast. "But it might be a little cold. I could warm it up for you..."

He may as well have not said anything at all, because as soon as one word left Rei's lips, Nagisa was bolting it down at such a rate Rei couldn't even comprehend what it was doing to his system. "You're going to give yourself indigestion." Rei sighed, starting on his own.

"Oh, no, I won't." Nagisa waved him off, fork in hand. "I never have done before."

They ate breakfast together in silence, the both of them too wrapped up in their own thoughts to acknowledge the others existence, until Rei asked how Momo was on the topic of what had happened to him. Whatever that _was._ He still didn't _know._ He needed to. For his sake.

Nagisa stopped chewing, rolling his eyes. “He didn't even answer. He's probably still with the girl he picked up last night.” he muttered, shovelling more food into his mouth with a grumble.

Rei raised his eyebrows at him. “Momo?” he began to chuckle to himself, shaking his head.

Nagisa smirked, tapping his fork against his lips. “I know, right. I mean, I see the appeal, I really do, but... He's so...” he struggled, trying to find the right wording to describe one of his best friends. “Loud?”

“So are you!” Rei laughed, bringing his glass of water to his lips. “Maybe boisterous is the right word?”

Nagisa nodded, pointing at him with his fork. “That's the word!” he sighed, tilting his head. “He can't help it, but he could at least tone it down.”

Rei cocked his head to one side, furrowing his brow. “He can't help what?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“Oh, right – he's got ADD. Had it since he was a little kid. He used to take meds for it but he stopped. I dunno why. He wants to get back on them though, cos it's beginning to mess with his head again.” he explained loosely, lifting his glass and taking a small sip of juice. “Not like Ai's messing, but a different kind – he's finding it hard to concentrate again, he interrupts people. He has spells where he can't sit still, like he's all over the place at one point, talking non-stop and doing things in double quick time – and he's completely fine the next. He can be a little bit fidgety and he still can't read situations well, but at least he isn't rushing about. He can't drink, he can't have sugar, he can't let himself get hyped. But he does anyway.” he raised his head as he set his drink down, smiling apologetically at Rei. “Sorry, this must be boring.”

“No, no! Not at all. My brother has it. Not as bad, it sounds, but I understand where you're coming from. They mean well, but it can get hectic.” he sighed, finishing his breakfast in one more mouthful and setting his cutlery together. “Would you like some coffee?”

Nagisa nodded, a small smile causing his face to brighten. “Please! I'm not really awake yet.” he yawned, setting down his own knife and fork and stretching his arms above his head. “I'm sorry about last night.”

Rei blinked at him, mouth pulled in a straight line, wondering if he could lure him into confessing to him exactly what had happened to him that night. “It's really all right. Honestly. Whenever you need help, please, don't be afraid to call me. I'll do my best to help you.”

Nagisa blushed lightly, scratching his cheek as he dropped his eyes to the table, focusing on his empty plate rather than the violet intensity of Rei's eyes. “Yeah,” he mumbled, sighing lightly. “Sure.”

The kitchen was as silent as it was before, the heaviness and awkwardness between the two returning. Rei flattened his hand against the table top and pulled himself up, his chair scraping against the kitchen tiles, breaking the silence. “Look, Nagisa--”

“Yes, OK, I know.” he sighed heavily, head in his hands, fingers raking through his curls. “I don't know what happened either, OK?”

Rei took away both of their plates and loaded them into the dishwasher, not saying a word. Nagisa continued to stare at his table cloth, which was white, with black stripes. He ran his hands over his head and interlocked his fingers at the back of his neck, squeezing his eyes shut, listening to Rei shuffling around his small kitchen, getting out mugs and filling his machine with coffee, sighing to himself as he filled something with water, the faucet dripping into the metallic sink as he shut it off. Nagisa sighed too, bringing his head up and staring at the back of Rei's, taking in the tufty hair growing where it had been recently cut, his butterscotch skin prickling as a cold breeze rippled in through the open window. He lifted his hand to rub the back of it, large and strong, the perfect size to fit his hands inside, warm them up, feel secure.

Rei heard the chair behind him push away from the table, and before he knew it two arms were wound around his torso, forehead between his shoulder blades, the embrace warm and heartfelt. Rei sighed again, his quick heartbeat ringing in his ears. “Are you OK?” he asked him quietly, resting a hand atop of his.

Nagisa said nothing, just held on tighter, fingers clinging to his t-shirt. Rei patted his hand gently, a small smile on his face. “It's OK. I know you don't want to talk about it, but it might make it easier for you. Once you tell me, someone you know, then you could tell anyone.”

“I don't want to frighten you.” he mumbled into his cardigan, nuzzling into the cosy material. “I've done enough of that already.”

Rei moved his hands away from his torso and turned towards him, resting his hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes, earnest and honest. “You're safety matters more to me than anything else. Some guy attacked you. That's frightening enough. I just want to know how and why it happened.” he squeezed his shoulders as Nagisa nodded in understanding, bringing his fingers to his lips and rubbing them, concentrating on not breaking down again, as he had done before. “All right. If you sit in the lounge, I'll make you your coffee and we can chat about it, OK?”

Nagisa nodded again, and Rei smiled sadly, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “Good.” he said gently, and let go, just like that, leaving him flushed, a hand to his forehead.

He resumed the position he was in the night before, knees to his chest, staring at his reflection in the TV screen. He looked as tired, drained and unhappy as he did the night before, hair all over the place, eyes puffy and red from crying so much the night before, lips dry, his wrists aching and neck stinging beneath the soft plaster and adhesive. He ran his hands down his face, trying to rub away the fatigue and sadness that settled there, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, his eyes drooped, his mood stayed low, shoulders slouched over in defeat. He fiddled with his fringe again, letting it slowly escape from his grasp as he pulled at it. Rei set two spotty mugs on his coffee table before him, smiling kindly at him.

“You like two sugars, right?” he asked, sitting down beside him and sitting with his legs folded beside him, twitching his glasses.

Nagisa nodded, pushing his hair back with a small sigh. “Rei... I'm sorry that I've made you worry so much. But...” he struggled, refusing to look at him, hands playing with the corner of his t-shirt, busying himself as he talked. “Last night, a guy followed me home. I don't know how, I don't know why, I don't know who he is, why he wanted me, why he needed me. But all I know is that he's dangerous. He's so dangerous.” he exhaled shakily, squaring his shoulders. “He... held a knife to my throat, you know, the cut... and he asked me about Mo.”

Rei blinked at him, eyes wide. “What? What about?” he breathed, leaning forwards.

“Like... If I knew anything about him. If I was close to him. Then he told me he would fuck me over. Like, Momo. Momotaru Mikoshiba, the twat with the orange hair who struggles to sit down for more than a few minutes, for Gods sake. What the Hell could he have done?” he shook his head, the whole concept of Momo ever doing anything so _awful_ someone who seemed almost as terrifying as a gang member held a knife to his friends fucking neck. “It's insane!”

Rei pressed a finger to his lips, thinking this information through. “How long have you known him? As long as Ai? Or longer?” he quizzed, furrowing his brow.

Nagisa rubbed the back of his head, raising his eyes to the ceiling, digging around in his head as to when he'd actually _made_ friends with the hyperactive kid. “Eh, when he was twenty. So... Two years ago? We haven't been friends long.”

“Hm,” Rei muttered, lifting his coffee and pressing it against his lips, his brow furrowing further. “He's got to have some kind of history. When did he leave home?”

Nagisa shrugged, eyebrow raised. “I dunno. He still sees his brother and sister. They're so nice. I dunno about his parents.” he shook his head, closing his eyes. “Anyway, whatever he's done, it's got to be bad. Like, really bad.”

Rei sipped his drink, continuing his thought process as he watched Nagisa lift his own coffee and huddle further into his sofa, nibbling on his lip as he stared off into space. “As long as you're all right.” he said, finally, letting up his brow to give him a softer smile. “That's all that really matters right now.”

Nagisa glanced over at him, a pink flushing his pale cheeks. “You're such a dork, you know that, right?” he grinned, eyes sparkling for the first time since the night before.

“I do, but because you haven't left me yet or ceased contact with me, am I right to assume you like it? Even just a little bit?” he smiled back, pushing his glasses up his nose and raising his eyebrows, eyes playful.

Nagisa reached over and tapped his sharp nose lightly with his fingertip, making him chuckle. “You're right.” he set his coffee mug down and leaned forwards, their faces inches away from each others. “But it's only a little bit.”

Rei blinked at him, unable to work out why he was suddenly so close to him, their noses close to touching, his pretty eyes on his. Rei set his own mug down and pressed his hands against his cheeks, which were exceptionally warm from the heat of the drink. Nagisa smiled a little, pressing a bandaged up hand against the one cupping his soft, cool skin. “Your hands are so warm.” he murmured, closing his eyes. “I love them.”

Rei brushed his lips against his, barely touching them, but Nagisa still felt the aching, tingling sensation he had done earlier, his lips craving another sweet, small kiss. His hand's ached to be held and his arms ached to embrace him. He wanted to feel all of his warmth and every single heartbeat, breathing in his scent that always lingered on his skin, on his clothes, in his hair. He wanted his hands on his back, on his hips, on his thighs. Everywhere. He wanted so desperately to feel loved and needed by Rei that he couldn't take the aching much longer and pressed his lips hard against Rei's, needing that taste of sweet morning coffee lingering on his tongue throughout the day, a small pick-me-up he needn't forget.

He thought Rei was going to pull away at first. He didn't kiss him back to begin with – he'd tensed up, like he had done last time, and almost jerked away like a jumpscare had caught him off guard – but he relaxed into it, pulling Nagisa in closer and parting his lips, inviting him into a deeper, more intimate kiss. Nagisa wouldn't let his guard down, however, and he didn't really know why. But as soon as Rei was comfortable enough to kiss him as he wanted to for weeks, his more immature side had to ruin it for them – he blew into his mouth, creating a loud farting noise, which made them both snort and giggle, feeling like fifth graders, pulling away from each other as the intimacy faded.

“ _That_ was dorky,” Rei grinned, moving his hands away from his face. “What was that?”

Nagisa tightened up his lips into a small pout and pushed air through them, creating another fart sound, before laughing to himself, covering his mouth with his hand as Rei rolled his eyes. “That's so childish.” he muttered, but he was smiling.

“No, it's not! Don't you think it's cute?” he cried in defensively, leaning into him and going to kiss him again, as if to prove something, but Rei pressed a finger against his lips, raising his eyebrows.

“You know what's cute? Puppies. You know what isn't? Making fart noises in your crushes mouth.”

Nagisa snorted with laughter. “No! Aw, come on, I do it all the time! All my ex's thought it was cute.” he smirked, eyebrow raised.

“Well, I don't appreciate it. And, secondly, I'm not--”

He was cut short by Nagisa lips on his once again, blowing another raspberry against his mouth. He found himself laughing, despite his dislike towards this odd act of affection. “Stop that!” he chuckled, rubbing his lips. “It tickles.”

Nagisa threw his arms around him, holding him tightly and nuzzling his nose in his neck. Rei smiled gently, winding his strong arms around his torso and holding him close.

“Thank you for everything, Rei.” he mumbled into his shoulder, clinging to him with all his might, trying to push all of his appreciation into one big, tight cuddle. “It means the world to me.”

Rei shook his head, rubbing his back. “It's quite all right, Nagisa. You deserve no better than the world itself.”

Nagisa found himself giggling, squeezing him affectionately. “Dork.”

* * *

Whilst Rei was showering and changing, Nagisa tidied away the futon he had abandoned last night as best he could, considering he was the one who left it in a mess in the first place. He folded blankets and stacked the two pillows atop the sheets, and once he was finished, he collapsed into his cool, leather couch and rested his head against the pile of blankets, pulling his knees to his chest and scanning the room. He learnt that the ridiculous dog he'd met the last time he was here was at the vets, having been there for a few days, recovering from an operation on his stomach, as he'd had one when he was a puppy for swallowing his house keys, and he wasn't able to shit them out, so they had to cut them out of him. He's had to go back to renew the stitching in his stomach. Nagisa couldn't think of anything _worse_. Poor pup.

Nagisa familiarised himself with the room he was sat in – it was large, perfectly square, the furniture all matching up to the wallpaper and the carpet. Black and white frames collected around the room, full of family photographs and simple art pieces of sketchy, half nude women and watercolours of fish in water. Everything was so neat and so particular Nagisa imagined he would have a heart attack if he went any deeper into his apartment than the front door. He looked along the bookshelf, where different sized photo frames sat, containing some old photographs.

There was one photo that caught his eye, though, out of many, and that sat beside what looked like fictional books, maybe sci-fi, Nagisa wasn't really sure, but he could tell from a distance there were quite a few people in the photo, around six or seven, and at first glance, it looked like a family photograph, as they were packed so tightly together. But when he pulled himself up and took a closer look, none of these people looked like they would belong to Rei's family. He recognised three out of the seven people in the picture – Jaws, the guy who called Boss and asshole and Rei – but the two other guys and two other girls he did not recognise in the slightest. There was a girl with bright red hair who looked a little like Jaws, who he could only assume was his relation, another girl with shoulder-length hair and a big bust, a guy with black hair and another with pretty green puppy eyes. They all looked so happy together, and maybe just a little drunk, their skin tanned, (especially Rei, who looked almost like he came from the heart of the Caribbean) and their smiles genuine, something about them making Nagisa feel somewhat welcomed. Behind them loomed tall coconut trees that were wrapped in fairy lights, a large, turquoise pool which reflected the silver moon that hung low in the purple of the night sky, stars scattered like sequins over scenery. The seven of them were on holiday together, it seemed, in a bar on a balcony, and they looked as if they were having a good time. Nagisa smiled, crouching down and setting it back where he'd found it, ever so carefully, as to not break anything, which he was notorious for.

He scoured the shelves for more pictures like that, and actually found quite a few, with all of the people in the holiday picture. There was one of him, Jaws and the mysterious girl with shoulder-length hair, their faces painted with the stuff people wore at those ultra-violet clubs. It made Nagisa chuckle a little, as it looked like the three of them were at a festival, with the crowd in the background and the pretty flowers plaited in mystery girls and Jaws' hair. Nagisa never really categorised Rei as a festival goer. Or the type of person who would go on a drunken voyage with his friends, as a matter of fact. The longer Nagisa stared at the photograph, the more he realised there was still so much he didn't know about him. When was this picture taken? Recently? Two years ago? College? High-school? How was he to know? It actually looked as if it had been cut up, as Jaws and the mystery girl were very close together, her arms around his waist, and Rei was pulling the peace sign, leaning against Jaws' shoulder, but it looked as if half of Rei's arm was missing. Maybe it was the photograph, but he couldn't really tell, as the frame containing it hid it well. When the bathroom door unlocked, Nagisa jumped out of his skin and almost dropped the frame, but he gripped onto it tight, heart beating quick, a flush making his face heat in embarrassment.

"Are you snooping about at my photo's, Nagisa?" Rei smiled, looking fresh as a daisy in a blue button up shirt and a pair of black jeans that he'd rolled up at the ankles. "I don't mind. Some of them are very old, mind you."

Nagisa felt himself go a darker red, still staring at the festival picture. "When was this taken?" he blurted, pointing at the picture in hand.

Rei looked over his shoulder, and laughed lightly. "Oh! Years ago, when I was in my second year at college. Rin and Gee," he pointed at Jaws' and mystery girl. "Convinced me and an ex to go on a double date with them to a festival somewhere. Don't ask me what it was called. They go to things like that all the time, but it was the first and the last time for myself. I had fun, but I couldn't see myself at a place like that again. I like loud music, I like people – just not together, drunk and drugged up."

 __That explains why it's cut in half_ _ _,_ Nagisa thought, running his finger over Rei's missing arm.

"Why'd you keep the picture if it had your ex in it?" Nagisa asked gently, propping it back up against a small statue of a Chinese Warrior.

"Because it's a good photo. And Gee looks nothing like that now," Rei explained, picking up the folded blankets and puling them his chest. "She's grown her hair out and dyed her fringe blue. Rin goes on about it all the time." he rolled his eyes, as if it were more annoying to him than it probably was for her. "But I think it looks good. I think I have a photo on my phone of her now, actually."

Nagisa watched him walk out of the room with the blankets, smiling a little. "Are they dating?" he called out to him.

"They have been for almost three years, I think." Rei called back, pulling open the drawer beneath his bed and squashing down the sheets. "She's actually a good friend of Mako's, from High School. We all just kind of fit in, really."

Nagisa picked up the photograph of the holiday makers again, staring at Rin and Gee. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him, and she was laughing, cheeks flushed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Hey, Rei, who are all these people?" Nagisa asked once Rei returned into the lounge. Rei rested a hand on Nagisa's shoulder and bent down to his height, making Nagisa blush.

He smiled slightly, forgetting that he'd had this printed in the first place. "Ah. OK. Sousuke, Haru, his boyfriend Makoto, Rin's sister Gou, and then the obvious," he said, pointing out each person individually. "We'd just graduated from college and we got all our money together to go to Ibiza. Again, that was the first and the last time I'll ever go, but Ibiza is a once in a lifetime thing, I suppose."

Nagisa looked up at him, stunned. "I've never been."

Rei raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he looked back at the picture. "As much as I say I didn't like it, I had a good time. Maybe you and your friends should get together."

Nagisa fidgeted awkwardly beneath the gentle hold he had on him. "I've never been out of the US before."

Rei stood to his full height, hand still on Nagisa's shoulder, expression skeptical. "Are you sure? You've never been to Spain? Or Turkey? Or Egypt? Or anywhere like that?"

Nagisa shook his head, almost ashamed. "I don't have a rich family, like you. My dad took me and my sister to Florida and California, and maybe Los Angeles, but I've never, ever been abroad." he stared at the photograph, holding it tight between his fingertips. "You're lucky."

Rei winced at this, only just realising how selfish and rude he must have sounded. "Well, I wouldn't call it lucky," he said softly, squeezing Nagisa's shoulder. "I would call it..."

Nagisa looked up at him with a smile. "Privileged?"

Rei shook his head.

"Having rich parents?"

He shook his head again.

"A father who _actually_ spends his money on his family?"

Rei chuckled. "Nagisa,"

"What?" Nagisa said, as innocently as he could – but he was grinning. "It's true! Your family is loaded and you know it." he pointed at his shirt, trying to emphasise his point. "Is that  __Ralph Lauren_ _?"

Rei covered the logo on the breast pocket with his hand. "Maybe it is," he blushed, his clothes not really doing him any favours in this argument. "But it is pretty old."

Nagisa laughed loudly at his attempt to save himself. "So what? You can still afford it! And you can afford to go to all these places!"

Rei smiled down at him. "It's also good to have families that live all over the world. The amount of times I've visited Spain is unreal. And Japan, as a matter of fact."

"Poor you," Nagisa muttered sarcastically, and Rei sighed.

"Sorry, sorry. I shan't go on about it." he kissed Nagisa's forehead gently in a try hard apology. "OK, so, what's on the agenda?"

Nagisa puffed out his cheeks, remembering why he was here in the first place, the light-hearted conversation and silly kisses that morning having feigned off the sinking feeling he'd had in his gut since he'd woken up. "Well... I guess we have to see the cops first." he felt tears well in his eyes at the thought of it, unsure on how to feel, heart thumping in his chest. "I'm not sure if I'm ready, Rei."

Rei pried the photograph out of Nagisa's grip and set it down gently on the coffee table. "I know, it's difficult, but I'll be with you, OK?" he smiled sadly at him, taking a bandaged hand in his and squeezing it gently. "You're not alone in this."

Nagisa felt two tears drip from his bottom lashes, and he wiped them away furiously, sniffing. "OK." he mumbled, voice shaken. "Thank you."

Rei chuckled. "Don't be silly." he let go of his hand and pulled him into his chest, holding him close, arms wound tight around his shoulders and back. "Like I said, I'm here to look after you."

* * *

There wasn't much Nagisa could remember about the man, or much he __wanted_ _ to remember, and no matter how many times the woman asked him, he refused to describe him, only uttering the words 'I can't remember', over and over again. If he were taken in, he might get Mom o into trouble. He couldn't have that at all. Although they'd only been friends for a few years, that didn't mean he wasn't as precious as any other friend or family member he has. He loved him as much as he loved Ai, and all he wanted for him was to be as happy as he had been when he met him, not behind bars for something he may not have even done. Maybe the guy was just _crazy_.

"Just do your best, we need to know every detail." the woman kept repeating, not once getting annoyed or angry at him.

Nagisa had his fingers curled around Rei's, gripping on tightly, trying to calm himself down. Every now and again, Rei would give him a small squeeze, subtle reassurance as he began to tremble as hard as he was last night. Eventually, after the longest silence known to man, one that took an eternity, he opened his mouth, and a tumble of messed up words fell out, tears streaming down his cheeks and talking so quickly he had to repeat himself multiple times. When asked if that's all he knew, he nodded. They promised to look for him. They promised to keep him and his friend safe from this crazy, knife wielding white guy with scars on his face and stars up his neck.

Nagisa believed every word.

Once they left the station, Nagisa was as white as a sheet, shaking like a leaf and damp with tears. Rei suggested they went to pick up his mad dog from the vets.

"Maybe he'll cheer you up." he smiled kindly, squeezing his hand gently as they walked towards his car. "I think he's been missing you."

Nagisa couldn't help but let his lips twitch into a little smile. He loved Rei's dog. Almost as much as he loved Rei himself.

Destrey was barking like nothing of it when a greyscale version of his father and his brand new friend walked into the kennels, his tail wagging at ridiculous speeds, knocking on the cage door of some poor, white Scotty dog with a broken leg, who looked completely done in, but had no energy to complain about the noise and the whiff of dog butt.

"Hello, Des!" Rei greeted, crouching down before him and scratching his best friend behind the ear. "Have you been good?"

Nagisa crouched beside Rei, hands on his knees, watching him talk to the cheery veterinary nurse that had his dog on a leash. Destrey took a few steps forward and snuffled Nagisa's hair and neck, then started to lick his cheeks, trying to clean away his tear stains, understanding his upset, which made him giggle, his hot tongue rough against his smooth skin.

"Hello," he said softly, smiling slightly as he ran his hands over the black and white mop of curls upon his head. "You look happy for someone who's been away from his Daddy for so long."

Destrey tried to get closer to him, but the nurse pulled him back, and Destrey sat still, tail still wagging ferociously, tongue hanging lopsidedly out of his mouth, kind of like the dog from _UP_ . Nagisa stood as Rei did, and the smiley nurse lead them into the reception, where Nagisa sat on the floor with Destrey, who was sitting between his knees, tail hitting his hip over and over again, but something about it was relaxing, so he didn't rea lly mind it, while Rei was paying for his surgery. Nagisa ran his fingers through Destrey's fur, careful of the new stitching on his stomach, cheek against the warmth of his back, watching Rei talk to the receptionist. She was laughing with him, tossing her long, blonde hair over her shoulder, sitting with her head in her hands, fluttering her long lashes at him. Nagisa grinned, hiding his face in the dogs back. Did he get this all the time? Was he so totally oblivious to the fact that people  _were_ flirting with him? Because the way he was talking to her, his body language open and smile kind, looked as if he had no idea.

 __He's such a dork_ _ , Nagisa thought, feeling himself flush with embarrassment as he adjusted his glasses the way he always did and explained something the receptionist obviously did not care about, but she was still sitting the way she had been as soon as he'd walked in, blue eyes bright and lips in a little pout.

"Your dad is oblivious to pretty much everything, isn't he, Des?" Nagisa sighed, tearing his eyes away from the unbearably embarrassing situation and scratching the back of Destrey's neck, causing him to sneeze a little, his scratching unexpected. "Still, he's way smarter than me."

Destrey stood as Rei walked towards them, Nagisa having to stand up too to avoid permanent damage by Destrey's extremely strong tail.

"All set?" Rei asked with a kind smile, taking the dogs lead out of Nagisa's hand.

The small blonde nodded, reaching out and taking his free hand, interlocking their fingers. He turned his head and winked at the woman on reception, who had gone a bright red, eyes wide as Rei squeezed his hand. He grinned, shrugged a little, and left the building, somehow feeling a swell of pride and a weird sense of happiness as he walked alongside Rei, the person who was kind to him, the person who cared about him, the person he knew so little about but somehow fell in love with him all the same. His cheeks stained pink at this thought, his heart thumping hard in his chest. Rei noticed this, smiling down at him. “You've gone bright red.” he chuckled, and Nagisa hid his face behind his hand, the cool of his palm shocking against the heat of his cheeks.

“I know!” he found himself giggling, dizzy with this brand new feeling. “I feel a little drunk.”

Rei blinked down at him. “How so?” he then smiled a little. “Unless it's something like a song. You know. Drunk in love.”

His heart leapt at this, but Nagisa kept his cool, snorting a little. “Like _Beyoncé_?” he grinned, and Rei nodded, making him laugh.

“Exactly like Beyoncé. My brothers favourite person. You wouldn't think it, would you?” he raised his eyebrows, causing Nagisa to laugh more.

“You sure _he's_ not the gay one? Who else is he into, Lady Ga Ga? Britney Spears? Nicki Minaj?” he listed, counting them on his fingers. “Although... I do like Nicki Minaj.”

They reached his car, and Nagisa lingered around him as he got Destrey into the back seat. “You like Nicki Minaj? The rapper?” he chuckled, scratching Destrey's head and feeding him a stick treat, which he chewed on appreciatively. “ _You a stupid hoe_ ?” he repeated in an attempt to sound like her, making Nagisa cringe, grimacing as he laughed, kicking his calf playfully, making Rei chuckle. “Shut up. Don't ever repeat those words like that _again_.” he muttered, pushing him lightly as he stood up straight.

“Am I not allowed to appreciate the artist? Not even the classics like _Super Bass_ or _Anaconda_?” he joked, a grin on his face.

Nagisa stuck out his tongue at him. “Make all the fun you want, but _I_ like her.” he pulled open the passenger seat door, leaning against it, eyebrows raised. “You didn't seem to mind her when I was stripping to one of her songs the night you were there. Pervert.”

Rei flushed a dark red as Nagisa climbed into his car and slammed the door shut, his mind flitting back to the night they met, but he couldn't remember a thing. Was he really that drunk? He clearly remembered Nagisa touching his thigh, Nagisa smelling of sex and sweat, Nagisa sparkling beneath the floodlights and bare aside from the lingerie he was wearing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't go back to his performance, if he could call it that. Was it bad? Did he really like it that much? He must have, enough for Nagisa Hazuki, a stripper for all appropriate ages, all genders and all sexualities called him a pervert. Pulling his lips into a straight line, he jumped into the drivers seat, slamming the door behind him, and looking over at Nagisa, who was texting Momo, by the look of frustration on his face. “What do you mean, _pervert_?” he cried, deeply offended at this comment.

Nagisa raised his eyebrow at him, a small smile on his face. “You don't remember shit, do you?” he grinned, locking his phone and tucking it in his jacket pocket. “I watched you the entire time. You were mesmerised. I had you on a lock before you knew it, Ryugazaki.”

Rei scratched the back of his neck, trying his hardest to remember, but to no avail, shaking his head. “Nope. I don't remember anything, other than getting your number. What did I do?”

Nagisa shrugged, a playful smirk on his face. “I dunno. I couldn't tell you, I had a job to do. But you were looking me up and down, your eyes were hungry, like a wild animal. Like you were gonna eat me. I loved it.” he blew his fringe up, body suddenly growing hot. He didn't know whether this was out of embarrassment or otherwise, but it was exciting. “I wanted to fuck you. Honestly. Right then and there. But when I got closer you seemed so afraid of me, like I was the first man who'd ever approached you, so I was soft on you. And now we're here.”

Rei covered mouth with his hands, pressing his forehead against his steering wheel, having never felt so embarrassed in his life. “God... Was I really like that?” he breathed, staring at his feet.

“Uh-huh,” Nagisa giggled, crossing his arms over his chest. “That's the power of Nicki.”

Rei shook his head with a smile, lifting it and putting his key into the ignition. “I don't think it was Nicki. Alcohol and your naked body, maybe.” he muttered, beginning to pull out of the parking lot.

Nagisa just shrugged, a small smile on his face. “Sure. Whatever.” he laughed to himself, rubbing the back of his head. “You're a pervert either way.”

* * *

 

Nagisa stayed at Rei's for the rest of the day, cuddling with his dog and even having a nap, feeling so warm and happy, not really taking into consideration that Momo could be waiting for him, or that he hadn't heard from Ai in quite a while either. He knew it was awful, but he didn't care. He was genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. He woke around four in the afternoon, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He noticed a blanket tucked around his shoulders, and Destrey was still huddled up beside him, enjoying being used as a make-shift pillow, the warmth of his hands and hair sending him to sleep, too. He glanced around the room, noticing the glowing lamp in the corner of the room, and a figure hunched over his desk, a pen to his lips, squinting at his computer screen, then flipping through some books, making some notes, then going back to squinting at his computer.

Nagisa threw back the blanket, stood up slowly and stretched out, clicking his back and groaning a little, breaking Rei's streak and causing his head to turn, a small smile on his face. “Good afternoon.” he greeted, watching him rub his eyes. “Sleep well?”

Nagisa nodded, walking towards him and winding his arms around his shoulders, resting his chin on his head. “What you up to?” he asked, squinting at the computer screen and scanning the words. “Criminal Justice? Bleh. How long you been doing this?”

Rei shrugged, skimming through a couple of pages in his textbook and writing a few things down. “Since you've been asleep. So... a couple of hours. I'll stop in a bit.” he sighed, biting down on the top of his pen. “I've got to babysit my nieces in a little while, so--”

“What? Really?” Nagisa breathed, bending to face height, tilting his head and smiling at him. “Can I come?”

Rei chuckled. “Sure. I'm sure my brother and his wife are interested in you, if my mother has said anything to my brother, which, in all honesty, she most likely has.” he sighed, tapping the side of his head with the tip of his pen. “I wish she wasn't so involved.”

Nagisa smiled sweetly. “I think it's nice. I don't really see my mom any more.” he shrugged, moving his arms from around his shoulders and drifting towards his sofa, plonking himself back into his space and switching on his TV.

He flicked through channels, head in his hand, as Rei finished up his notes, not minding the quiet background noise in the slightest. It bought him back to Earth, much like Nagisa's light snoring had, that little sound tearing him away from the depressing world of the criminally insane and psychologically scarred. It seemed he had settled on a music channel, pop music drifting through his TV's speakers and slowly taking him away from his studying and into a different kind of world, the lyrics sending him into a daydream. Once the ad's began, he started packing up, knowing he would not get much done with Nagisa awake. If he was going to stay over more, he will have to have a schedule, like with a baby. Whenever the baby sleeps, he sleeps. In this case, whenever Nagisa sleeps, he studies, as much as he can.

The music was back on, and Nagisa gasped at a track the narrator of the show announced, shooting forwards, causing Destrey to jump, and hop off the sofa, in search for his bed, uncomfortable now Nagisa was awake and active.

“ _This was it_!” he cried, waving at the TV as a distorted video began. “Do you remember?”

Rei stood slowly, standing before the TV and watching as a figure moved around, before closing his eyes and listening to the beginning of the song, trying his hardest to remember, but he couldn't, his memory of his twenty-third birthday a complete blur. Then she started singing, and a pair of hands were on his hips. He opened his eyes slowly, and Nagisa was stood before him, eyes burning with determination. He pushed him down in his desk chair and leaned into him, breath hot against his cheek, hands trailing over his jaw.

“Nagisa, what are you--”

He pressed his finger against his lips, shaking his head, silencing him. “I wanna make you remember.” he breathed, eyes half closed, face an image of desire for him, but this time, only him. He wasn't a stranger, or part of a crowd. They were in his lounge, listening to a song that somehow put Rei into a forgettable trance. It was either that, or Nagisa in that very moment. He pushed away from him, beginning to move in time with the music, an oddly alluring mix of beautifully choreographed hip rolls, slut drops and hair tosses, his hands above his head or all over his body as he sunk to the floor or twitched his waist, this way and that, one thing Rei couldn't take his eyes off, a strip of pale skin revealed every now and again, his bright blue, boxer brief waistband tight on his hips, peaking over the tops of his skinny jeans. Nagisa's hands travelled over his body as the bass kicked in, a long, slow note making him seem hotter than he had done before. As the beat dropped, he did too, throwing his head back, legs far apart, hands on the floor. He watched Rei with a glint in his eye, a small smirk on his face, watching as he turned into the animal he remembered seeing the night they met.

_Make me, come alive, come on and turn me on,_

_Touch me, save my life, come on and turn me on_

He fell forwards, ass in the air as he crawled towards him, like a predator towards his pray, slow and steady. He moved his hands up Rei's thighs, his torso, to his neck, head tilted back and eyes lustful, biting down on his bottom lip hard. As he stood, he rolled his hips, and before Rei's hands could go anywhere near him, he pushed away, teasing him with a wink. He continued his strangely erotic routine, beginning to unbutton his shirt, his back to Rei, letting his hips talk for him.

_Oh you, oh you, make it right_

_My temperature is super high_

Nagisa pulled open his shirt, letting it fall of his shoulders before turning back around again, revealing his bare, slender form and beautiful tattoos, moving his hands down his body as it moved to the music, his brain not even thinking about it any more, his mind elsewhere, letting the power of the music flood him and use all he had to bring a side of Rei who had existed momentarily out to play, the one that had been watching him with a predatory gaze the entire time, never letting Nagisa take his eyes off his, a smirk playing on his face, one that drove Nagisa crazy. The beat took him away, his whole being lost in the smooth beat and lyrics of the song, body growing hot as he worked it hard, sweat making his whole body shimmer beneath the light. The beat kicked in again, and he was running his hands where Rei was desperate to touch, watching him with a smirk as twitched his hips, this way and that, his stomach muscles rippling at every move.

Nagisa fell into Rei's lap as the beat dropped, rolling his hips against his, hands on his chest, their faces inches away from each others, his hot, panting breath on his cheek.

_Make me, come alive, come on turn me on_

_Touch me, save my life, come on and turn me on_

Rei grabbed the shirt that was still sitting on his shoulders and pulled it off of him, whilst Nagisa grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him upwards, inviting him to touch him wherever and however he wanted.

_I'm too young to die, come on and turn me on_

Rei turned him around and pulled him into him, letting him grind up against him, head tilted and arms above his head as Rei began to kiss his neck, one small hand on his cheek, encouraging him to continue. Rei's left hand ran down his torso, teasing the button on Nagisa's pants.

“I knew it,” Nagisa breathed, letting him kiss the back of his neck, then down his shoulders, his hands still grabbing at his hips and stomach, keeping him close to him. “You're one big pervert.”

_You've got my life in the palm of your hands_

Rei chuckled, but it was different to what Nagisa was used to. Deeper, more deviant, more controlling. “But you're the one throwing yourself at me.” he purred into his ear, before nipping his earlobe, causing him to moan, a gorgeous sound Rei wanted to hear, no, _needed_ to hear over and over again. “I'm only receiving it.”

_Come and save me now, I know you can_

Nagisa pulled away, turning on his heel and gripping his shirt collar, pulling his face into his, letting his large, strong ones search his body, before grabbing onto his ass and squeezing hard, another moan leaving Nagisa's lips. “Fuck me, Rei. Do it.” he breathed, their lips so close to touching. “I want you.”

Rei leant in for a kiss, ready to give in to his wishes – but the song was stopped abruptly by the loudest ad in existence, causing them to jump apart, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. Whatever control Nagisa had over him, it was gone.

The spell was broken.

“Shit,” Rei breathed, hand to his forehead, watching as his crush casually shrugged on his shirt as if nothing had ever happened. “How do you do that?”

Nagisa smiled sweetly, trying his best to pretend it didn't effect him in the slightest, but in all honesty, his body was trembling with anticipation, never having been so excited to have someone else's hands on him before, their arousal making him hot and bothered too. But he just shrugged it off, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach and his heartbeat ringing in his ears. “I dunno.” he ran his hands over his head, sighing shakily, desperately in need of calming down. “Maybe it was the Power of the Minaj.”

Rei blinked at him, for once unable to say a word – before laughing out loud, hand to his forehead. “Oh, wow. Maybe you're right.” he reached out and tweaked his cheek. “There you are. I don't remember the first time, but I'll definitely remember this time. I am kind of like an animal, huh. Sorry about that.” he chuckled – which had also, unfortunately, gone back to the way it was, the one before not coming out until Nagisa can charm him with his teases again, and God knows when that will be.

“Anyway,” he smiled, this one more motherly than lustful, as if his dick hadn't been pressing into his back only a minute or so ago. “We better get ready. Maybe you should shower, you're a bit sweaty.”

Nagisa wiped his brow, breathing out. “And whose fault is that?” he raised his eyebrows at him. “I gotta meet your standards.”

Rei laughed lightly, cupping his cheek in his hand and kissing it gently. “All right, all right. Get ready. This mustn't happen before we go out. Maybe afterwards, would be more suitable.”

Nagisa snorted, raising his eyebrows. “You think I'm going to do this to turn his Lordship on all the time? You got another thing coming.” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Rei raised an eyebrow, smirking to himself. “That would be you, correct?”

He stuck out his tongue before walking away, which Rei returned behind his back, going back to the books scattered on his desk and tidying them away, trying to forget what had just happened, at least, for that night. There would be no harm in dwelling on it later.

* * *

 

They sat in a silence as they made their way to Rei's brother's, an awkwardness settling around them at the situation they'd found themselves in only half an hour ago. Nagisa's hair was still damp from the shower, his skin a slight pink with the heat, staring out of the car window at the twilight sky, an inky blue chasing down the sunset, unable to think of anything to say. Rei didn't have a word to say, either – he just stared out of the windscreen, concentrating on the road, drumming his fingers to the beat of a song on the radio, which was easier to listen to than the silence between them. A spot of water caught Nagisa's eye, which turned into many spots, which then turned into a downpour, the Autumn weather coming on faster than anyone would really expect. Rei sighed deeply, switching on the windscreen wipers with a flick of his hand. Nagisa turned his head, watching him beneath the dim street lights. “You OK?” he asked gently, rubbing the back of his head.

Rei nodded, not looking at him. “Yeah. I'm fine.” he muttered.

Nagisa furrowed his brow, crossing his arms over his chest. “You've been acting weird.” he commented, pouting a little. “Is it about earlier? I know it was forward, but--”

“You shouldn't have done that.” he said quietly, never taking his eyes off the road. “I know what you're intentions were, but... asking me to do that. You hardly know me. I hardly know you. If I'd done what you'd asked, then, what would have happened?”

“We wouldn't be having this conversation,” Nagisa muttered bitterly, sinking further into his seat, turning his head towards the window. “Nothing _bad_ would have happened. We weren't _drunk._ You can't get me pregnant. Nor can I get you pregnant. What's the big deal? It's just sex.”

Rei didn't say a word, not wanting to answer this, because, in certain ways, he was right. But a tiny voice in the back of his head told him that 'just sex' didn't exist. 'Just sex' meant nothing. 'Just sex' was like saying 'it's just a dead dog'. It didn't make sense to him. Sex wasn't something to be thrown around. Yet it wasn't something he was particularly interested in, either. But, thinking this, what the hell happened earlier? If it wasn't something he was interested in, why the hell did he go all out on Nagisa? What was going on in his head at the time? He didn't like that side of him _at all._ He didn't want it to come out ever again. A small gasp broke him from his thoughts, causing him to glance at Nagisa for the first time during their conversation, his hand over his mouth.

“Sorry,” he breathed, shaking his head. “No, you're right, that would be wrong. I'm sorry, Rei, I had _no_ idea. Why didn't you tell me?”

Rei furrowed his brow at him, thoroughly confused. “What are you on about?”

“You're a virgin!”

Rei didn't say anything for a few moments, blinking at the rain drenched streets – before bursting into loud laughter as they rolled up to a stop light, hand to his forehead, another to his stomach, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Nagisa stared at him, eyes wide. “What are you laughing at? If you're a virgin, that's fine--”

“Nagisa, I'm not a virgin.” he chuckled, wiping his eyes beneath his glasses. “I know I'm a dork, but I have had sex before. Multiple times. There's no need to worry about that.”

As he began to drive again, a big grin on his face, Nagisa narrowed his eyes at him. “Then why don't you want to have sex with me?” he cried, offended by this. “Is it something I did?”

Rei shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “No, it's not like that.” he sighed lightly, turning into his brother's street. “It's hard to explain. I'll find a way. Just sit tight for now. Sorry.”

Nagisa sighed, but shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. “It's OK. I mean... it's not a big deal. Sex isn't _everything_.” he tried, raising his eyes up to him.

“Hm,” Rei mumbled, pulling into the driveway and shutting off his car, the sound of the heavy rain filling in for the car radio and whir of the engine. “Maybe not, but you like it, right?”

Nagisa blushed deeply, scratching his cheek. “I mean... Well...” he cleared his throat. “Yeah. I do. Not just in the 'make love' way, either, like...” he rubbed his lips together. “You know. Casual...” he said slowly, as if it were a secret shame.

Rei chuckled. “And that's fine. If that's what you like, then that's what you like. As long as you stay safe, then that's all that matters.” he smiled warmly. “But I'm not like that. If I really care for someone, and they really care for me... I don't mind. If the feeling's mutual, and they want to have sex, then that's fine.”

“But... do you enjoy it?” Nagisa cocked his head to one side, watching him carefully. “I'm sorry if that's a stupid question.”

“No, no, it's fine. I did say it might take some explaining.” he tapped the side of his head, furrowing his brow. “It's not that I don't like it – I mean, you saw for yourself that I did. But that's only because... I think... I feel comfortable around you. And you're so--” he blushed, rubbing his face. “You're so beautiful. But I'm not ready to have sex with you yet. I don't feel like... there's a right connection? We're not on the same page? We don't fit together right, just yet? I don't know. God, I don't know.”

Nagisa patted his leg, smiling kindly. “It's all right. Is that why you don't want me to do it? Because I won't, until you're ready. Not, until you're ready, like, uh... however you said it. On the same page? So I guess, if we're ever in a relationship? Or, like, if we love each other? Or something...” he stopped babbling, biting down on his thumbnail, feeling the fool.

Rei lifted his hand and kissed the bandage gently. “I would say the mutual feeling would have to be love, yes. But... It wouldn't really be for me. It would be for you. And that I don't mind. As long as I'm making you happy.”

Nagisa had so many more questions about this new view on sexuality, but he just nodded, smiling sweetly and squeezing his hand tight.

They stood before the front door, Nagisa a step or so behind him, having rang the door bell and hearing a flowery ' _coming!'_ come from another part of the house. Nagisa was amazed at the sheer size of it. It had at least five bedrooms, maybe two bathrooms. He and sisters could have used this place when they were growing up. Instead of being shoved into a tiny, three-bedroomed apartment as they grew up, but that's all his mother could afford. He figured that if his mother wasn't a smackhead, they probably would have been able to stay somewhere much more appropriate for the four of them to grow up comfortably in. Or maybe if he'd just lived with his dad. But he was about as much use as his mother, and had his own problems, and a depressed son, an anorexic daughter and a drugged up ex wife were not ones he wanted to deal with.

A beautiful young woman with long, brown hair opened the door and smiled widely at the two standing before her. “Hey! I'm so glad you could come,” she greeted, reaching up and pressing a kiss against Rei's cheek. “I hope you didn't put anything off.”

Rei smiled warmly at her, kissing her cheek back. “It's really no problem. I'm always happy to see them, you know that." Rei reassured, squeezing her arm gently.

Nagisa climbed the stone steps and stood beside Rei, hands in his pockets, smiling up at who Nagisa could only assume was Rei's brother's wife. _Lucky guy,_ Nagisa thought, taking in her large blue eyes and clear, bronze skin emphasised by the emerald green of her dress, and wide smile, teeth dazzling.

She blinked her long lashes at him, then glanced back at Rei. "You must be..."

"I'm Nagisa, Rei's friend," Nagisa smiled, holding out his hand. "It's nice to meet you. You look beautiful, by the way. I mean, it's the first time I've met you, but, that dress really looks great on you. It brings out your eyes.”

Rei shot him a look, as if to say _'suck up',_ but she blushed happily, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh, gosh, well... Thank you! It's the first time I've really dressed up since I've had Gracie.” she smiled widely at him, cheeks dimpling. “Ah, my name's Liberty, by the way. Come in, come in, it's raining! I bet you're freezing!”

As she ushered them inside, she gave Rei a little wink as he walked past, making him blush, and she giggled, closing the door behind them.

"Mikio," Liberty sang up the stairs. "Your brother's here!"

"OK!" he called back. "I'll be down in a minute!"

A door creaked open and a small girl peered her around it, and Liberty waved her hand, coaxing her out. "Gracie, Rei's here." she said softly, a small smile on her face.

Nagisa had never seen such a pretty little girl in his life. Her hair was as dark as Rei's and it was tied in a fat plait down to her waist. Her eyes were just like her mothers, big and blue, with long black lashes framing them beautifully. She had dark freckles speckled over her cheeks, nose and forehead, and her mouth was in a little pout. "I don't want you to go, Mommy." Gracie mumbled sleepily, walking over to the three of them, reaching upwards and winding her tiny arms around her mothers legs, face nuzzled in her thigh.

"Oh, baby, don't worry. Me and Daddy will be back before you know it." she said softly, resting a gentle hand atop her head as she looked over at Rei. "Her bedtime's in an hour or so. She's pretty worn out though, so maybe you could put her to bed earlier?"

"No problem." Rei smiled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at his tiny, tired niece. “I don't think it'll take her long to get her to sleep.”

"Mommy, can I cuddle?" she asked, raising her arms up to her and making grabbing motions with her hands.

"Oh, baby, Mommy's in her dress now. I can't cuddle." she said gently, running her hands over her hair and tweaking her plait. “Maybe Uncle Rei will, though.” she raised her eyebrows at her.

Gracie turned to Rei and waved her hands even more. "Can I cuddle, Uncle Rei-Rei?" she begged, batting her ridiculously long lashes.

Nagisa couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched Rei crouch down and lift the tiny girl off her feet, holding her against his hip, letting her wrap her little arms around his shoulders and hold him close, head resting in the crook of his neck. He suddenly felt very paternal, and imagined what it would be like to raise a child with Rei. He raised his eyes to see Rei smiling down at Gracie, her long, dark hair draping over his chest. It was unbelievably cute, and she looked so much like him she could so easily be his own. She poked Rei's nose gently, giggling a little, and he kissed hers back, causing her to giggle a little more, grabbing her plait and hiding behind it, widening her eyes at him.

"Mikio, _come on_ , we're going to be late!" Liberty cried, from soft spoken to venomous in thirty seconds flat, standing in the hallway mirror and checking herself out, messing with her hair and reapplying a natural coloured lipstick to her plump, pouted lips.

"OK, all right, I'm coming," Mikio called down with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “It's not like they're gonna miss us if we are, Libby.”

Liberty clicked her tongue, rolling her eyes. “It won't look _good_ though, will it?” she muttered to herself, more than anyone else, although her brother-in-law and possible boyfriend heard her, who both smiled wanly at her, trying their best to sympathise.

Gracie pulled away from Rei and squinted at Nagisa, frowning slightly, which made her look kind of like an angry little kitten, causing Nagisa to smile a little.

"Who are you?" Gracie asked, rubbing her tired eyes with her knuckle, silky pink pyjamas slipping down her tan arm, which was as freckled as her sweet little face.

Nagisa rubbed the back of his head and smiled sweetly. "I'm Nagisa, I'm your uncles friend." he held out his hand towards her and she took his fingers in her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Gracie blinked at him, then looked back at Rei, before whispering; “Don't you mean _boyfriend_?”

“Gracie!” Liberty scolded, obviously not having spoken quiet enough. She smiled apologetically at Nagisa in the mirror. “Sorry, she's at that age. There's no filter _just_ yet.”

Gracie frowned at her mother. “No, Daddy said he was his boyfriend!” she turned back to Nagisa, who was laughing at Rei's grimace. “You're his boyfriend, right?”

Nagisa tilted his head this way and that. “Mmm... No. Not quite. But I'm getting there, don't you worry.” he smiled kindly at her, and she nodded, a determined look on her face.

“Good! Rei-Rei has been happier, and I like that.” she stated plainly, smiling at her uncle. “You're better!”

Rei found himself chuckling, heat rushing to his cheeks. “Well, thank you! I hope so.”

Liberty glanced over at the three of them and felt the corners of her mouth lift into a small smile, despite her every growing annoyance at her husbands tardiness. Rei had always been lovely from the day she'd met him, almost twelve years ago, and she'd watch him grow up into the gentleman he was today. She knew about how introverted he could be, she knew he found it hard to get out there and meet new people, so seeing him with a man, a new one, who he seemed so comfortable with was a novelty, and she couldn't help but feel proud for her little brother-in-law, just for landing himself with a pretty little blonde like that.

Mikio appeared at the top of the stairs, and Liberty threw her arms out, greeting him with sarcasm. “Took you long enough.” she smiled, shaking her head at him. “And they say women take the longest to get ready.”

Mikio grinned, jogging down the stairs and kissing her on the cheek. "You look stunning." he smiled, reaching around and patting her on the ass, which made her giggle like a naughty school girl, tapping him on the arm in a way of telling him off.

"Nice that you showed your face." Rei raised his eyebrows at his brother, who shrugged at him, a smirk on his face.

Nagisa took him in, too, standing beside his wife, a cocky look on his face, dark hair pushed back, bottomless glasses balanced on his sharp nose. He could tell they were brothers, for sure. Unmistakeably handsome, with tan skin and a great taste in partners, if he did say so himself. Comparing the husband to the wife, Nagisa could understand why they were together. They both had gorgeous hair, eyes, skin and overall great faces between them. No wonder why Gracie was gorgeous too, with her big blue eyes and dark freckles. He started to wonder what their oldest looked like, if she had inherited either her father's or mother's looks. It wouldn't matter, either way. If they were both as smart as Rei, too, they would have created the ultimate combination of brains and beauty, to carry the rest of the human race. That is, of course, if they don't turn out to be as gay as Rei was.

"Cuddles, Daddy!" Gracie clamoured, reaching out for him, once again making grabbing motions with her hands.

"Are you all sleepy, Gracie?" Mikio lifted her out of Rei's arms, kissing her forehead as he held her to his chest. "You look sleepy."

Gracie shook her head. "I'm not sleepy!" she cried. "I can stay up for hours!"

Mikio laughed."You say that every night." he smiled at Rei, then looked past him at the small blonde standing beside him, looking only a little sheepish.

He looked back at Rei, who raised his eyebrows at him, daring him to say anything. "You must be the boyfriend my Mom told me about!" Mikio grinned crookidly at Nagisa, holding out his hand towards him, completely ignoring his kid brothers glare."I'm Rei's brother, Mikio. I'm sure you've heard a lot about me."

Rei wanted to kill him. He wanted to so badly, but his cheeks were scarlet and his voice wouldn't work, so to cease further embarrassment he didn't say a word.

Gracie said it all for him, however. “They're not together, Daddy. Not yet. You can't say that!” she scolded, frowning at him, making him laugh.

“Oh, sorry, sorry!” he offered his hand anyway, and Nagisa shook it warmly, unable to _not_ notice how similar his and Rei's hands _were,_ which made him blush deeply as his mind wandered to earlier that night. “It's nice to meet you, either way.”

"Oh!" Nagisa shook his head, clearing those thoughts of Rei away, smiling sweetly at him. “Yes, you too.”

Liberty found herself smiling once again, overwhelmed with pride and love for her husbands little brother. She shook this off, shrugging on a long, winter coat. "Well, we better be off then. Rosa!" Liberty called up the stairs, pulling her hair out of her jacket. "Come say goodbye to me and dad!”

Gracie knew she was going to be put back down, so she held out her arms towards Rei again, and he gladly welcomed her back in his arms, holding her close. "Have you missed me, Gracie?"

Gracie nodded, clinging to him. "Yes! I missed you lots." she kissed his cheek, and Rei chuckled, kissing her cheek back, making her giggle again.

"Bye Mom, bye Dad," Rosa said from the top of the stairs, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Come give me a hug," Mikio smiled warmly at her, and she sighed deeply, jogging down the steps and giving her father a brief, yet warm hug.

Liberty kissed both of her daughters on the cheek, leaving behind a lipstick smear, which the sisters wiped off almost simultaneously, and told Rei they'd be back before eleven, then kissed him on the cheek too. The two of them waved and walked out of the house, Mikio's arm slinking around his wife's waist as he shut the door behind them. Rosa adjusted her glasses and fluffed her bangs, looking between both adults that stood over her, hands tucked in her sweatpants pockets.

"Are you my uncles boyfriend?" she asked Nagisa, tightening the ponytail that sat high on her head.

Gracie sighed in frustration, but didn't say a word, tired of correcting herself and other people, letting her head fall into Rei's neck.

Nagisa shook his head with a smile. “Working on it,” he winked at her, and she nodded slowly with an approving smile, raising an eyebrow at her uncle.

“Well done.” she mouthed at him, and he shot a disbelieving look at her, as if to say: ' _you have no idea._ '

Gracie yawned loudly then, tapping Rei's cheek. "I'm tired now, Rei-Rei." she mumbled, rubbing her nose against her pyjama sleeve.

"OK, Gracie. Shall we get you to bed?" Rei asked softly, and Gracie nodded. "OK, say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Nagisa, goodnight Rosa." she yawned, closing her eyes, thick black lashes fanning over her freckled cheeks.

"Goodnight, sweetie," Nagisa smiled.

He watched as Rei carried her upstairs, expression softening as his heart melted in his chest, his whole body glowing as he hugged himself tight.

Rosa smiled slightly. "You're so in love with my uncle." she grinned, watching his eyes widen as she said this.

"Is it obvious?" he laughed somewhat awkwardly, rubbing his flushed cheek. "Though, he's so oblivious I don't think he'd realise it if I slapped him with a wet fish and screamed it until the cows came home."

Rosa laughed, bright and cheerful. "Probably. How long have you known him?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Like a month or so." he smiled sheepishly as she grimaced, nodding his head. "I know. It's way too soon, but how can you stop that kind of thing?"

Rosa shrugged. "I don't know. I've never been in love before." she smiled at him. "And by the looks of things, I don't want to be, either."

Nagisa smiled sadly. "Good.” he sighed, looking back up the stairs. “It's the worst feeling in the world."

* * *

 

Rosa struck Nagisa as very mature for her age, with a lovely personality to go along with it – however, she was very plain, having inherited the masculine looks of her father, and the only striking feature being her eyes, which were the same colour as Rei's, bright and beautiful. They crinkled around the edges when she laughed, and long, thick lashes framed them perfectly. She'd mentioned that she was being pushed into modelling by her mother, who was an ex-model herself, and was desperate to keep herself boring for the sake of her reputation, which was in fact brains instead of beauty, which she did not mind in the slightest.

“You're not boring, Rosa,” Rei smiled kindly at her, sitting with his head in his hand. “You're just like your dad.”

Rosa pulled a face, making him snigger. “Yeah, sure, like I wanna take after him. He's an idiot.” she muttered bitterly – but then she smiled a little. “But if he wasn't, he wouldn't really be my dad.”

Nagisa cocked his head to the side. “Wait, so, your mom's a model?” he quizzed, blinking at the small, ten-year-old girl, who had folded herself up into an armchair, phone in hand.

She nodded, fiddling with her glasses the exact same way Rei did, causing him to smile. “Yeah. Does it surprise you?” she grinned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Not in the slightest, she's gorgeous.” he breathed, blinking at her. “I just haven't really seen her anywhere. Did she do ads?”

Rosa and Rei swapped a look, eyes wide. “Uh...” Rei rubbed his chin. “I mean, she _was_ in a few. She still is. Fashion ones, on TV. But when she was younger...”

"She was a 'glamour' model." Rosa made quotation marks with her fingers. “Basically, she was a B-list topless model. Like porn, but not." she muttered, disgusted by this fact.

"Oh! That's probably why I don't know her, then..." he said, furrowing his brow, finger to his lips.

"My friends were awful around her," Rei sighed. "They came over here for a Christmas party last year. Rin, Sousuke, Haru, Makoto and I. Rin's girlfriend couldn't come. They'd never met my brother's wife before, so when I introduced them, Sousuke almost choked on his drink, and when we asked him what was wrong, he said ' __that's the woman I used to jerk off to when I was fourteen! Why didn't you fucking tell me her name!?_ _ ', and then continued to choke on his drink."

Nagisa snorted with laughter. "No way! Was she there when he said it?"

"No. But at one point in the evening, he was very drunk, and so was she, and I think he told her what he told us, because Rin and Mako found him squeezing her boobs." he sighed deeply, dropping his head. “I honestly can't take them anywhere.”

Nagisa snorted. "Classy."

Rei grinned. "Tell me about it. But it's always a great story to tell when he gets a new date, I'll tell you that much."

"It's also really embarrassing to know that your own mother let her brother-in-law's friend grope her fake tits." Rosa piped up.

Nagisa felt the sudden urge to see this woman, who seemed so motherly and kind, with her top off. "That's so unfair, I want to see them!"

Rei spluttered. "Nagisa! Really?"

"Sure, I'll google some for you." Rosa said, hopping up out of her seat and squishing herself between the two of them. She passed him her phone once she'd found some, and Nagisa pouted.

"Huh," he said, scrolling through them, even tapping on some to get a better look. "I thought they'd be more impressive."

Rei blushed furiously, whilst Rosa nodded in agreement. "I know."

"Your friend has some mediocre standards, Rei." Nagisa muttered, staring at one particular photograph of her on the beach, sitting in the sand, long, brunette hair dripping wet and her finger to her lips, her bikini top in hand, only one boob on show. "This ones pretty standard, too. She kind of looks like Kim Kardashian. Just less... fake?"

Rei was cripplingly embarrassed. "Can you please stop looking at my brother's wife?"

Nagisa looked up at him with a grin. "Why? Jealous?" he thrust Rosa's phone underneath his nose. "Seriously though, don't you think?"

Rei took the phone from him and actually had a proper look at it. "Well..." he grimaced. This was one photo he'd never seen before. "I've never really seen the attraction of boobs, if I'm quite honest."

"Neither have I, but, I don't know, you know a good rack when you see one." Nagisa said looking back at the picture. "And I'm not feeling hers at all, really."

The two of them stared at the photo for a few moments longer, whilst Rosa covered her eyes, having seen enough of her own mothers breasts, before Rei shook his head. "Neither am I. My brother has no taste, mind you. But Sousuke does, to be fair, so I am disappointed in his fourteen-year-old self."

Nagisa handed Rosa her phone back with a sigh. "Well, that was anti-climatic. I thought they'd be like  __wow, look at me, I'm a super amazing pair of boobs that'll turn Nagisa str_ _ __aight_ _  – but they weren't. And I'm disappointed."

"Why, have you seen boobs like that before?" Rei chuckled.

Nagisa thought about it. "Well, in my job, you see a lot of things. And I mean, a  __lot_ _ of things. But a good pair of tits is not one."

Rosa pulled herself out from between them and frowned at them. "I'm scarred for life now, thanks.” she muttered sarcastically, clearing her history. “OK, so, I'm gonna to bed... behave yourselves.”

Rei laughed at her. “I'm taking instructions from a ten-year-old – come on, I'll come up with you, I've got to check on Gracie.” he pulled himself up and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Will you be OK for a bit?”

Nagisa nodded with a small smile, sitting with his head in his hands. “Sure! You're not babysitting me, Rei.” he grinned, and Rei rolled his eyes at him, before pushing Rosa forwards as she leant against him, half-heartedly resisting his force. “Go, go, go!” she cheered as he pushed her along the laminate flooring – before giving up, grabbing her waist and lifting her off her feet, tossing her over his shoulder, making her squeal.

“I'm way too big now, put me down!” she protested loudly as he carried her along the hallway, but she was laughing as she said it, trying to keep her glasses in place.

“You'll never be too big to do this. I'll be doing this on your wedding day.” he joked, carrying her up the stairs, one step at a time. “Although, you're bigger than I remember.”

Rosa thumped his back, making him laugh. “Rude.” she muttered, crossing her arms over. “Put me down if I'm too big.”

Rei carried her all the way to her bedroom, and plonked her down on her bed, making her giggle. He looked around the room, one she's grown up in ever since she was born. It's gone through some drastic changes; Winnie the Pooh, Angelina Ballerina, woodland creatures – now it was all about the Solar System, the planets painted around her room, plastic glow in the dark stars stuck to her ceiling, a lamp that turned the room into the milky way when the room was at it's darkest. Even the stars that were painted on the walls were glow in the dark, which made the whole room illuminate at night. Rei knew she had a phobia of the dark, so this room was perfect for her, being lit up even when there were no lights on show. Her bed sheets were of pink and blue galaxies, and she had stickers of the planets all over her dresser. Despite these changes, there were still elements of her girlhood dotted around the room – he stuffed toys were on top of her wardrobe, photographs of her and her friends, family, and a cute one of her and her sister in Disney world dressed as Anna and Elsa from Frozen were stuck all over her wardrobe. Posters of boy bands he'd probably should have heard of but didn't particularly care about were hung in frames above her bed, and her desk was covered in pink stationary, and a tiny purple laptop sat in the centre of it, covered in Gracie's Hello Kitty stickers.

Rosa flicked on her light and grinned at Rei. “It's changed a lot since you've been in here, huh?” she smiled, fiddling with a poster that was coming off the wall.

“Yeah. I remember your baby room like it was yesterday.” he said gently, scratching the back of his neck. “Damn, that makes me feel old.”

“At least you're not as old as dad!” she sang, sitting at her dressing table, pulling her hair out of it's ponytail and brushing it out.

Rei chuckled, standing before her wardrobe and looking down at all the photographs. “Yeah, I guess so.” he chuckled. He spotted one between a picture of her and a friend at the beach, and of her and her mother at her tenth birthday party – it was of him and the girls, when Rosa was about six Gracie had just turned two. Rosa was putting a tiara on his head and Gracie was sitting between his folded up legs, holding onto his waist tightly. He was smiling awkwardly, hand on Gracie's head in some display of affection. He'd just started his second year of college, and this was his first vacation away with his first boyfriend. He'd dragged him to a family party, and this was the result, or, thereabouts. Before Rei could scan the background, to see if he was there, Rosa spoke up.

“So, are you and Nagisa dating?” she asked, turning in her seat to look at him. “I don't get what he is to you.”

Rei sighed, standing up straight and rubbing the back of his head. “I don't really know either,” he confessed, taking a seat at the edge of her bed. “He's great. Like, really, really great. Really--”  
“I get it,” Rosa laughed, sitting with her head in her hand. “So, you don't really know what's going on?”

Rei shook his head with a shrug. “Nope. I mean, it would be great if he wanted to be my boyfriend, of course it would, but I don't think I'm ready for that.”

Rosa widened her eyes. “No, Rei, what? Really? Come on! He really likes you, and you really like him. So why not make him your boyfriend?” she cried, hands on his shoulders, shaking him a bit. “Ryan was stupid to do that to you, OK, but this guy is different. I feel it! I feel it in my bones!”

Rei blinked at her, stunned at her words. “Sometimes I forget you're ten-years-old.” he chuckled.

“I'm eleven next month.” she grinned.

Her door creaked open and a tiny face popped around the door, rubbing her tired eyes. “You're so _loud,_ Rosie!” she mumbled, toddling in and holding out her hands to Rei. “Up, please, Rei-Rei.”

Rei lifted her off her feet and sat her on his lap, which she snuggled into, winding her arms around him, head in his chest. “Why are you talking so loud?” she whined, closing her eyes.

Rosa poked her sister's side, making her giggle. “Tell Rei to make Nagisa his boyfriend.” she whispered.

Gracie shot up, eyes sparkling. “Pleeeeease make him your boyfriend, Rei, pleeeeease!” she begged, squeezing him tighter. “He's so nice! If you don't make him _your_ boyfriend, he'll be _my_ boyfriend instead!”

Rei chuckled, patting her head. “I appreciate the encouragement, girls, but it's not as simple as that.” he sighed.

Gracie furrowed her brow. “Why not? Just ask him! And then, when he says yes, you'll be happy! And I like it when Rei-Rei's happy. He's not the same when he's sad.”

Rei glanced over at Rosa, and she nodded in agreement. “Happy Uncle sees us a lot. Sad Uncle forgets to.” she simplified, a sad smile on her face.

“Oh,” was all he said, biting down on his lip.

“Yeah,” Rosa sighed, beginning to plait her frizzy locks. “Dad worries about you, too. And mom, actually. So, like, that's why everyone's like _whoa is he your boyfriend,_ cos we can't remember a time when you were this happy. Just saying.”

Gracie nodded determinedly, although she only understood half of what her sister had said. “He's the best one. I like him.” she smiled, blinking her big blue eyes at him.

Rei chuckled, lifting her off his lap and standing up, holding her against his hip. “All right, all right, I get it. Anyway, I thought you were tired, missy.” he said, brushing her nose with his fingertip. “Let's get you to bed. Goodnight, Rosa.”

Rosa wound her arms around him, holding him tight. “See you soon.” she pulled away from him, looking up, smiling sweetly. “Right?”

Rei smiled kindly back at her, hand on her shoulder. “Of course.”

* * *

 

Nagisa had been sat on his own in their family room for quite a while on his own, trying his hardest to get through to Momo, with, weirdly, no luck. It was freaking him out, especially after what had happened to him the night before, and he didn't want Momo getting his throat slit and left for dead before the cops could get their asses into gear for any kind of investigation to happen. He tried to call the hospital, too.

“I'm sorry, my love, but Nitori isn't taking calls today.” a kindly nurse explained.

“What? How come? Has something happened?” he breath, starting to panic out of nowhere, his breathing becoming shallow. “Is he OK?”

“Oh dear, oh dear, calm down, my love, he's fine! He's had a tough day. You can leave him a message, and I'll ask him to call you tomorrow.”

He did just that, needing to tell him about Momo, about his attacker, _everything_. Without Ai to confide in, he had nobody. They weren't best friends for nothing.

Rei eventually made an appearance a little while later, rubbing the top of his head and smiling weakly at Nagisa. “Gracie woke up again, and she wouldn't let me leave until I read her a story. Ah,” he collapsed down beside him, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “I don't know how they do it. I'm exhausted and I've been with them for a night.”

“ _I'm_ exhausted and all I've done is talk to them.” Nagisa yawned, knuckling the corner of his eye.

Rei sighed deeply, folding over his glasses and rubbing where they pinched the bridge of is nose. “You've had a hard few days, though, it's only natural for you to feel so tired. I don't have an excuse.” he smiled, setting his glasses on the coffee table, and looking back over at Nagisa, who was now a blurry blonde figure. Until he got closer.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled, their noses close to touching.

He grinned. “You're so blind.” he laughed, watching him squint as he moved further away. “You seriously can't see me from here?”

Rei shook his head, blinking at him. “No. I'm really, really short sighted. I got it from my dad. So did Mikio. We may have got our mother's eye colour, but the sight is a whole different story. You're lucky.”

Nagisa giggled, reaching over and squeezing his cheeks. “You do look really cute with or without them, though, so that's good.” he grinned, and Rei tutted, pulling away from his grasp and slipping them back on, his trouble in seeing already giving him a bad headache. “That's good to know.”

Later in the evening, they were cuddled up on the sofa, Nagisa sat in Rei's lap, the TV flickering in the dark room. Rei wasn't really watching it, scrolling through his Instagram feed, sighing at pictures of friends he once had in High School and college, liking them, then commenting how they should meet up soon, and they say the same thing on his photos, but of course, they don't. During this time, Nagisa has gotten him to follow him and like all of his photos. “It's compulsory.” he nodded, scrolling through it himself and double tapping every one of his posts.

“Is it?” Rei sighed, watching him with an eagle eye. “Will I have to follow you on everything?”

Nagisa did this for him anyway, much to Rei's annoyance.

“Well, if we're dating, this is what people do, right?” he concluded, locking his phone and handing it back to him. “Cos everyone's gotta know what you're up to.”

Rei rolled his eyes, and Nagisa grinned. “Oh, no, you're one of those aren't you?” he laughed.

“One of what?” he raised an eyebrow. “A person who doesn't live their life through a screen?”

Nagisa snorted, covering his mouth with his hand as he began to snigger. “Aw, man, you _are_. You're the _dad._ Like, you know, when they're all like ' _you shouldn't live your life through that thing_ ' or 's _top taking so many selfies it's so vain_ ' or ' _that video is six seconds how is that even funny'_.”

“I am not!” he protested, poking his stomach with his phone, making him laugh even more. “I take as many selfies as the next guy. Also, I am not the _dad._ At least I'm not ignorant and refuse to learn the purpose of social media altogether. I just don't understand why it's compulsory people have to know _everything_ about you.”

Nagisa couldn't help but splutter. “Whatever, granddad.” he patted his head. “It's OK. I'll have a crush on you either way.”

Rei rolled his eyes again, and Nagisa laughed. “You're so easy to annoy.” he grinned, taking his face in his hands and squeezing his cheeks again, pouting at him. “Cheer up, Rei. I was only joking.”

Rei found himself flushing, avoiding his eyes. “I know.” he mumbled, moving Nagisa's hands away from his face once again. “I shouldn't take things so seriously.”

Nagisa tilted his head, hands on his chest. “What do you mean?” he blinked. “Is this about earlier?”

Rei shook his head. “No, no, why would it be?” he sighed, not looking him in the eye. “It's just that I take jokes way too seriously, and I just make myself upset. Maybe that's what it's like with my dad.”  
Nagisa widened his eyes at him. “Are you mad? He emotionally abused you. And you think you should take it as a joke? No, Rei, you're right to get upset. I would, too. He's an asshole.” he said gently, cupping his face in his hand, making him look at him. “You deserve so much more than that.”

Rei bit down on his lip, but Nagisa pulled it away, running his thumb along the soft skin. “I wanna kick his ass so bad.”

Rei laughed quietly, taking his hand and interlocking their fingers. “I'm sure five foot five you could take my six foot two dad down easy.” he grinned.

“Yeah, totally! I may be tiny but I can fight.” he held up his fists, trying to look intimidating, but he looked like an frustrated puppy, big eyes narrowed and nose crinkled.

“Sure you can,” Rei cupped his cheek in his hand, running his thumb over his cheekbone. “You're so sweet. I'm glad I met you.”

Nagisa beamed at him, eyes bright. “Me too.” he closed the space between them, pressing a small kiss against his lips. “I don't know where I'd be without you.”

Rei pulled him closer, their upper bodies touching, a warmth spreading between them. Nagisa pressed another kiss against his lips, melting into his embrace as if they'd been doing it for years, sitting perfectly in his arms, their lips fitting like puzzle pieces that completed a picture, something that had taken so long to finish. Soft, small kisses turned deeper and greedier, Nagisa catching Rei's bottom lip with his teeth, so easy to pull and tease. It wasn't long before they were way too deep, Rei running one hand through Nagisa's hair, the other on the small of his back, whilst Nagisa had his hands up his shirt, enjoying the defined feel of his stomach muscles, squeezing his sides tightly. Before they could go any further, however, Rei caught himself moving his hands to his ass, so he pulled away before he could, hands to his forehead. “Sorry,” he muttered, looking up at Nagisa, who had flushed cheeks and tousled hair, lips kiss swollen. “I'm confusing everything. I'm confusing myself.”

Nagisa shook his head, smiling sweetly. “It's OK. I get it. You're not comfortable going too far, and that's fine.” he kissed his lips gently. “You just have to say so, OK? I won't push you, not if you don't want to.”

Rei nodded with a shy smile, resting his forehead on Nagisa's. “Thank you.” he whispered, holding his hips tight.

Nagisa bought his head up hands on his cheeks. “Don't thank me! It's only the right thing to do! Who am I if I push you into stuff?” he pinched his cheeks, making Rei laugh. “Huh?”  
“Not a great boyfriend, that's for sure.” he said without thinking, a grin on his face.

Nagisa cocked his head to the side, brow furrowed. “Huh?” he giggled. “Boyfriend?”

Rei widened his eyes, before turning away, biting down on his lip. “Ah, I mean...” he struggled, but Nagisa shook his head, patting his cheeks.

“No take backs! Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” he tested, narrowing his eyes at him.

Rei laughed nervously, rubbing the top of his head. “Uh... Apparently so.” he smiled awkwardly at him, cheeks burning beneath Nagisa's cool hands. “Will you? Be my boyfriend?”

Nagisa shrugged. “I'll have to think about it.” he said slowly, finger to his lips. “I mean, it is a bit soon...”

Rei blinked at him. “Uh... No, sure... Of course it is, what was I thinking...”

Nagisa laughed, pinching his cheek again. “I was joking, you dork. Of course I'll be your boyfriend. Why do you think I'm sat here for?” he grinned, eyes bright. “I'd love to have the honour of being your boyfriend. Are you gonna spoil me rotten?”

Rei smirked, twitching his glasses. “I may.” he winked at him, and something about it made Nagisa flush deeply, hand over his mouth.

“That was hot,” Nagisa found himself blurting, before sniggering a little, his head dizzy, heart pounding in his chest. “I'm freaking out. This isn't a joke, right?”

Rei raised his eyebrows at him. “You really think this is a joke? Me? A joke?” he pressed a kiss on Nagisa's lips, such a subtle and simple way of showing he was genuine, but this still sent Nagisa insane, suddenly giddy with all kinds of happiness, butterflies in his stomach. “No, of course it isn't. I'm serious.”

Nagisa grabbed his face and kissed him hard, before pulling away, a big grin on his face. “OK. OK, this is good. This is good.” he began to giggle again, a blush permanently scarring his cheeks. “Oh, man, I'm so... ah, I'm so happy.”

Rei chuckled, kissing his forehead. “I'm glad. Me too, actually.” he wound his arms around him, pulling him close again. “I can care all I want now. And I will spoil you. You wait for it.”

“Sure, sure. I can already see it.” he kissed him softly, squeezing him tight. “Just don't do it too much. My friends might get jealous.”

Rei pressed kisses against his neck, making him giggle. “That won't stop me.” he smiled against his skin.

Nagisa couldn't stop grinning, even when Rei began to kiss him again, a constant smile on his face as their lips met, and before Nagisa could get into another deep kiss, Rei played him at his own game and blew against his lips, creating a loud fart noise, making them both snort with laughter, Nagisa poking his chest as he tried to contain his giggles. “You told me off for that! Don't do it _back_ to me, you hypocrite!” he cried, but he couldn't stop laughing this new feeling having taken away any annoyance or anger or sadness he'd felt before, at least for a little while.

“I don't know, it's fun to use,” he kissed him gently, then pulled away quickly at the sound of a car rolling up outside. He looked down at his watch, only just realising how late it was.

“Shit, it's almost midnight.” he breathed, raising his eyebrows at Nagisa. “Did you know it was this late?”

He shook his head, scratching his cheek. “Maybe we should...” he looked down at themselves, the two of them entwined in a weird, yet comfortable way. “You know, _not_ look as if we're about to fuck.”

“Good idea.” he chuckled, letting him slide off his lap and into a seat on the couch. “I think I'll check on the girls. You OK to greet them back into their humble abode?”

“Why not? I'm your new boyfriend, after all, may as well get on their good side while I can.” he winked, and Rei smiled gently, fiddling with his glasses. “Naturally.”

As Rei jogged up the stairs, Nagisa shot up as soon as the keys in the lock was heard, going to greet the family he will now have to elbow his way onto their good side, although, if he made Rei happy, little did he know he was halfway there already.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading lovelies!  
> Also if any of my future gf's are reading this (dOUBT IT) i do that kiss. A lot. I'm annoying and trash but iDC  
> I hope you enjoyed! I love this version way way better than the first, sooooo yeah, i hope past readers do too!  
> Reviews are welcome!  
> I'm serious about the dancing thing lmao idec its so bad  
> AND SHOUTOUT TO MY GIRL LAURA FOR KEEPING ME MOTIVATED THANKS PLANT BUD (justswishnflick on tumblr)  
> Please message me on tumblr if you have any questions or wanna see my trash anime stuff!! (captainryuugazaki)  
> Love you lots!!! Thank you for reading!! xoxo


	5. Engaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'If I'm going to die, I may as well have a good time doing it, right?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience in uploading this new chapter! Updates may be slower because I have work and college to juggle, so whenever I get free time I will write, I promise! 
> 
> Please enjoy!

It wasn't until Rei was at work only a day later he was drifting in and out of a hazy daydream that he realized he'd had his first make out with Nagisa on his brothers couch, like he was some horny teenager with no where to go, which wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth, either. He was rather disgusted in himself at the location, deciding it really could have been classier. He smiled to himself, slowly recovering to a more sensible position for the working environment.

_ Since when has tonguing anyone ever been considered classy? _   he thought, shaking his head as he restarted his work, trying to suck himself back into writing up reports and profiles, but to no avail. He couldn't stop thinking about it - the way Nagisa would run his soft fingertips over his angular features, goose pimples erupting all over his skin in his wake, his light touch arousing. Then of course, were his lips - his sweet, supple lips connecting with his own, the taste he left behind a mixture of bubblegum and vanilla, his teeth grazing his bottom lip as he pulled away starting up a new feeling, one that he'd never really felt or perhaps never understood before, a shiver of anticipation shooting down his spine for whatever he could do next with the rowdy stripper he'd managed to end up in the hands of.

Nagisa's big, rose eyes, with that hauntingly beautiful crimson hue framing his iris', softening with desire was one thing he could not shake off, the way he batted his thick, blonde lashes at him and the tiniest hint of a smirk lifting the corner of the mouth that he had just so passionately kissed drove Rei positively insane. He wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off his face by running his tongue over his lips, neck and chest, nipping his earlobes and kissing his jaw – but he couldn't do that. Not only was he incredibly insecure, he didn't want that freak, 'animal' version of himself coming out ever again, if he could help it. He didn't know how Nagisa  _ did  _ it. He'd never really been particularly interested in sex, it was always just a thing that people did, and he wasn't one of them. He'd never identify himself as asexual, either – he enjoyed the act of sex, he masturbated, he liked to please others – but he didn't like other people touching him in that way. If they were both comfortable around each other, then, yes, maybe he would let them touch him how he touched them.

The thought of casual sex or one night stands never really  _ connected  _ that well with him, either. A stranger, touching your naked body, whilst you were maybe heavily intoxicated, or high on some kind of drug. Not only was it barely consensual, it made him squirm in his seat, the thought of this incredibly uncomfortable for him. What if they were diseased? What if they were dirty? What if they hurt you? What if they forced themselves onto you and you were so drunk you could only comply? Not only was he completely repulsed by the idea, the thought of having sex with a stranger and staying strangers was odd to him too. Did you not want to know what they looked like when you were not under the influence? Who they were? What they were like? Did they have a family? Friends? Did they just cheat? Was it their first casual encounter, or their tenth? None of it made sense to him. So, when Rin was having sex with strangers between partners, he'd always asked him what it was like. Did he not have a conscience? What about the girls, surely they wanted to stay? What if he got them pregnant? He'd always give him a particular look when he asked these kinds of questions. The sort that said 'you're mad' mixed in with 'you've never done this, have you?'. He was the one who discovered there was more to his sexuality than he really thought. 

“I don't think about it like that,” he answered at one point, smiling at him. “It's just sex, right? It's kind of like a hobby, really. Something to do when you're bored.”

Rei had shaken his head, not understanding. “But shouldn't you love the person? Or like them, at least.”

“No. If they're good looking, then they're all good, in my book. As long as they're interested. I don't suppose your virgin ass would understand that.” he patted his head. “It's OK, I'm sure you and Ryan will get there soon.”

“It's not that, though,” he said quickly, knocking his hand away in mock annoyance. “I have to... _like_ someone to have sex with them. Like, _really_ like them. As a person.” he explained slowly, frowning down at the table top. “But I'm not quite there yet with Ryan. He wants to, and he hints stuff, but--”  
Rin frowned. “He's not pushing you, is he? I'll kick is ass.” 

“No, no! Not at all. It's just...” he sighed, head in his hand. “He doesn't think I love him. So--”  
“Let me stop you right there,” Rin interjected, eyes narrowed. “You don't owe him anything. If you don't want to have sex with him yet, then don't have sex with him. Don't force yourself just because he doesn't think you love him. That's just ridiculous. If he forces anything on you, and I mean fucking anything, tell me, or Sou. That shit is classic.”

“Don't worry, he won't. He's not like that. It's just, there's truth in that. I _don't_ love him. Or even _really_ like him. Not yet. That's why I can't have sex with him.” he confided, biting down on his lip. “So when he says that, I can't help think that it's true.”

Rin had watched him for a couple of seconds, looking him up an down, before realization hit him. “Demisexual.” he said eventually, snapping his fingers.

“What?” Rei furrowed his brow at him. “Is that like... bisexual?”

“No,” Rin smiled, shaking his head. “Are you feeling weird about all this? Like, I dunno, it's not right?”

Rei scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I don't feel  _ good  _ about it. I just feel like I'm leading Ryan on, or something, when I'm not. It's just taking me a while. Why?” 

Rin nodded. “It's normal. Honestly. My sister's demi, too. It takes a while to have romantic feelings for someone for you. Like, for me, it's almost instant. But, for her, it takes months. It might be the same for you.” he explained, shrugging his shoulders. “No need to thank me.”

Rei was curious with this new found discovery of his sexuality. He wandered if he was really gay at all – give it time and he could be interested in a girl, too. But all of the beautiful, funny, bubbly girls he had been friends with for almost a year or so were not romantically or sexually attractive to him in the slightest. Nor the men he was friends with, for a matter of fact – those who were all tall or broad or considered a good-looking guy did not really appeal to him either. Of course, he loved them – just not in the same way as their girlfriends or boyfriends loved them. He went on a date with Ryan, and took another look at him with a new perspective, and found that yes, he did like him in  _ that  _ way. The thought of sex with him didn't make him feel uncomfortable or, in fact, seem impossible. It did, actually, make him feel a little excited, for the first real time he'd been with him. But when Ryan pressed him against a wall and kissed him deeply, without really asking him first, he found himself shrinking away again. What  _ was  _ it that made him  _ do  _ that? Why couldn't he just be normal and accept that he was kissing him in a way that normal people did after dating for so long? He forced his way into it, ignoring Rin's voice in his head.  _ He needs to know I like him _ , his thoughts were like at a constant, letting him touch him in places where he felt most insecure.  _ He won't get the demi thing. He'll think I'm using him. He'll think I'm leading him on.  _

It was awful, the touching, the kissing, it was all too much, a claustrophobia trapping him, making him squirm--

_"Rei!"_

Rei snapped his eyes open, almost yelling in shock at the figure standing over him – one that was shorter than him by an inch, and much smaller in build, too. He breathed out, leaning over his desk with a hand on his hammering heartbeat, whilst Haru laughed quietly, shaking his head. “Sleeping on the job.”

"Haru, you literally almost gave me a heart attack." he breathed, adjusting his glasses and sitting back in his seat.

"Whatever," Haru smiled slightly. "You were totally out of it."

"That does not give you the right to jump at me!" Rei hissed, rubbing his chest. "Heart attacks run in my family, you know."

"It's not very likely that a long distance runner will have a heart attack," Haru sighed, tucking his hands in his coat pockets. "Stop being such a drama queen."

Rei didn't even bother to retaliate. "Why are you here?" he sighed deeply, turning back to his work. “Do you need to sue someone?”

"I'm here to take you out for lunch." he stated flatly, looking around the small office. "It's really a tight fit in here, huh?"

“Mmm,” he nodded, reading the time on his wristwatch. “It's just gone one. I'll let my boss know.”

Once Mrs. Greene had cleared his break, he and Haru headed out, the both of them walking in a companionable silence until they were in the elevator, when Haru asked him what he'd been dreaming about.

“I was watching you for a while. You looked kinda twitchy.” he smiled at his grimace.

“Uh, it was... it was nothing.” he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nothing to worry about.”

Haru narrowed his eyes at him, but made no comment, just nuzzled into his scarf and sighed lightly. “How's the stripper?”

“Don't lecture me.” Rei said quickly, buttoning up his jacket as the elevator came to a slow stop, and the automated voice announced they were on the ground floor. “You're not my mom.”

“I'm glad I'm not your mom.” he muttered, following Rei out of the elevator. “But I'm not lecturing you. He's probably a really good guy.”

Rei found himself smiling at this, his cheeks warming up. “Yeah. He is. He's lovely.”

Haru smiled himself, happy that his oldest friend was happy. "Makoto thinks it's nice. That you're dating again, I mean."

Rei grinned, half of him feeling rather smug, the other half loving his friend's boyfriend in that exact moment. "Well, I'm glad. How are things with you two?"

Haru paused, nuzzling his nose into his scarf even further, a light but frost bitten breeze brushing past the two friends as the doors swung open, the two of them stepping out into the busy streets of an Autumn afternoon, the sun still out, yet low in the grey patched sky, brief memories of summer still lingering in the sunbeams as they pierced their way through dark clouds promising a close rainstorm and bare trees that had so soon shed their dead leaves, the ones that had not been taken away by the breeze littered across the streets.

Rei raised his eyebrows, awaiting the hesitant reply of his raven haired companion, the both of them dodging people in the street as strangers barged into them without a second glance, too busy to care.

"Uh, it's OK." Haru said eventually, squaring his shoulders as a woman with a child in her arms bustled past him. "Yeah. It's OK. I guess."

Rei rested his hands on Haru's shoulders and steered him out of the way of a group of schoolgirls who were dressed in beanies and flyaway scarves over their winter uniforms, laughing and crowding around one girls phone, who was reading something aloud.

"You sound diffident." he chuckled, turning him down a much quieter street and rejoining him by his side. "I hate the saying, but does 'trouble in paradise' ring any bells?"

"It's not like that." Haru furrowed his brow, staring down at his worn down leather boots from last year as they trod on uneven paving and in mounds of dead leaves, his thought process quickly changing from his lover to whether he wanted to buy new boots for winter, or if they would last him another year. "I mean... Why diffident? I don't, do I?"

"Well, I don't know. Usually you're all loved up." Rei laughed at Haru's uneasy expression. "It's not a bad thing, you do love him."

Haru let out a small  humph. "I know." he muttered into the wool of his winter wear, staring back down at his feet. "But..."

Rei crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at him. "But...?"

Haru shook his head, picking it back up and looking straight ahead. "Nothing. Where are we going to eat?"

They ended up in a small, quiet coffee shop on the edge of town, the two of them windswept as the light breeze had picked up considerably, noses and ears numb with cold, cheeks flushed and fingers frozen as they took two seats in the middle of it all and ordered two coffees and toasted sandwiches, wanting to do their best to warm themselves up. "Why did you come see me, anyway?" Rei asked, unbuttoning his pea coat and draping it across the back of his chair. "It was rather unexpected."

Haru shrugged a little. "I thought I'd come and see you - the last few Friday's have been hectic."

This was true. Haru had been held up at work after hours for over a month, so he was absent on their nights out, the three of them actually forgetting last time that he even came to the occasion. "You haven't missed out on much - Sousuke's shoulder is still pretty much a dud, Rin has managed to keep his girlfriend for another month, his sister is apparently in Sweden right now, but don't back me up on that one," Rei listed, counting them up on his fingers. "I managed to meet up with a friend of Rin's, but she's reluctant to call him. Uh... That's about it, really."

Haru smiled. "Rin's still with Gee? What a shock."

"I know." Rei pushed his glasses up his nose. "To be honest, I would have left two years ago, but that's my opinion. She does really love him."

Haru continued to smile. "He's not all that bad. He takes care of her and doesn't let her take shit off of anybody. So that's got to be something."

The waitress walked over and set the two large coffees before them, the steam rolling off the top of the almost black liquid, the sight warming Rei up already. He stirred milk into his thoughtfully, mind flitting back to college. "He's also a rather good kisser."

Haru hid his mouth behind his mug, but Rei just knew he was laughing, his shoulders shaking.

"It's true," Rei chuckled. "It only takes one game of spin the bottle and maybe too much alcohol."

Haru didn't remove the mug from his lips until he'd stopped laughing, the thought of Rin kissing Rei, or visa versa, actually quite humorous. Once their sandwiches came, they ate in peace, Rei not realizing how hungry he was until he took a bite of his tuna panini. He ate one half in three mouthfuls, and was about to start on the other when Haru started to talk again.

"I actually wanted to tell you something." Haru said softly, setting his sandwich down and wiping his fingers on a handkerchief. "It's pretty... Major, I suppose."

Rei braced himself for bad news, but still wanted to keep a cool demeanour, so he lifted his coffee and took a sip. "Mmm?"

Haru cleared his throat. "Makoto... Makoto asked me to marry him."

Rei almost chocked on his drink, the heat scalding the back of his throat. He coughed, fanning his face as his eyes began to water. "Christ, Haru!" he wheezed, slipping off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "Give me some warning!"

"Sorry," Haru said solemnly.

"Well, what did you say?" Rei breathed, still rubbing his bottom eyelid with his knuckle, before settling his glasses back on his face.

Haru was silent for a little while, staring down at his half eaten grilled cheese and letting out a soft, delicate sigh. "I said yes."  
Rei widened his eyes, sitting forwards. "Y-You..."

Haru held out his hand, and sure enough, a simple, gold ring was fitted on his ring finger. Rei covered his mouth with his hands. "Holy  shit, Haruka Nanase, you better not be joking."

Haru shook his head, face deadpan. "No. Look," he pulled out his phone and presented to him a photograph of the kids at Makoto's swimming club holding up a sign that read 'Will you marry me?' in red and green lettering.

Rei shook his head, laughing a little too loudly. "No way," he breathed, covering his mouth with his hands. "So you're actually...?"

"Engaged." Haru finished for him, picking up his sandwich again. "I'll give you some time."

Whilst Haru ate, so carefully and completely aware of Rei's disbelieving demeanour, Rei sat there with his face in his hands, staring at the ring on Haru's finger, wondering how in the  world  he never noticed it before. When Haru finished his sandwich, Rei spoke again. "So... Marriage, huh?" he stumbled. For once in his life, he was at a loss for words.

Haru nodded. "Mmm. I'm actually kind of excited. Makoto wants a spring wedding." he shrugged, as if he weren't too bothered. "But I kind of want to get married straight away."

Rei still hadn't gotten his head around his friends response to all this. "So... Are you going to have kids? And everything?"

"Probably," Haru shrugged again, sipping his coffee.

Rei stared at him, wondering how he could stay so calm. "I don't know what to say. My God..." he started to laugh again. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you. I mean, wow, this is amazing! But... Wow, Haru, you're growing up."

Haru cracked a smile then. "Maybe I am. Some of us have to." he set his mug down. "Whenever we get married, Rei, I would like you to be there."  
Rei shook his head, as if it were obvious. "Well, of course! I wouldn't not turn up to my friend's wedding."

Haru smile widened. "No, Rei, of course, I mean... I want you to be my best man."  
Rei felt a tightening in his throat, beginning to get choked up, a rush of love for his friend bringing tears to his eyes. "Haru, really?" he breathed, blinking away tears. "God... Do you trust me?"

Haru nodded, laughing. "Of course I do! You're my closest friend. Why wouldn't I?" he sighed happily. “I mean... You've supported Mako and I a lot for so long. And your mom too, actually. You gave us a place to stay when we felt we had no where or no one and that means the world to us. Your mom is an angel for letting us stay as long as we did, and it would mean the world to Mako and I if she could come too. Would she?”

Rei blinked at him. “Oh, God, yes, of course! You know she would. She wants nothing more than for you two to be happy.”

Haru found himself at a loss for words, hands tight around his coffee cup, staring at the checkered tablecloths that decorated the small café. “We... We are happy. We are.” he breathed, closing his eyes and smiling to himself as a warmth filled his chest. “We’ve never been so happy.”

“I'm glad.” Rei stood, walked over to Haru's side of the table, and as his friend stood too, he wound his arms around him, tight. "Thank you, Haru."  
Haru hugged him in return, patting his taller friend on the back, as if he were comforting him. "No, thank you, Rei."

 

Laying on his side, staring at the clock on the peeling white walls, he counted seconds as they drifted past, one by one, time he was wasting and time he would never get back going by slower and slower each time. His room mate, Elijah, sat at the edge of the bed and stared straight at him. Ai raised his tired eyes, blinking slowly, waiting for him to say something first. He never did; just continued to watch, grey eyes stony, cold, sad.

“What is it?” Ai said eventually, unable to take the silence that his stiff, antisocial room mate seemed to carry around constantly.

He took a breath – a dragged out, slow breath, lungs scratching as the cigarette smoke of twenty whole years shifted. “Your boyfriend?”

Ai blinked, furrowing his brow. “Who are you talking about?” he found himself smiling at this, in spite of himself. “I don't have a boyfriend.”

Elijah raised his hand and pointed a large finger at the photograph on his wall, behind him. Ai dragged himself up with all his might, heart heavy, head heavy, eyes heavy, his arms and legs too weak to keep his body standing. He pulled his knees into his chest as he stared at the picture he was pointing at. “Ha, no. He's just my friend.” he reached over and pulled the picture off the wall with a light tug, the sticky tac pulling away with it. He rested his chin between his knees, the image of him and Momo one of his favourites. He was smiling weakly at the camera as Momo held his waist with one arm tightly, grinning down at him. This was on Momo's twenty-first birthday, and they'd only known each other a few months. “He makes me happy, though.”

“Hm,” Elijah grunted, standing slowly and staring down at him. “He's here.”

Ai widened his eyes at him, gripping the photograph tightly. “Huh? What?” his heart began to race, and before he could clear this with his two syllables per sentence room mate, his nurse popped her head around the door with a big smile. “Trochaic, you have a visitor.”

Momo was sat with his head in his hand, scrolling through his phone, a soft concern edging around his wild eyes. Ai sighed deeply and pushed into the room with a creak of an old door and a quiet grunt. Momo raised his head, smiling brightly at him. “You OK?”

Ai sat down with another sigh, nodding slowly. “Uh-huh. Better than I was a few days ago. Back on my hormones.” he stuck up his thumbs and smiled weakly, tilting his head, and Momo had no choice but to stick his thumb up too, grinning at him.

“I was gonna say – you look very manly today.”

Ai raised his eyebrows at him, sitting with his head in his hand. “That's what I've always wanted to hear.” he smiled gently at him, heavy eyelids half closing. “Where's Magi?”

Momo scratched the back of his neck. “At work. I haven't seen him since Thursday night.” he shrugged. “He's been at Rei's the whole weekend.”

Ai was suddenly very wide awake, leaning forwards, a big grin on his face. “No way.” he breathed, eyelashes fluttering. “He's moving fast, right?”

Momo laughed, one that made his shoulders shake and bright eyes crinkle around the edges. “You could say that,” he sat with his chin resting on the heel of his hand, watching Ai carefully. “You look better.”

“Huh?” Ai blinked, touching his face. “I do?”

Momo nodded with a grin. “Of course! You look healthier.”

“Well, they make me eat here.” he said simply, fiddling with his sleeves. “It's easy to skip a meal when you're not hungry.” he then let out a long, slow sigh. “It's my mom's funeral tomorrow.”

Momo bit down on his lip, an odd mix of emotions filling his stomach and making his chest ache for his closest friend. “Oh, shit. Are you... Are you OK to go?” he whispered, reaching over and taking his pale, cold hands in his, gripping on tight despite the clammy feel that occupied his palms and his brain regretting the sudden display of affection. “I... I could come with you, i-if you really wanted.”

Ai blinked at him, lake blue eyes swimming in a crystal clear pool of surprised, sad tears. “You would?” he whispered, interlocking their fingers and squeezing tight, thumbs brushing against the soft, freckled skin of his large hands. “That would mean so much. I mean, if you and Nagi could come... that would mean the world. My mom did love you both so much. She knew you were taking care of me.”

Momo found himself smiling, heart warming at this new found knowledge. “Really? Wow. I wish we could have seen her before... you know...”

“She's better now. I know she is.” Ai smiled shakily, a tear rolling down his cheek as he looked away, out of the barred up window in the corner of the room, one that shed sunlight through the dirty glass into the gloomy visitation room. It was warm on his face, and he closed his eyes, another tear falling. “After tomorrow, it'll be better. I'll be better.” he turned back to Momo, blinking his large, watery eyes at him and smiling sweetly. “OK?”

Momo let go of one of his cool, clammy hands and wiped the tears away with two swipes of his thumb, before smiling gently and nodding once. “Yeah. Of course.”

The smell of cigarette smoke lingered on Rei's clothes after being in an all afternoon meeting with Mrs. Greene, who smoked one after the other, despite everyone giving her dirty looks as soon as she lit another. She got chased outside after her third one, so every time she wanted to smoke they had to pause the meeting, but it was better than choking to death on cancer inducing chemicals. In this time between the meeting, Rei started talking to an Isabella Johnson, who he soon learned was Mr. Johnson's older sister.

“Don't take it personally, my love,” she said in regards of his shameless flirting, her lipstick smile as gorgeous as his was. “He does it to everyone, when he gets the chance.”

“Don't worry,” Rei scoffed, fiddling with his glasses and stacking his papers that he had been jotting notes down on. “I wasn't.”

Isabella grinned, tucking her dark blonde hair behind her ears. “He's a good guy. Just a bit of a flirt. He wouldn't harm a fly.” she winked at him. “Single, too.”  
Rei couldn't help it – he rolled his eyes, sighing deeply. “He made that very apparent in our conversation.” he then smiled. “But I haven't fallen for it.”

“Hmm,” she sat up straight as Mrs. Greene walked back into the room, rearranging herself in her seat. “Yet.”

After the meeting, he drove himself home, listening to some generic POP song on the radio with lyrics that made his mind drift to the sweet smell of Nagisa's skin when they held each other close, the sound of his laughter which fizzed over like bubbles in a soda, the softness of his strawberry pink lips against his. He pulled up into his spot in a daze, closing his eyes and sighing deeply as he pulled his keys out of the ignition. One day. It had been one day without the touch or smell or voice of Nagisa Hazuki and a pang in his chest was already reminding him of how much he missed him. He needed the tiny blonde in his arms as much as he needed to breathe. Maybe it was the fact that Haru was getting married made him miss him. That Haru and the love of his life will be with each other for as long as the universe lets them, and all he can do is await until the time is right to even confess his love for him. The sheer thought of ever saying that aloud made his heart leap, neither in fear or anticipation. He was about to get out of his car on this thought when his phone rang into the silence, shocking him momentarily.

“Hello?” he answered, spinning his keys around his forefinger.

A sniff. A sigh. “I can't believe it!”

Rei sighed, but a smile occupied his lips. “You just found out, huh?”

“They love each other so much,” Rin wept down the line, voice wobbly. “I mean, they've been together so long, and now, now they're gonna get closer...”

“Yes!” Rei laughed, oddly charmed by his closest friend's happiness at this. “Are you OK?”

Rin was silent for a while, only sniffing and the gurgling of his aquarium in the background heard on Rei's end, before he let out a sad sigh. “Gee left me a few days ago.”

“Shit, _what?_ ” he cried, eyes wide. He stuck his keys in the ignition, about to go on yet another rescue mission. “ _Why?_ ”

Rin took in a deep breath to explain – but he broke down again instead, unable to contain his broken heart. “I don't  _ know. _ ” he sobbed, voice broken and hard to understand. “I don't know what I  _ did. _ ”  
Rei sighed deeply and started up his car. “Hold on. I'm coming over. I'll pick up Sousuke on the way.”

Nagisa sat with his head in his hands backstage, staring at his reflection in the dressing table mirror in which their gayest member of the team had requested specifically for himself (he wanted one with lights, yet this had to be reconsidered due to the utter ridiculousness of it), but Nagisa was one of his favourites, as were Momo and Ai, as they were the youngest and arguably the cutest, so he let them use his dressing table every now and again. He pulled on his favourite gloves with a long sigh, whole body heavy with fatigue. His phone vibrated violently against the polished wood of the table, causing him to start.

**Momo x:** Saw Ai this afternoon he wants us to come to the funeral tomoz u up for it??xo

**Nagisa xo:** as long as we can talk tonite srry I hv been avoidin u x  ❤

**Momo x:** hey its ok!! u been spendin time w/ ur bf n thats ok idm I was @ work the weekend anyway xo  ❤

**Nagisa xo:** ok c u tonite x  ❤

The shift was fast, painless, and tip heavy, and he managed to get home without incident. He unlocked his front door and called out, cautious, nervous.

“Yeah, in here.” Momo called back, over the sound of a laughing track that leaked through the TV's speakers.

Nagisa took a deep breath and pushed open the lounge door, taking in the image of his best friend lounging on the sofa, scrolling through his phone, his childlike features illuminated by the two screens that lit up the small room. He stood before him, hands on his hips, smile wide. “Long time, no see! I missed you!” he cried, flinging his arms open, expecting a hug, always affectionate, always loving, despite the things that had been done, things that had been said.

Momo sat up slowly and smiled weakly at him. “You stink of cigarettes. Have you been smoking?”

Nagisa let his arms drop, disappointed in the lack of endearment. “No!” he giggled, plonking down beside him and winding his arms around his waist, nuzzling his shoulder. “I don't smoke. Unlike  _ you _ .”

“I quit.” he smiled, allowing himself to be squeezed by the tiny blonde. “How have you been? How was your rich boyfriends?”

Nagisa's laugh soon thereafter this comment dripped with sarcasm. “Good. I met his brother, sister-in-law and his nieces. They're beautiful, you should see them.” he pulled away then, sitting with his legs folded. “What about you?”

Momo shrugged, leaning back on the couch. “OK. I was only at work, so, nothing happened.” he glanced back over at Nagisa, who's soft face was suddenly disgruntled, brow furrowed and lips set in a straight line, an expression he'd seen rarely on a face like Nagisa's. “What's wrong?”

With a squaring of his shoulders, he turned around, looking him dead in the eye. “Were you in a gang?” he said quickly, frightened of how he would react, or at least how stupid it sounded.

Momo held up his hands, blinking rapidly. “Whoa, what?” he shook his head in clear disbelief. “What the Hell are you on about?”

Nagisa narrowed his eyes at him. “Were you in a gang?” he repeated the question slowly and clearly this time, his fists clenching tight, nails digging into his skin.

“No! No, I wasn't!” Momo cried defensively, almost laughing. “Where the Hell did this come from?”

Nagisa watched him very carefully, eyes flitting from the wild amber iris', his dark freckles which were now fading as the Autumn sun hid behind rain clouds, his bright hair which was due for a trim any day now, to his neck, one that was inked with the same star the attacker had, in exactly the same location. Nagisa reached out, keeping his eyes on his as he cupped his cheek in his hand, even brushing the tattoo gently as he did so. “Tell me. I won't be mad.” he said softly, his eyes shining with pure intensity. “Just tell me the truth.”

Momo blinked at him, lips parted – before sighing shakily, eyes dropping into his lap. “It wasn't a gang. They liked to think they were, but they weren't, not really.”

Nagisa breathed out in relief, frightened he would have had to result to something completely irrational. “What do you mean?”

“We weren't the dicks you see on TV. I mean, most of us. The people I hung around. The others were druggies and carried a knife and a gun around with them at all times and involved us all in gun crime and robberies and drug shifts--” he stopped, cutting his eyes at him. “Why the fuck do you need to know this?” he snapped.  
This outburst surprised Nagisa momentarily, enough to jerk his hand away from his face. “I... Momo, I--”

“Are you gonna grass me up? I didn't _do_ anything! I'm not an idiot!” he cried in defence once again, getting very disgruntled very quickly. “It was my fucking ex's fault! _He_ wanted me to join. _He_ wanted me to get him money and drugs and made me do shit that I wish I was smart enough to turn down. I was a stupid kid and I thought I loved him, it's not my fault!”

Nagisa sat up on his knees and pulled him into him as he started to break down, holding onto him tightly as he shook like a leaf, silent tears leaking and wetting his favourite sweater. “It's OK.” he whispered, stroking the back of his head. “You were young. We did stupid shit. We still do, OK? We're strippers, for fucks sake.”

Momo made no comment, and made no attempt of holding Nagisa back – just sat there, trembling, tears scratching the back of his throat, suddenly terrified. “Why?” he whispered hoarsely. “Why did you ask?”

Nagisa pulled away, watching his eyes fill with more tears and leak from the corners, both fear and dread mixed with his sadness of the past. “I...” he dropped his eyes, stroking his damp cheeks with his thumbs. “I was attacked. The other night, coming home. That's why I was at Rei's. He helped me patch up.”

Momo's breath got caught in his throat, his heart hammering against his ribcage, a rush of fear like the howling of wolves froze his blood, burnt his throat, turned his skin ghostly white. He held Nagisa's face between shaking hands and stared him straight in the eye. “Who. Was. It.” he breathed, eyes drying.

Nagisa began to stammer, this fear within Momo terrifying him, too. “A-ah, he was big and bulky and bald and had scars all over his face, I--”

“Cunt.” Momo hissed, squaring his shoulders. “Sorry, but... fuck. That bastard. What did he do? What did he say?”

Nagisa told him all that happened to him, showed him the gash on his neck and bruises on his wrist, his words, his violence. Momo took it all in, face stony cold, eyes wide, and before he could reply to any of the questions Nagisa had of his attacker or his past or himself, he jumped up as a wave of nausea hit him and he vomited in the bathroom. Nagisa stood outside the door as it was locked, sighing shakily and holding himself tight. “I didn't mean to upset you.” he hunched up as he heard him retch loudly, closing his eyes as they had began to sting. “I'm sorry.”

Once the toilet was flushed and he could hear him running the sink faucet, he pushed open the door and smiled weakly at Momo's pasty reflection in the mirror, which was damp with cold water. “You OK?” he asked softly, perching down on the bathtub.

Momo breathed out, running his damp fingers through his hair. “I didn't... I just...” he stammered, knuckling his eyes. “I just moved away. I broke up with him and moved away. I--”

“You mean you fucked my attacker?” Nagisa breathed, clutching his chest, on the brink of a heart attack.

“Fuck no, no, no.” Momo shook his head, turning towards him and pressing his palms against the cool ledge of the sink, leaning against it. “The guy I was dating. We broke up. He was a psycho and I needed to find something better. I moved here. That's when I met you... and Ai.” he closed his eyes, breathing out slowly through his nose, before a short pause. “I'm sorry this had to happen to you.”

Nagisa blinked. “It wasn't your fault.” he said quickly, standing and pulling him into another hug, and this time he returned it. “You'll have to be careful. I don't want you to get hurt, OK?”

Momo didn't say anything in reply, just let go of his waist after one last squeeze, running out of energy and letting Nagisa do the hugging for the both of them, something he was best at.

The drive to Rin's was interrupted in many ways; the calling of Sousuke, his mother calling to deliver the news he already knew, Sousuke calling asking where he was, then actually picking up Sousuke, before they stopped to pick up some comfort food for their broken hearted friend. Eventually, almost an hour or so later of Rei exclaiming that he was going to arrive, they turned up at Rin's apartment door, red in the face, after climbing ten flights of stairs with two bags each, for the elevator had broken. As Sousuke and Rei panted a greeting to Rin's newest next door neighbour – a pretty young woman of only nineteen – Rin unlocked his door and yanked it open, dressed in sweats and a soft grey t-shirt which looked a lot like--

“Why are you wearing Gee's pyjama's?” Sousuke questioned, pushing into his apartment and tutting at the state of it.

Rin bough the neck of the t-shirt to his nose and breathed in. “It's mine, she just wore it.” he mumbled into the fabric, closing his eyes as her warm smell warmed his heart a little. “Can I not do that?”

Rei patted him sympathetically on the back as he walked past him, right into his lounge. It was littered with shit. Gee's shit, mainly – on his sofa, on his desk, on his coffee table. The bedroom was even worse – discarded clothes and underwear, lacey or otherwise, cards of all kinds, beanie toys and other weird, lovey-dovey presents. Sousuke pulled a face at the mess, whilst all Rei could feel was empathy. He'd been there. They all had, yet they all had a different way of dealing with it, and in this sense, Rei was more like Rin than he thought. When Sousuke broke up with his long term girlfriend he gave all of the stuff he could away to good will, then burnt the rest. He swanned off on holiday with his parents for a whole month before coming home tanned, bulked up and having had one or two one night stands. Rei on the other hand sat in his room for days on end, just sleeping and staring at the wall opposite, which contained many photographs of he and his ex boyfriend together. His weight dropped, his depression began to settle – until Haru and Makoto came down from LA to visit him in college, and they found out he'd not been going to classes from Rin, who had been on a two week trip with his social sciences class. He took them to their shared dorm and pointed at the mound facing the wall, explaining that he'd only been back since yesterday and was too tired to question his choice not to go to class. Makoto eventualy coaxed him out of bed, and as he comforted him as he wept, Haru and Rin cleaned out any evidence that Ryan was ever in his life, burning every one of their photographs together, chucking every present and ripping every garment of clothing that Rei confirmed was not his.

Sousuke began doing this now – seperating clothes that he could take to good will and ones he could not – until Rin stopped him, sitting inbetween the few garments of clothing and piling them up in his lap. “She's coming tomorrow for her stuff.” he said softly, stroking one of her scarves gently, brushing off dust and picking off lint. “Leave it.”

“We could at least sort it out for her,” Rei sighed heavily, eyeing up a pair of white lace panties with a big black bow on the waistband, asking himself whether he'd really seen a similar pair on Nagisa's radiator that time he visited for lunch, or he was just making things up. “Where do you want these... cards, and things...”

He picked one up, scanning the words inside:

_**Happy Valentine's Day!** _

_Rin-Rin,_

_Thank you so much for the flowers, they were beautiful. I do not agree with what the card said, though! 'Gorgeous; just like you'! Suck up! (It worked for a little bit, asshole)._

_I hope to see you very soon. You're the loveliest guy I've met._

_Love and hugs,_

_Gee-Gee x_

_Their first valentines was their first date,_ Rei thought to himself with a sad sigh, closing up the card gently. It had a photograph of a very soft Scotty dog holding a rose between its teeth, which was very Gee, and he knew for a fact that Rin loved it. Tiny holes in the corners of the card and crinkles around the edges were telltale signs that he'd pinned this up in many many places – something he cherished so much now worth nothing to him through the simple action of a broken heart. Rin stayed sitting with her clothes in his lap, stroking the material and staring off into space. As Rei collected up birthday, Valentines and anniversary cards, Sousuke started on their photographs: he had them all pinned up on a notice board, as well as some in frames in the lounge, some on the fridge, some in the hall. Rin made no attempt to stop them, nor did he make any noise or movement when they asked him what to do with one thing or another. Rei stood before him with the cards to his chest, unsure whether he wanted to see them or not. Rin looked up slowly, blinking at him. 

“You're still in your work stuff,” he said softly. “Why?”

“I came staright from work to here. Of course, I made some detours, but I wanted to know if you were all right, and, obviously, you are not.” he turned the cards over and held them before him, the Scotty dog in front. “What should I do with these?”

Rin took them from him, staring at the image, eyes filling with tears. As he silently wept, he took the card he loved so much and tore it in half. The same with the next, and the next – until he were an angry, sodden mess amongst torn card and words that meant a whole deal to him a few days ago. It was then when Sousuke handed him the photographs he'd collected from around them room, and in a few moments those were torn up and sobbed on too. Rin sat with his head in his hands trying to calm himself down, but the harder he tried, the more he wanted to break down, so, when Rin did start sobbing again, louder and more choked up this time, Rei cleared some space and sat down beside him, hand on his back, rubbing it gently. Sousuke pulled his lips into a straight line, obviously disatisfied with how Rin was handling this, but sat on the other side of him nonetheless, giving his shoulder a few affectionate pats. They were silent for a while, Rei looking around at the mess now all over Gee's clothes, Sousuke staring at them empty notice board, save from a few photo's of them at college, and Rin knuckling his eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they just kept coming.

“You know, she's been drifting for a while.” Sousuke said out of nowhere.

Rei widened his eyes at him, shaking his head vigorously, a warning that  _maybe_ he shouldn't have said that. Not yet, at least. Sousuke raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say 'why not?'. 

“Really?” Rin said softly, voice wavery. “When? How?”

Before Sousuke could destroy him even more, Rei interjected. “I wouldn't say she was drifting--”

“Look,” Sousuke stood up and faced them both, arms over his chest. “She was a bitch. She was flirting with other guys behind your back, she's been _dating around_ for _weeks_. But you were too in love with her to even notice. She can't do any wrong, can she?” 

Rin stood abruptly, squaring up to him, teeth grit tight. “You're lying.” he hissed, before looking behind him at Rei, who was nibbling his lip, looking rather sheepish. “He's lying, right?”

Rei took a deep breath, sitting up straight – before shaking his head, closing his eyes, lowering his head. “We were all out a few weeks ago, remember? And Gee said she was sick.” he began, refusing to look at him, afraid of his distraught expression. “Well, when you and Haru were walking ahead of us, Sousuke and I--”

“She was sat with some guy. We didn't know if it were a friend or a date, but--”

Sousuke was cut off by Rin pushing past him, now blinded by rage rather than tears, and began to chuck anything that belonged to her in boxes that lined the back wall of the lounge, breaking a few things as they landed, but too mad to give a damn. He carried things in from the bathroom, like her soaps and her spare toothbrush. He even yanked off the shirt he was wearing and threw that in there too, not wanting anything to do with her, not her smell, not her words, not a single memory left. Rei and Sousuke watched on, one biting his lip, worried about his friends feelings, as the other had his arms crossed over his chest, almost pleased with his reaction. Rei leant into him, muttering under his breath as to whether this was a good idea. 

“He deserves to know the truth,” Sousuke whispered in reply, the both of them watching in awe as their now half-naked, red in the face best friend stormed out of the room momentarily, before returning with the pile of clothing from the bedroom and slamming them into the last empty box. “And anyway, he's better letting out his anger this way than any other.”

Rei decided this was a true statement, and that actually, he was right – until Rin started to hand them boxes. The pair swapped a look, this even Sousuke wasn't expecting, and when asked what he was doing, he replied surprisingly calmly.

“She wants her stuff back? We'll give her her fucking stuff back.” he lifted the three that were stacked and shot a stern look at his friends. “And you're coming.”  
Rei smiled kindly at him as he lifted some boxes himself. “Do you want to get dressed first?”

The three arrived at his ex-girlfriend's house at around nine PM, the twilight half lighting the small bungalow that sat right at the end of the street. Rin shut off his car and breathed out slowly, staring at the house with tired eyes. “What if her dad answers?” he said quietly. “He'll beat my ass.”

“Well,” Rei began, leaning forwards from the backseat. “Not necessarily. _You_ did nothing wrong. _She_ was the one who broke up with you. _She_ was the one who has been, well, completely and utterly in the wrong by seeing people behind your back.”

“If he does answer,” Sousuke continued, sitting forwards to look at the house himself. “Then tell him his daughters a fucking cheat and you're sick of her shit in your house.”

“Or something along those lines.” Rei quickly interjected, not wanting him to get into any more trouble than necessary.

Rin let out one last sigh, his friends bad advice something to be taken with a pinch of salt, before climbing out of his car and going to the trunk of his car to collect a few boxes. As he walked towards the front porch, Sousuke and Rei watched on, something they had been doing for the majority of the night, as it was better than getting involved directly.

Rin rang the doorbell, shuffling the boxes he had hold of in his hands. There was some muffled words being exchanged, before footsteps head towards the door and flung it open. Gee was stood before him, wearing an old t-shirt of his and bed shorts, her hair tied in a top knot, her bare face blotchy, nose red – she had been crying, he could tell. She crossed her arms beneath her bust, scowling at him. “What do you want?” she snapped, squaring her shoulders.

Rin dropped the three boxes at her feet. “This is yours.” he smiled. “Don't worry – there are plenty more.”

Gee stared at him as if he were mad. “What are you doing? I said I'd come for them tomorrow--”

“Well, I've got them now. Do you have my stuff?” he continued to smile, although seeing her dressed the way she was, her beautiful face disgruntled and olive skin blotchy with tear stains made his heart ache.

Gee grabbed a large cardboard box from behind the door and shoved it under his nose. “Here. Now fuck off.” she snapped, and before he could ask her whether she wanted the rest, she slammed the door in his face, so hard he was almost knocked off his feet. He walked back to the car and tapped on Rei's window.

“Does she not want the rest of her stuff?” Rei asked, taking the box out of his hands as he passed it to him through the window.

Rin shrugged. “Do you think I should just leave it here?” he asked.

Sousuke turned and nodded, and, to Rin's surprise, Rei agreed with him. So, without waiting a second longer, he dumped the remaining boxes on her lawn and drove off, in search of a bar to forget that that day had ever happened.

* * *

 

Neither Momo or Nagisa slept. They both gave up at around four AM and huddled together on the couch sharing one double duvet and drinking creamy coffee, both tired as anything, but unable to sleep due to the nightmareish situations that they had and will soon let themselves into. Nagisa rested his head on Momo's shoulder with a sigh, his mug held tight in his hands, warming his cold skin. “I love you, Mo.” he said softly into the silence, closing his eyes. “Whatever you've done – it's in the past. It won't change my mind about you.”

“It's in the past.” Momo echoed, sipping his coffee. “So, I don't have to tell you.”

Nagisa lifted his head, watching him carefully. “What if he'd hurt Ai and not me?” he whispered delicately, knowing he'd crossed some kind of invisible line. “Would you have said something different? Maybe done something about it?”

Momo winced at this, knowing he was trying to get somehwere with him, but he was determined not to make it work. “Why does that matter?” he muttered like a petulant child, slouching over. “You both mean a lot to me.”

“But you...” Nagisa paused, letting out a slow breath. “You love him, right?”

Momo froze, squaring his shoulders and suddenly becoming defensive. “No. No, I don't. I don't.” he repeated, and when he took one look at Nagisa'c completely unconvinced face, he repeated his words. “ _ I don't. _ ”  
Nagisa began to giggle, unable to keep this conversation serious. “Come on, sure you do! You have since you met him, don't lie to me.” he snuggled up to him and rested his head in his shoulder again, his hair tickling Momo's chin. “You  _ looooove  _ him.” he teased, poking his ribs. 

Momo wacked him off, laughing himself. “I love him in the way I love you. Friends. Just friends.” he nodded his head. “Just friends.”

“So 'just friends', yeah?” Nagisa echoed, raising his eyebrows and making quotation marks with his fingers. “So that time I sucked you off was a 'just friends' thing, right?” 

Momo pressed his hand against his forehead and pushed him off his shoulder, making him laugh out loud. “That was one time. And  _ you  _ asked  _ me _ .” he muttered as if he were ashamed, cheeks flaring. “You haven't told anyone about that, have you?” 

Nagisa snorted. “God, I may be a whore but I don't kiss and tell, give me some credit.” he looked back at him, a sly smirk playing on his lips. “Unless you wanted me to tell.”

“ _No_.” Momo said firmly, scowling at him. “I wouldn't want, you know, people finding out.” 

Nagisa leaned forwards, watching him with a knowing gaze. “Like who?” he continued with that lopsided grin, one that drove Momo nuts, and not in the good way.

Momo squared his shoulders again, putting up another defense. “Just, you know, people at work.” he muttered almost to himself, not looking Nagisa in the eye.

“And...?” Nagisa pushed on, very close to his face, something he knew would irk him. “Who else?”

Momo tutted, hunching over, very close to admitting defeat, and Nagisa could feel it. “Just...” he began, dropping his eyes into his mug. “I...”

“You...?”

“Look, Nagisa, I know what you're trying to do--”

“What's that?”

“You're trying to... get me to...”

“Get you to...?”

“I didn't want Ai to know, all right?” Momo snapped, cutting his wild eyes at him, ones that glinted in the darkness. “I didn't want him to know because he would think less of me. He loves you, right? If he thinks I used you he wouldn't respect me.”

Nagisa blinked rapidly, stepping off a little. “Whoa, you really think that?” he breathed – before giving him a small smile. “That's silly. He already knows what I'm like; he's fallen for it too.”

Momo snorted, sipping his coffee, shooting him a dissapproving look. “Yeah, right.”

“I mean, it wasn't a blow job, it was just a few kisses, but you know – same thing, right?” he grinned, shrugging his shoulders, and Momo rolled his eyes at him, knowing how sexually ambiguous his friend can be, but did not know it went as far as his closest friends.

“So, does Rei know about how sex driven you are?” Momo chuckled. “I guess he's had a few too, by the looks of him.”

Nagisa frowned, lips pouted. “And what's that supposed to mean?” he demanded, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Nothing!” Momo laughed at his friends pout. “He's just good looking.”

“And he's smart, and he's kind, and he takes care of me,” Nagisa listed, smiling to himself and counting on his fingers as Momo rolled his eyes at him, having heard enough of this before he'd even been on more than one date with the guy. “And he's gentlemanly, and he's... what was it you asked?”

“If he knew about your demanding sex drive,” Momo grinned at his face, a mix of shock and embarressment. “Something tells me he does.”

“Well...” Nagisa struggled, beginning to flush pink. “I did a lap dance for him then asked him to fuck me.”

Momo burst out laughing, tipping his head back and snorting as he held onto his ribs, tears welling as he laughed harder and harder at the the thought of his closest friend giving his nerdiest boyfriend  _ by far  _ a lap dance, then looking him in the eye and asking someone who gets so easily flusterd  _ to fuck.  _ Nagisa began hitting at him, slapping his chest and stomach, making him wheeze. 

“Stop laughing!” he demanded, pushing him as he began to roll around. “It's not funny! It was so embarrassing!”

“It _sounds_ it!” Momo snorted behind his hand, shaking his head at the distraught blonde. “Idiot. What did he do?”

As Nagisa began to explain that, _actually,_ he was into it, his cell phone rang out. Momo checked the clock that was hung haphazardly above their TV. “It's five AM. Is it Ai?” he asked as Nagisa dug around in his sweatpants pockets.

Nagisa squinted in the sudden brightness, reading the name that flashed on the slightly scratched touch screen. “It's Rei?” he answered the call, rather quizzical. “Hello?”

“OK, I have a few questions,” a deep, slurred, tired voice answered him, one that surpirsed him greatly. This was not Rei.

Nagisa blinked. “Uh, who's speaking?” he asked cautiously, furrowing his brow.

“Ah!” the voice hit realisation. “It is Rei's friend – which one? You have to guess.”

Nagisa began to giggle. “Is it Jaws?”

Momo shot him a look of question, and he shrugged his shoulders, a small smile on his face.

There was a short silence, then a slow, steady chuckle. “I see, yeah, good one. I guess, you mean, me. Rin. Yes. It's me. Rei left his phone and I was going to call him but... his phone's here...”

“Right,” Nagisa sniggered, trying to make sense of the drunken man on the other end of the line. “Why did you call me?”

“Well,” he began, sniffing a little. “I... I was... I mean... You know the people you work with, right? Like, you talk to them, and... other stuff...”

Nagisa began to laugh, his words sounding so muddled yet his voice so oddly posh he couldn't help but giggle. “Yes, of course. Why?”

Rin cleared his throat. “Well,” he repeated for a second time, making Nagisa snort. “Who was that... that guy... he was kinda skinny... grey hair...”

Nagisa snapped his head up, blinking at Momo. “You mean Ai?” he breathed, and when Momo widened his eyes at him as if to ask what he was talking about, he just shook his head in response.

“Ai? Yeah. I mean, I don't know his name. But he talked to me that night about... uh... God, what was it...” he ummed and arred for a few seconds, trying his hardest to think back to a good few weeks ago. “He asked me why I was there cos I looked like a straight. I _didn't_ correct him. Just want you to say to him, that I'm not. And that he's cute. And he can call me _any_ time. Nagisa – that's you're name, right? May I call you Nagi?”

“Do what you like,” Nagisa grinned, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Right,” Rin continued his drawl. “Well, Rei's a lucky guy. You seem very nice. And you're a lucky guy. Rei's a lovely guy and you better look after him because he's been through all sorts of bullshit with guys.”

Nagisa furrowed his brow, holding himself tighter. “What do you mean?” he said softly.

“Well,” Rin said, for a third time in the last few minutes. “Like, he's probably told you, about his sex thing, yeah? Uh, demi? Thing?”

“Mm.” Nagisa confirmed, although he wasn't really sure as to whether he _had_ told him this or _not_. This part of him – was he ashamed? Ashamed of himself? Ashamed of who he was? Why hadn't he told him this side of it? He knew he didn't like sex all that much, or at least that's how he understood it, but he didn't know it was something deeper.

“Yeah. His exes didn't respect that. Well, I mean, _one_ ex in particular. Fucking asshole. I hated him from the moment I met him. Absoloute bastard.” he muttered angerily under his breath, Nagisa barely being able to understand him. “He forced shit onto Rei and on top of work and his dad and stuff he just... completely broke down. Like, completely. He scared the shit out of me. We were in our dorm, it was the middle of the night. I'm on top, he's on bottom, cos he hurt his knee running. Suddenly, I hear this big crash, and when I open my eyes to check no ones stolen anything, I see Rei had pushed over his desk, all his shit was everywhere, and was throwing his papers out of the window. I stop him before he can throw himself out with them, and he starts on me; screaming, shouting at me to leave him alone. Sousuke is on his own next door and he and the rest of the Goddamn corridor can hear him yelling at me. There's a knock on the door and Sousuke's there.

“We both try and calm him down but he's properly out of it – he's in the middle of a panic attack and he's sobbing his heart out, we don't know what the Hell triggered it or what the Hell even got him like that in the first place. A girl a few doors down who struggles with anxiety heard him screaming and we all took the same class together so, you know, good friends. She helps him calm down a bit, lays him down, and he cries himself to sleep. We were all left clueless. Like, what the fuck just happened, you know?”

Nagisa's mouth was hanging open, unable to believe any of the words falling from this friends drunken lips. This was Rei, someone who seemed so calm and collected in front of him had completely lost himself before. “He... He...”

“Yeah, and when he woke up he started crying again. We tried to coax it out of him but he wouldn't say a word. Then his boyfriend came knocking and he begged us to not let him near him, so we knew right away it was him who'd set it off.” Rin continued, unkowningly overstepping secret bounds. “So, naturally, we tell him to fuck off. He wouldn't leave, but Sousuke's and I can be intimidating as fuck so he scuttled away eventually. Shit himself. Rei told us tha--”

Nagisa blinked, hand over his mouth. “Hello? Rin?”

The line had gone dead.

“Dammit,” Nagisa muttered, trying the number again, but it went straight to answer phone. “Battery's probably gone.”

“You've gone white,” Momo said gently, reaching over and pressing the back of his hand against his freckled cheek. “You OK? What was that all about?”

Nagisa shook his head in disbelief, pressing a hand to his forehead. “I... I don't know. Apparently... I...” he clasped his phone to his chest, an ache spreading throughout him at the sheer thought of Rei weeping for anybody, or being hurt so bad by someone he had an _emotional breakdown_ because of it. He didn't deserve that. Who could do that to someone like him? Or to anybody? How much did you have to hate someone to break them like that? A breakdown...

His phone buzzed in his hands, and he squinted at the screen again.

 **Rei x** : mayb he shud tell u the rest - rin x

 **Nagisa x** : ur rite, thanq 4 tellin me tho xo

“What did he want?” Momo asked gently, blinking at Nagisa, who had began to tremble. “What did he say?”

Nagisa hunched over, gripping his phone tight, desperately wanting to call Rei, to see him, to comfort him, but knowing he wouldn't be able to talk to him until after the funeral. He raised his head and met Momo's eyes, ones that were filled with concern. He sighed shakily. “Nothing. Just stuff about Rei... I...” he lowered his eyes, tossing his phone between each hand. “He asked about Ai.”

“What about Ai?” Momo said quickly, which made Nagisa grin, his reaction shaking him out of his state.

“Oh, nothing important.” he teased, poking his cheek.

Momo raised his eyebrows. “No, tell me what he said!” he demanded.

Nagisa tutted, sitting back in his seat and beginning to scroll through his Instagram. “Just that he saw him.” he almost scrolled past a picture Rei had uploaded. “Oh, my God.”

Momo looked over his shoulder and snorted. It was a selfie of Rei, Sousuke and Rin, all half-naked, Rei missing his glasses, posing in front of someones garden. Nothing explained the image, not even the caption, which was just 3 emojis: shades, a peace sign and some sparkles.

“I'm terrified.” Nagisa blinked at the image, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why are they half naked? Why is it dark? Where are his glasses? Why are they all super ripped?”

Momo smirked. “Maybe they're all queer.”

Nagisa kicked him in the ribs, making him burst out lauging. “Fuck off,”

“I'm joking!” Momo rubbed where he'd kicked him, grinning widely. “Come on, they're probably swimming or something, I don't know.”

Nagisa pouted, furrowing his brow at it – but he liked it anyway, staring at it for a few more moments before scrolling past, left only a little confused. “I don't think Rei can even swim.”

* * *

 

At around six AM the pair of them began to get ready for the funeral, maybe a little too early, but neither of them really had anything particularly appropriate to wear to such an occasion. Despite this, they were ready by eight AM and had an hour to kill before their taxi was to arrive, where they would take them to the small church where Ai used to go with his mother. After an hour of watching TV, wiggling around uncomfortably in seats and dreading what the long day had in store for them, they set off, and by eleven, after what seemed like the longest journey of their lives, they had arrived. It was a bleak day, the wind billowing through the naked trees and leaving people chilled to the bone, dark clouds threatening rain. Ai was stood beside his sister, dressed in a suit and tie, greeting people with shaky smiles, clasping onto his sisters arm tight, whilst she did the talking, although she looked as if she were going to throw up any second, face sickly, eyes watery behind a black net veil.

Momo and Nagisa climbed the steep steps towards them, sick to their stomach, Nagisa beginning to feel strangled in his shirt, pulling at his jacket sleeves and his collar. They approached solemnly, heads low, not wanting to see the visible pain in their faces, the tears in their eyes as they remembered a woman who loved them more than anyone could on that Earth.

Ai had never felt so relieved in his life; some moral support, someone who _actually cared_ and wasn't pretending to remember who his mother was. Ai embraced them both, first Nagisa, then Momo, squeezing them tight in his trembling arms and breathing in the smell of his home: clean sheets, strawberry shampoo and the unsettling bitterness of the club. Nagisa and Momo kissed Hazel's cheeks and hugged her briefly, sending condolences and promising that it would all be OK. Hazel smiled sadly at her brothers friends, then, without a word to them, greeted another guest. Ai sighed shakily, lowering his eyes.

“Thank God you came. I don't know how I would have done this without you.” he said gently, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “My family's shit. And my sister has her family to worry about. So, thnk you for coming. It means so much.”

“It's OK. We don't want you to be alone on a day like this. This is important to you, and your mom has helped us through a lot. We owe her.” Nagisa said softly, running his thumb over his ghostly white feautures. “She was a beautiful woman. A real hero.”

Ai nodded, tears welling in his eyes. “Thank you. I...” he began to snivel, trying to keep it down, hiding his mouth behind his hand. “I miss her. I love her.”

Nagisa pulled him into him as tears began to fall, kissing his forehead and stroking his hair, rocking with him as his shoulders shook and silent tears plopped down his cheeks. “It's OK. It's OK. Stay strong.” he whispered, rubbing his back. “She loves you, too. You know she did.”

Ai said nothing, just clung to him even tighter, digging his fingers into the soft material of his jacket.

The service was quick yet solemn, her eulogy written by her daughter, who also read for Ai's sake as he couldn't bring himself to do it. Although she was in a tearful state by the end, it was beautiful, something that deserved to be remembered. The Ladies Chior she was apart of sang her favourite hymn 'All Things Bright and Beautiful', which was sang with such grace it bought tears to everyone eyes. With a single prayer, and a song by Mama Cass, her coffin that had been scattered with daisies and lillies disappeared behind a curtain, and she was gone, never to return.

Hazel clung to her husband as she wept into his chest as family and friends exited the church, commenting on how beautiful the service was, and how brave Hazel was for getting up and speaking both hers and her 'sisters' eulogy. Ai explained to an agitated Momo and Nagisa that their family didn't even know about his transition, and, in fact, the only people who actually knew was his sister, her family, his grandmother, who had died of a heart attack before his first operation, his mothers youngest brother, and his family. Everyone else had no idea. So when they asked Hazel where her sister was, she replied with a shakey voice that she didn't have one.

“What do you mean?” their great Aunt May had demanded, one of many great Aunts to question this, in fact, all with the trademark beauty spot beneath their eyes and unfortunate sharp noses.

“I have a _brother_.” Hazel corrected, dabbing her face with a hankie delicately. “He's over there,” she pointed towards the entrance, where he was standing with Momo, head low as he clung to his hand, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. “Please don't make a scene. Not today.”

All great Aunts (there were three) gave her a nasty look, almost the same each time, with narrowed eyes, tight lips and crossed over arms. Hazel gave her husband a tired, saddened look, and he pulled her into him, rubbing her back as she broke down into tears again.

“Where's Nagi?” Ai said softly, blinking watery blue eyes at his friend. “Is he OK?”

“Yeah, uh, he felt a bit chlaustraphobic so he's just gone for a walk. I think it was--”

“Everything.” Ai finished for him, eyes cast low. “I get it.”

They stood side by side as they watched friends and family shuffle off to the bar in which the wake would take place, all shrowed in black like a murder of crows, ones that muttered and laughed amongst themselves. Ai watched out for anyone who would make a comment on him, but no one stopped him, or even _looked_ at him, and he didn't know if this was better or worse – until Mary, the hippy of the Great Aunts, the one with the sharpest nose of them all, but the kindest smile and the softest brain from all the weed she smoked in the sixties, cupped his face in her hands and smiled kindly. “I would like to know this new person – who is he? What is his name?” she said softly, brushing his cheek gently. “He's handsome. Much like his mom – all the good looks from our family, see.”

Ai found himself smiling, his chest aching and tears welling, a family member willing to take on this new person in their lives without question. “I'm Aichirou, Mary. Ai for short.”

Mary kissed his forehead. “What a lovely name. You look sick – are you sick?”

“I'm... I'm not _good,_ if that's what you mean.” he answered shyly, lowering his eyes.

“Yes, yes, I understand. A hard day for us all.” she looked over at Momo, who was smiling kindly at her. “And who's this? Another handsome boy! Lovely fiery hair. A boyfriend, perhaps?”

Ai grinned, another assumption that made him happy. Wrong, but knd, nevertheless. “No, no, just a friend.” he answered with a laugh as Momo blushed lightly.

Mary nodded her head, straightening herself up and crossing her hands over her front. “Well, Ai, if you are bullied by my sisters tonight, let me know. I will deal with it.” she smiled sweetly. “Stay strong, my handsome man.”

Ai nodded his head, kissing her cheek gently. “Thank you.” he said softly, and Mary blinked at him, as if she didn't understand.

“What for?” she smiled, then turned away, and walked with her husband out of the gates, joining the black clad crowd.

The wake was what his mother would have wanted; although religious, she loved a good party, and often drank herself stupid when she was young, and still enjoyed it even in her sicker years, although the doctors _strongly_ advised against it. Her answer was always: 'Well, if I'm going to die, may as well have a good time doing it, right?'.

This was said during Ai's speech amongst the guests after he'd had a few drinks himself, able to stand up as who he was before those who he feared would ridicule him for that. Despite this fear, many of the audience laughed at his silly jokes about his childhood and what his mother had said to him throughout the years, anything to keep the mood light after such a sad morning. After him, his uncle came up and began to say a few words, and he rejoined his friends, grinning widely.

“You look happy.” Nagisa smiled back at him, sitting his head in his hand.

Ai just shrugged. “There's no point in being sad. She's happy now, or at least pain free. And I know I'll be OK, cos I got you two and I got my sister, and I got my uncle, and I got my Auntie Mary. My mom knows I'll be taken care of, she wasn't worried about me! She would say otherwise, right?” he smiled brightly at them both.

“Hey, could I get everyone to raise a glass to my lovely sister. She fought this war once, but couldn't get through a second time. And I would like to do this to thank my beautiful niece and wonderful nephew for organising this lovely send off. She would have loved this.” he raised his wine glass, and everyone else raised it back. “To Mol.”  
“To Mol.” the room echoed back, and it was silent for only a second or so, as drinks were being sipped in rememberance of a woman who was loved and cherished by many.

After a few more drinks had flowed, the room was full of laughter, loud talking and awful singers as kareoke was played. Ai was sat at his sister's table, playing with his youngest niece in his lap, who had been crying prior to his visit, but stopped as soon as she saw him, giggling when he kissed her nose and lifted her out of her high chair.

“Thanks, Ai,” Hazel sighed, standing and running her hands over her daughters mop of ginger curls. “She's been screaming for _hours_.”

“She's just a bit tired, is all, isn't that right, babe?” he nuzzled her cheek, and she giggled sweetly. “You go have a break, I'll sit with her. Talk to Mary. She's resonable.”

Hazel laughed lightly and kissed his cheek. “I'll be ten minutes.” she poked her baby's stomach. “Behave.”

Ai sat at the table and sat her in his lap, her hands wrapped around his fingers as he bounced her on his knee, making her squeal with laughter. After a few moments of this, she began to tilt forward, then back, then forward so far she almost fell off his knee.

“Whoa there, Faye, hold it steady. Are you sleepy?” he tucked her in his arms and kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep, little Faye.”

As he was soothing her to sleep, Nagisa came up behind him, hand on his shoulder. “There's someone on the phone for you.” he sighed, waving his phone before his face.

“What do you mean?” Ai furrowed his brow at him, snatching the phone out of his hands and scanning the name, but there was none. Just a phone number. Cautiously, he answered. “Hello? Sorry, I'm busy right now--”  
“I could call back.”

Ai's eyes widened, his voice hitting a nerve somewhere in the back of his mind. A stranger, yet familiarity triggering ancient memories. “You...”

“Abigail.” the voice said softly, a smile in it. “You sound so grown up.”

“Dad...” Ai whispered, his chest beginnig to ache. “Dad, what are you doing? Why are you calling me?”

He laughed, as if it were a joke. “I'm calling to see how my beautiful daughters are doing, of course. I've only just been able to track you down, Abby--”  
“Don't fucking call me that.” he suddenly snapped, angered at the use of his birth name. “That's not me anymore. I'm not her anymore.”

He paused. “What's wrong with Abby? I thought it was a wonderful name--”

“Look, why the Hell did you call? Hazel and I have moved on. We don't need you--”

“I heard your mother died. I'm sorry.” he said solemnly. “She was a wonderful woman.”

Ai's eyes began to well with tears – sadness, frustration, anger, all in one. “It's got nothing to do with you, you sick bastard. Do you have any idea what you've put us through? Do you have any idea at all?”

A short silence – then a light, almost dismissive laugh. “Don't be stupid. I haven't done anything to you--”

“I _told you_ and I _told you_. You were there. You _knew_. How could you have the audacity to call me by my birth name when you know for a _fact_ my name's not fucking Abigail? Huh?” he hissed, before he waited for him to reply, but all he got was silence. “ _Answer me_.”

“I forgot, OK? Sorry my daughter's a fucking tranny. Sorry Hazel's a slut. Sorry my ex wife was a pathetic little cow who couldn't keep her nose out of my business.”

“Oh, fuck off, you disgusting pig. Don't come at me with transphobic comments and expect me to welcome you with open arms. And don't disrespect my dead mother! Don't call me again!” he snapped, and threw the phone down after cutting the call, smashing the corner of his phone ever so slightly.

It buzzed and buzzed all night after that, but he didn't pick up. He enjoyed the rest of the night, his father but a spec of dust on his shoulder, something he could brush off as quickly as it had come.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this may have not been up to standard, but I hope you enjoyed anyway!   
> Thank you for reading!  
> Follow my tumblr for text updates: shittybluemullet


	6. Like Electric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I had a dream about you. About you and me... I...” he squared his shoulders. “I thought we were together. I woke up and expected you to be there, and I wondered if all this time, after you told me that, all those years ago, that I actually--”  
> “Please, don't.”  
> “That I actually loved you.” Rin licked his lips. “And you loved me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE! WOOHOO! NOT DEAD! ALSO VERY UNEXPECTED!
> 
> Basically I hate my ships being happy 
> 
> Happy reading!

Ai had woken up the morning after the funeral with Nagisa on one side of him, fully clothed and laying on his front with an arm thrown over him, snoring like an old man with serious obesity, and Momo on the other, stripped down to his boxers, curled up in a ball with his head on his chest. Ai was also fully dressed, arms getting pins and needles as they were stuck beneath his friends' heavy torso's, with a banging headache and a dry mouth. It amazed him how they all fit in the spare room's single bed, and how they possibly all got there in one piece. They were then all forced to rise after Ai had half an hour of dozing by his very energetic 8-year-old niece and 10-year-old nephew. Nagisa rolled off the bed and mumbled something about booty calling Rei before immediately falling back to sleep in a rumpled mess of Momo's discarded clothes, whilst Momo managed to act as if he were not suffering the worst hangover since his twenty-first birthday and noogying both Alice and Sully, making them squeal. Ai turned on his side and watched him with bleary eyes as he shoved on a t-shirt from his and Nagisa's shared overnight bag and a pair of shorts, before grabbing both kids around their waists and wrestling them out of the room, making them yell and laugh out loud.

“I don't know how he does it.” Ai mumbled through a foggy head and a scratchy throat to a possibly snoozing, possibly dead Nagisa, who was still face down on the floor, his head in Momo's pants. “Is he even hungover?”

Nagisa raised his head heavily, eyes bloodshot and face as red as it was the night before. “I'm still pissed, babe.” he mumbled, rubbing his forehead as he glanced around the room, searching for something. “Do you have my phone?”

Ai sluggishly pulled himself up and glanced around the bed, before lifting a pillow and finding the little black smartphone with the light flashing green at him beneath it. “Here,” he threw it in his direction and hid his head beneath the pillow. “I don't want to go back to the hospital, Nagi.”

Nagisa sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “You should be out soon. You're not crazy. It's depression, not schitzo.”

“No one says schitzo anymore _.”_ Ai mumbled into the pillow, not wanting to look at him. “Anyway, it's _manic_ depression, so I am crazy.”

Nagisa tutted, sitting his head in his hand as he unlocked his phone. “ _Bipolar_ , dear, be a bit more PC.”

Ai grumbled under his breath. “Like you can tell me how to be politically correct. ' _Schitzo'._ ” he tutted, throwing the pillow at him.

“Holy _shit_.” Nagisa breathed, blinking rapidly. “Check your phone.”

Ai blinked at him, still in a completely dazed state. “Uh, why? What have you done?”

Nagisa slowly but surely pulled himself up, leaning against the bed to keep himself balanced as his head began to spin, and passed his phone to him. “See for yourself.”

 

 **Rei x:** Are you OK? How was the service? Is Ai OK? X

 **Nagisa x** : like

 **Nagisa x:** hes not even he r e

 **Nagisa x:** holy sh it

 **Rei x:** …

 **Rei x:** ???

 **Rei x:** are you OK?

 **Nagisa x:** what no im fine hey I just sang ur fav song

 **Rei x:** which would be?

 **Nagisa x:** some sam smith ballad id k bu t I knew aaaalll the words

 **Rei x:** my favourite song is actually an Amy Whinehouse number but you're close I suppose

 **Nagisa x:** what the fuck

 **Nagisa x:** I swear it was sam smith

 **Nagisa x:** ok but do u like h im??????

 **Rei x:** yeah he's good, his songs are well written and he has such a beautiful voice

 **Nagisa x:** ok

 **Rei x** : … is that it?

 **Rei x:** Nagisa, are you completely off your face?

 **Rei x:** I saw what you sent Rin, not funny

 **Rei x:** Also why are you trying to get him to sext you?

 **Rei x:** Oh, it was Ai

 **Nagisa x:** like I would fuck a shark

 **Rei x:** is that it

 **Rei x:** is that the intellectual level of this conversation right now

 **Nagisa x:** im a stripper rei what kind of interlect are u expecting

 **Nagisa x:** want me t com t urs so w can fuckcckk

 **Rei x:** no.

 **Nagisa x:** c'mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

 **Nagisa x:** c'mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

 **Rei x:** I'll call you in the morning when you're better

 **Nagisa x:** ug h hh rei ur cockblocki ng me from ur own cock

 **Rei x:** Nagisa you are incredibly drunk, I'll call you in the morning, get some rest

 **Nagisa x** : dont be a partayyy pooppper

 **Rei x:** goodnight, Nagisa

 **Nagisa x:** wanna see my butt in these shorts I stole off Ais sister sh dont tell her

 **Nagisa x:** _picture sent._

 

He was posing in front of the bathroom mirror in a pair of denim booty shorts with his ass the only focus of the image, he was looking over his shoulder with his tongue out. Ai snorted to himself.

 

 **Nagisa x:** they'soooo cute

 **Rei x:** adorable. Go to bed.

 **Nagisa x** : :(

 **Rei x:** :(

 **Nagisa x:** ;-;

 **Rei x:** :'(

 

“The rest of the conversation is just emoji's till four in the morning.” Ai snorted, scrolling through the conversation. “What... OK. Who's Rin? What did I send?”

Nagisa began to chuckle then, taking the phone off him and finding their conversation. “Here,” he passed it back. “I'm going to the bathroom before anyone beats me to it.”

He hopped up and grabbed the overnight bag, before scuttling off in wobbly line as he found his still rather drunken feet into the guests bathroom. Ai began scanning through the messages, cringing to himself as he went on.

 

 **Sharky:** Does your friend have a number?  
**Blondie:** Suuuure does buddy, hes into beastiality

 **Sharky:** what

 **Blondie:** u look like jaws

 **Sharky:** fuck off blondie

 **Blondie:** :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*

 **Blondie:** hi who is this?

 **Sharky:** Hi, is this the stripper?

 **Blondie:** oh welllll maybe........

 **Sharky:** sorry that was the wrong thing to send. Youre Ai, right?

 **Blondie:** uh yaaah why whos asking

 **Sharky:** Rin. I dunno if Nagisa's told u about me but he was eager for me to talk to you

 **Blondie:** um sorry this is a bad time... im at my moms... uh

 **Sharky:** If its a bad time I can message later

 **Blondie:** uh.... no..... no..... its fine. Yeah, its fine. Do I know a rin?

 **Sharky:** yes. Im reis friend. We met the night rei n blondie met. U remember?

 **Blondie:** I meet a lot of people what do you look like

 **Sharky:** _picture sent._

 **Sharky:** _picture sent._

 

Both images are of recent selfies, and Ai found himself flushing at the sight of them, the attractiveness of the complete stranger a shock to him.

 

 **Blondie:** cute, but I dont remember u

 **Sharky:** thats a shame cos I remember u

 **Blondie:** thanks I guess

 **Blondie:** why u want to talk to me?

 **Sharky:** I would like to take u out one night

 **Sharky:** we dont have to be alone we can double date with nerd and blondie if it makes you feel more comfortable I dont mind

 **Blondie:** omg

 **Blondie:** thats very sweet

 **Blondie:** im blushing

 **Sharky:** good or bad

 **Blondie:** good. Very good. So good. uh. Why me?

 **Sharky:** cos ur the only twink who looks good in lacy underwear and thigh highs

 **Blondie:** haha I get that a lot, you'll have to try harder than that

 **Sharky:** you seemed sweet and way too innocent for the job ur doing

 **Sharky:** your also v cute

 **Sharky:** also the lingerie did it a bit for me too

 **Blondie:** ur into that huh

 **Sharky:** yes? Is that bad?

 **Blondie:** not at all. Wanna see a pic of my new undies?

 **Sharky:** ….

 **Sharky:** what?

 **Blondie:** ngl im p drunk rn n if u turn this down u'll never get this offer ever agai n

 **Sharky:** Sure....?

 **Sharky:** we've never met tho r u sure

 **Blondie:** I sent them to Nagi so they should be on here 1 sec

 **Blondie:** also I get naked for strangers a lot idc

 **Sharky:** ok thats fair

 **Blondie:** _picture sent._

 **Blondie:** _picture sent._

 **Blondie:** _picture sent._

 

All images were of him posing in the bathroom mirror in his new set of black, white and red lacy lingerie, complete with a new pair of white stockings with a black lace trim and a black bow on the back. Ai groaned outwardly and screamed internally, collapsing down on the bed and hiding away from the shame he'd caused himself, his whole face flaming red, neck burning.

 

 **Sharky:** wow

 **Blondie:** I know

 **Sharky:** I mean like... wow. You're gorgeous

 **Blondie:** Not me, the lingerie

 **Sharky:** no I mean you are

 **Blondie:** fuck off dont tease me

 **Sharky:** dont think I wont, esp if youll be wearing that when I do

 **Blondie:** oh my god you're awful

 **Sharky:** I can be even worse

 **Blondie:** please no more

 **Blondie:** lol cant believe I sent those to a stranger

 **Sharky:** tbf ive done worse

 **Blondie:** like what

 **Sharky:** ill tell u if u let me take u out

 **Blondie:** fine, its a date, I wont be wearing that tho

 **Sharky:** maybe later on

 **Blondie:** maybe never

 **Sharky:** dont disappoint me like that

 **Blondie:** look 'sharky' Im going on a date w/ u isnt that enough

 **Sharky:** oh my god the nickname

 **Sharky:** fine

 **Blondie:** good. Here's my number

 **Blondie:** _'Ai xoxo' contact details were sent to 'Sharky'._

 **Blondie:** take me out next week

 **Sharky:** done.

 

Ai began to panic. _Why. Why did he have to agree to that. Why did he send that? Why? Why, why, why, why--_

“Ai, here's your phone, it was downstairs,” Momo had appeared in the doorway, holding out a silver smartphone towards him. “You alright? Head hurting?”

Ai ignored him, unlocking his phone and rubbing his forehead. A message off Rin.

 _'Hey, this is Rin. Call me to arrange a date. Can't wait to see you._ '

“Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God...” Ai breathed, blinking rapidly. “I can't go out with him!”

Momo blinked, raising an eyebrow and beginning to smirk. “Who?”

“Like I bloody know, one of Rei's friends, the hot one. The really hot one. Oh, God, oh no, oh, God. I'm still in the hospital. He's gonna think I'm crazy. I _am_ crazy. He'll hate me. Oh no, Momo, the really hot friend of Nagisa's hot boyrfriend's gonna _hate me_.” he pressed the phone to his forehead, groaning loudly. “I can't go out with him. He's seen me in my underwear and he called me gorgeous but I'm not and it's gonna be a lie and he's gonna be disappointed and he's gonna hate me and he'll tell everyone and I won't date _anyone_ cos I'm crazy and slutty and trans and not even pretty. I'm gonna die _alone_.”

Momo began to laugh. He knew he shouldn't, and he knew Ai was going to punch him in the ribs, but the whole load of garbage that just fell out of his mouth in one big brain fart was absoloutely hilarious to him. “Chill, OK? Who cares if you're a little bit slutty or a little bit crazy? That might be his thing.”

Ai raised his head and cut his eyes at him. “This isn't _funny_.” he huffed.

Momo sat down beside him, winding his arm around his waist and squeezing him tight. “You're right, it's not funny.” they stayed quiet for a few moments, listening to Ai's neice and nephew arguing with his sister downstairs, and Nagisa's sweet singing voice as he showered next door. Momo couldn't help but let out a small snort, and Ai jerked his head, frowning at him. “ _What._ ”

He shrugged, a grin on his face. “It's a little funny.” he sniggered, and Ai grabbed the pillow in which he hit Nagisa with and took pleasure in beating him instead, about his tousled bed head and bare shoulders, making him laugh out loud as he proclaimed between hits that it was _not_ funny and he should _help_ him like any friend should, but as Ai's hits slowed after minutes of beating him so hard, breathing heavy and cheeks flushed pink, Momo grabbed the pillow, and because he wouldn't let go, he pushed it back, over his head, and Ai fell back into the soft, rumpled duvet, arms above his head, still refusing to let go, with Momo on top of him, grinning down at him in the irritating, snarky way he does. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to catch his breath back, taking in his pretty freckled features, golden eyes and tanned skin catching the morning sunlight that crept through the slats in the blinds. His face turned a permanent shade of rouge red, getting hot under his collar as Momo inched closer, wild eyes on his. Their faces were centimetres apart, Ai's breath now stuck in his throat, heart hammering against his ribcage, unable to control it. Momo's eyes travelled down his face, Ai swallowing as they paused at his lips. The air was thick with tension, and he didn't really know what kind, but it was about to stop his heart altogether if Momo wasn't careful. Ai lessened his grip on the pillow as Momo did, blinking at him with wide, innocent eyes, his dry lips now suddenly yearning to be touched. Maybe by his, or maybe by someone else, he wasn't quite sure, but as Momo closed the gap between them, one hand cupping his face, he was certain he wanted this to happen. Even though he was cocky, immature and annoying, he--

The pillow he had been so protective over suddenly slipped from underneath his head and was used to hit him on the head. “Loser.” he laughed, sitting up and holding the pillow to his chest. “You totally fell for that.”

Ai sat up on his elbows. “ _What?_ ” he demanded, shooting a look at him. “I thought you--”

“Like I would.” Momo grinned – before taking in his face, the expression shocked and downtrodden. “Come on, you didn't think I would, did you?”

Ai blushed deeply, feeling the fool. “You seemed so serious...” he breathed, lowering his eyes. “I thought... you know, you were giving me a reason not to call that guy.”

Momo widened his eyes, smile dropping. _If I'd actually kissed him, he wouldn't have gone on a date with... oh no._

“I mean, if you were just playing a joke, and you don't really feel that way about me, I should just--”

“No! No! I mean...” Momo bit down on his lip, scratching his head. “I mean... Uh... I don't. You should call him. You should. I think he'll really like you. You're sweet and kind and you never give up. And you're getting better. You really are. You're laughing and joking again. You're singing again, too. I missed that about you. Not that... uh...”

Ai took his cheeks in both hands and kissed him slowly, shoulders tensed up, eyes shut, waiting for rejection or invitation – and he got neither. Momo just sat there, eyes wide open, unable to comprehend the fact that he was genuinely kissing him. He'd seen him and Nagisa do it all the time, and it probably wasn't all that special to him, as he was just a friend, but he couldn't help let his emotions get the better of him – he tasted so sweet and slightly like vodka, his small hands warm on his cheeks, lips soft and inviting. He _wanted_ to kiss back. He _needed_ to kiss back. He needed to get these feelings across, the love he'd felt for years, the admiralty, the pride he felt for him - but before he could muster up the nerves to even return his kiss, Ai pulled away, smiling sweetly at him. “Thank you.” he said softly, kissing his lips again, but briefly this time. “But I don't think I _can_ get better.”

Momo smiled weakly, trying his best to calm his flushing body and thumping heart. “You can. I know you can. You've got your sister and Nagisa and me. We'll help you, and you'll overcome this. Now,” he grabbed his phone from behind him and held it towards him. “Call him.”

Ai grinned at him, beautiful as ever, clutching the phone between his hands. “Thank you, Mo.” he said quietly. “It means so much.”

Momo shrugged, cocky smile returning. “No need.”

* * *

 

Rin was sat slumped on Rei's sofa as his cell buzzed in his pocket in the late afternoon. He answered without looking at the number, yawning deeply. “Yup?”

“Hi. Is this Rin?”

Rin blinked, surprised at the pitch of the voice on the other end, like no one he'd spoken to before. “Uh, yeah. Can I ask who's calling?”  
“Oh, God, sorry. It's Ai. You know, you text me last night.” the mousy voice replied, nerves seeming to get the better of him. “I-I was wondering if you still wanted to go out. I-It's OK if you don't want to, I mean, I understand, really--”

Rin found himself grinning like an idiot. “No! No, of course! It would be great to see you.”

“Oh! Oh, gosh, OK!” Ai breathed, as if he were surprised by the answer, making Rin smile even more, if that were possible. “Yeah! Uh, could we... do it next week? Friday? Uh, if that's OK with you.”

“Sure. Perfect. I'll pick you up at seven. No shifts?”  
Ai laughed nervously. “Not until Tuesday. First shift back on a slow night.” he said almost shyly.

Rin blinked, suddenly concerned. “First night back? From where? Have you been ill?”  
Ai was silent for a few seconds. “You could call it that.” he said eventually.

“Oh. Right. Well, I'll see you Friday then. Text me if you want to rearrange anything.” he said with a smile.

“Yes! Of course! See you then!” he replied cheerfully enough, before ending the call.

Rin jumped up out of his seat as Rei entered the room, eyes wide when he pointed his finger straight at him. “Guess who has a date next week?”

Rei blinked. “Well, I've arranged to meet Nagisa in a few days, but I don't suppose you mean me.” he commented, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, by process of elimination, you mean you.”  
“ _Yes_.” he grinned, mock punching his shoulder, making him snort. “I scored!”

Rei raised his eyebrow. “You haven't said that since freshman year of college.” he smiled kindly, letting him continue to pummel his chest lightly, his excitement almost contagious. “Who's it with? Not that receptionist from my work, I hope. He's such a flirt.”  
“No, he's a bit of an asshole, really.” he winked at him. “It's Ai.”  
Rei widened his eyes. “ _Ai_? _Nagisa's_ Ai?” he began to chuckled, adjusting his glasses. “Well, well, well, my friend, you're in for a treat.”

Rin's smile dropped. “Oh, God. Why? Is he crazy obsessive? Clingy? Desperate?”

“You are literally all of those things.” Rei half joked, grinning as Rin frowned at him. “I'm just kidding. He's a sweetheart. As long as you treat him right, he'll open up to you. He reminds me of a little flower. Quite delicate, quite small, quite pretty. He's very shy, and very quiet, so you'll have to make him feel welcome when you meet him. He's only just opened up to me and Nagisa and I have been dating a while.”

Rin blinked at him, making himself some mental notes. “Does he have anxiety, or something?”

Rei bit down on his lip, drumming his fingertips on his biceps. “I... I don't think I can say. He'll have to tell you that himself.” he squared his shoulders. “The only thing I think I can let you know is that his mother passed away recently from a dreadful illness of some kind. They held her funeral yesterday. I'm guessing he's probably still rather upset about the whole thing. When are you going out with him?”  
Rin held himself tight. “I had no idea. He messaged me saying he was somewhere but I didn't know it was his mom's funeral. Damn.” he sucked air into his lugs through his teeth. “Uh, next Friday, why?”  
Rei nodded his head, smiling slightly. “Yeah. I think he just needs a few days to rest and get it out of his mind. I bet he thinks you'll help with that.”

“Maybe I will. I dunno. How distracting am I?” he asked with a grin, and Rei rolled his eyes.

“The amount of times you have distracted me in class I must say you're a pro. I feel more sorry for Sousuke. He's had to endure you as a friend for longer.” he checked his watch and sighed. “Come on. We have to pick up your sister and visit the newly engaged before their dressmaker bites our heads off.”

 

Gou flounced out of her house with her little pink satchel in one hand and keys decorated in many different and colourful keychains in the other, bright red hair swinging in her usual ponytail, smile bright as she waved at her brother and old friend as they waited in the car for her arrival. She locked her front door after kissing her latest boyfriend goodbye and walked towards the car, pleat skirt ruffling in the wind. Rin climbed out of the passenger seat as she approached, smirking at her. “Who's that loser?” he teased, pulling her into an embrace as she laughed.

“You're the loser.” she retaliated childishly, squeezing him back and kissing his cheek. “He's just some guy I photographed once. I don't like him that much.”

“So I won't be seeing him again, I'm guessing.” Rin chuckled, pulling her pigtail playfully. “You're awful.”

Gou just shrugged with a smile, before leaning down and waving at Rei. “Hello, darling!” she plonked herself in the passenger seat as Rin shut the door, and kissed his cheek, leaving a lovely pink smear. “How have you been?”

“Just wonderful, Gou, and you?” he smiled, starting up the car as Rin strapped himself into the back seat.

Gou smiled winningly, beautiful as ever. “I'm always good, you know I am.” she twisted herself around to her big brother, pouting. “How have you been? Since the break up, I mean.”

Rin shrugged, tucking his hands in his jacket pockets. “The first few days were rough, but I'm on the mend.” he sighed deeply, scratching the back of his head. “I don't know how you get over three years though, you know?”

Both Rei and Gou swapped a look – one chopped and changed her relationships like pairs of underwear, the other only ever having had one proper relationship before, which ended quickly and painfully, but they both nodded sympathetically, Gou reaching round her seat and patting his knee.

Rin smiled at her. “I have a date next week, though.”

“A _date_!” Gou breathed, raising her eyebrows. “With _who_? Are they cute? Could they model for me? I need some more underwear shots for my portfolio for this job I'm going for at _Victoria's Secret._ I kind of want some men, but...”

“I don't know whether he'd do it, but I could ask.” Rin chuckled. “As long as you take me to the fashion shows, if you get the job.”

Gou rolled her eyes. “Fine.” she then smiled. “So it's a guy! That's sweet! Do you think he would mind? I mean, don't ask him straight away!”

“Well...” he leaned into her. “If you do need someone to model underwear for your work, I'm sure he would do it.”

Gou grinned, covering her mouth with her hand. “Ooo, is he a model?” she breathed, eyes shining. “Do you have any pictures?”

Rin chuckled, unlocking his phone. “ _Well_ \--”

“Rin, inappropriate. He shared those photos with you and only you.” Rei warned, raising his eyebrow at him in the rear view mirror.

Gou turned up her nose. “Were you gonna show me his nudes?”  
“What? No!” he scrolled through Nagisa's messages and got to the images. “Look, he's in his underwear, I just thought you'd want to see if you want him to _model_ the underwear--”  
“I'm not looking! He's naked!” she turned to Rei. “He's naked, isn't he?”  
“I can't say.” Rei muttered, and Rin rolled his eyes, locking his phone and shoving it back in his pocket.

As Rei and Gou chatted happily about work, friends and their new boyfriends, Rin felt his stomach turning as they got closer to their destination. When was the last time he saw Makoto? He couldn't remember. Maybe it was at the Christmas get together last year? Or the New Years party? Haru's Birthday...? He saw Haru much more than he did Makoto, as they had been friends longer and Makoto only really knew him properly in High School, but they never talked, not really. Maybe a hi and a how are you, they would hug in greetings and laugh at other peoples stories and jokes, but the last time they were _alone_ together was...

He sighed shakily, hunching up a little. He didn't want to think about it. How could he? He was getting married. None of that mattered any more. He loved Haru. He's _always_ loved Haru. Rin frowned, looking out of the window at the passing houses and people. Why did he think they ever had a chance? Mistakes had been made, a long, long time ago. So why did he think seeing Makoto _now_ would ever make a difference? He was being stupid. Completely irrational. But he knew he had to face it. He _knew_ he had to _talk_ to him about it. When was the last time they did? Or... Didn't?

“You're quiet,” Gou commented, turning her head and smiling at her brother. “Oh, wow, you've gone white. Are you feeling sick? Do you want to sit in the front?”

Rin shook his head, smiling wanly at her. “No, it's fine.” he sat up a little. “Just...” he swallowed. “...worried.”

Rei raised an eyebrow at him in the rear view mirror. “About what?” he glanced back at the road. “Worried Haru's going to point out how he was right about Gee? Because he was.”

Rin rolled his eyes, sitting his head in his hand. “Yeah, OK. I already got that message. I dunno. I haven't seen Makoto in a while.”

“Hm.” Rei mumbled, furrowing his brow a little. “I guess you've been rather busy. He's not changed.”

“That's...” he stopped himself, glancing at the mirror to see Rei's face looking more than a little displeased in his comment. Did he know? He couldn't. “That's not what I'm worried about.”

Rei glanced back in the rear view mirror and they shared a knowing look, before Rei pulled his eyes away to look back at the road.

He really knew.

* * *

 

They arrived at the Tachibana/Nanase residence ten minutes earlier than they expected, so one or two bridesmaids may still be lingering. Gou hopped out first, running to the doorstep and pressing her manicured fingertip against the doorbell, positively radiating excitement, bouncing in her polka dot flats and clapping her small hands together, swishing her hips side to side. The door opened to reveal Makoto wearing an olive green sweater and a warm smile. Gou flung her arms around him, squealing with happiness. “Congratulations!” she cried, squeezing him tight.

Makoto lifted her off her feet and swung her around, making her laugh out loud as he did so. “Thank you, thank you!” he let her down and kissed her cheek. “You look wonderful.”

Gou tweaked her skirt. “Thank you! You too! Happy as ever.” she squeezed his arm and let herself inside, squealing some more at the other bridesmaids.

Rei was greeted with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, yet Rin only hugged him briefly, not wanting to intrude on skin someone else owned, leaving his mark where it wasn't wanted. He didn't even like hugs that much, anyway. Especially off 'friends'. Even Sousuke loved a squeeze, especially off big, buff Makoto, and he was straighter than Rin was. Makoto chuckled at him as he pulled away, taking his arms in his big hands and squeezing them gently. “You can't even give me a kiss! Am I too gay even for you, Rin?” he smiled sweetly.

 _Gorgeous as always_ , Rin thought to himself, watching his green eyes sparkle as his smile widened.

Rin cleared his throat, blushing lightly at this thought. “Not at all. I mean, be as gay as you want, but--”

Makoto planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, laughing as his whole face burnt red. “You can't not have a kiss when you come here, Rin. No need to be embarrassed.” he giggled, misunderstanding his blush. “Even Sousuke loves a hug.”

“Yeah, but his parents are lesbians who never stopped kissing and cuddling _him_. They still do.” he sighed – but smiled at him all the same. “Congrats, Mako.”

“Thanks, Rin.” he pulled him into another embrace, tighter than the last one, one Rin let himself relax into, before pulling away and smiling at him. “Come in! The girls are all here!”

Rin followed Makoto into a mess of bridal magazines, their new litter of kittens playing with scraps of material and ribbon, a group of grown women all chatting together and pouring over a rail of dresses in which Makoto's mother had provided from her small dressmaking shop. She herself was sat in an armchair, Haru's fat cat in her lap, sipping from a cup and saucer and smiling at the girls as they picked up dresses and held them up to their bodies, giggling over nothing and nattering colours, lengths, accessories and shoes. Gou was now lost in girly talk with women she hadn't seen since they were either kids in lower school or at parties she'd been invited to over the years. Haru and Rei were standing over the dining room table, discussing numbers and venues, Haru with a pen behind his ear, Rei tapping his lip with his fingertip, brow furrowed, already lost in and _loving_ the complicated calculations, budgets and cost of each item. Makoto smiled over at Rin. “I didn't really understand what Haru was going on about, so it's good he has Rei to talk to about these things. I'm not clever like him. Not that I mind.” he looked over at his mother. “You OK, Mom?”

“I am, my love. Oh!” she waved them both over, not wanting to stand and scare the cat away. “Show Rin the suits you want! You did want a second opinion.”

Makoto's eyes lightened up. “Oh, yes, of course!” he turned to Rin, who was looking lost in the tiny house which was now full of people he hadn't seen for years. “Follow me upstairs, I want to show you the suits we decided on. You'll have to wear them too, so, it's good for you to see.”

Rin nodded, stunned at the noise. It was usually so quiet, and the girls giggling to themselves didn't seem to fit in their humble, quiet setting of their shared home.

Rin was quite cautious when following Makoto upstairs. It was happening so quickly, he didn't know whether he could muster up the courage to truly discuss how he was feeling. He glanced at the pastel peach wall in the hallway which was lined with different shaped frames, all containing either watercolours which Haru was particularly proud of or photographs of family. He let Makoto carry on as he took in the pictures. One of Haru and Makoto on holiday, one of himself, Haru, Rei and Sousuke at his twenty-first birthday, one of Makoto and his twin brother and sister, one of Haru's grandmother, one of his parents, one of him training for the Olympics. It was funny how he completely knocked this off. For reasons not even his friends knew, he didn't carry on. He said it just didn't sit right with him. He now coaches swimmers at colleges, tough and hard working. The watercolours were slightly different – one of a fish in water, one of his cat licking the head of her kitten, one of their old bedroom in the studio apartment they once lived, a mattress on the floor with little to nothing to their name. They've been through some shit together. The rest were different paintings of Makoto – one with his back turned to him, looking out of the window, one of him smiling at him, eyes sparkling, and his favourite – he was laying in bed, his back to him, sheets barely covering him, the sun lighting up his skin, illuminating every muscle, dimple, scar and freckle on his back. Haru had signed it and written in the corner: _To the love of my life. We made it. I've never loved you more than this. Thank you for sticking by me. Yours forever, Haru._

He met Makoto in the master bedroom, which, Rin supposed, was big enough for the couple, with their standard double bed, doubled up closet space, en suite bathroom, large bookshelf and a TV sat in the middle of it, books and little bits and bobs surrounding it. Their colour scheme was a soft, pastel blue and lime green, a blue throw pillow on Haru's side of the bed (on the bedside table there was a toy dolphin, a photo of him and his Grandmother before she passed way, and a book on training regimes), and a green one on Makoto's side (on his bedside table there was a toy orca, a pair of reading glasses, a book about two sisters being split up and reuniting, and a notepad labelled: 'Kindergarten Swimming Lessons'). Makoto went over to the window ledge where a stack of magazines was being stored and picked up the top one. “Here!” he sat down on his side of the bed and tapped the space beside him, inviting Rin to sit down. “They're in here somewhere...”

Rin watched him flick through the glossy pages, strong hands making every movement look graceful and somewhat, as Rei would describe him, and often has, beautiful. He then looked up at his face, one soft and kind, green eyes always bright and smile always welcoming, having never faltered once around him, when his had, many times. Rin swallowed, wringing his hands. He was going to do it. He had to. It had been years since they'd faced it. Even when it happened they avoided it neatly, acting as if it never even occurred. Never awoke something between them. Looking over at him once more, he mustered all the strength he could and took a deep breath.

“Makoto, do you remember...” he began, rubbing his lips together.

Makoto looked across at him, furrowing his brow. “Remember what?”

He sighed softly. “When you and Haru... took that break.” .

Makoto tensed up, gripping the magazine tight. “I do.” he said gently, not looking him in the eye.

Rin nibbled his lip. “And... we were on holiday, in Ibiza, do you remember? And Gee had an argument with me. And we ended up in the same bar.”

Makoto swallowed, smoothing down the magazine's pages to give him something to do, though his hands were shaking. “Uh-huh.”

“And you told me... You said... If you... If you hadn't fallen for Haru, you would have fallen for me.”

He said it. He finally said it. After all this time, he needed confirmation that it wasn't a lie, or a drunken mistake. By the look Makoto was giving him, however, he immediately regretted it.

Makoto had frozen, tears beginning to well in his eyes. “Please, let's not talk about this right now.” he said gently, closing the magazine and holding it to his chest. “We haven't spoken about this for years...”

Rin closed his eyes. “I know. But... the night Gee broke up with me, I had a dream about you. About you and me... I...” he squared his shoulders. “I thought we _were_ together. I woke up and expected you to _be_ there, and I wondered if all this time, after you told me that, all those years ago, that I actually--”

“Please, don't.”

“That I actually loved you.” Rin licked his lips. “And you loved me.”

Makoto wiped his eyes quickly, sniffing hard. “Please, Rin, I--”

“I know. I know, you love him. Of course you do. You've been together since the womb. I just...” he swallowed. “That night. That night, at the bar, you told me that. And when we kissed, it felt amazing, like we'd been together for years. The whole night was amazing. I regretted everything the morning after, don't get me wrong, but--”

“I... I felt good too. I did. But I wasn't in my right mind, Rin, and you know that. Neither of us were. We were hurt and confused and we shouldn't have done it.”

“No, no, I know, I wish I could take it back too, but we can't. It's happened.” he hid his face in his hands. “You never told him, right?”

Makoto shook his head, holding himself tight, the magazine crinkling in his arms. “No, I'm not an idiot. It would break his heart.” he looked over at him, tears still flooding. “What about Gee?”

“Are you crazy?” he sat himself up. “She'd have killed me!”

Makoto snivelled, wiping his eyes. “I'm sorry, Rin. I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry we... I...” his voice broke up as tears fell. “I shouldn't let it upset me. We were on a break. He hurt me.”

Rin wound an arm around him, bringing up his face and wiping his tears away with a tissue that sat on his side of the bed. “It's all right. Don't cry. I hate it when I make boys cry.” he smiled, dabbing at his face as if he were a small child. “I'm sorry I bought it up. It won't happen again.”

Makoto sniffed, taking the tissue from him and holding it in his shaking hands. “What did you dream about?” he said quietly. “Was it... a sex dream?”

Rin chuckled. “Nah. I dunno, I guess we were just a little couple living in a house like this. I think we had two dogs and two little girls, one looked like you and one looked like me. In the dream we dressed them for school and because we got the day off work together we went to the movies, and we saw a film you were desperate to see but we couldn't, because of the girls. And then we got home and walked the dogs together, then we drank tea in front of the fire before the girls came home. Then we had dinner and we read the girls a story, bathed them and they went to bed. We stayed up to watch our favourite program and then when you kissed me goodnight I woke up.” he laughed to himself. “Dreams are funny things. I guess that's what you want to do with Haru, right?”

Makoto smiled sadly at him. “That's exactly what I want with Haru.” he said gently. “You don't really love me, do you, Rin?”

Rin shook his head. “I guess not. I don't really know. I just... I'm a bit messed up, after Gee left. I guess I still have a lot of love left to give, and you were the one my brain seemed to want.” he smiled gently at him. “Who knew, eh?”

Makoto sighed shakily. “Maybe once more.” he said softly.

Rin froze. “What?” he breathed, blinking at him. “Are you serious?”

“A kiss. Just one.” Makoto smiled sweetly. “That wouldn't hurt, right?”

Rin was at a loss for words. “I... I didn't mean--”

Makoto pressed his lips against Rin's once more, and everything Rin had ever dreamed of, everything Makoto had ever had brief thoughts of, all came flooding back to them, a surge of electricity causing them to deepen the kiss, one thing Rin regretted immediately, because all he wanted was more. Makoto opened his lips, biting down on Rin's bottom one, before slowly pulling away, but their faces were still close, their breath uneven as the mix of a weird desire and being caught by anyone of the noise downstairs built their nerves.

“Shit,” Rin breathed, not wanting to pull away, but knowing he had to. “God, Makoto, I--”

“I know.” he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. “One more.”

“One more.” Rin repeated, wiping it away. “I promise.”

* * *

 

Haru looked into the lounge, were Makoto's mother was now measuring the girls one by one as they compared the two dresses they liked best.

“Where's Mako?” he asked no one in particular.

Gou turned her head as Mrs. Tachibana measured her soft waist. “He went upstairs with my brother. They're looking at suits, or something.” she raised her arms above her head as she measured her chest, blushing deeply as the skinny girls' tape measure didn't go all the way around, making the others snort and comment on how jealous they were.

Haru pulled his mouth into a straight line, something not sitting right with him about the two of them alone together, in their bedroom of all things. He slowly climbed the stairs, not making a noise, wanting to catch them properly if there was anything going on. Haru stopped himself as he got to the top of the stairs. What was he thinking? Did he not trust his future husband? If he couldn't trust him, why were they even getting married? If he was having these thoughts now, when he was alone with another man, would he always think he was cheating on him? What kind of life would that be? What kind of husband doesn't trust their lover? _Then again_ , Haru thought, looking over at their ajar bedroom door. _It's not Makoto that I don't trust._

He slowly made his way towards the door, careful not to make a noise, before pressing his hand against it and very carefully pushing it open.

“See. I knew you'd like it.” Makoto said gently, and Haru could feel his smile radiating through the door.

“Which one are you gonna wear? The white one?” Rin asked, and there was a rustling of paper. “Ah, yeah, that one. That one would look really good against the black of Haru's suit.”  
Haru heard Makoto chuckle, and his suspicious mind melted away. “I suppose you're right. Well, the dresses will either be cream or burgundy, so the ties will have to be burgundy. Do you think we should have roses?”

Haru pushed away from the door, smiling to himself. He had nothing to worry about.

Rei raised his head from his phone as he re entered the dining room. “Are you OK?” he asked, smile unusually tight.

Haru raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah. Why?” he asked, returning to his seat and sipping his coffee calmly.

Rei straightened himself up. “No reason. Uh...” he fiddled with his glasses. “Are Rin and Makoto OK?”

“Why wouldn't they be? Is there something you know?” Haru said suddenly, narrowing his eyes at him.

Rei was shocked at his tone of voice. “What? No! Not at all--”  
“It's Rin, isn't it! Have you seen the way he looks at Mako?” he hissed, keeping his voice down so his bridesmaids couldn't hear, although they were talking so loud they probably weren't even paying attention. “It's obvious, right?”

Rei let out a shaky breath, adjusting his glasses once more, a thing he did when he was nervous. “I don't know what your talking about.” he lied through his teeth, looking straight at him. “I think you're just a bit nervous for this wedding, and he's going to be your husband, after all. You just don't want anyone touching him because you're getting married, and you love him. That's all. It's nothing like what you think.”

Haru sat back, frowning at his reflection in his tea. Rei was probably right. He was just overreacting. Nothing would ever happen between them. Makoto loved him too much to do anything of the sort to him. He let himself relax, sipping his tea again. Next time he looked up, Makoto was with the bridesmaids, smiling at his sister as she tweaked the bow on one dress but pulled at the netting of another, discussing with him and his mother what the girls preferred and what they didn't. Rin was pulling at the hem of the dress his sister was wearing, brow furrowed.

“It's too short.” he said plainly, turning her round and looking her up and down. “And we're going to a church! That's way too low cut!”

Gou just rolled her eyes at him, so used to him acting like a dad ever since she was a teenager she just let him rant on until she pointed out that she was an adult and she was allowed to wear what she wanted.

“But for a wedding--”

“I think they look gorgeous,” Makoto smiled warmly at him, standing beside him and pulling out Gou's skirts. “They could wear thick tights and fur coats. It will be in winter, after all.”

Gou stuck her tongue out at him childishly, arms crossed, and Rin did it back, turning up his nose with his middle finger, making her snort with laughter. Makoto took Gou by the hand and lead her into the dining room, presenting her to the two men sat slumped over the kitchen table.

“Doesn't she look beautiful?” Makoto smiled at them both.

Gou played up for the crowd, turning on her toes, arms out, showing off the dress. Haru smiled, sitting with his head in his hands. “I think so.”

“It's a bit short, though, isn't it?” Rei commented, brow furrowed in concern. “This is in a church, remember.”

Rin came in, leaning against the wall. “I told you so.” he shrugged, looking smug, much to Gou's annoyance.

“Well, we can lengthen the skirt, can't we, mom?” Makoto called out to her, and she nodded with a smile, prying her materials away from a kitten.

Satisfied with this answer, Gou flounced off, feeling like a little girl again in the puffy red dress, discussing what kind of shoes they should have with the rest of the girls. Makoto walked round to Haru and wound his arms around his shoulders, chin resting on his head. “What you got up to so far?” he asked, looking down at all the scribbled numbers and words.

As Haru explained to him, Rin couldn't help but feel a little hurt at the scene before him. Bewildered, maybe. How could he act so calm in front of Haru after what they'd just done, what they'd just _felt._ It was as clear to him as it was to Makoto that the feeling of, maybe not love, but a mutual likeness between them. So how could he kiss Haru on the head and hold him as he was now without a hint of guilt? He sighed, maybe a little too loudly, because Rei raised his head at the noise. “Are you all right?”

Rin didn't look away quick enough, and he could feel Rei's eyes on him as he tore his own away from the couple. When they met, they shared the same look they had earlier, in the car. Fear caused his stomach to drop, and Rei knew it. Feeling sick, he nodded his head. “Yeah. Fine.”

Rei gave him one last long, knowing look, before turning away, back to his notes. Rin shivered, holding himself tight. Rei was smart. Too smart, for his liking. Makoto met eyes with him, and they shared a smile. But it wasn't as special as Rin wanted it to be.

Not with Rei on his back.

* * *

Returning to the hospital was the most upsetting thing Ai had to endure that day. He kissed his baby niece goodbye, then his oldest neice, then his nephew. He hugged his sister tight as she left him in the entrance, squeezing hard and kissing his face all over. “You brave boy. Well done.” she smiled sweetly, kissing his head for the tenth time. “Just one more night, and you're out for good.”

Momo and Nagisa had left the little house earlier on, wishing him well and kissing his cheeks goodbye. He sorely missed their little apartment, his even smaller bedroom, his own bed, his own food, his friends, his comfort toys he'd had since infancy and even his crappy job. He missed snuggling down in his big duvet, earphones playing his favourite music, drifting in and out of daydreams as he ignored his problems and worries. In the hospital, he was forced to face them head on. Get to the root of the problem, they say. He didn't _want_ to get to the root of the problem. He'd done that a million times before. When he came out, when he was bullied at school, when he got depressed, when he tried to commit suicide, when his mother fell ill, when his sister got pregnant, when his mother got ill _again._ It was never ending. In and out of hospitals and shrink offices like a yo-yo, moods going up and down and around and around until he'd gone so far he thought he could fly – before crashing down again, landing in the exact same place he was before, just for a different reason.

He had no time to himself, either – as soon as he bought his things back to his room, he was up again for a final in-patient appointment with his doctor. He would still see her, just once a week rather than everyday, to see how he was getting on. He knew the answer already, but he would bite his tongue, like he always did, spin a tale or two about how he's going to get out of his job when he can, how he's going to get out more and be with more people and see his family. Lie. Again. Once more. It wouldn't hurt. But maybe that's why he always ends up back in these places. He never really learns.

Dr. Robyn was a sweet, plump, middle aged woman with long red hair, thick framed glasses and a smile so genteel Ai often fell for it and told her everything, without even realising it until she was nodding her head and telling him she'd see him tomorrow. She was sat in an armchair as he entered the room, in a soft black cardigan, red shirt and black jeans, no shoes on her feet, only pretty pink socks with tiny deer on them. She was sucking on a sweet and was knitting something long, in black. Probably a scarf. Ai knew she was making a set for her daughter, or something. He took a seat opposite her, pulling his knees to his chest and watching her clack the needles together in a very soothing pattern – one, two, three, pause, one, two three, pause, one, two, three, pause – before pulling more yarn and starting the pattern all over again.

“I hope she likes this,” Robin smiled up at him, green eyes earnest. “She loved the hat.”

“That's good,” Ai smiled back, head in his hand. “How was her party?”

Robin set down her knitting and stood slowly, going over to the little kitchenette she had in her room, which was just a corner with a sink, a stove, a few cupboards, a kettle, a microwave and a toaster. She put the kettle on to boil and bought down two mugs. “It was nice. It was just the family. I'm guessing she's having a night out with her friends soon.” she glanced over at him. “I bet you miss that, right?”

Ai nodded, smiling sadly. “I didn't realise how much I missed Nagisa and Mo until I saw them. They do visit, but it's not the same.” he thought back to that morning – their kiss. “Momo... Uh... I...”

Robin blinked at him. “What is it?”

Ai held himself tight. “You probably don't think it really matters, but...” he paused, finding himself blushing at what he'd said, because he knew she would tell him off for it.

“Nothing about you isn't important to me, Aichirou!” she said firmly, but with a smile, switching off the hob as the kettle began to scream for attention. “Tea?”

Ai nodded his head. “Please.” he let the silence settle a little longer as she poured their tea. “I kissed Momo.” he said quietly, eyes lowered.

“Oh, really?” Robin smiled as she returned to her seat, setting down their mugs and a plate of cookies beside her knitting on the coffee table. “You only think him as a friend, no?”

Ai nodded, hugging himself tight. “Yeah. He's a sweetheart, but... I don't know. He's younger than me. I know, it's stupid, but he's still a kid to me. Like a little brother. I kissed him because I thought I would feel something. He didn't kiss me back, so I think I must have got him wrong.”

Robin nodded, crossing her legs and lifting her tea. “So, how about your other friend? Nagisa, is it? Did you kiss him, too?”

Ai laughed a little. “No. I have, before. He was my first kiss. I couldn't date him, though. He's got a boyfriend, anyway.”

“Do you like him?” she asked, smiling at his frowning face.

“Yes! Of course! He's very kind to Nagisa. He takes care of him. He's really good looking, too, which helps.” he was still frowning, however. “I got a date, for next week.”

Robin laughed then. “You're out of here for one day and you've been up to all sorts! You don't give yourself enough credit.” she smiled. “Who with?”

Ai's cheeks began to burn. “He's one of Nagisa's boyfriend's friends. He seems very nice. Very cute, too. I'm...” he swallowed, covering his mouth with his hand. “I'm really scared.”

Robin nodded, sipping her tea. “Mmm.” she set her tea down and returned to her knitting. “Why's that?”

Ai lifted his mug with shaking hands and held it close to his chest. “I... I know he likes me. Otherwise he wouldn't message me. But... I have to come out. Again. About my gender and my mother and why I was here. It's bound to come up. I can't avoid it. It's who I am. And because it's me he'll want to know it all.” he drummed his fingers on the mug. “I have to retell my story to someone who probably won't even stick with me.”

Robin didn't stop her knitting. “Are you scared he'll run away if you tell him the truth about you?”

“Yes.” Ai said, without thinking. “I am. He'll think I'm nuts.”

Robin nodded, pausing to take another sip of tea. “Well, if he does, then he wouldn't be worth it.” she said thoughtfully, smiling at him. “Right?”

Ai shuffled around in his seat, hiding his mouth behind his mug. “Right...”

“So, you'll be better off. If he runs because you're trans or because you were here, then he's not worth it. You can find someone better, who'll accept you as you are. Don't get me wrong, it will be hard to find, but it'll be worth it.” she said firmly, setting her mug down once again and lifting her knitting needles. “I'm sure if he does, your friends will beat him up, anyway. Not that I endorse it.”

Ai laughed, covering his mouth with his hand. “You're right. They would.” he sipped his tea. It was peach. His favourite. “He seems to be OK, anyway. I can only hope for the best.”

Robin nodded. “Indeed. Now, how was the funeral?”

* * *

 

The ride back from the tiny house was quiet, especially when they'd dropped Gou back home. Rei tapped the steering wheel with his fingernail, whilst Rin stared dreamily out of the front window, lost in his own thoughts. Rei sniffed. “You and Makoto were gone a while.” he said quietly, glancing over at him. “It was rather unusual.”  
“Oh, right.” Rin glanced across at him, then back at the road ahead of them, disinterested in his comment.  
Rei shifted about in his seat. “I know... I know what happened.” he said slowly, frowning at the almost empty road.   
Rin's heart leapt in his chest, even though he had an inkling since the day started, but he kept his cool, sitting back in his seat, arms crossed. “What do you mean?”  
Rei pursed his lips. “You know exactly what I mean.” he gripped the steering wheel tight as he turned a corner. “When we all went on holiday all those years ago. You... You slept with him, didn't you?”  
Rin found himself wincing. “We... I--”  
“And you knew perfectly well how vulnerable Makoto was. I...” he sniffed again, feeling a mix of disappointment and lack of respect for his closest friend. “Why would you do that? To them?”  
Rin raised his eyebrows at him. “It takes two to fucking tango.” he snapped. “I wasn't exactly in my right frame of mind either. Gee wanted to dump me on holiday, for Gods sake, and Haru tore Makoto's heart out. It was one big mess and we just... I dunno. We just clicked.”  
Rei paused for a moment. “And then what?”  
“Rei--”  
“Then what?” he pushed, unsure as to why he felt so angry over this.  
Rin recoiled, not used to his sharp tone of voice. “He told me that if he never fell for Haru he would have fallen for me. Then he kissed me. He kissed me. I kissed him back, but he initiated it all. Then... Then, we went back to the hotel. Gee stayed with Gou that night, so... It just escalated. I regret it, I do, don't get me wrong. I love that Mako and Haru are so adoring and I wouldn't ruin that for the world--”  
Rei couldn't keep his mouth shut. “Then why did you kiss him?”  
Rin froze. He knew that he had an idea about what had happened all that time ago, but not about just then. “You... You saw? I... When?”  
“Haru wanted me to get something from their room, and I was about to walk in, but I heard Makoto crying and you talking to him. But it got quiet, and I looked in, and... Makoto kissed you. And you didn't stop him, either.” he sighed bitterly. “I don't know, I froze. I wanted to stop you, I wanted to tell Haru, but I couldn't move. The next thing I knew you were all over each other and now I don't know whether Makoto even loved Haru at all. I...” he stopped himself. “Does he?”  
Rin couldn't answer. He didn't know. Their kiss had been so electric he had trouble even thinking about whether he remembered Rei being there, whether Makoto even said he loved Haru, whether that even mattered any more. He didn't know. They'd been together since the beginning of time, they were made for each other. They fit together like snug little puzzle pieces. But... Maybe Makoto didn't want that. He was all lovely smiles and kind hearted, motherly, anxious Makoto, Haru's first and only boyfriend, but maybe there was a part of him that didn't want to be a part of the norm. He wanted to break the rules. He wanted to be in the arms of someone else, even for a little while. Before he was wed, maybe. But, of course, Rin was only being hopeful. It would never happen. Makoto was too soft and kind to even think about an affair, of all things. Not on Haru.   
“ Do you think he loves you?” Rei said softly, pulling into Rin's apartment blocks and switching off the engine.  
“No.” Rin said, knowing this for certain. “He doesn't. His heart's with Haru, and it always will be. I just... I knew it would be a bad idea, seeing him again. Outings are different. When we're on our own... I just get... Crazy over him. Like... Maybe it's cos I just broke up with Gee, maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I just like to be difficult and want things I can't have. And when I have something I have to be greedy. I... I don't know.” he turned to look at Rei, who's face has softened in pity. “I'm not one to be romantic, but when he kissed me it felt like we'd been doing it for years. But he said and said that's how it felt with Haru. That's what he wants with Haru. That's who he loves. It was a one time fling that ended as soon as it started. And... And I feel like I'm in love with him.”  
Rei grimaced. “Don't say that.”  
“But I do! That's how I feel! This day has been a fucking mistake. I wish I'd never gone. I wish he'd never kissed me. I wish we'd never fucked all that time ago. I just wish Haru could have kept his dumb fucking mouth shut.” he unbuckled himself and flung open the car door. “Thanks for the ride.”  
“Rin, wait.” Rei tried, grabbing his wrist, pulling him back down. “I promise not to say anything about today as long as you don't pursue anything. Leave well enough alone. Go out with Ai. See if there's anything there. He's a really sweet guy. I...” he bit down on his lip. “I hope he helps you get over it. Or at least, you forget about it.”  
Rin sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair. “I won't do anything. Don't worry. Today was closure.” he smiled at Rei - shaken, but genuine enough. “Thanks for not saying anything.”  
Rei felt dirty as he nodded. “Don't worry about it.” he mocked zipping his lips shut and flicking away the key. “Lips are sealed.”  
After thanking him again for the ride and stepping out of the car, his phone buzzed as Rei drove off. Rin squinted at the sender, and his heart skipped a beat, not in the good way.  
Makoto: Hey. Today was... Weird. I'm sorry. I hope you don't hate me? :) x  
Rin: no no its fine really dw about it x  
Makoto: Okay. Did you mean the things you said? x  
Rin's thumbs hovered over the keyboard, throat running dry.  
Rin: don't hate me but I think I did but idk I'm messed up over a lot of stuff rn...sorry x  
Makoto: It's really okay. I could never hate you. Can I call you? x  
Rin: sure is Haru in?? x  
Makoto: He's taking my mom home. I just ran my sister and cousin home. I'm just sat in the car. I can't stop thinking about you. x  
Rin swallowed, hands beginning to tremble.   
Rin: I don't know iiif... This is really ok... What about Haru? x  
Makoto: Haru... I love him. I really do. But this is different. You're different. x  
Rin: no I'm not, I'm really not mako. please don't throw away what you have with Haru for me x  
Makoto: I know you're right. And I know if he ever found out about today that would be the end of a lot of things. But... Kissing you is so exciting. You're exciting, Rin.   
Rin: That's because we shouldn't be doing it. If you weren't engaged to Haru, if you were single, it'd be different.  
His phone rang out, and Rin answered with the touch of a button.   
“I'm sorry. I'm a complete idiot, I know. I'm so confused, Rin.” he wept at the end of the line.   
Rin sat in the deserted chairs that were occupying the welcome area of his apartments. “Hey, hey, don't cry. Today's been a huge mess.”  
“No, it's not just today. Haru and I keep falling out over the silliest of things, and I'm so stressed out. The wedding so close is too much, my aunt is almost dead with pneumonia, my sister's having a baby and she's so young. She doesn't even know who the dad is. I-I'm losing myself, and today just made it worse.” he panicked down the line. “You made me feel so whole again. I don't know why. Haru... Haru kisses me and I feel nothing. I used to feel warm and at home whenever he kissed me. But... It's just gone. Ever since I proposed it's just lost its spark. I... I can't believe I'm saying this.”  
Rin closed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. “Maybe it's just the stress that's getting in the way of your love for him, the silly fights, the wedding. It sounds really overbearing.”  
Makoto snivelled. “It is. Oh, God, I don't think I can cope. Please, can I... Can I meet with you? I just want to talk, face to face.”  
Rin swallowed. Rei had said not to advance anything, to leave well enough alone. But he didn't have to know about it. No one did. And the way they'd kissed was unmistakable to him. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt whole too.   
“Meet me at mine. I... I guess I'll see you in ten minutes.”  
Makoto sighed in relief. “Yeah. See you soon.”  
Rin stood outside his apartments, awaiting Makoto's arrival, lighting up an emergency cigarette as his nerves got so bad the craving for nicotine crawled up on him like it didn't matter he quit at all. Taking the first drag, he closed his eyes, thinking it through. If he just sat Makoto down, and talked things through with him: his wedding, his personal life, his relationships, maybe it would be better. Maybe he wouldn't feel like carrying this on after that. Whatever this was. They hadn't been this intimate for three years, and yet it was as if they didn't even matter. However, every time it did happen, it was always a mess, a mistake, an awful decision made by both parties. Passing looks and private smiles at parties and friend get-togethers after that holiday may have not meant much to Makoto, but for some reason, they did to him. As if he remembered the weird connection they'd had that one night. For him, it was passing, too - he didn't think about him that much, only when he saw him he thought it awkward and almost sad. But other than that, he was occupied in keeping Gee happy. Loving her. Keeping her safe. Cuddling her soft waist and breathing in the sweet smell of her thick, chocolate hair. Kissing her bare skin and promising that she was beautiful every time she picked at herself. Wanting to marry her, wanting to have her children. Wanting to grow old with her. Have her name tattooed on his shoulder, have their kids names the same place.   
He was crying by the time Makoto's car rolled up, and he didn't realise it until he'd stepped out of the car and took in his face underneath the floodlights outside the apartment block. "Oh, you're crying... Rin, I'm sorry..." he said gently, reaching out and wiping his cheek for him. “Am I really upsetting you?”  
"No, no, it's not you." Rin wiped his face fiercely, taking another drag of his cigarette, trying to calm himself down, his heart aching. "I just..." he breathed out, smoke curling from his lips. "It's just Gee. I... I miss her so much."  
Makoto smiled sadly. "It's OK. You only broke up a few days ago. I felt like this when... Uh." he stopped himself, clearing his throat. "I thought you quit smoking?"  
Rin flicked the ash. "Me too." he held it to his lips again. "Do you think... Do you think she broke up with me for a more... Important reason?"  
Makoto cocked his head slightly, looking like a sad little puppy, stopping Rin's heart dead. "What do you mean?" he leant against the wall beside him, looking up at the night sky, a few stars twinkling here and there, the moon hidden behind thick rain clouds.. “I didn't know there was a reason.”  
Rin stared down at his scuffed biker boots. “I dunno. Maybe she just didn't want to tell me something.” he took another drag. “Like she cheated, or something. I don't know.”  
Makoto paused. “Do you think... She's pregnant?”  
Rin chocked on the smoke he'd just inhaled, banging on his chest, eyes beginning to water. "Holy shit, Mako, why... Why do you..." he wheezed, fanning his face with his arm in big, exaggerated movements. "Why would you think that?"  
Makoto shrugged. "She seemed to be gaining weight. Well, when I saw her last, she did. Haru thought so too. I thought she was pregnant, but Haru thought she was just getting fat. Which is a bit rude, but it's possible."  
Rin stared at him with wide eyes. He didn't even notice. She didn't seem to be going up in dress sizes or cup sizes when they were together. She didn't have morning sickness, she didn't have dizzy spells, she didn't have swollen breasts or... Anything to indicate she was pregnant. Unless... She did. He didn't know. They didn't live together. Did she forget her pills? Did he not wear a condom? He began to panic, thinking back to the last time they had sex. She did look a bit bigger and feel heavier, but Rin didn't care. He was too in love with her to even notice. Makoto nudged him on the shoulder. "Rin, you're getting ash everywhere."  
Rin stubbed out his cigarette, flicking the butt in the direction of the bin. "Whatever. If she's pregnant, she's got a lot of explaining to do. Probably poked holes in my condom or something." he looked up at Makoto, who was smiling sadly at him. "So, how about you? What's been getting you down?"  
Makoto took a deep breath – before letting out all his frustrations in one go. "The love of my life is making said life a living hell. He's so dismissive and grumpy and he picks fights with me and stays at work longer than usual and he locks himself in the bathroom for hours. Rin, we haven't had sex in weeks. I'm going crazy." he slumped over, staring at his own feet. "I feel like he doesn't love me any more. I know sex isn't important but... It helps, you know? And the nit picky arguments and the avoiding doesn't help either. His depression might have gotten really bad again, but... But if he's avoiding me I can't help him! He ignores me and when he isn't he's arguing with me and I can't take it. I can't."   
Suddenly, to Rin, it all made sense. He reached over and took his hand in his, squeezing tightly. "Look at me." he said gently, brushing his thumb with his.   
Makoto did, eyes full of tears and desperation.  
"Haru, from personal experience, is a hard person to get to know, and even then it takes so long to get him to like you. He doesn't even trust me, and we've known each other for years. You have a special connection with him. You understand him, he understands you. You're like... Telepathically connected? It's so weird. Anyway, I know for a fact that he loves you. With all his heart. And he may say dumb things, and you may say dumb things, even mean things, God forbid, but he loves you. His illness is a soul sucking monster. And you know that. And you know you can overcome it, because you have, again and again. Because you love him so much you would do anything to help him. And he would do the same for you." he took a deep breath. "Love like that is rare. And you shouldn't throw it away. I know the none sex thing must suck right now, but wait till he gets better again. If I know you two, and I do, you won't be leaving that bed for a week." Rin smiled up at him, squeezing his hand again. "As for me, I probably don't love you. I just want... What happened between us all that time ago to happen again. Just once more."  
Makoto wiped his eyes, sniffing hard, taking everything Rin said into account. "Just... Just once more?" he said eventually, looking across at him. "You think we could get away with it?"  
Rin popped open his cigarette box in his pocket and lit up another, the suggestion behind it absurd. He looked across at Makoto. "You want one?"  
"Look, Rin, I just think... We'd both really get something out of this. We're both so lonely right now and just one last time would make it all OK."  
Rin shook his head, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Do you know how crazy you sound?” he looked across at him. “You're getting married.”  
“I know.” Makoto said softly, biting down on his lip. “Maybe I don't want to. Not yet.”  
Rin closed his eyes. “Maybe that's why Haru's getting so depressed. Maybe he doesn't want to, either.” he shrugged. “He probably said yes just to save you from being upset.”  
Makoto furrowed his brow. “God. Oh, God, maybe you're right.” he bit down on his thumbnail. “Oh, no... I made him upset, didn't I?”  
Rin shook his head with a smile. “No. It was an innocent question. He didn't have to say yes.” he sighed, squeezing his hand again. “I think you and him have a lot of talking to do.”  
Makoto nodded, lowering his eyes. “Yeah, I think you're right.” he smiled over at him. “Thanks, Rin.”  
Rin shook his head, letting go of his hand and standing up straight. “No problem.” he smiled down at him. “Your lovers waiting at home for you.”  
Makoto stood up too, giving Rin a longing look. “No more dreams about me, OK?”  
Rin held up his hands, smirking. “Can't make any promises.” he winked at him. “No more kissing.”  
Makoto kissed his lips softly, short and sweet, surprising him. “Last one.” he grinned. “But I can't promise anything, either.”  
Rin tutted, but he grinned back at him, cheeks dimpling. “Off you go.” he dismissed, waving his hand. “He'll be wondering where you are.”  
Makoto nodded once, waved, and hopped into his car. Rin waved him off as he left his complex, and he stayed outside in the cool, autumn night until he'd finished his second cigarette after two years of being completely clean. He let out a deep breath after the last drag, and stubbed it out, more violently than intended.  
Something told him that wasn't the last time he was going to see Makoto alone like that.  
Something deep inside him, cold and wanting, told him it wasn't a bad thing.  
He had to agree. It wasn't at all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so sorry this was mostly like texting based and not reigisa in the slightest???? I know I put like 'rintori' and whatever in the tags but originally this was meant to be a reigisa only fic but now?????? I dunno!!!!!! please tell me what you think and what you like, it'd be so cool to have your opinions on the story and where it's headed! Sorry if you came here for reigisa fluff and got nothing but hurt :) Im cruel like that:)  
> anyway!! Love you all lots!! Thank you for your continued support! New chapter soon!!!
> 
> follow me on the tumbls: mettatrash


	7. update????

Hey long time no see kids, um???   
Its been a year since Ive updated or even read through this, and I'm really sorry but I probably won't update this story. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy writing this story and I have WRITTEN SO MUCH STUFF for this!!! So, I was just wondering, if it would be worth me just posting all the Drabble and quick notes that I have written for this story? Literally its fluff/smut/endings/ships and other stuff. Like its totally random but all relevant to the story. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted, but once I've finished my aimomo fic I will probably not write fics anymore?????? And if I do, it will be like.... yuri on ice ones?? Ok that's like lowkey a lie cos everyone knows for a fact I will write more of this shit cos I love it so much.  
Anyway, please let me know in the comments if you would like to read all my shitty drabbles and stuff  
Thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it.


	8. a failed ch8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> completely useless and unfinished!   
> Here are 2 diff beginnings to a chapter that never ended up existing? lol

Makoto had pulled into their driveway, expecting Haru's car to be sat outside the house - but, to his surprise, it was no where to be seen. Immediately concerned, he sent him a text.  
  
Mako: hey hun, where are you?x  
Haru: I'm picking up some things. I won't be long. Run me a bath? x  
Mako: no problem :) x  
Haru: you better be in it when I get back x  
Mako: what? lol x  
Haru: really. Run a bath and get in it. I'll join you soon x  
Mako: um okay, hurry home. Love you x  
Haru: will do. love you x  
  
Makoto did as he was told, slightly confused, slightly nervous. They hadn't done anything like this since they'd moved into their little house. Though, when they'd done it before, it was mainly because they couldn't afford the hot water for two baths, and their shower wasn't working, and it was grimy and grotty but Haru kissed the back of his neck and held him tight anyway, telling him he would rather live like this than be apart from him again.   
Remembering this made Makoto's heart ache, staring into the running water as if it held his deepest secrets. Haru loved him. He loved him so much. They lived like that for each other, to show to everyone who didn't believe in them that they could make it.   
And they did.  
Yet he was willing to throw all of that away for a man who was dangerous and fell in love too quick and hurt too much. Because he was exciting. Because he was different. Because he could give him things Haru never really did.  
But Haru was where his home was.  
Haru was what real love felt like.  
So why did he want Rin so badly?  
His vision suddenly went dark as two hands pressed over his eyes.  
"Guess who?" a familiar whisper in his ear calmed his millisecond of panic.   
Makoto smiled, placing his hands over the small ones on his face. "My tiny fiancé with tiny hands."   
Haru pulled away as he turned around, looking down at his hands. "What? They're not tiny." he said defensively, furrowing his brow at Makoto. "Are they?"  
Makoto held his hand out like a fan, and Haru pressed his flat against it. "Oh, wow." he smiled slightly, his hands about two thirds the size of Makoto's. "You're right."   
Makoto chuckled, and leant down to kiss him - but Haru stopped him, hand to his chest.  
"You smell like cigarettes." he muttered, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"  
Makoto didn't know how to reply. He just shook his head, struggling for words. "Do... Do I?" he lifted the neck of his sweater to smell, and sure enough, he stunk of Rin's menthol's. Of course he did. Why was he such an idiot?  
"Yes." Haru narrowed his eyes at him, before leaning around him and switching off the taps, checking the water. "You stink of them. Does Ren's roommate smoke?"  
Makoto snapped his fingers. "Yeah! Indoors, too!" he closed his eyes, breathing out in relief, disguising it as a sigh. "It's terrible."  
Haru shook his hand of water, standing upright. "She has to stop now that she's having a baby." he dried his hands on the fluffy white towels that lived on the rack. "You get in. I'll be right back."  
Makoto, glad he wasn't caught out and still confused, undressed and clambered into the hot water, which steamed off his skin as he did so. He closed his eyes, sinking into the bubbles that smelt of vanilla and champagne and letting his thoughts take over as he awaited Haru's return. He mostly thought of Rin's kisses. How they tingled on his lips, whole body buzzing, needing more and more until they were as they had been so many years ago, hot and bare in the summer moonlight as it shone through the hotel window, sheets which Rin had shared with his girlfriend being dampened by their one night stand, their brief love affair, an escapade of drunken mistakes which neither were ever able to shake off, not properly. Makoto craved his touch now. He sank down further, letting out a small groan as he did so.   
Why? Why did he have to feel this way? How could he feel this way?   
Haru returned with two wine glasses and bottle of his favourite rosé, which Makoto looked up and down with a raised eyebrow.  
"What's the occasion?" Makoto commented, pulling himself up and watching him pour the wine between two glasses.   
Haru shrugged, handing him a glass. "Does there have to be one?" 

* * *

 

Haru was sat in the lounge when Makoto eventually returned home, having to make a detour to give himself time to think things over, and have a little cry to himself. He didn't know what he could do. Haru was the love of his life, their life was now perfect after what they'd been through, and he had to ruin it by digging up feelings he hadn't felt for years. Danger. Lust. His heart hammering so hard he thought it would burst as he kissed the lips of a man he knew so little about, but seemed to always slip up and land in his arms again.   
Makoto sat down slowly beside his fiancé, hands on his knees. Haru stole a quick glance of his face before looking back at his book. "You've been crying." he muttered, turning a page.  
Makoto had made sure his eyes were no longer bloodshot and his face was clean from tear stains, but they knew each other like the back of their hand, so it was hard to hide things from him. "No." Makoto said gently, chewing on his nail. "Just tired."  
"You're lying." Haru sighed, taking the hand he was chewing in his hand squeezing it tight. "You can't lie to me."  
Makoto felt a shiver run through him, but decided to ignore it. If Haru knew about what'd happened with Rin, he'd say. He's not one to keep his mouth shut. "You're right. I'm just so stressed." he turned to him, giving him a patient smile. "How's... Do you think..." he struggled, tensing his shoulders.  
Haru closed his book and set it on the coffee table. "What is it?" he said gently, laying his hand atop of the large one holding his other. "You've been acting off all day."  
Makoto sniffed, feeling tears scratch his throat. "Haru, is your depression back?" he said softly, not looking him in the eye. "Is it the wedding? Am I making you depressed?"  
Haru widened his eyes, blinking at him in shock. "Mako..."  
"I understand if I am. I haven't been myself either. I'm just so worried about you." he blurted, tears beginning to fall for the umpteenth time that day. "I want you to be happy."  
Haru ducked his head, unable to see him cry like he was, the sorry sight breaking his heart. "It's not you. It's not the wedding. Sometimes... Sometimes it just comes back. And I can't stop... The frustration and tiredness and idleness that comes with it. I'm sorry, Mako." he kissed his hand, lingering there as he savoured the warmth of his hold. "I'm sorry for making you upset."  
Makoto froze at his touch. What was wrong with him? This was supposed to send tingles right through him, make his heart warm and cheeks flush and encourage him to kiss him back, hold him back, anything - but it did nothing. He felt no excitement, no warmth - no love. He pulled his hand away, shocking Haru momentarily.  
"Mako?" he said softly, blinking at him, completely stunned. "What's going on?"  
Makoto turned away from him, eyes to his socked feet, rubbing his hands together. "Nothing." he lied, shivering as he did so, closing his eyes.  
Haru began to feel agitated. This was the first time in a long time he wasn't able to understand Makoto. What was going on? Why didn't he let him touch him? "Don't lie to me." he suddenly snapped, making Makoto wince. "Why are you lying to me?"  
Makoto didn't have an answer that wouldn't hurt him. He turned his head away from him, covering his mouth with his hand, not needing this, or any of it. He was sick of it.  
Haru felt a twinge in his heart. "It's Rin. He's been seeing you behind my back, hasn't he?"  
Makoto clenched his fist. "No. No, it's not him." he shook his head, unable to look at him, otherwise he would know the truth. "You're wrong."  
Haru shook his head, stunned. "Then why won't you look at me!?" he cried desperately, grabbing his wrist and pulling him round, making him look him in the eye. "Tell me I'm wrong!"  
Makoto couldn't. His beautiful blue eyes were desperate and sad, waiting for an answer that would break his heart in two. He looked him in the eye and took a deep, shaken breath. "You're wrong." he whispered, never taking his eyes off him, never blinking once.  
Haru stared him out, long and hard, lip trembling as he tried to find it in his heart to call him out as a liar - but he couldn't. They say green eyes never lie, and Haru could do nothing but agree. They were so wide and earnest, so easy to trust. He loved him too much, and assumed he felt the same. Why would he lie?  
"Right." Haru said softly, letting go of him and bowing his head, hands in his lap. "I'm... I'm sorry for assuming."  
Makoto shook his head, taking his cheek in his hand and brushing it with his thumb. "It's OK. You're stressed out. It's normal."   
Haru pushed his hand away, not wanting to be touched by him. "I'm going to the bathroom." he said solemnly, back to him as he stood -but he let his shoulders droop, sighing gently. "I'm running a bath. You can come in, if you want. I won't lock the door."  
Makoto didn't say anything at all as he walked away, only felt every inch of his body drip with guilt and disloyalty, skin crawling at his own unfaithfulness. He heard their bathroom door slam shut and the taps beginning to run, but no lock being turned. Makoto jostled his leg for a long while until he couldn't take it anymore - he climbed the stairs two at a time and looked into their bedroom at the end of the hall. The en suite door was shut, and the sound of Haru's soft, old-timey music seeped through the thin walls. Makoto shrugged off his coat and twisted the handle to their bathroom. It gave way.  
"Haru." Makoto said gently, opening it wide and smiling sadly at the man dipped in bubbles, head and shoulders visible, the rest submerged. "Do you want anything?"  
Haru raised his arm and held out his hand. Makoto stepped forward and offered him his. His fiancé grabbed it and pulled him down so hard he almost fell into the bathwater, nose-to-nose with each other. Haru found himself smiling. "I'm sorry I accused you of lying. It's... It's my paranoia. It all comes at once, and I don't know how to handle it." he sighed, rubbing his hand with his thumb. "You're so good to me."  
Makoto crouched down, hand still locked on his. "It's OK, Haru. You know you can come to me whenever you're down, right?" he leaned over and kissed his lips gently. "Because..." He paused, tightening his lips. "Because I love you."  
Haru gripped his hand hard. "I love you more." he breathed. "Please, don't leave my side."  
Makoto found himself smiling. "I can't now. We're getting married." he kissed his hand. "Can I get in with you?"  
"If there's room." Haru muttered, sitting himself up.  
Makoto smiled warmly at him before beginning to strip down, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing that into the bedroom, along with his jeans and underwear. Haru watched on, scanning his body from head to toe.  
"What's that?" he asked gently, leaning over and brushing a large bruise on his hip.  
"Huh?" he looked down, rubbing it himself. "I don't know. Might have bumped it."  
Haru pulled his lips into a straight line, looking displeased with his answer. Makoto raised his eyebrows at him. "What?"  
He shrugged, sinking back into the water. Makoto sighed, stepping into the bathtub and submerging his body in the hot water. Haru pulled his knees to his chest, watching him splash his face with water and run his hands over his hair, slicking it back and clearing his face.  
Leaning forward, he kissed his now bare forehead. "I'm sorry." he said softly, pressing his hand to his neck. "You don't deserve me."  
Makoto winced at this, as he was the one who was supposed to be saying that, not him. "Don't say that." he breathed. "Don't."  
Haru lowered his eyes, hand running down his chest. "Do you know how far gone Ren is?"   
Makoto shook his head, relieved he'd finally dropped it. "No... She's showing, though..."  
Haru turned around, careful of the water, and sat between Makoto's legs, pulling his arms around him. "Will we have a baby?"  
Makoto pulled him into his chest, resting his chin on his shoulder. "I don't know..." he said gently, taking his hand and interlocking their fingers. "I think you need to go back to your doctor."   
Haru sighed deeply. "I know." he whispered, eyes watching the water ripple as he moved his legs. "Back on pills, I suppose."  
Makoto didn't comment, just kissed his neck gently.   
Haru on anti-depressants wasn't his favourite Haru. He wasn't irritable or sad or paranoid - just tired. He hated them. Those horrible little pills. They were supposed to pick him up, turn him back to his soppy, sarcastic self. The one he loved. Not into a constantly tired, yet constantly awake man who fainted at least once a day. Haru had tried to tell his doctor that it wasn't helping, but she kept him on them. They helped, but it was slow and painful.   
It alway strained their relationship to the limit. The amount of times they had almost fallen apart due to his depression was uncountable, the only thing holding them together was the love, deep and raw, they had felt ever since they were kids.  
Haru squeezed Makoto hand tight. "I heard you talking to Gou today." he found himself smiling. "Are we really having a dry spell?"  
"Yes!" Makoto laughed, despite his burning cheeks. "When was the last time--"  
"I think you'll find it was last week, actually." Haru interrupted, turning his head and smirking at him.    
"Last week? No! No, it was three weeks ago!" Makoto corrected him, squaring his shoulders. "Have you been asleep for two of those weeks?"  
Haru pulled away from him, turning himself around and frowning. "It wasn't three weeks ago." he paused for a second. "Wait... Was it?"  
Makoto nodded, sitting with his head in his hand. "Mm." he smiled and shrugged. "It doesn't really matter, though."  
Haru watched him carefully, blue eyes haunting. Knowing. "It does, though." he leant into him, their noses pressed together. "Doesn't it?"  
Makoto almost lost his breath, his move reminding him of Rin so much he was shocked into silence.  
"I..." he began, watching his eyes. "I don't..."  
Haru silenced him with a kiss, but it wasn't deep, it wasn't long or hard or anything Rin had given him only a few hours ago. It was gentle, soft, and it was over before it had even started.   
Makoto didn't want him to pull away. He wanted him to carry on, to kiss his neck and his chest and his stomach.    



End file.
